Meledriel

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Postby true_noir_chloe » Wed Dec 17, 2003 8:31 am

I'll be waiting for your next installment, or your action comedy. This got quite good. ^_^ I'm enjoying your writing Lochabar.

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Postby Lochaber Axe » Mon Dec 22, 2003 1:36 pm

Part 3: Inner Tragedies (Continued)

The world changes to a bright orange as the sun begins to prepare for sleep. On top of a small clay precipice that begins to change into a dark red when the orange of the approaching dusk strikes it, Meledriel feels his power increase. Huge white wings unfurl from the angel’s back and stretch out to absorb as much waning light as possible. The symbols on his armor and sword begin to radiate even more brightly. This is why Meledriel is called the Angel of Dusk, his total power is strongest at the point where light and darkness equal, the middle ground. The angel closes his eyes and smiles as the light fills his body and sooths his raging thoughts. After the orange glow begins to fade, the white wings dissolves back into his back. Downcast, the angel wraps the shrouds of his torn cloak around himself and walks into the forest.
Conflicting thoughts and emotions fight in Meledriel’s mind as he tries to sort through the possible choices and consequences. The source of his anxieties comes into site as the ruddy light of a campfire appears between the trees. The fire crackles as it illuminates the hastily constructed campsite. Before the fire is the outline of a feminine body wrapped in blankets. The steady movements of the blankets are telltale signs that life is still present. When Meledriel reaches the unconscious form, he crouches down and stares into the face of the bronze-haired girl. Memories invade his mind that he thought were gone. The smell and feel of human blood, the slowing has breathe in the bodies that he cradled, and the pleading with his other angelic companion in this world flashes into his mind. Meledriel shakes his head to clear the images, stands up, and begins to pace. With each step, however, the images return and once more join to form the complete memory. Reluctantly, the angel allows the memory to finally play out.
Meledriel was once more in the only place on Earth he dreads. The sand begins to rub into every pore of his body as Meledriel trudges on top of the rock hard ground. Another flash and he is outside the small village of white square-shaped abodes. Next, he is in the marketplace, observes the bustle of the populace as they haggle with each other for perfume, silk, or camels. The sound of instruments is audible in certain buildings as dancing girls and drink entertain the male clientele. The next flash brings him to the house of the lone girl and her younger sister. They are orphans and all they have left is their small dwelling. Earlier, Meledriel had protected the younger sister from bandits and the older sister gives him food and shelter for the night for his aid. That night turns into a month or more as Meledriel helps the two. The feelings between the angel and the older sibling begin to change. They become more intimate. Meledriel has two terrible choices: union with the woman, which would create an abomination or leaving them to fend for themselves. With his heart breaking, Meledriel leaves in the middle of the night and continues onward. The final memory flash brings him to his knees in the firelight and he begins to weep in anguish. There he stands over the bodies of man and demons, sword bloody by both. With his eyes filling with hatred and pain contorting his face, sword falls from his hands as he stumbles toward the dying forms of the two girls. The angel’s knee give way, collapses to the ground, and pulls the two bodies to his chest. Tears fall like torrents as they look at his face for the last time. Meledriel screams and curses at the approaching form of Death as he comes for their souls. Death’s eyes are sad but his face is stone hard and impregnable as draws near to the raging and sobbing Angel of Dusk. Helplessly Meledriel watches as Death grasps the girls’ hands and pulls their souls away from their mortal shells. They wave goodbye, and then… the three were gone.
With his head in his hands, the powerful Angel of Dusk allows the agony to sweep through his body until the sound of a moan rouses him out of his pain. Meledriel looks to the form opposite him, and stares into the girl’s green misty eyes.

End of Part 3: Inner Tragedies
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Postby Razgriz » Mon Dec 22, 2003 2:19 pm

The imagery done here is phenomenal, and very emotionally charged. I like it, it's very good. :thumb:
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Mon Dec 22, 2003 9:43 pm

Nice prose. I'd have to agree with Sangoku. *thumbs up* ^_^

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Postby Icarus » Mon Dec 22, 2003 11:47 pm

Is three people saying one thing too many? I think not. :sniff:
The Forsworn War of 34

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Postby Lochaber Axe » Fri Dec 26, 2003 10:55 am

Well I put the edited version over the last part. That is the only problem with having someone edit your work for you, the work gets cut and shredded to pieces. That is why it is shorter in total length than the earlier version.

Now onto Part 4!
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Postby Lochaber Axe » Thu Jan 01, 2004 1:53 pm

Hmmm... I have let this slip. Anyways, yes I am still working on Part 4. Having some difficulties, but you should expect it tomorrow.

EDIT: This is 10:00 pm on Friday and yet I have only one page done for my usual either 2 pages or 1 and a half. I am sorry, this writers block is seriously hampering me.
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Postby Lochaber Axe » Wed Jan 07, 2004 8:52 pm

Yee, this is going to be three posts in a row. Haven't done that since before I even started writing this story. I hate to not have at least to give something after all this time so here is all I have written. Don't try to take anything out of context, it is still unfinished and I will clarify it later. Just as a precaution, no the girl is not hiding anything, she is just nervous.


I still need to work on dialogue.


[size=84][size=84]Part 4: Raging Blood and Battle Eternal

A low rumbling pervades the air as a lone gargoyle crouches upon a large rock amongst nothingness but the sea of trees. A steady stream of wispy breath comes from the gargoyle’s upturned face as the rumbling reverberates from deep within its being. Meandering amongst the rumbling comes a thin whisper of demonic language as the gargoyle continues its crouch like a great hunter. Silver hair is played by the wind as the mask of the creature continues to stare into the treetops, breath continues to drift upward, and no other movement is apparent from the living statue. Suddenly its masked head snaps to the right as the rumbling turns into a deep laughter. With a turn of his right boot, Demon Fox launches himself from his perch and the trees rush in a blur behind him. All thoughts vanish as his dark soul hopelessly drives the demon onward. Laughter turns into soft words as the demon runs towards his goal, a voice that was not from his mouth but from his very soul.

“Meledriel… Meledriel…â€
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Postby Razgriz » Wed Jan 07, 2004 9:11 pm

Awesome update, I like it. :thumb:
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Postby Lochaber Axe » Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:46 pm

Whoo... man has this gone down there! This isn't an update but there is a change on how my story will be presented. I still haven't finished the part now, because of school, writer's block... *coughCAAcough* ... but I will finish it some time when I have the chance and inspiration to do so. What was I going to say? Oh yeah... because of increasing instances of blood and gore, I will have to stop posting on CAA and limit readers to 17+. Don't start complaining... after I finish writing my uncut edition, I will finish posting the edited portion on CAA.

And just for your information, I don't add gore just for gore, I am a realistic writer. I write what I feel the amount of blood a certain scene should have to be realistic. This is how I go about gore in other movies. I hate horror movies but love to watch war movies like S.P.R and B.H.D (you should know what those movies are). That is my preference and that is the kind of gore I write.

I will post updates on parts that are finished so that you can pm me so that I can email you a copy.
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Postby Mimichan » Mon Jan 26, 2004 3:42 am

Well I am sorry that you have decided not to post anymore, but I definitely understand and respect your decision. This story is very good..if I haven't said so already..and I would like to keep reading it. Or if not this..then anything else you decide to write. You are a talented writer IMHO ^_^
Image


"Why do people not notice until they lose it?
What it is that's truly important...
Although I can't afford to forgive even myself,
Because you were there,
I was able to be myself (Natural).
I want to be honest...I want to be kind...
I want to be the adult I once (in my childhood) longed to be.
I go on fighting against the heart to run away...
I go on fighting against that invisible something!"
---

True Navigation: Two MIX
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Postby Lochaber Axe » Tue Feb 03, 2004 6:07 pm

Events tonight have made me rethink my attitude to you, my audience. By not putting this on here and limiting it to adults is irresponsible of me. I have written a story that many of you have found enjoyment through and it would be disgusting of me to put gore into something that there is no need to be in there and to corrupt it. Mostly, I wouldn't expect anything soon because of school and such, but now I will think about my readers more.

Something should pop into my head hopefully sometime.
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Postby uc pseudonym » Wed Feb 04, 2004 5:52 am

If you'd like, I could put a warning at the title of this thread. For that matter, you could spoiler the story. It won't be enough to keep everyone out, but it would be doing our part.
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Postby Lochaber Axe » Thu Feb 05, 2004 4:10 am

Nah, all my stories needs is a good tweaking and we're set. I won't need to use warnings and such, of course, if I don't get something on here that won't matter a you-know-what.
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INSPIRATION!!!! |m| ^^ |m|

Postby Lochaber Axe » Sun Jul 04, 2004 8:25 pm

I finally have inspiration again to finish this story. I now have a clear idea where it is going and so forth. I'll have to rearrange it some, and get rid of the snobby little runaway kid (he had no part at all really) and a few cosmetic changes.

I recently made myself a Deviantart account and started posting this story on there and then *Wham* I rethought many aspects and it started to come together anew.

Note: This is very tentative. I haven't tried to write the next part yet, and so it might come up short. I do hope not.

Oh and sorry that this is gravedigging. I guess its different when you are actually able to resurrect it.
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Postby uc pseudonym » Mon Jul 05, 2004 5:15 pm

Yes, this is acceptable.

I am glad to hear that the story will be continuing. A question, however: does Deviantart support more than just art styled works?
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Postby Lochaber Axe » Mon Jul 05, 2004 5:20 pm

uc pseudonym wrote:Yes, this is acceptable.

I am glad to hear that the story will be continuing. A question, however: does Deviantart support more than just art styled works?

First off, I need to edit everything already on here.

Yes, there is a separate category for both Prose and Poetry.

Here is my account on there: www.reigh.deviantart.com

I already have some people watching me and I have only been there more than a week. :sweat:
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