I've had this story done for a few days... posted it at my Deviant Art account and at another message board. Haven't gotten much feedback so far. This is a first draft, so constructive criticism is more than welcome.
This is somewhat short, as far as my work goes, and it's very weird (which is typical of my work)! It's a horror/sci-fi/fantasy kind of thing... rather difficult to classify. It's not hard sci-fi - it just involves time travel. It's probably more of a fantasy, but it's not one of those medevial-type fantasy stories.
It's not graphic. Some violence, but not described, absolutely no sexual content of any kind, and, as far as language, just a couple of uses of the H-word, but only because I couldn't think through how to get around using it without loosing realism.
The plot is about a young man who is visited by an "angel" that tells him that the time stream has gone awry - and that he was supposed to have died at a point in history. It is up to this young man to set time right.
Linked here, for anyone who wants to read and leave me a review/crit.
Terminal Glitch
Terminal Glitch
6 posts •
Page 1 of 1
Terminal Glitch
"We will never give up and despair, for we are on a mission from God." __ Hellsing, Vol. 2.
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Haibane Shadsie - Posts: 511
- Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2003 10:00 am
- Location: Somewhere in the middle of the desert
Shadsie, I printed this out and will read it through the week. I'm looking forward to reading something new of yours. ^_^ I'll get back to you with comments when I'm done. Thanks.
BTW, I like your new addition to your signature. It makes me feel hopeful for you. ^_^
BTW, I like your new addition to your signature. It makes me feel hopeful for you. ^_^
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
[/color][/size]
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true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
Just read it. It swings in multiple directions. Translation: Cool, verging on awesome.
I don't know if it is possible, but is there a way to make "Maxwell" a bit more neutral? On second thought, the way he is now is fine.
I don't know if it is possible, but is there a way to make "Maxwell" a bit more neutral? On second thought, the way he is now is fine.
The Forsworn War of 34
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Icarus - Posts: 1477
- Joined: Sun Nov 09, 2003 5:00 am
- Location: 34
Shadsie!!! Shadsie!!! Yay!!!
You have improved so much since I first started reading your stuff. I need to join a writer's group, too. ^_^ I only found a few slight mistakes, but overall, perfection.
Your story was fantastic. It was approximately 4,000 words of great work. I really think you should seek publishing this. There are tons of sci-fi short story lit magazines around. You might even consider placing this in a few contests.
Thanks for letting me read this. ^_^ *hug*
You have improved so much since I first started reading your stuff. I need to join a writer's group, too. ^_^ I only found a few slight mistakes, but overall, perfection.
Your story was fantastic. It was approximately 4,000 words of great work. I really think you should seek publishing this. There are tons of sci-fi short story lit magazines around. You might even consider placing this in a few contests.
Thanks for letting me read this. ^_^ *hug*
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
[/color][/size]
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true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
I was thinking of submitting to this place. http://www.paizo.com/writersguidelines/amazing.shtml It's a link someone in my writer's club gave me. My problem, most of the time, is having something short enough to fall into the word count guideline for "short story." It looks like I've got it with this.
I do not remember how to write a cover letter, though. I'll have to see if there's a guide to that in my old copy of Writer's Market.
You seem enthusiastic about it, Chole! Encouraging!
This story was born out of my depression... thoughts I've had. I was thinking about how I washed out of Air Force Boot Camp... (I've been thinking that the Lord didn't strengthen me to make it through because he didn't want me involved in the wars that started up about a year later... Afghanistan and Iraq. I went in not dreaming that we'd suddenly be in a war!).
I got struck with the thought: "I wonder if I was SUPPOSED to have passed boot camp... been in the Air Force... sent somewhere, and got bombed or shot? Maybe that's why my life sucks so much now?" Then, I got the idea for the story... from that.
Now, I know that the Lord really doesn't make mistakes and that if I'm here, I'm supposed to be here, but the random depressive thought just seemed like a neat sci-fi story idea.
I do not remember how to write a cover letter, though. I'll have to see if there's a guide to that in my old copy of Writer's Market.
You seem enthusiastic about it, Chole! Encouraging!
This story was born out of my depression... thoughts I've had. I was thinking about how I washed out of Air Force Boot Camp... (I've been thinking that the Lord didn't strengthen me to make it through because he didn't want me involved in the wars that started up about a year later... Afghanistan and Iraq. I went in not dreaming that we'd suddenly be in a war!).
I got struck with the thought: "I wonder if I was SUPPOSED to have passed boot camp... been in the Air Force... sent somewhere, and got bombed or shot? Maybe that's why my life sucks so much now?" Then, I got the idea for the story... from that.
Now, I know that the Lord really doesn't make mistakes and that if I'm here, I'm supposed to be here, but the random depressive thought just seemed like a neat sci-fi story idea.
"We will never give up and despair, for we are on a mission from God." __ Hellsing, Vol. 2.
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Haibane Shadsie - Posts: 511
- Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2003 10:00 am
- Location: Somewhere in the middle of the desert
I've heard of Amazing Stories and I think they've been around for awhile. You should go for it and send this in. What would it hurt? ^_^
Also, you can find examples of cover letters everywhere. Either go to the library or a book store and browse through books with titles like, Formatting and Submitting Your Manuscript. <-- actual title *hehe*
Also, you can find examples of cover letters everywhere. Either go to the library or a book store and browse through books with titles like, Formatting and Submitting Your Manuscript. <-- actual title *hehe*
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
[/color][/size]
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true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
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