the dragons maid

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the dragons maid

Postby jesusfreakabc » Sun Oct 10, 2004 10:17 am

hello this is my story... so far

The Dragons Maid


Chapter 1

The encounter


[font=Vivaldi][size=167]Once upon an early time in the age of the knights there was a young beautiful maid who each day went to the well. When the equally young prince found this out he thought he could charm her at the well and get her hand in marriage. When the time came for the maid to do her errand the prince was waiting for her at the well. Then the maid set off for her journey through the village of Camelot. When she arrived at the well the prince was hiding in the well pretending that robbers robbed him and threw him in. When she looked in she saw someone and the prince called out “thieves have robbed me yet I am the prince,â€

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Postby Jaltus-bot » Sun Oct 10, 2004 10:39 am

Wow, this is good. I really want to find out what happens next, I really do. Great work.
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Postby jesusfreakabc » Sun Oct 10, 2004 3:32 pm

here is chapter 2
Chapter 2

The missing brother

[font=Vivaldi][size=167]“What! You want to go to the palace? I will not allow it, ever.â€

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Postby jesusfreakabc » Sun Oct 10, 2004 3:39 pm

i already started chapter 3 but i might put it in with chapter 4 tommorow or some other day

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Postby Jaltus-bot » Sun Oct 10, 2004 3:44 pm

The plot thickens. So she is actually going to be a dragon? *looks forward to more. :P *
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Postby jesusfreakabc » Sun Oct 10, 2004 3:58 pm

sheherazade wrote:The plot thickens. So she is actually going to be a dragon? *looks forward to more. :P *

i like keeping the audience in supsense

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Postby jesusfreakabc » Sun Oct 10, 2004 3:58 pm

i still don't know the theme but it's coming along

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Postby jesusfreakabc » Sun Oct 10, 2004 4:13 pm

anyone want to give me suggestions i am totally open

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Postby jesusfreakabc » Sun Oct 10, 2004 4:14 pm

hey sheher get some extra room

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Postby jesusfreakabc » Sun Oct 10, 2004 4:14 pm

it's ok now

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Postby jesusfreakabc » Sun Oct 10, 2004 4:28 pm

gonna start wrighting again

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Postby Jaltus-bot » Sun Oct 10, 2004 5:18 pm

jesusfreakabc wrote:
i like keeping the audience in supsense

hahaha, hey! :P *is suspended in suspense*
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Postby jesusfreakabc » Mon Oct 11, 2004 6:47 am

here is chapter 3
Chapter 3

The search

[size=167][font=Vivaldi]“Tom!â€

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Postby Esoteric » Mon Oct 11, 2004 8:31 am

Very interesting story. I like it, but I'm having trouble understanding who says what, because all of the dialogue is bunched up. If you could write it more like a regular book, where when a new person starts speaking, a new parpagraph starts, it would help greatly. Just a suggestion.
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Postby jesusfreakabc » Mon Oct 11, 2004 10:16 am

this is just a rough draft so don't expect it to be novel worthy

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Postby Ssjjvash » Mon Oct 11, 2004 12:07 pm

I like your story! oh, a rough draft. I don't like doing rough drafts, but that's just me. *falls off edge of seat* -.- ouch.
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' ...you'll be a Man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling


Satan, bite the dust!Image

"You are not who your mistakes say you are; you are not the sum of your failures!"---Rev. Billy Miller

Proverbs 18:24
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Postby jesusfreakabc » Tue Oct 12, 2004 6:00 am

hey i know everyone will love this one
Chapter 4

The wings

[size=167][font=Vivaldi]“I can’t find him anywhere Arthur.â€

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Postby Esoteric » Tue Oct 12, 2004 5:50 pm

hehe, I wasn't criticizing the content. Even rough drafts can be 'novel worthy'. The paragraph breaks helped a lot, by the way. Much easier to read chapter 4! Yeah! :hug:
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Postby Ssjjvash » Tue Oct 12, 2004 6:22 pm

*gets up from floor* ah, good job! oh, my, what will happen!?
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' ...you'll be a Man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling


Satan, bite the dust!Image

"You are not who your mistakes say you are; you are not the sum of your failures!"---Rev. Billy Miller

Proverbs 18:24
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Postby jesusfreakabc » Wed Oct 13, 2004 10:30 am

thanks. like it too

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Postby Jaltus-bot » Wed Oct 13, 2004 10:45 am

Great work. :)
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Postby Icarus » Wed Oct 13, 2004 3:27 pm

Good story, and the paragraph breaks helped greatly.
The Forsworn War of 34

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Postby jesusfreakabc » Wed Oct 13, 2004 3:45 pm

thanks i like it too

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Postby jesusfreakabc » Thu Oct 14, 2004 10:10 am

sorry i haven't been writing

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