my first try at writing a shoujo...hope you guys like it!!

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my first try at writing a shoujo...hope you guys like it!!

Postby supa dupa ninja » Mon Sep 08, 2003 7:59 pm

“one day my life will turn for the better” said J.R. thinking to himself during his flight to Japan.
Its already been three hours since his airplane flown from America towards their destination… Japan.
“well I can’t just sit my butt here waiting for the flight to be over. Better walk around.”
Talking to himself: “wow I can’t believe I’m going to Japan. its only been a year since I moved to the U.S. now this! Lucky I got picked for that exchange student thing…”
People started staring at me and giggling to themselves, probably I’m thinking out loud again.

The flight to Japan takes six hours, after he walks around he slept in his chair during the remainder of the flight.

Scene two…
Three hours later….
Pilot using intercom: we are about to land to our destination in about twenty minutes, the “fasten your seatbelt” sign is lit and please stay seated.
So my trip is about to end … <sigh> hmm, I should have put the earphones and toothpaste in my bag , <grinning insidiously> like a little souvenir.
The girl besides him talks: yeah and you should take the blanket home too!
J.R.: <shocked face> WHAAAAT!?! you heard everything I said?
Girl: yup, you’ve been talking to yourself , even in your sleep! <giggles> my name is Sakura,
Sakura Minahon. Nice meeting you! (gives hand as if she wants to shake)
J.R.: <blushes> uhhh, uhhhmm, my n-n-name is J.R., J.R. Gomez. (shakes hand with Sakura)
WOW! Your Japanese right? You speak fluent English!
Sakura: thanks! I’ve been studying in the states since I was eight. So what are you gonna do in Japan?
J.R.: oh! I’m an exchange student, I’m gonna study in an academy called…(rummages through bag)
Umm, Furinkan high school.
Sakura: oh, I see. Welp the flights going to be over in a couple of minutes… hope you enjoy Japan, Gaijin!
J.R.: <thinks to himself> Gaijin? What the heck is that? Better look for the meaning later after the flight is over.

Scene three…
The scene: Narita airport
So I’m supposed to meet my host parents here, they said something about a sign…
<sees a teenage boy about the age of 17 holding a sign that says J.R. Gomez>
Boy: <in a heavy Japanese accent> HOOIIII!!! are you J.R. sama?
J.R.: oh? Me?? Oh yes I’m J.R.
Boy: <bows head> konichiwa! I’m moromori, hokuto moromori.
J.R.: <bows head> hai… I’m J.R., J.R. Gomez.
Hokuto: I was sent by my parents to pick you up, I almost didn’t recognize you if I didn’t bring along the picture my parents gave me…
J.R.: hey you could speak pretty good English, (just like the cute girl in the airplane, except the accent)
Speaking about the picture… can I see it?
Hokuto: Hai… here.
J.R.: whoa, how did you recognized me? This picture was taken four years ago…
Hokuto: nani? <stares at picture> hmm, I have a knack with faces.
J.R: o.k. I’m just gonna get my luggage from the carousel, can you wait for a moment?
Hokuto: <sure>

Ten minutes later….
J.R.: I’m ready! Lets roll!
Hokuto: yosha! The taxis waiting for us outside…
Scene outside: rainy with dark skies… taxi drives off to Hokuto’s house…

TO BE CONTINUED….

now for some personal commentaries.
I've always wanted to write and draw my stories (the drawing part I'm just getting a hang off) :forehead: for a guy, I'm pretty obsessed with shoujo rather than, oh lets say dragon ball. so I decided to make my own stories. this one is the first part of my stories. I try not to make my own major character (J.R.) act like a spineless wimp (pardon the language) just like some other romance comedies, oh lets say, <points finger> tenchi!? if you have any comments or suggestions email me at evilninja333@yahoo.com
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Postby purplemoose » Fri Sep 26, 2003 2:07 pm

its a pretty good begginning
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Postby Spencer » Fri Sep 26, 2003 2:12 pm

Looks okay to me, reminds me of Megatokyo. I'd like to see some more.
:)
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Postby uc pseudonym » Sat Sep 27, 2003 9:55 am

Not being a shojou type myself, it will be more of a challenge to win me over. Nonetheless, it isn't half-bad. I have no real trouble with what is actually going on, but you shift from thought to speech rather easily. It might help to use quotation marks instead of play format, but that's your opinion.
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Postby supa dupa ninja » Sat Sep 27, 2003 10:20 am

Spencer wrote:Looks okay to me, reminds me of Megatokyo. I'd like to see some more.

i'm working on the second episode right now, making some new charcters in the process too. the next one I'll post sometime. :grin:
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v257/Evilninja/dne.gif">

"I AM A CHRISTIAN, AND THIS I PROFESS UNTIL THE HOUR OF MY DEATH AND FOR GOD I SHALL GIVE MY LIFE. ALTHOUGH I DID NOT COME TO JAPAN TO BE A MARTYR, NEVERTHELESS AS A CHRISTIAN AND FOR GOD I SHALL GIVE MY LIFE." St. Lorenzo Ruiz.
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Postby supa dupa ninja » Sun Sep 28, 2003 1:29 am

supa dupa ninja wrote:i'm working on the second episode right now, making some new charcters in the process too. the next one I'll post sometime. :grin:

hmm, I made a mistake on the genre' name.
as explained in manga maniacs shone'n also have romance and my main honcho here is a boy so it falls under shojo. I wasn't paying attention to detail again. :rolls_eye
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v257/Evilninja/dne.gif">

"I AM A CHRISTIAN, AND THIS I PROFESS UNTIL THE HOUR OF MY DEATH AND FOR GOD I SHALL GIVE MY LIFE. ALTHOUGH I DID NOT COME TO JAPAN TO BE A MARTYR, NEVERTHELESS AS A CHRISTIAN AND FOR GOD I SHALL GIVE MY LIFE." St. Lorenzo Ruiz.
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