How to forgive?

[Aedin]

This has to do with my other threads, but it's about something else, so it gets a new post.

I woke up at one ine the afternoon today, and spent four hours, crying, lieing in bed, remembering all the people who've hurt me, all the times things didn't work out, all teh thingst hat have caused me to lose hope. Does have anyone have any advice for learning how to forgive and move on?

[Gelka]

Prayer. Prayer and practice. Sometimes when someone has hurt you deeply it may be hard but, trying not to focus on it and moving on does help.

If you don't focus on these problems than it will be way easier to forgive and move on.
You'll probably be much happier as well. ^-^ God Bless.

[Esoteric]

When you look for the bad in mankind, expecting to find it, you surely will. - Abraham Lincoln.

When a person walks around expecting people to hurt them, it tends to make them over-sensitive. They start looking for the slightest hint of a problem or rejection and jump on it. It becomes a continual self-fulfilling prophesy of disappointment. It's especially easy to do on the internet where statements can be so easily misunderstood. A person may have meant nothing by a remark, but another who doesn't know that person well enough, can so easily take it out of context. So many fights start this way.

Try to cultivate a thankful frame of mind. Focus on good things, even if they seem to be few. Focus on the gifts God gives us, even simple things like being able to look up at the stars each night and dream. Never assume the worst, give people the benefit of the doubt. Try again. If you don't understand what a person said, or think it was mean, try not to jump to conclusions. Instead ask them why they said it. Tell them it hurt. If it was a misunderstanding, they'll apologize quickly. If it wasn't, well then at least you made an effort to reconcile and the blame is theirs, not yours.

It's hard, it's really hard, but try to focus on the good. Let the bad go.

[Tsukuyomi]

If you're able to recall the different instances where people have hurt you, try to re-evaluate the situation ^^ Try to put yourself in their shoes to see if how they reacted was just or not (what would you do/say if you were in their position). Maybe, doing that will help you see where they're coming from and help you better understand their point of view ^__^

You may think this has nothing to do with what you're asking about, but maybe thinking back will help you see if they really meant to hurt you or not ^__^ I'm not saying they didn't hurt you, but are you sure they meant to? If they did, I doubt they would even talk to you about your problems ^__^

If they did hurt you, then I can't convince you that they didn't, but I do stress the emphasis of "intent" ^__^ Words have a way of coming out wrong, but don't ignore if they are really trying to help ^__^

I do apologize if the last part (or any other parts) came out harsh ore mean. That's never my intent ^__^

[Jingo Jaden]

My version is quite simple. Forgive, even though it won't stop getting you agitated. We have all caused pain, be it intentional or unintentional and in reflection of that one should not harbor grudges. Forgiving will not erase the pain be it past, present or future, but it will enable one to move on and to do so with purpose.

As far as the pain goes, I don't know if there is any way to get past it, but there is a way to get through it. It requires purpose, work and endurance. Where you focus this is on your talents, and if you are like me and don't really have a talent, then work will suffice and things will slowly improve from there.

I have only had to forgive a few major things, and as time moves on they become more distant. It takes time, that is all I can say. If you got a friend, then that might be a source of release for pain as they often listen. Maybe a pastor or someone in your family can also help. Otherwise, just finding some ground under ones feet is a good starting point.

[Inu]

Personally, I have been hurt by people that did so intentionally and unintentionally. It is weird because it may leave you feeling betrayed at times, and it seems that forgiveness is not as easy as it sounds. Even some of Gods followers were hard pressed to continue, and yet they continued on. (Sorry in advance if this post sounds like rambling) My thoughts are that although you have been hurt, and although it is very difficult to put behind you, if you continue to live, eventually it will become easier. On a side note, sometimes we as people will put things in our own way without realizing it. For example, I have been known to want to cater to the needs of other people before meeting my own needs, and it seems that although this seemed harmless. It seemed as though it is how I wanted to live my life, it turns out that the very people that I wanted to attract into my life were turned away by my very actions. It maybe (and this is not meant to offend anyone) you are doing something subconsciously that sabatoges your self. In my case I have gone and seen a therapist, and it seems to give me a clearer picture of who I have been being, and the chance to change that. Whatever you are going through I can understand that it is troubling to lose hope, and to lose what strength you are given, but if God is tempering you in this fire, if you continue forward, you will come out better because of it. (But I will admit) Sometimes It Sucks! But Gambatte!!! We are rooting for you here!

[MightiMidget]

Forgiving and moving on is something that is definitely...like Gelka said, prayer and practice. My youth pastor asked me in front of the entire youth group, 'Don't you have any real friends?' When I asked prayer for an online friend about...four years ago. I am just starting to let that go. And I haven't even seen this youth pastor for two years.

Sometimes all it does take is time, and lots of prayer, and maturing. Some days it really is just waking up and realizing that you're not as bitter, or not bitter at all, anymore. Other days, it's a constant struggle to be positive.

But, also like Tsukuyomi said, sometimes people really don't mean to hurt you and we're just overly sensitive. It's still frustrating, because sometimes other people aren't sensitive enough. For Christians, we are to always be forgiving. But we are still human, and sometimes it does just take time.

I will be praying for you, and that is not meant to be demeaning in the slightest. But being hurt hurts. Whether it was our being overly sensitive, someone not being sensitive enough, or someone intentionally trying to hurt us. No matter the reason it does often feel the same. *cyber hugs* to you.

[TGJesusfreak]

When a person walks around expecting people to hurt them, it tends to make them over-sensitive. They start looking for the slightest hint of a problem or rejection and jump on it. It becomes a continual self-fulfilling prophesy of disappointment.

Very true. Remember this. It could help.

[Dante]

I've taken some personal aspects on this since I was very young.

A long time ago, I made a promise to myself. I first started by saying that I would make sure not be angry with a person past the setting of the sun. For there is a Bible message saying "Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry."

However, I found that - if I was going to do that, I may as well take it a step further and eventually came to a point where I made a promise with myself, that I would forgive everyone that would ever hurt me in life from that point on, at that very moment. Independent of what they did. I wanted to forgive them before they did it, so I wouldn't have the chance to get angry with them later.

This worked out rather well, because when you're not angry with someone to begin with, it's easy to forgive them. And when they do something, you can't be angry with them, because that time came and went before they even did it... so they're already forgiven.

Recently though, I've taken the ethics and considered them further. And this will grant me a lot of trouble if I'm ever picked for a jury because I don't believe in charging anyone as guilty, it's somewhat against my religion by now.

But needless to say, I consider sin and realized this. If what a person does to us is wrong and we can find a way to reconcile this in a natural means to the person so that both of us are satisfied, that is, to change them, then they were misguided to begin with and they were wronged in never being shown that path or option. Either way, it won't occur again and there is no use in holding it against them, for now they can change.

On the other hand, if no one can find any way for them to have done differently, if no means exist to allow their created existence to be in harmony with everyone, then how could that person have found such an answer? There never was one, and it is wrong to punish another for something they had no choice in to begin with.

Either way, there is no reason to shackle ourselves to hatred or any evil thing out of retaliation. For then, we ourselves have become the evil that we sought to destroy.

Of course, I'll admit. From this vantage point I'm left arguing with God constantly that he should just get rid of the whole Hell thing. But I doubt I'll get anywheres any time soon. I can keep trying though . At least though, remember that as we judge others, by the same strictness we ourselves will be judged, so it never hurts to be more merciful. Be a merciful extremist, you can't go wrong and you'll feel better for it.

[acgifford]

I understand the way you feel. It is hard to forgive people. It takes time. I have been cut countless times and cried my eyes out because of it. I did forgive them eventually knowing that not all people are going to like me. I have found that keeping my sorrow bottled inside will only make me burst. Talking to someone has always helped me and I hope will help you. I will let you know that I would love to be your friend and whenever you need to talk let me know you can PM me or E-mail me.

[EricTheFred]

Ever since I saw this on a church sign, it has become my daily reminder of why to forgive. How to forgive follows easily after that:

"Forgiveness doesn't change the past, but it does change the future."

[steenajack]

There is very little I can tell you that hasn't already been said. Basically I believe forgiveness is letting go of anger and hatred for a certain person, but it's also trying to understand them a little. You see hurt people hurt people. When people hurt you, they are most likely acting out on any hurt they are feeling. Whenever I put that to my way of thinking, I sorta put myself in their shoes. If it were me with their circumstances, and I were hurting that much, would I have done the same thing? Would I want to be forgiven for what I've done? Therefore, I'm able to have a little more mercy and compassion on a person because I understand them and their situation; and I'm more able to forgive them.