I was born into a Christian family, and hence have (for as long as I remember) known about Jesus. When I was a little girl, I remember praying a prayer asking Jesus to be my Saviour; and later in my teen years reaffirmed this. I was baptised in water [also in my child years] and the Holy Spirit shortly after.
Several years ago, I got involved with fantasy novels and movies (while at the same time actively against Harry Potter, so was the depth of my blindess). The school library had several pretty deep fantasy books, and these I used to smuggle home without my parents knowing and read them. It was around this time that I began to play RPG games; not the computer version but the 'write your own story' version. My first character was an element-using girl around my age with a 'pet' cat. Both characters, come to think of it, were based somewhat on the fantasy books I read. The characters name was Talame Eston [a name derived from a planet in a fantasy book [Tallallame] and my friend's last name]
Every since then, whenever I would register into a forum I would take the name Talame. Thank God, the RPG died eventually and He showed me that the books were not harmless [through a very embarrasing event... I recommended one book to a non-Christian guy, who got it out and read it, but I had completely forgotten that it had child sacrificing in it, as well as a promiscuous elf lady who tried to seduce her own brother (among other things). The guy came back to me and basically said 'you're a Christian and yet youre reading this?!' - I was extremely embarrased, yet it was definitely God confronting me.]. After this, He began to 'clean me up' so to speak, but it has been a long process.
This is the end of the background info;
At the end of 2005, the Holy Spirit told me to get rid of the name Talame. I tried to come up with one by myself, but thank the Lord He stopped me from changing it immediately, rather He instructed me to stop going to CAA (I felt for a month or so). This was around the beginning of 2006; within a week or so He showed me Isaiah 62:4
No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah,
and your land Beulah;
for the LORD will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.
The name Hephzibah jumped out at me, and God said that this is your new name. To be honest, I hated it to begin with
It sounded stupid and I much prefered the name I came up with! Thank God though, because He made me love it
Instead of going back to CAA with the new name at the end of the month, I didnt feel any peace about going back. So I waited... and waited... but still no peace. I didnt know why, but God is patient and He used this long time to show me how I had relied on, took pride and boasted in my 'position' here. He showed me how I had manipulated words and people to get my own way (though during the time I thought I was going fine and doing God's Will), so for that I am truly sorry and apologise. I am sorry if I hurt anyone here and for those I've manipulated; I confess it as sin before you all. Please forgive me.
Last year was extremely tough emotionally, and for a few weeks I struggled with suicidal thoughts. I praise God Almighty for bringing me through that time, and being with me every single step. Without Him, I would be dead.
You see, I didnt have any friends last year and was lonely; but Jesus is my friend, and He is with me (and you!). He showed me jsut a small part of how true that is last year.
Hephzibah means "My delight is in her". According to Ps 147:11 "the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.". This led me to ask God to give me the fear of the Lord, and He replied through different means ( eg via a bday card and bible verses) saying that He will! Thank You Lord!
Last month, I went with a university Christian group on mission for a week, and that was awesome; not only did I become friends with several of them, but the Lord encouraged me greatly.
Thanks for reading this.
Sarah / Hephzibah
