Tragedy and opportunity

[Slater]

What can be said about our lives on this blue, manic star called earth, other than to say that it is a short and bumpy ride? We have our adventures and our duties, our joys and our sorrows, and all the shades of human emotion that flavor each passing day. And we have this funny little thing called "tomorrow" that's all the rage, for Tomorrow will take care of everything. Tomorrow'll be the day I wash my car, refactor that ugly block of code, and lose ten pounds (or kilos, for my non-English-system friends). Yes, so long as there is Tomorrow, everything is cake and daisies.

What we seem to forget so often is that we eventually run out of Tomorrows, and one way or the other, we get left with a little bit of Today and a whole lot of Yesterday. Let me start by telling a little story, a tiny piece of the past two years of my life.

It was Christmas 2009; I was a senior in college and would be graduating in May 2010. Things were looking up, and it was the holiday season. Sometimes this meant cramming, and sometimes it meant an easing of schoolwork; this semester, things tended to be less stressful than usual when it came to finals and whatnot. And it was at this point that I chose to pursue a relationship with someone I had met this semester... Lets call him Marcus (which isn't his real name, mind you). He's a bit younger than me, a computer scientist a couple years junior to myself. From a grades perspective, maybe not quite as sharp either (he's flunked a couple of his courses, so I've opted to help mentor him). But a good guy. Quiet, and maybe a bit brooding, but a heart of gold.

A few months pass. It's early 2010 now and we've kept in pretty close contact, Marcus and I. I'm getting ready to graduate in a short while, and I get introduced to his girlfriend along the way. She shall be called Eve. Similarly as brooding as her boyfriend, but clearly she wore the pants in the relationship. Odd, maybe, but whatever; they were both nice people, even if she were a bit more domineering than Marcus would like.

Somewhere along the line during our studies, Marcus asked if I was very familiar with the Bible. He was looking for an interesting passage from the Bible as a reference in one of his humanities papers--I really don't know what it was about. Either way, a short conversation later it was confirmed what I mostly figured was the case all along; they weren't Christian, or any religion for that matter. Hmm. And that was it for that conversation, really. "These two are nice," I thought to myself through the passing weeks. "I should witness to them some time." It was kind of a happy thought, that maybe I'd have a chance some time to relate my faith to someone. Tomorrow, of course.

I graduated. And as I left school to go work for a teacher effectiveness organization (praise God this has been fun! I've written software that's made press releases in at least 10 different languages around the world and I've barely been at it more than a year.). So I grew a bit more distant from the two. Marcus is still a computer science student, and his mate crossed seas for some foreign exchange program. Best of luck to them; and I'd try to keep in touch.

Marcus and I have chatted quite a bit to date, over Skype and MSN messenger. I always offered to help Marcus with his homework and studying, something he never took me up on and unfortunately might have helped him do better in some of his classes. Either way, for a while things got distant. Especially in recent summer months.

Lately, we began chatting more often. But he's been more withdrawn and subdued... brooding even more than I remembered. It was never an odd thing, so I just kept being my normal self. And sometimes he would tell me about his plan: to go to his girlfriend on his birthday at the end of this year. An interesting plan, I thought. But he sure brought it up a lot. Even so, I didn't think much of it.

School got harder for Marcus and he began failing his classes. Or at least he had failed them in the Spring this year and was still kind of struggling with them this semester. Either way, his troubles turned to frustration and to depression. I still offer to help him with his classes, but he always goes on about how he'll "never live up to [my] track record" and how much that sucks--as if I had one to really speak of. And so I kept telling him to keep trying and to quick getting himself down all the time, because I was sure he'd make it through it somehow and that he really had nothing to stress out about.

Of course, that wasn't quite true. "You remember how I say I have those plans for my birthday?" He said one night, about a week ago. I kind of rolled my eyes and said that I remembered. And suddenly, sounding very distant and almost void of any feeling, he said the words I could not have expected... not in my darkest nightmares or most sadistic thoughts. "Eve's dead. She killed herself. A few months ago..." And then an eerie silence.

I wasn't sure what to say at that point. A million tiny puzzle pieces I didn't even know existed suddenly came together. Along with a sea of question-marks. I mean, really... what do you say when you hear something like that? And on the spot? I can't remember what I said, but I had a terrible gut feeling about this "trip" he had been talking about. I remember asking him what he meant. To which he replied: "You know exactly what I mean." And thus began a frustrated barrage of misgivings about how much his life sucked, about how badly he was doing in classes, and about how his other friends work stories resembled something out of thedailywtf.com, and how he didn't want to live with that as his profession. So many regrets in that short talk, and such a sad prospect at what he thinks will be the best way out: to end his own life.

And so the story thus far has taken a tragic turn. One dead. Tomorrow never came. I never witnessed to Eve and now I'll never get that chance. I pray to Jesus on high for forgiveness, for I have failed to plant the seeds of salvation in her life. I have failed the one reason why I exist on this earth: this tiny blue circle around a tiny glowing speck we call the Sun. I wish I had a second chance... but life's a one-shot thing. Tomorrow comes. Tomorrow goes.

And yet the story continues. Where I have failed once, I pray that I will not fail again, for my dear friend Marcus, who looks up to me in so many things, remains on this earth, alive with us. Jesus on high, give me the strength and wisdom, the words and courage to tell my friend about what you've given to me. Please help me to not squander another chance...

[Kaori]

. . . I don't know what to say either; that's really difficult.

But I will pray for your friend, that God would give you the words to say to him, and that he would see the hope that you have in Christ.

[Saint Kevin]

Praying for Marcus, and for urgency and fervent love in the body of Christ throughout. Seeing the same thing in my life in some respects. I would urge you to leave the past in the past, and keep your focus and energy on loving Jesus in the present.

Phil. 3:12-16

http://mobile.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians%203:12-16&version=NIV

[Cognitive Gear]

Thank you for sharing. I will definitely be praying for Marcus and for you.

[TopazRaven]

I'll be praying as well.

[Neane]

I will be praying also.

[Yuki-Anne]

Man. I'll definitely pray for you and for Marcus.

[Slater]

Thank you all for your prayers.

I have witnessed to Marcus. What I found is that he actually grew up in a Christian home, but that he decided years ago to be an atheist, for a number of reasons. Yet, because of his trust of me and my earnest belief that Jesus could take away his pain, he said that he would think about it and possibly reconsider.

I believe that if any ray of Jesus' light could shine through me, Marcus has seen it. I continue to pray that Jesus will open his heart to this light.