this is one of my poems

Unleash your creative writing skills here.

this is one of my poems

Postby firestorm » Tue Jul 15, 2003 4:15 pm

Tell me what you guys think and how can I improve it?

DOES GOD REALLY CARE
Written by Ivan Delgado

I sit and look out upon the world and the life, which I lead
From the very mysteries of nature, to the air with I breathe
From the flower that blossoms, to the chirping birds of the air
But in my mind comes a question: Does God Really Care?

I look upon the wonders and beauties of the earth,
From the love of two people to a child’s birth,
From that joyous occasion to the love that family shares
From in my mind comes a question: Does God Really Care?

For during prosperous times it is easy to say yes
0.But during danger and famine is when it’s hard to acquiesce
During the destruction of nature, with no more birds in the air
For that family in pain I ask, does God really care?

When life encases a man in sadness and sorrow
And nothing is left, except the want of no tomorrow
When murder and death bring a dreadful glare?
From the lips of the saddened comes the question: Does God Really Care?

As these ghastly images fill my mind
I look for the ropes where my sorrow binds
For by this life in which I’m bound
Only sorrow I have found
then my soul and my nature began to brawl
Likes 2 armies at war no peace at all
Then I said, “That’s it there’s no more I can bare.”
Out comes my question: “GOD, DO YOU REALLY CARE!”

I expect no answer but to my surprise
A voice from nowhere began to rise
“My son, I do care, don’t see,
This is why I gave you family
My son this is why I gave you friends
So they will be with you until the very end
My son, this is why I ask you to pray
that I may know your troubles and help you day-by-day
My love has always shone around you, and I was always there
All your life I’ve surely been watching, my son, I have always cared”

“What good is family and what good is friends,
If you still feel hurt beyond what any man could mend
You say if you help me day by day
If I pray
Then why though I pray every night
All though I pray real hard with all of my might
Why don’t you cure me of the darn awful plight…?
Tell me if you were really there
How come I felt lonely… as If you didn’t care?”

Suddenly darkness fell across the sky
Then through the darkness of the night
Came the voice of pure light:
“I PROTECTED EVERY NATION THROUGH THEIR TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS
I PROTECTED YOUR MOTHER’S WOMB SINCE THE DAWN OF YOUR CREATION
AND I protected you from beyond what you can bear through all life’s stages
Even through all your fits and little rages!
Even then, through all this you do not see what fails you!
It is not me; it is your lack of faith that ails you!
If you just have faith, I will be even closer to you than air!
But let me remind you, I have always cared.”

“To get this faith, Father, what must I do?
Surely I would give this life I’ve been living even it it’s meant living in you.”

“Seek me with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind
If you do that not only faith but great life everlasting is what you will find.”

I surely did that which I was told
Now here is the moral for both young and old,
Though Danger draw closer and Famine draw near,
Though Death be around you and abides all fear,
There will be tomorrow and tomorrow will be there,
As long as you have faith, that God really cares.
User avatar
firestorm
 
Posts: 731
Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2003 1:00 am
Location: Lovin the Miami Heat. And I ain't talking about the basketball team :3

Postby Ashley » Tue Jul 15, 2003 4:45 pm

Wow, I really loved it. The rythem and cadences had a tone that reminded me of the old English victorian poets, but the language was accessible and understandable. Excellent job! My favorite stanza was probably the one about from the lips of the saddened...it sounded the most poetic.
Image
User avatar
Ashley
 
Posts: 7364
Joined: Mon May 26, 2003 10:00 am
Location: Fort Worth, Texas

Postby firestorm » Sat Feb 07, 2004 11:13 pm

Ahhhhhhh the resurrection of a classic. And a perfect place to put my poems! behold I there will be a great flood that will come greater then any flood before (except Noah's man that was deep). BEHOLD THE FLOOD OF FIRESTORM'S POEMS!!!!!!!
Come check my facebook fan page here If you want to see some great photography and art!

I am currently on my 4th draft of the script for Canvas! Canvas is a watercolor animated short about how everything declares of a Creator and how everything happens for a reason. If anyone would like to help by sending me resources on watercolor or animation it would be greatly appreciated!

I am also on my 1st draft of a short live-action Romcom called "Behind Every Good Man! Behind Every Good Man is about a Bride-to-be, Evelyn, who must stop her Mother-in-Law, Pamela, from living her dream wedding through Evelyn's. Along the way she learns what it means to be a Woman of Integrity today! If anyone wants to help let me know!
_____________________________
ImageImage
User avatar
firestorm
 
Posts: 731
Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2003 1:00 am
Location: Lovin the Miami Heat. And I ain't talking about the basketball team :3


Return to Writing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 270 guests