Jesus Freakes: Year 2603

[Icarus]

Swingin'!

I don't believe that I've defined that, so here it is, along with the usual modifiers.

Swingin' = Cool
Multiple directions = Ultra cool
All/Mutiple Levels = Astoundingly awesome.

Ruroken, this is great. I think I might need those smellng salts after all.

[Shao Feng-Li]

The fallowing is an excerpt from Haiku Shao’s journal:

It was another day, though I felt an odd chill in the air. Something was to happen, something of great significance. I could just feel it.
I don’t remember the event in great detail; witch is indeed a blessing. When I was only ten years old, my parents were murdered in cold blood. My brother Kai had always been strong when it was hard, that I know as fact. But the death of our parents, he couldn’t handle it. He blamed God for the inevitable. They were going to die that day, and there’s nothing we could have done. Kai left, and I didn’t know what became of him.
I’m now twenty-five. My birthday was in January the same as my brother’s. Tonight I’m quite shaken because of what happened mere hours ago.
Since it’s October, most of our harvest is ready. Plenty of our corn, wheat, rice and lots of soy need to be taken in. This morning I got up, and went to the fields. As I collected the corn, at the southern end of the fields near the forest, I heard a strange rustling. I looked but saw nothing, and went back to work. It came again. This time my curiosity was aroused. I thought that it might some animal. Lord knows the last time I had any red meat. I set down my basket of corn, drew my blaster, and headed for the wood.

*Not finished*

[Shao Feng-Li]

Since it’s October, most of our harvest is ready. Plenty of our corn, wheat, rice and lots of soy need to be taken in. This morning I got up, and went to the fields. As I collected the corn, at the southern end of the fields near the forest, I heard a strange rustling. I looked but saw nothing, and went back to work. It came again. This time my curiosity was aroused. I thought that it might some animal. Lord knows the last time I had any red meat. I set down my basket of corn, drew my blaster, and headed for the wood. Growing bold, I traveled several meters, and found my self in some sort of clearing. Nothing was there, save for a lone figure, his back to me. An icy wind suddenly picked up, whipping my hair and clothing about.
“Excuse me sir!â€

[Razgriz]

Very good, I like it

[Shao Feng-Li]

The fallowing is an excerpt from Haiku Shao’s journal:

It was another day, though I felt an odd chill in the air. Something was to happen, something of great significance. I could just feel it.
I don’t remember the event in great detail; which is indeed a blessing. When I was only ten years old, my parents were murdered in cold blood. My brother Kai had always been strong when it was hard, that I know as fact. But the death of our parents, he couldn’t handle it. He blamed God for the inevitable. They were going to die that day, and there’s nothing we could have done. Kai left, and I didn’t know what became of him.
I’m now twenty-five. My birthday was in January the same as my brother’s. Tonight I’m quite shaken because of what happened mere hours ago.
Since it’s October, most of our harvest is ready. Plenty of our corn, wheat, rice and lots of soy need to be taken in. This morning I got up, and went to the fields. As I collected the corn, at the southern end of the fields near the forest, I heard a strange rustling. I looked but saw nothing, and went back to work. It came again. This time my curiosity was aroused. I thought that it might some animal. Lord knows the last time I had any red meat. I set down my basket of corn, drew my blaster, and headed for the wood. Growing bold, I traveled several meters, and found my self in some sort of clearing. Nothing was there, save for a lone figure, his back to me. An icy wind suddenly picked up, whipping my hair and clothing about.
“Excuse me sir!â€

[Razgriz]

Very good imagery, there was a spelling error I caught in the first paragraph on the word "witch" as it should be "which," other than that, great job

[Shao Feng-Li]

Chapter two



[font=Comic Sans MS][size=100]“What do you have to say for yourself, Joseph?â€

[Shao Feng-Li]

[font='Comic Sans MS']Chapter Three[/font]



[font='Comic Sans MS'] Much to Haiku’s dismay, Kai entered only to see the girl wide eyed and his brother sprawled on the floor with Raven’s arm in a lock.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'][size=100] “Tell me what’s going on here,â€

[Shao Feng-Li]

[font='Comic Sans MS']Chapter Four[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "We will not leave now!" Jean said, after hearing the terrible nws from Kai. "I'm not about to imitate ze ancestors!"[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "That's very noble, Jean, but what if it's not only one: what if we get trounced my an entire group- er- what of our women and children? Sure, your daughter knows a few hazushi, but still."[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Ach, Kai, ze fears are unethical, and you know that. God's will decide who dies, or if anyone dies at all! Hmph, I don't even have a garrentee of my next heartbeat."[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] Kai panned the fields, and took in some water. He said: "I know you're right Jean. If only- ahh- if-"I'm [/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Don't say it, Kai. You just made a mistake," Jean cut him off, with sincere sympathy. "There's no use worrying about it now." [/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Indeed!" came a new voice. Jean and Kai turned to see, Tycius walking towards them, with a slight swagger. "I've been given the details from Morecraft. I'm here to offer my services. You're not alone Kai. I'm not to far from here."[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] Suddenly Kai slumped to the ground, forehead resting on his fingers. Tycius recieved a look from Jean. "Talk about putting a foot in one's mouth!" [/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "I'm not here to show sympathy," Tycius stated, unmoved. "Our friend doesn't need it. No- he doesn't want it, do you?" But it wasn't really a question. "I've been down that road Kai. I know what it's like to cause pain to others. But I'm over it. I prayed over it."[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Thank you, Tycius," said Kai, his chin resting on his hand, but with a hard look on his eyes. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I beleive we have a visitor."[/font]



[font='Comic Sans MS'] Zeng was the first to hear the distant repulsars. "That's a Jag'," he muttered, as he sat under the cool shade of the oak. "A fine, fine vehicle- Vehicle! Hey we got somethin' commin'!" He jumped to his feet in sudden alarm. Then anyone who heard came outside, or stopped what they were doing. The sounds grew louder, and a crown began to grow. Tycius stodd in the back, observing, reading to leave at the first sign of danger to his own home. Hushed, worried voices were heard. Kai wound his way through the tiny mass and continued on towards the path.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Dad! What are you doing?" Jacob shouted, as he came out of the crowd.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Get inside all of you!" Kai yelled over his shoulder.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] The people didn't need to be told twice, as they gathered the children up. Except Haiku. He ran forward and caught his brother. "There's no way you'll be on your own!" [/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Brother, I'd die if anything would happen to you," Kai said firmly, holding Haiku at the shoulders. Haiku threw Kai's hands off.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "You can't do everything on your own! I'm comming!" There was a fire in his voice and eyes.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "All right," Kai sighed and turned.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] A few minutes later found the two brothers on the main path. Just up ahead they could see the land cruiser, a cloud of dust behind it.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "That's it?" Kai murmured to himself.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "I was right!" Haiku said quietly, "See? Why worry?"[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] The cruiser was a few meters ahead still. They stopped walking and the vehicle stopped.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "That's far enough!" Kai said, as the driver got out. "What do you want?"[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] A slender leg and foot came out first fallowed by a head, with a beautiful shock of blande hair. The woman couldn't have been more than twenty years of age.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Kai Shao? I'm to understand that you have two of our own!"[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] No answer. Haiku forced himself to take his eyes of the beautiful creature and looked at the shokked expression on his brother's face. "What's wrong?" he snapped.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] Kai shook his head. "Ahh, yes. I have two prisoners at the moment. W- will you be taking them off my h-h-hands now?"[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Why is he stuttereing?" Haiku thought.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "I will, Shao," the woman answered. "I'm also her for you."[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] Kai raised his eyebrows slightly. "If you are alone, I'll take you to my village." [/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "What of the little one?" she asked, gesturing to Haiku.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "He's of no importance," Kai said, stepping up in front of former. Haiku looked hard at his brother to see him trembling from head to toe.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] Little words were passed. Jackie and Raven were brought out. Kai told his friends not to interfere. Haiku was put in charge.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Keep watch for these people, brother. I'll be fine. Who knows, something good may come out of this fiastco. I shouldn't be gone for ever. MAybe I can even cause some trouble for old Saxon."[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Don't worry about us Kai," Haiku said with some confidance. They both clapped hands, and gave each other a quick squeaze. "Give them lots of trouble."[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] Haiku watched as Kai- with nothing but a sword on his hip- Raven, Jackie, and the beautiful Angel stroll down to the path. A painful memory came out of nowhere. Blood had been spilt, Kai had left... Haiku shook it off. He's comming back.[/font]

[Icarus]

I actually am reading this as it is posted, I'm enjoying it too; but I have no comments. Sorry for the lack of encouragement.

[true_noir_chloe]

I finally came back here to check on all the writing you've been doing. I get them on my email and never reply. You've grown, as both an artist and a writer recently, and I just came on to tell you that. I'm becoming impressed and it takes a lot to impress me. I usually enjoy or like a lot of writing, but you, I think, are really impressive at only 14. ^_^ That's all I wanted to say. Also, good dialogue structure - one of the hardest things to do.

BTW, I think I had a brief seizure from your avatar, but it's cool, I'm feeling better now.

[Shao Feng-Li]

ty chloe. the books i read are a big help in my writing. all i mostly have is high quality litterature from like the 1920-

[Shao Feng-Li]

*bump*

[uc pseudonym]

Kindly don't bump something up purely for the sake of doing so. Given that this is a legitamite thread, posts made within it should be legitimate. I'm not going to criticize heavily, but there are individuals who would consider that spam.

Or you could just post two or three paragraphs talking about where you'd like to see this idea go, and asking how people are doing. It's basically a bump, but no one can fault you for it.

[Shao Feng-Li]

Im sorry. ill not do that again. btw hos the story bord comming? ort are you still working on it?

[uc pseudonym]

I'm basically dallying. If your artist begins to work heavily on this, I will kick into high gear and get it done. But at the moment Pilgrim's Progress is consuming most of my all too rare spare time.

[Shao Feng-Li]

well just chill then for a while. there are some minor changes i wanna make

[Shao Feng-Li]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC']Chapter Five[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] Kai said not a word to anyone. He led the others to believe he was in a deep meditation. In a meditation he was. Though he found his prayers empty. With sigh he opened his eyes. [/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Well if it isn't sleeping beauty." were the first words from Angel's mouth.[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "I was never asleep, “he said flatly, looking through the windshield, as they sped past the skyscrapers.[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "So this is San Francisco, then? Are we going to the Corporation?"[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Yes, but you won't see him till tonight. As you know, Saxon and his wife are having you for dinner." [/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Do you know what he wants?"[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] Angel shook her head. "He's paid for you to have proper attire and a hair-cut though, for tonight."[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] Kai looked down at himself. [/font]
[font='Bradley Hand ITC']"In no way will I cut my hair," Kai appalled at the thought. "And what's wrong with my-" he stopped and looked at his sleeves. The white was slightly yellowed and the black and teal were faded. "All I need is a tailor."[/font]
[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "I heard that you're stubborn. I'm surprised that you've actually come without a fight- Oh we're here."[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] Kai looked out his window, and gazed up at the massive skyscraper. Ten years... He opened the door and the others filed out. [/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "You two," Angel pointed at Raven. "head to the Med- Center."[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Yes ma'am," Raven said stiffly, and they turned to a building to the right of the Corporation, and it was at least half as tall. [/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] Kai gazed around as people passed him by. He looked to see if there was something in their eyes. They only looked back. No joy, no happiness. Beyond the people, Vehicles of all makes and types sped by. Below him, Kai knew, was the under city, where so many of his brothers and sisters were trapped. [/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "What a sad, beautiful place this is," he said quietly, momentarily forgetting that he was in enemy territory. He didn't as if he wanted to kill the people. Instead he pitied them...[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "And you, you need to get cleaned up!"[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] Kai turned his attention to the woman. "Excuse me?"[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "You smell like old lake water."[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Well I-"[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Oh I know. You people do your best, but it simply isn't good enough. Not to mention the many cuts and scrapes." Angel wore a disgusted expression. "And take off your sword."[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] Anyone knew creating a seen was in no way a good idea, so Kai handed over his weapon.[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Good. There is a hotel within the Corp. building."[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "All right." [/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] Several minutes later found the two past the receptionist desk, up the elevator, and to the left was their destination.[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "The top floor is where Saxon's personal guests stay," Angel explained. "Ahh Twenty- one. This will be your residence as you stay in Lord Saxon's building." She opened the door to a richly colored living space. A huge window was before them. Long deep red panels hung down on either side. On the right was a recliner, and opposite of that was a sofa. The door on the left lead to the bedroom and bathroom. The door on the right obviously led to some sort of kitchen.[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "You've been provided with clothing. Mostly your type of robes and such," Angel said dryly. "Just bathe before you go anywhere." With that said she gave Kai a keycard and left him alone.[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Too bad, I have to agree... I do smell like lake water," he sighed, as he sat down on the sofa. He took off his shirt and sat back. It was hot. The Thermostat read sixty- eight degrees. The huge black cross on his back was a permanent remainder of his past. Only he knew of it, for he never even took of his shirt to swim. Not even Haiku knew. Sayla Desand knew. She was the only one who had any knowledge of how to care for injuries. The rough cotton cloth that Sayla had made for him was covered in little tears. One hole was stained with blood, where a certain throwing knife has pierced has skin. Of course he had a few other sets of clothing that were in for better condition, even an identical set as the one he had now. Deciding that a showing would be in everyone's best interest he went to the bedroom.[/font]



[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Oh, no no no! He's not staying there on his own! They’d kill him before they'd let him go!" Haiku brought his hands down on mat that served as a table.[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Oh, c'mon man!" Zeng scolded, "If you're so freakin' worried go after him! How do you think I feel? He's my father!" He was just as agitated as the other. [/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] Joseph heaved a sigh. "Shoa's right though. He's to valuable. Every bounty hunter would be after him. He only left for your sakes."[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "With him gone, no one would have any reason to come here," Haiku said quietly.[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "I think he might have something of an idea."[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] Everyone looked up to Jean. "Yeah," he continued. "Remember the lower city? Raphael Kaiza?"[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "That's right!" Haiku said. "The divider. It's filled with tunnels and weapons!"[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] Now all eyes were on the younger brother. "It's true he continued, Kaiza found out for himself!"[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] Questioning glances were exchanged about the room.[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Zen we should go to ze city," Jean said. "Kai needs us to get him out of the trouble he and Kaiza will start."[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Sounds right," was Joseph's comment. "What of you, Mr. Shao?"[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Well, refuge can be taken in the Lower City," Haiku said thoughtfully, stareing at the ceiling, "The women can take care of my students... Perhaps Kelly could lend a hand?" And he looked at the others.[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Very interesting," Joseph murmured, stroking his chin.[/font]

[Shao Feng-Li]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] Chap 5 Continued[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC']Kai watched the screen intensively, as he bit into freshly made turkey sandwich, while he sat at the foot of his bed. The plasma television was a fifty inch wide screen built into the wall, at the foot above the bed. The logo read "Mitsubishi.""[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Two hundred channels and all I get is garbage!" he said mouth half full. He switched the TV off, tossed the remote on the floor and laid back. [/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Let's see," and he took another bite of his sandwich," bath, snack, and my cloths should be here in half an hour. Hopefully I can see KAiza tomorrow." He sat up in hanza, and looked at the clock. It's only four... great dining with the tyrant and his wife. Being surrounded by old- older windbags... A ring broke his train of thought. [/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Ugh, that must be the door," he grunted, and got up, jamming the last bite in his cheek.[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] When he opened the door, a woman held out a package. [/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Here you are sir-!" Suddenly she let out a scream, and stumbled forward.[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Oi!" Kai caught the woman, and brought her in, then shut the door. "Oh no... what happened?" She rested the floor in a faint. "Did- I- scare her?"[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Oh, I don't have time for this!" he said, getting flustered. He knelt down, and lifted the woman head, fanning her with his hand. She opened her eyes and let out a shriek. So did Kai, and he leapt back five feet. [/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Heavens, woman! Give me a heart attack!"[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Y- you're the- the Pariah! You're here to kill me!"[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] Kai's eyes widened. He looked down at the sweats and the open robe that hung on his shoulders. [/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Does I look like an assassin to you? I'm not going to kill you- what is your name?"[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] The woman took a step back, looking only more frightened.[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "J-Jennifer Hirai-?"[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] The sur-name rung a bell. The girl's family was on Kai's hit list before Haiku, but Jeniffer had somehow gotten away.[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "I can assure you that I'm not here to kill anyone- ever."[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "I- I thought you were still- still-!" she couldn’t find the words and burst into tears.[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Please don't cry now," KAi said, "I'm different now. I've been saved- from myself." He looked away, and starred at the floor. "Why are you here?"[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "I- work here as a maid." [/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "You shouldn't. These are not good people. You're a Christian, like your family, I know. I wouldn't want to be here when this places comes crashing down like Sodom and Gomorra."[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Then, you've changed? You’re no longer the Pariah?"[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "No, I'm not. I'm a village leader. At the moment I'm here on a mission."[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] Jennifer thought for a moment. His eyes... he doesn't look like he's out for blood... he killed my family, can I trust this man?[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Well, this package is from New Line apparel from across town," and she held out the parcel.[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] "Thank you," Kai said gently, as he took it. "So far you're the only person here that I can trust."[/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC'] A good bye was passed between the two, and the woman left. Kai opened his package, and fingered the silk fabric. [/font]

[font='Bradley Hand ITC']If therre are any glaring mistakes leeme now. its my lap tops fault! (Seriously)[/font]

[Shao Feng-Li]

[font='Comic Sans MS']Chapter Six[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] The LCD read "500 m" and "499.5M" as the cross hair moved around the intended target: A lonely tree at the other end of the plain. Jacob gripped the barrel harder as he tried to focus. [/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "You're trembling. Relax." Jacob gave a start when Ped Zeng Shao's voice broke his train of thought. [/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Dang it, Zeng! You want me to die young?" And Jacob plopped down in the little patch of grass.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Kinda cool, this area is rather large," Zeng said thoughtfully, "I'm surprised that Saxon hasn't turned it into a city." and he scanned the fields without turning his head.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Hey, yeah I guess so. But it hid us a Tychius though."[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] Zeng smiled inwardly, glad that he had diverted his brothers attention. Haiku was another story...[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Your rifle not working right?" said Zeng, as he knelt down by Jacob.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Well, the extension is at least fifty more pounds," Jacob explained, as he unscrewed the barrel in half. "I've been tiring to get it as accurate without the extender."[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Can't you make the bolt smaller? Would it be more accurate?"[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Sure it would. Okay it's like this: Without the extra piece, at full power, it can fire effectively at one hundred meters. With the extension, it's five hundred meters. I want the thing to fire effectively at five hundred without the extra fifty pounds. A smaller bolt would fire more accurately, but won't go nearly as far, and it doesn't matter if the extra piece is on there."[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Hmm that sucks, doesn't it?" Zeng said thoughtfully. "I sounds like you need more power. MmmHmm, It's by Beretta right?" And he pulled out a handgun, and set it on the ground near his leg. "Here, lemme see your rifle."[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] Zeng took it, and opened the stock. There were several slots for power cells.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Here's your problem, Jake. Look, this thing can hold five more power cells!"[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Geeze, your right," Jacob said in amazement. "Great. Maybe I can get rid of that extension!"[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Yeah, I don't favor lifting ninety pounds either. Use my power cells, they should be the same class."[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Kinda like those old lead smg's that used pistol bullets?" the other said, as Zeng began to remove the power cells from his three weapons.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "A Sub Machine Gun? Dang those are old. I guess in a way they still exist. Yeah the cells are the same," Zeng said, as he compared Jacob's to his own. "Well, don't worry about these. I have more back home."[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Thanks Zeng," Jacob returned, as he gathered his prized rifle, and his new power cells. "Go-eh- gosh, if this works, imagine how much power it would have with the extra barrel."[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] Zeng nodded as he placed the powerless pistols in the holsters on his legs, and the third under his belt. "You're worried about dad aren't you?" he asked suddenly.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "I little I guess," Jacob replied, as he closed up the stock. "He was only playing along, I know that."[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "People don't fallow Saxon because of his intellect, just his pocket book." [/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] The younger nodded as he stood up, and put the stock against his shoulder. [/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "You might want a wide stance," Zeng advised, with a wry smile. Jacob agreed, and peered down that scope and sought out his precious target. As a precaution he took his face from the scope and a split second later fired. He was shocked to hear a report, as he was thrown off his feet [still gripping the rifle] with a piercing pain in his shoulder.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Good heavens! You destroyed it!" he heard Zeng cry, as he carefully sat up with a look of pain. His eyes widened. The tree was simply [almost] gone, as he looked through the scope, supporting the rifle with his left arm now.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "I-I think you can take a cell back," Jacob grunted, and fell back again.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Jake!" Zeng said, coming out of his astonishment. "You all right?"[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "I think so," the other growled. "It's just my shoulder." His with his hands he unconsciously uprooted the grass.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "You better not have broken anything," Zeng sighed.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Me? They're your power cells!" He carefully got up again, loosened his tunic, and looked at his black, blue, and green injury. "Uh oh, I'm mutating."[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "Yeah," Zeng said, kneeling down by his brother, to help him up. Jacob let a snicker slip out, and Zeng realized he'd just made a fool of. "You're gonna have to see Sayla about this one, dear brother," and he patted Jacob on the injury.[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] Meanwhile-[/font]

[font='Comic Sans MS'] "He won't stay there alone. He can't start a war no one's prepared for!" and Haiku rested his head against his arm and that against his bedroom wall. "That's it. I'm going after him."[/font]

if tere are any glareing mistakes lemme know.

[Icarus]

Not bad. There were a few things that seemed unusual, but they make sense the second time through.

[Shao Feng-Li]

ty icarus. iwas beginning ot think i was very unpopular. anyways, im given this thing my all