A brand spankin' new poem

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A brand spankin' new poem

Postby Rachel » Sun Oct 17, 2004 4:17 pm

Okay, so yeah, if you read the title of this thread then you can probably guess what it contains. That's right, my friends, a brand spankin' new poem! I finished it today. Enjoy.

The Fourth of July

Fireflies dance in the moonlight
while the silence screams
for her to admit
the way she truly feels
has been unvoiced all these years
covered by her greatest fear
paralyzing thoughts of what could be
racing behind pain filled eyes
that watch the night sky
ablaze with brilliant lights
each brighter than the one before
heart laid bare on sheets of paper
poems and letters end
"I miss you"
:rock: I mourn for those who never knew you



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Postby true_noir_chloe » Sun Oct 17, 2004 5:32 pm

I have no idea if it was written properly or anything, since you know I know nothing about poetry - I just like it. XDXD

Rachel, A little something for you. ~_^

Yo, homefry
It's no lie
I love this poem
'bout the Fourth of July

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

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Postby Jaltus-bot » Sun Oct 17, 2004 5:56 pm

I love that.

(Yay! Rachel posted another poem!)
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Postby Magekind » Tue Oct 19, 2004 6:04 pm

true_noir_chloe, if you liked it, it was a good poem. Generally, the point is to express up to three things: philosophy, visual, and emotional expressions. It becomes a poem, now I'm moving into opinions, when it does this with a meter and/or rhyme. This is a truly legitimate poem, even though it does not have rhyme, because, first, of its meter, although I must confess it is a bit hard to catch. Secondly, because of the slightly dismembered way it approaches the subject matter, more as does the human mind than a straightforward representation...


Did I just type all that out? Goodness, I am seriously starting to sound like some boring teacher.
Take it like you gave it; what else matters in the end? To be honest, it's all a one-shot test; that leaves plenty of places to go wrong, but how will you ever know? There's a pointer, I will admit. Turn it on, listen to it, feel it burn.

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Postby Ssjjvash » Wed Oct 20, 2004 2:39 pm

^_^ Good poem, Rachel! neat-o-la! :-B
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' ...you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling


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"You are not who your mistakes say you are; you are not the sum of your failures!"---Rev. Billy Miller

Proverbs 18:24
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Postby Kura Ookami » Wed Oct 20, 2004 2:56 pm

Great poem rachel,! I'll have to read more of your poetry. :)
Absence is to love as wind is to a flame. It extinguishes the little, it ignites the great.

Life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been real life you would have have been instructed where to go and what to do.

When i argue with reality I lose.....But only 100% of the time.

Once you've decided on a course of action, only you can finish it. As long as you remember that, there's nothing you can't accomplish.
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Postby Anna Mae » Fri Oct 22, 2004 5:36 am

Great!
Magekind wrote:Generally, the point is to express up to three things: philosophy, visual, and emotional expressions. It becomes a poem, now I'm moving into opinions, when it does this with a meter and/or rhyme. This is a truly legitimate poem, even though it does not have rhyme, because, first, of its meter, although I must confess it is a bit hard to catch. Secondly, because of the slightly dismembered way it approaches the subject matter, more as does the human mind than a straightforward representation...

Whoa. I write lots of poetry, but I didn't know any of that until now. Oops.
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“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Postby Rachel » Wed Oct 27, 2004 4:37 am

true_noir_chloe wrote:Yo, homefry
It's no lie
I love this poem
'bout the Fourth of July

This made me so happy. Although it's really not about the Fourth of July. Homefry, hehe. Thanks everyone for reading my poem. I'll try to write another one today. Later peeps!
:rock: I mourn for those who never knew you



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This is where you can find me if I'm not on for a while
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Postby Jaltus-bot » Wed Oct 27, 2004 10:46 am

Rachel wrote:I'll try to write another one today.

:jump:
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Postby Rachel » Wed Oct 27, 2004 2:41 pm

Edit- stupid computer! I spit upon thee! :comp:
:rock: I mourn for those who never knew you



Click here for kick booty music!!

American by birth, Texan by the grace of God


This is where you can find me if I'm not on for a while
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Postby Ssjjvash » Thu Oct 28, 2004 11:05 am

:lol: >> "I spit upon thee!" <<

:lol: too funny!
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' ...you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling


Satan, bite the dust!Image

"You are not who your mistakes say you are; you are not the sum of your failures!"---Rev. Billy Miller

Proverbs 18:24
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Sun Oct 31, 2004 8:11 pm

I shall wait till the homeflies come home, until you bless us with another poem, dear Rachel. ~_^ I'm so corny.
stupid computer! I spit upon thee! :comp:

LOL ^____^

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

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