a story or novel not sure which heh

[girlninja]

It was the end of my life. I didn't know it then but i would lose everything i wanted to live for in a short time. One a day where birds twittered and bees buzzed a meloudious tone, an underlying current of darkness laid in the making and it shifted.

MY name is Hitori Yanataka, i am part of the Okami clan. I wasn't though. At one time i was a normal 15 year old kid going to highschool, drudging through homework like anyone else. However that was before THAT night. A night that is forever etched into my nightmares, a night that i must relive....

* * *

"Yanataka!"

Hitori shot his head up, wiping the drool from his face. "Huh...Wha--?"

Something hit his head, he looked up to his math teacher, Norihi sama. Hitori blushed as the class giggled.

"Do you have the answer to this problem? 2x-4y=0 and make a graph please." Hitori sighed and took the chalk, getting up slowly.

"Loser," someone called while he walked up to the board.

"Stop that." Norihi commanded.

Hitori turned, noticing Ren right away as the jerk. "Only loser's call other people loser's to build their self-esteem, so i guess that show's who's the bigger idiot doesn't it?"

Ren sputtered. Hitori smiled sweetly, "Was that too hard for you to understand? I'm sorry i'll use smaller words next time."

He started to do the problem, he hated math.

The class passed slowly and finally the bell rang. Students clambered out of their seats, Ren and Hitori gave glares as they started to walk out the door.

"Yanataka, can i see you a moment please?"

Hitori groaned inwardly but gave his best smile as he turned, "Yes, Norihi-sama of course."

kk i'll write more later ^^ let me know what you think so far ^^

[Photosoph]

I like it so far; though it's only a sample chapter, and I can't figure out what the story will be about from this. Guess I'll just have to wait for more to see. ^_^ Is this fanfiction, or an original story, out of curiosity?

[girlninja]

oh ^^ heh yea sorry had to run errands for mom it's an original ^^ next couple post should go into the main beef of the story...considering making this a script for manga tho heh

[Kanrad]

Fair, fair. Keep it up.

[Silvanis]

Nice dialogue. I also find the looks inside the character's head. Plz keep up the good work! ^_^

[girlninja]

"Sit down, Hitorisan." Hitori sat slowly, trying not to appear afrad. Teacheres always could smell fear.

"i'm concerned about your grades, Hitori," Norihi started, "Are things okay at home? You keep falling asleep in my class...maybe its too soon..."

Hitori slammed his hand on the desk, "No! I'm fine!"

He slumped back into his chair, placing his head into his hands, "I'll do better, Norihi-sama, I promise." He grabbed his bad and dragged out of the school in to the dapple gray sky.

* * *

"Is that the one?"
"We've spotted him."
"When do we make our move?"
"tonight....we get him tonight."
"Roger and out."

* * *

"Hey Hitori," he heard the shout of his best friend, Neil. A athletic American with great intelligence, he was anything but nerdy and a massive skill in Karate. He moved to Tokyo a few months ago.

Neil ran up next to him, "That was awesome! Ren was furious!" He laughed, "Glorious." Neil clapped his hand on Hitori's shoulder. His laughter faded as he saw Hitori's face, "Hey....what's wrong buddy?"

Hitori looked at him, stopping for a moment, "you ever miss your parents Neil?" Neil nodded and they continued walking. "Always man, why Rend say something to you?" He clenched his fist.

Hitori shook his had, "no...just wondering, it was exactly a year ago today."

Neil nodded, he lived with his aunt and uncle after his parents death. Part of the reason they became such good friends, kindred spirits you could say.

Neil sighed, rubbing the back of his head, like he always did when he had something profound or encouraging to say, "But you know they're still watching from heaven, bro..." He looked up at the clouded sky.

HItori smiled, "well thanks for always being here, Neil. Really."

Neil high-fived him, grinng his characteristic goofy girn and started jogging down the road, "I'll come by after practice."

Hitori waved and walked up the cobblestone path to his door. It began to rain, the water hitting his face, mingling with tears.

more later ^^

[Photosoph]

Cool! More! ^_^ I shall continue to read whatever you post. I wonder where the story is headed...

[Magekind]

Definitely would fit in a manga. Good visuals.

[girlninja]

the level of writing is definetly lower but i was thinking manga for this lol but alas my skill isn't in art or i'd do it ^^

but ill post more later

[Magekind]

Get somebody to help you...
Along with a spell-checker and a grammar checker. Note: Don't trust the grammar-checker implicitly. It hates everything you say, highlighting anything that might be a problem.

[girlninja]

Hitori opened the door, creaking loudly. "I'm home, Gab." His dog, a siberian husky, ran up to him, knocking him to the ground, licking the tears off his face.

"ok ok stop stop Gabriel!" He laughed, gently pushing her off.

He smiled at her, stroking her, "Nice to see you Gab," He hugged her then got up. "So who's hungry?"

He went into the kitchen, immacurately *sp? lol* clean, and grabbed her bag of kibbles. He didn't have to go work double shifts tonight at the warehouse so he took this time to catch up on some work.

He poured her food then got some cereal for himself. he was lucky to have this house, it had been his parents, and the government allowed him to keep it provided he kept his job. To which he readily agreed. Most of his food usually came from generous neighbors and friends, sometimes the government even sent money.

He sat down on his old leather couch and placed the bowl in his lap. Ok, he thought, calculus, trignometry. He sighed, he always did hate math. BUt he set to work. Three hours and four cereal bowls later he was done.

The sun had begin to set, becoming downcast, the moon's glowing rays, shining through the old window.

He stretched, "Ahh finally done. Great huh Gab?" He looked around , his lovable pooch nowhere to be seen. "where are ya Gabriel? Gabriel?!" He walked up the stairs, "Gab? where are you?" he muttered to himself.

He heard a loud rap at the end of the hallway, "Gab." RAP RAP RAP.

He peered cautiously down the dark lit hallway, he went to switch on the lights. No power.

"Gabriel??" He was getting nervous now. RAP RAP RAP

He grabbed his bo staff near his room and his dagger in his other hand, "Show yourself! i'm a black belt in... uhhh... hitsen misturugi style." Heh, great, he thought, they won't know Rurouni Kenshin.

HE leaped out of the shadows, "YAH!" He stopped nearly falling over. IT was the window, somehow it had become ajar and the wind was blowing it. "Great, get scared over a stupid window."

He turned and saw Gabriel in the hallway, "Gabriel where were you?' She leaped up to him, wagging her tail and licking him, then she whimpered, trying to curl into his lap. "what's wrong girl?"

Thats when he saw them, three men and five dogs. Are those wolves, he thought? "Hitori?'

"Yes." He grabbed Gabriel protectively, tigtening his grip on his dagger.

"Come with us," the man went to grab him and Hitori leapt back, slashing the man's hand as he did. "ARGH!"

The man in the center, he had a pale face, silver hair with a black streak down the middle, "Hmph not quietly of course." He pulled his sword out, the silver moonlight, reflecting off it. The wolves gave a low growl behind him.

"Looks like we'll have to persuade you then."

more later ^^

[Photosoph]

Cool! It's good to read more. Great writing!
Oh, and it's 'immaculately'.

[girlninja]

Hitori's eyes grew wide with fear, "What-What do you want?"

The men looked at him coldly, "You...we want you." Hitori's eyes grew wide. The wolves low growl turned into bared teeth. "Now you can come with us, or we can take you, your choice."

Hitori gripped his dagger tightly, "I choose no!" He stood, Gabriel's hairs bristled. He smirked, "i have this thing with free will and all. Silly but important." God protect me, he prayed silently.

THe men smirked, amused, "I see. Well then the hard way it is." He made a single motion and the wolves behind him charged forward. Hitori was able to stab one, but the other barreled over him, teeth flashing, snapping.

Hitori kept the fangs at bay with his dagger, thrusting upward.

"The thing about wolves," the man stood over him, "is they are very vicious, territorial and they hunt in packs." As he said this out of the corner of his right eye, Hitori noticed a flash of fangs and fur flying toward him.

[Photosoph]

Yay, s'more! Like how you're including Christian elements.

[girlninja]

Hitori gasped. The fangs came in a flash, clasping onto his right shoulder. He screamed in pain as it exploded inside his brain.

Suddenly the tight clamps were broken, and he heard a yelp as he stood up.
Gabriel leapt upon the beast, rolling across the wooden floor, biting at it's neck and landing a decisive bite, shaking his head until the wolf lay still.

"Hmph," the man looked amused, "Good. Good." He aimed his sword at Hitori, "Let's go."

Hitori shook his head, wincing still at his shoulder, "I don't think so." His breath came in short gasps. He straightened, "Try me!"

He smirked, Gabriel panting at his side but growling; the hairs bristling. The wolves behind the men growled back.

The man smiled, "Very well. Have it your way."

He took a step forward and with blinding speed, struck. Instinctively Hitori blocked, pushed back due to the force.

"Come on, boy! Is that all of the Wolf Spirit that is in you?"

[Photosoph]

Great! ^^

[girlninja]

^^ just thankyou for reading it phtosoph heh i do believe your my only fan but my best fan non the less ^_^


Hitori felt himself pushed toward the window, his shoulder throbbing. He felt the glass start to crack behind him and in one strong move, he pushed back, causing the man a moment of disbalance and shoved him towards his companions.

He saw his chance and starte to run down the steps, "Gabrile!" he called, trying to gain speed. Suddenly, the man leapt from the banister, landing lightly. As did the other men and their wolves. "Where do you think your going?" he asked calmly.

Hitori saw something different about the man then, for one he had fangs. The man grabbed his shirt and tossed him in the air, and through a wall. For the other he was now incredibly strong.

Hitori gasped, the wind knocked out of me. His head bleeding, blinding him for a moment. He tried to get up and winced, his ribs were broken. Gabriel stood before him, growling, teeth showing. He leapt on the man, biting hard into his arm. The man eyed the dog, "Oh spare me your pathetic attempt."

THe man tossed Gabriel aside , sending him into a wall. Gabriel let out one yelp and laid still.

Gabriel, no! The man stood over him, his katana gleaming.

[Photosoph]

^^ just thankyou for reading it phtosoph heh i do believe your my only fan but my best fan non the less ^_^

Aw... thank you. ^_^ I love reading, and in my opinion, a lot of the works I see in the CAA writing section could definitely be published; including this one. Though I think one of the hardest things in getting something published is finding the right publisher etc; I mean, not everyone publishes non-fiction or science-fiction or fantasy. Reading this is like going to the library and picking a good book off the shelf, only better; for one, it's hard to find a fantasy story I like (and ones written by ppl around my own age seem to hold a lot of new ideas that I enjoy), and also it's cool to be reading it as someone writes it.
Forgive the ramble; anyway I'll keep reading, though forgive me if I don't comment too much; sometimes it's hard to say more than I already have said about a story; that I enjoy the story, like the subject, and like the writing too. Still I'll at least post a ^^ to let you know I'm reading. ^_^

[girlninja]

more ^^

The man smirked, laughing, "Oh i'm sorry is that your little doggy?"

Hitori glared, his muscles screamed against movement but he stood nonetheless. Instantly he felt teeth clamp on his shoulder, hot breath against his neck. A feint growl murmured behind his right ear.

He slumped to one knee, his breath taken.

"Tsk, tsk." the man knelt down, grabbing his hair and forcing Hitori's eyes to his own, "So do you concede?"

"Like i have much choice," Hitori glared as the teeth clamped harder, sending another burst of fireworks.

"hmph..your right." the man stood and snapped his fingers.

Instantly the pressure was gone, Hitori gripped his shoulder against the pain.

"Put him in the car."

"Yes sir," four hands grabbed his arms and lifted him up, his shoulder crying out in protest. They seemed to ignore the wound.

Unable to lift his head, he wearily walked out, noticing the now cracked and broken boards of wood, dust and pieces of furniture.

"oh and make sure he doens't get blood all over the leather!"

"Yes, sir, no problem."

They shoved him in the dark tinted care. A man wearing large sunglasses and having a Hitler-like face, toosed him a towel

"Here put this on and press tight."

"Why?" hitori grinned, "I want you to get in trouble."

A back hand to his face sent him reeling. The bitter taste of blood filling his mouth, "Do what your told."

Hitori grudgingly put hte towel on the wound, wincing against the pain, "Jerk."

The man eyed him for a moment but said nothing.

As the car drove away, Hitori saw the crescent moon overcome the starry sky.

[oro!]

I just came in on this. It's really good, girlninja! You have the bad guy thing down pat. "don't get blood on the leather". Like i woulda thought of that. Anyway, you have a new fan. I'll be waiting to find out what happens to Hitori.

[Photosoph]

Hmm... I may have a slight sneaking suspicion of what may be going on here... <.< >.> ^.^
More great writing! I like how you've given a very distinct impression of the cruelty of the strangers -they're not half-nice half-bad, they're actually cruel through all they do -disregard of his wounds, their speeches, actions etc.

D'oh! I waited before posting and then you already said what I was going to say, Orogirl! Oh well. That just means it's true, if both of us noticed it.

[girlninja]

*Thanks guys ^_^ *hugs excited ^^*

Chapter 2

Transmission:

Name: Alpha Bravo 5586-Fox Hotel (AB5586-FH)
CLASSIFIED YOUR EYES ONLY
Code: Okami
Subject: Hitori Tanaka
Status: Intiated...Initiated....Commence phase 2

Transmission END.

"It is the new dawn of a revolution my brethren. Where we shall take together our spirits and re emerse the world into an organized chaos..where we shall live in teh darkness of the moon."

"So It shall be!" echo replied.

"It is us who shall become the destroyers of teh world..the makers...the founders...it is through us that IT shall have it's fruits. So let us combine to form this union, what say you brethren?"

"So be it!"

"So be it!"

TRANSMISSION ENDED

OBJECTIVE: obtain surveillance of subject and information until further instructions. Control out

"Great," he muttered, "Just perfect."

[girlninja]

Hitori's ride was silent. No questions asked nor answered since they left the building. He dozed off for a moment, a defense mechanism he had learned to block out pain a while back after his parents died. Nothing disturbs the unconscious mind nor the tortured soul.

A hand shook him roughly, causing him to cry out unconsciously from his throbbing shoulder, "Watch it will ya?!" He glared at the Hitler man.

"Get out, " was his cold response.

Not in a good mood over the loss of his dog either, Hitori felt very tempted to resist and make it as difficult as possible.

"And if I don't?" He smirked.

The man's face came within an inch of his own, it smelled of cheap cigars and peppermints that did little to cover up the smell, "I can make things very unpleasant." To emphasize his point, Hitori felt a small jagged edge over his hurt shoulder, pressing in slightly. He got the meaning.

He nodded, trying to look brave as he clambered out of the car. Two hands greeted him as he rose.

Before him lay a large warehouse, off to the right: a dock with a few broken and battered boats. He saw a flickering light overhead that read DOCK 5. Where am I? was his first thought, how to escape was his second.

But the men behind and before him each held little hand held automatics or large, unpleasant looking automatics. Escape didn't seem plausible right now. Wolves guarded the perimeter of the parade.

The man who had killed his precious Gabriel stood next to him, "I'm glad you could come Hitori," he added with a smile that Hitori couldn't exactly discern whether or not it was genuine. Who is this freak?

[Photosoph]

Cool! S'more. Interesting... I wonder what this dock place is -some sort of headquarters? (<-rhetorical question. Please don't answer it -I'm looking forward to finding that out by reading it. ^_^) The presence of the wolves is an interesting element that I'm guessing will be expanded on soon. ^^

[girlninja]

Note: Making Manga In Art Corner Please Check It Out!

[Photosoph]

Cool -I'll check it out.
Um... after checking the first page of the art corner, I have to ask -what's the thread title? I'm having trouble finding it.

[girlninja]

oop sorry i'm posting it today 5/24/o5 i apologize >< it will be titled Okami manga ^^

oh and i'll write more of the story soon as well ^^

[girlninja]

THe dimmed lights, the tight security. Not exactly reassuring. Hitori tried to remain calm, although his curiosity was starting to override panic.

He stumbled forward as a guar pushed him, telling him to "Get a move on." The double doors, made of wood and smelling of mold, banged open, announcing their arrival.

"Hitori...darling!" My little pup." A women with dark hair and a hint of purple squeezed him, her breasts coming over his face. Who the heck is this psycho, he thought.

He gasped for air and shoved her backwards, "Look lady, i don't know you." She smiled ruefully, "oh but you will....let's go inside." She stroked his chin playfully.

It wasn't an invitation.

[Photosoph]

Nice. Interesting new character as well. I did notice a few small errors: 'THe' at the start, 'mold' instead of 'mould' (unless that's like 'color' vs. 'colour'), 'guar' instead of guard... just little things like that. But they didn't hold up the story or anything, so that's not a big deal.
I enjoyed reading this short bit too. ^_^

[girlninja]

Before him lay a room large enough to hold boeing 747's. However instead it looked more out of a comic book.

Three beds, complete with white sheets were centered in the room. Machines for who know's what were beside them. The overhead lights were currently off.

To the far side of the room stood cages. Many cages. It was too dark to tell what, but the growling and barking that were emitted upon his entrance didn't leave him guessing. "Great," he thought, "More wolves."

"Let's get that wound cleaned up shall we?." She motioned them to the table.

They put him on the table, one man gripped his shoulder. He cried out.

"Moron!" The doctor smacked him, sending the man to his knee, "Don't contaminate the wound with your inferiourity."

"Inferiority?" he questioned, looking at the man on his knees.

"Why yes, my dear Hitori, you see...you are superior to the likes of other humans."

Hitori stopped, "Well now I know your crazy because if you didn't notice I"m a human too!"

She smiled, "No Hitori, your not." She shook her head slowly, "You are very special, in a mintue you shall see how much so."

She laid him on his stomach, and the men strapped him to the table. His heart raced.