Confessions of a slightly older Teenage Worry Queen.

[ChristianKitsune]

I am not sure whether this is testimony or a prayer request.. I suppose it's both. So please bear with me everyone! I am going into rant mode. If you think it's too boring then you can stop but please pray for me okay?

I feel like saying this because It's something that I have struggled with my entire life, and I may still struggle with it from time to time. It's something a lot of people deal but something I feel I face every single moment of the day. To the point where it is totally unhealthy. The lovely little topic you ask?

Worry.

Yup that's it. Worry. Worry about if I am going to die of some sort of health related disease before I reach the age of thirty. Worry that if I go on trips my life and the lives of those I love will be cut short by some sort of strange car crash.

I have fought with this problem and maybe even I can call it Sin. For as long as I can remember. See, I am slightly overweight. at 5'6'' I weigh around 200 pounds and every time I eat I wonder, "Will this make me have a heart attack?" Or if I do any sort of excercise I worry that I will suddenly keel over and die.... I once worried that because my left arm was asleep, (I had been tensing it for a while without even realizing it) that I was going to have stroke.

It was then that I realized. I worry about the stupidest things! I can remember worrying about suddenly developing appendicitus because alot of people around me had it.

I think you get the point. The thing is, these worries have affected my life, and the things I do. For instance I am too afraid to run, and even to go into hot tubs because of the warnings about high blood pressure. First of all, I don't even know if I HAVE high blood pressure, but if I do...XD it's probably because I worry ALL THE TIME.

ANYWAYS. I think it was something Nate said, and combined with a sermon I heard today that is starting to change this.

Nate said something along the lines of We are all going to die one day. If that day is predertermined then doesnt that mean that no matter what we do we can't excape it? That seemed totally logical to me. Doesn't God know exactly when we are going to die?

And its like those verses in Matthew says: What will worrying do? It won't add a single day to my life by doing that.

My Pastor put a new meaning on the beginning of the Great Commission. Where Jesus says, "And I am with you always, till the very end of the Age."

If that's true then what do I need to worry about! It is true! I always say to people, "JESUS IS THERE FOR YOU." But...do I take the time to realize that myself.

I mean...if God really wanted me to die right now...wouldn't I be dead right now? I believe we all have a purpose in this life...To bring people to God. And to praise God in all things, To worship God. You know?

So tonight... I am going to start to not worry. It may take a while...and I may still take my pulse from time to time XD (yes I checked my pulse a lot!) but I want to get to the point where I FULLY Rely on God...and I won't do that anymore.

Am I insane for worrying so much? Yes, I am sure I am. I shudder at all the times I missed witnessing to someone because I was too worried about myself.

Please pray for me guys. Worry is something that has had me totally consumed in the past. And I am sick of it. I want to rely on God...I want to stop. Is there something wrong with me? This isn't healthy.

I seriously wonder...XD if I need medication.

Thanks for listening/reading my rants....I am sorry if it was too insane.

In Christ,
Kitchan

[K. Ayato]

Rant all you need to, hon. Sometimes it's good to get things off your chest.

I wish you well on your goal to reduce and eventually stop worrying altogether. Here's some advice: When you start getting worried, say out loud to yourself "God is in control". Repeat, with more conviction than the first time. It should help .

[bakura_fan]

So tonight... I am going to start to not worry. It may take a while...and I may still take my pulse from time to time XD (yes I checked my pulse a lot!) but I want to get to the point where I FULLY Rely on God.

Ya know how you got a plush christiankitsune fox? Get yourself a frog plush or little figurine to look at to help ya. After all...F.R.O.G. = Fully Rely on God. ^_^

on a serious note, I worry about when I'm gonna die...I actually cry about the thought...but the quote's that you..er...quoted, made sense to me too, so I'm gonna do my best not to worry....also. (was gonna say "too" but I thought that would be too many to(o)'s. lol )

[ChristianKitsune]

I really like that idea K. Ayato. I repeated myself today that Jesus said he wouldn't ever leave me, but I like God is in Control too ^^.

I was actually thinking about doing that, Bakura_fan! XD I love that saying.

I am not afraid to die. I know where I am going. I am afraid OF dying...the pain, the process what's it gonna be like? stuff like that.

[HiddenWoodchuck]

Hey there, I will pray for you of course! I was very shocked when I read your post, because when I was going through the worst of my depression, panic attacks and worry problems a few years ago(I still battle them to this day, but back then they made it so I just couldn't do anything, go anywhere... nothing, just a trip to the doctors or ER every other day it seemed... basically, to make it short, I used to be depressed and full of anxiety, but I also had the worry, and like you, I used to check my pulse a lot... I got so obsessed with that... to the point I would drive myself to having a panic attack... not the ones where you can't breathe, but the ones where your heart races up near 200bpm and you nearly pass out and get really dizzy, and you think you are having a heart attack... my blood pressure would sky rocket and I would go to the ER... it stumped a lot of people... but then it moved from that to many other medical symptoms.

I could think myself in to having pains in places that would mimic real symptoms... after while they decided I was one of the most troubled, panicking person they had seen, so they tried about a dozen different medications... none worked for me, though I don't claim no one should take the medication if they need it, they just had no working effect on me, even the strongest ones, it was weird and they just gave up and told me to basically stop worrying... I didn't buy that, and it went on for a long time after, but I changed into a state of not caring anymore, and went into deep depression, and it got really bad... I can't even write how bad it was... during all that, I came to find out about skipped heart beats, and I focused on them... and when you worry about them, or start to panic, they happen more often, and I would get them all the time... it was so scary, and I stopped running because I was afraid I would have one and die, because a skipped beat is your heart stopping and starting again... so what they told me... but I didn't buy that either, when they told me it is harmless the majority of the time, and they won't happen or you won't notice them if you don't pay attention to that... but I was so focused on my heart after that, that I could hear my heart all the time... I couldn't sleep, because I was listening to closely to it, thinking something was wrong if a beat sounded funny or something.

I can't name all the different things that they thought I had, but I thought I had every condition known to mankind... and I was scared to do anything... I stopped eating much of anything, and I dropped way too much weight, it was very unhealthy, it was like a blur how it all happened, and now it seems so surreal. I don't know how I ever made it, but at this time I wasn't close to God, and I wasn't even really a Christian. I couldn't remember if I had ever been saved... I didn't know... no one had really talked to me much about it, and I only knew what little I learned as a little child in Church, because I was out of Church at an early age, so I never really knew a whole lot about it... but at the worst of all this, when it all turned into deep depression, I just gave up and asked God for help, and I renewed my relationship with Him. I became born again, and my prayers were heard, because everything just went away and I got on my feet again... right now I am having problems, but they are different then before... still, I feel I am walking the edge and nearly ready to fall into depression again, I am just... I guess at battle with my emotions and worry again, but it feels different. I am able to work and I haven't let it take over me, but it has become really hard. I feel like I have been losing my relationship with God, I have just got so caught up in what is going on in my life, and unsure of what to do, that I haven't been seeking Him like I should... I am pretty scared, and I feel like I am being taken over by worry again, but worry about different things than before... it is a very tough fight... and I am also at struggle with another problem, so all this is really draining me at the moment.... but your post made me remember what God enabled me to overcome before.

I'm praying for you, I know from my experience it was so hard, and it just felt like it would never end... I felt so weird and abnormal, but it is only a state of mind. God is in control, and you can overcome. Feel free to send a message my way if you need to talk or just want someone to listen.

God Bless.

[K. Ayato]

It's normal to have a fear of death, especially when you have no understanding of what it's like and what the process of dying entails. I took a psychology class on the topics of death and dying, and (as boring as it was) I did learn a few things about it.

[Blitzkrieg1701]

If I may add a modest contribution to all this very good advice, don't waste any time in turning these worries over to the Lord the moment they reveal themselves. Having a TON of experience in fretting myself into despair over things myself, I know that the longer we let fear stew within us, the harder it is to really let go of it.

But yeah, from one worrier to another, I'm praying for you.

[Danderson]

I used to be a big worrywort myself....though, strangly enough it was (and still is) never about dieing or death....It was (and still is) more about stupid things, like thinking about things lurking in the dark of the closet or basement, and not getting school done......Believe me, that verse is true when it says it adds no hours to your life......

It's great to see that you don't want it to control your life anymore. I know and pray that God will help you with this.....He can help all of us with this.....

[Puguni]

You know...worrying is more harmful than going out for a run/walk once in a while. Exercise actually releases chemicals that makes you feel better about yourself.

Maybe you should take more naps. C: I pray that God can relieve you of your burdens.

[ShiroiHikari]

Yeah, worrying is stress, and stress is like poison.

Anyway, don't live in fear of things that you can't control. We're all going to die, but it does us no good to sit around and wonder when our time will come. Life's too short and precious to waste it by living in fear all the time. Anytime you start to worry or be afraid, just take a moment to lift it up to God.

[ChristianKitsune]

Hey there, I will pray for you of course! I was very shocked when I read your post, because when I was going through the worst of my depression, panic attacks and worry problems a few years ago(I still battle them to this day, but back then they made it so I just couldn't do anything, go anywhere... nothing, just a trip to the doctors or ER every other day it seemed... basically, to make it short, I used to be depressed and full of anxiety, but I also had the worry, and like you, I used to check my pulse a lot... I got so obsessed with that... to the point I would drive myself to having a panic attack... not the ones where you can't breathe, but the ones where your heart races up near 200bpm and you nearly pass out and get really dizzy, and you think you are having a heart attack... my blood pressure would sky rocket and I would go to the ER... it stumped a lot of people... but then it moved from that to many other medical symptoms.

I could think myself in to having pains in places that would mimic real symptoms... after while they decided I was one of the most troubled, panicking person they had seen, so they tried about a dozen different medications... none worked for me, though I don't claim no one should take the medication if they need it, they just had no working effect on me, even the strongest ones, it was weird and they just gave up and told me to basically stop worrying... I didn't buy that, and it went on for a long time after, but I changed into a state of not caring anymore, and went into deep depression, and it got really bad... I can't even write how bad it was... during all that, I came to find out about skipped heart beats, and I focused on them... and when you worry about them, or start to panic, they happen more often, and I would get them all the time... it was so scary, and I stopped running because I was afraid I would have one and die, because a skipped beat is your heart stopping and starting again... so what they told me... but I didn't buy that either, when they told me it is harmless the majority of the time, and they won't happen or you won't notice them if you don't pay attention to that... but I was so focused on my heart after that, that I could hear my heart all the time... I couldn't sleep, because I was listening to closely to it, thinking something was wrong if a beat sounded funny or something.

I can't name all the different things that they thought I had, but I thought I had every condition known to mankind... and I was scared to do anything... I stopped eating much of anything, and I dropped way too much weight, it was very unhealthy, it was like a blur how it all happened, and now it seems so surreal. I don't know how I ever made it, but at this time I wasn't close to God, and I wasn't even really a Christian. I couldn't remember if I had ever been saved... I didn't know... no one had really talked to me much about it, and I only knew what little I learned as a little child in Church, because I was out of Church at an early age, so I never really knew a whole lot about it... but at the worst of all this, when it all turned into deep depression, I just gave up and asked God for help, and I renewed my relationship with Him. I became born again, and my prayers were heard, because everything just went away and I got on my feet again... right now I am having problems, but they are different then before... still, I feel I am walking the edge and nearly ready to fall into depression again, I am just... I guess at battle with my emotions and worry again, but it feels different. I am able to work and I haven't let it take over me, but it has become really hard. I feel like I have been losing my relationship with God, I have just got so caught up in what is going on in my life, and unsure of what to do, that I haven't been seeking Him like I should... I am pretty scared, and I feel like I am being taken over by worry again, but worry about different things than before... it is a very tough fight... and I am also at struggle with another problem, so all this is really draining me at the moment.... but your post made me remember what God enabled me to overcome before.

I'm praying for you, I know from my experience it was so hard, and it just felt like it would never end... I felt so weird and abnormal, but it is only a state of mind. God is in control, and you can overcome. Feel free to send a message my way if you need to talk or just want someone to listen.

God Bless.

Wow, Woodchuck what an amazing testimony! I can relate to what you say a lot. Although I have never taken it so far...

I will lift you up in prayer! Thaks for sharing your story!

And thank you everyone for your replies you are all right and I thank you for the advice and prayers.

[AsianBlossom]

Hey, from one worrier to another, I'll be praying for you, CK!

And to HiddenWoodChuck: so worrying about skipped beats causes them to happen more frequently? Well, that would explain why I haven't noticed any lately...I've been too distracted with school to worry about anything like that. *wipes forehead* Okay, I'm fine now. Thanks for posting that tidbit.

[HiddenWoodchuck]

Wow, Woodchuck what an amazing testimony! I can relate to what you say a lot. Although I have never taken it so far...

I will lift you up in prayer! Thaks for sharing your story!

And thank you everyone for your replies you are all right and I thank you for the advice and prayers.

Thanks for the prayers, I am praying for you! Make sure to post updates on how you are doing

AsianBlossom - Haha yeah, when I hadn't noticed them happen for a long time, my mind was 100% off thinking about them... I just sort of went back to working out and running and everything, and I never thought about the skipped beats, thus they didn't happen... if they did, it was very rare, and normally do to me drinking a lot of caffeine, like coffee or even a diet soda has it, so sometimes they happen for other reason... the main thing that causes them normally though is anxiety and just plain out being worried about it. I once got so focused on it, that it felt like they were happening every couple minutes, and it felt very strange... I couldn't get them to stop, but they didn't cause me to have any problems, and I can see that now, if they happen, they happen... the funny thing is, now that I expect them, and don't care, they don't happen much. It's weird, but your mind can really cause your body to do freaky things. You can worry yourself into a real condition after so long... the stress is no good. The skipped beats are suppose to be harmless though, so if anything, they just make you stop and go... man, I really hate when that happens!

[Mave]

My dear: Let me put it this way - If you can't stop worrying about the little things, how can God give you bigger things to deal with in life?

Been there, done that. Worrying has a lot to do with not trusting God to take care of all matters in your life. God gave you life, He has every right to take it back or to do Whatever He sees fit with it.

However, this is where we need to remind ourselves that God is a Loving, Forgiving and Merciful God who wants the best in this present life. So why be afraid of God who is the very One who takes care of us? Unless you have 1) unconfessed sin. <-- note: emphasis "unconfessed" 2) very stubborn idea of what is "best." What we think is good for us, may not necessarily be good to God.

I will be praying for you, dear Kit-chan.