again, most of all, i would like some feedback. but here it is...hope you guys like it.
in the night, the wind is blowing
here I sit in the cold outside
above me the moon is growing
it fails to hide the shame inside
a war is fought over my soul
whose end is decided by me
yet all i want is to be whole
i want a reason for me to be
i am drowning in my despair
in the shadows of what is me
in a life that isn’t fair
in the light i want to be
in the still waters of this place
i see the truth of what i am
yet You always want to embrace
this sinful shell of a man
and here's another one. called "Never".
We walk these hallways
We pass each other by
We go about our lives
Never asking why
No one ever knows us
We always wear a mask
We go about our lonely lives
Never one to ask
Driving down the highway
Going with the stream
We go about our bleak lives
Never knowin’ the dream
We drift from room to room
Possessed by what we own
We go about our lives
Never going home
new poetry of mine
23 posts •
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new poetry of mine
undefined
Before honor is humility
Before honor is humility
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ice122985 - Posts: 178
- Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2003 4:00 am
Both of them were really well-written and flowed well, but I think I liked the first a lot more. There was so much emotion in that piece and I can definitely relate to it. Awesome job! 
Proud Member of the Challengers Guild ^_^
Life is not about us using God for our purposes, but about Him using us for His purposes.
Faith is not creating a false reality, but acknowledging God's promises for us.
The dreams I dream for you
Are deeper than the ones your clinging to
Let the old dreams die
Like stars that fade from view
And take the cup I offer
And drink deeply of the dreams I dream for you
-Avalon
[color=Navy]Bill: Ted, you and I have witnessed many things, but nothing as bodacious as what just happened.
Besides, we told ourselves to listen to this guy...
Ted: But what if we were lying?
Bill: Why would we lie to ourselves?
-Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure[/color]
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shadowblade - Posts: 213
- Joined: Mon Sep 13, 2004 9:20 am
- Location: Lost in my own imagination
thanks. both were written during my medieval lit class; it's really boring. either way, the first one is supposed to focus on the internal struggle of a Christian, who is trying to imitate Christ on one hand, yet is being pulled down by what he cannot help but be- a sinner.
the second one is well, my comment on how everyone leads a pointless life, stuck in materialistic and temporary pleasures of this life- yet no one (at least where i live) is interested in finding an answer....
but i'm glad you like them.
the second one is well, my comment on how everyone leads a pointless life, stuck in materialistic and temporary pleasures of this life- yet no one (at least where i live) is interested in finding an answer....
but i'm glad you like them.
undefined
Before honor is humility
Before honor is humility
-
ice122985 - Posts: 178
- Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2003 4:00 am
Oh, those are good! Please writing poetry. The imagery of the first particularly grabs my appreciation and the second one seems to make it's point really well. I like these.
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.
Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")
It's cosplay, get used to it.
"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."
"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")
It's cosplay, get used to it.
"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."
"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Jaltus-bot - Posts: 1822
- Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2004 4:00 am
- Location: Almost there.
I must admit Ice, they're pretty good poems. It's easy to relate to both of them. The first one i specially liked, it explained the battle many face. Good thing i like poetry now, if it was a couple of years ago..... nm Keep it up, hope you can post some more.
Keep it up, hope you can post some more."A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.." Prov 17:22
The word 'impossible' isn't in my dictionary... but I don't really have a dictionary you know? - Eikichi Onizuka.
Sorry, but I stop being a teacher at 5 o'clock. - Eikichi Onizuka.
The word 'impossible' isn't in my dictionary... but I don't really have a dictionary you know? - Eikichi Onizuka.
Sorry, but I stop being a teacher at 5 o'clock. - Eikichi Onizuka.
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agasfas - Posts: 2341
- Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 7:27 pm
- Location: Austin, TX
*notes names of people who posted* Ice122985, this is some high praise you have recieved. Keep up the writing.
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.
Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")
It's cosplay, get used to it.
"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."
"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")
It's cosplay, get used to it.
"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."
"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
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Jaltus-bot - Posts: 1822
- Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2004 4:00 am
- Location: Almost there.
sheherazade wrote:*notes names of people who posted* Ice122985, this is some high praise you have recieved. Keep up the writing.
you can say that again. i am working on another one...the problem is that poetry doesn't come easy. i have to thank my little brother for the new stuff you guys read]everybody[/B]- thanks. i really, really appreciate that you guys liked it. it means a lot to me.
undefined
Before honor is humility
Before honor is humility
-
ice122985 - Posts: 178
- Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2003 4:00 am
I just saw this and I thought I'd post. These are really good! ^_^
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' ...you'll be a Man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling
Satan, bite the dust!
"You are not who your mistakes say you are; you are not the sum of your failures!"---Rev. Billy Miller
Proverbs 18:24
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' ...you'll be a Man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling
Satan, bite the dust!
"You are not who your mistakes say you are; you are not the sum of your failures!"---Rev. Billy Miller
Proverbs 18:24
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Ssjjvash - Posts: 1073
- Joined: Sat Aug 07, 2004 3:16 pm
- Location: I abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
ok...here's some one i've been working on. hope you guys like, but if you don't, let me know.
in the light of an empty room
see the reflection that is me
see the scars that spell my doom
see what i cannot help but be
this is the darkness of my mind
the soul of my reality
this is the evil you will find
in my heart of carnality
but something else was in His eyes
something no one ever did see
it was for that He chose to die
for what He wanted me to be
in the light of an empty room
see the reflection that is me
see the scars that spell my doom
see what i cannot help but be
this is the darkness of my mind
the soul of my reality
this is the evil you will find
in my heart of carnality
but something else was in His eyes
something no one ever did see
it was for that He chose to die
for what He wanted me to be
undefined
Before honor is humility
Before honor is humility
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ice122985 - Posts: 178
- Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2003 4:00 am
it's beautiful
daniel, i read your poetry, all the poetry you have on here, it's beautiful, truly touching, very moving. hope you keep it up.
merrick
merrick
[color=Blue]tomorrow is a brand new day
if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger"[/color]
"When you come to the edge of all you know and are about to step into the unknown, faith is knowing that there will be something firm to step on or you will be taught how to fly"
"though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i shall fear no evil for thou art with me" psalms 23
if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger"[/color]
"When you come to the edge of all you know and are about to step into the unknown, faith is knowing that there will be something firm to step on or you will be taught how to fly"
"though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i shall fear no evil for thou art with me" psalms 23
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merrick - Posts: 29
- Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2004 11:44 am
- Location: far far away
[quote="ice122985"]thanks. both were written during my medieval lit class]
what is your inspiration?
what is your inspiration?
[color=Blue]tomorrow is a brand new day
if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger"[/color]
"When you come to the edge of all you know and are about to step into the unknown, faith is knowing that there will be something firm to step on or you will be taught how to fly"
"though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i shall fear no evil for thou art with me" psalms 23
if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger"[/color]
"When you come to the edge of all you know and are about to step into the unknown, faith is knowing that there will be something firm to step on or you will be taught how to fly"
"though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i shall fear no evil for thou art with me" psalms 23
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merrick - Posts: 29
- Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2004 11:44 am
- Location: far far away
mm, that's goooood!
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' ...you'll be a Man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling
Satan, bite the dust!
"You are not who your mistakes say you are; you are not the sum of your failures!"---Rev. Billy Miller
Proverbs 18:24
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' ...you'll be a Man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling
Satan, bite the dust!
"You are not who your mistakes say you are; you are not the sum of your failures!"---Rev. Billy Miller
Proverbs 18:24
-
Ssjjvash - Posts: 1073
- Joined: Sat Aug 07, 2004 3:16 pm
- Location: I abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
merrick wrote:what is your inspiration?
inspiration? my relationship with Christ. i am not the christian i am supposed to be... sadly, there are more downs to talk about than highs. i mean, i get to see His mercy in action, but ....well, i would also like His approval...sort of like Job.
undefined
Before honor is humility
Before honor is humility
-
ice122985 - Posts: 178
- Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2003 4:00 am
just so this won't be confused with my reply to merrick, here's some more stuff.
the midnight wind blows across the city
and so i am swept away
forgotten in the throes of self pity
is the life received that day
lost in the motions of the daily life
i do not know why i am
forsaken my purpose in this strife
am i boy or am i man?
but i am still walking in what is true
i just do not know why
all i know is that Christ ain’t in my view
here beneath the midnight sky.
and one more....
alone and blind, in the night
i sit among you, cold and lost
there was a time i had sight
when beneath His bloody cross
but that time was long ago
when i first hearkened to the call
now it is all just a show
to hide that i have lost it all
so back to God I return
that my purpose i may regain
that my heart again can burn
and so end the coldness of pain
so here i stand among you now:
know that He gave His life for mine
then see His blood running down
and know that this is my time to shine
enjoy guys.
the midnight wind blows across the city
and so i am swept away
forgotten in the throes of self pity
is the life received that day
lost in the motions of the daily life
i do not know why i am
forsaken my purpose in this strife
am i boy or am i man?
but i am still walking in what is true
i just do not know why
all i know is that Christ ain’t in my view
here beneath the midnight sky.
and one more....
alone and blind, in the night
i sit among you, cold and lost
there was a time i had sight
when beneath His bloody cross
but that time was long ago
when i first hearkened to the call
now it is all just a show
to hide that i have lost it all
so back to God I return
that my purpose i may regain
that my heart again can burn
and so end the coldness of pain
so here i stand among you now:
know that He gave His life for mine
then see His blood running down
and know that this is my time to shine
enjoy guys.
undefined
Before honor is humility
Before honor is humility
-
ice122985 - Posts: 178
- Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2003 4:00 am
I like your style.
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.
Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")
It's cosplay, get used to it.
"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."
"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")
It's cosplay, get used to it.
"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."
"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
-
Jaltus-bot - Posts: 1822
- Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2004 4:00 am
- Location: Almost there.
cool. I have enjoyed them!
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' ...you'll be a Man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling
Satan, bite the dust!
"You are not who your mistakes say you are; you are not the sum of your failures!"---Rev. Billy Miller
Proverbs 18:24
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' ...you'll be a Man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling
Satan, bite the dust!
"You are not who your mistakes say you are; you are not the sum of your failures!"---Rev. Billy Miller
Proverbs 18:24
-
Ssjjvash - Posts: 1073
- Joined: Sat Aug 07, 2004 3:16 pm
- Location: I abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
i like them, very thought provoking, but the tone seems sad
[color=Blue]tomorrow is a brand new day
if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger"[/color]
"When you come to the edge of all you know and are about to step into the unknown, faith is knowing that there will be something firm to step on or you will be taught how to fly"
"though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i shall fear no evil for thou art with me" psalms 23
if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger"[/color]
"When you come to the edge of all you know and are about to step into the unknown, faith is knowing that there will be something firm to step on or you will be taught how to fly"
"though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i shall fear no evil for thou art with me" psalms 23
-
merrick - Posts: 29
- Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2004 11:44 am
- Location: far far away
that's generally the idea.
i'm the glass is half empty guy. My dad is the glass is half full. He sees the mercy of Christ in his life. I see the fact that i will never fully please CHrist with my life. ANd because i love Christ, this saddens me.
That's just my take on things.
Scheherazade: sorry if i mangled your name; but thanks for the comment.
ice
i'm the glass is half empty guy. My dad is the glass is half full. He sees the mercy of Christ in his life. I see the fact that i will never fully please CHrist with my life. ANd because i love Christ, this saddens me.
That's just my take on things.
Scheherazade: sorry if i mangled your name; but thanks for the comment.
ice
undefined
Before honor is humility
Before honor is humility
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ice122985 - Posts: 178
- Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2003 4:00 am
jenny
ok....this one actually has a title! but, this is for one of three people in my past that i could actually call my best friend. her name is...
Jenny
memories of a time so sweet
of what we had and shared
i only wish we could but meet
to remember that we cared
whether it was or it was not
we may have felt some love
whatever it was, we were cut
and we fell from above
but you were beauty, pure and true
you seemed to fill this hole
yet this for me was all so new
that you could touch my soul
but you’re not here, you’re far away
and i don’t know what is true
so i think i will dare to say:
i was in love with you
just to clarify- we were never more than friends- but i cherish the memory just the same.
Jenny
memories of a time so sweet
of what we had and shared
i only wish we could but meet
to remember that we cared
whether it was or it was not
we may have felt some love
whatever it was, we were cut
and we fell from above
but you were beauty, pure and true
you seemed to fill this hole
yet this for me was all so new
that you could touch my soul
but you’re not here, you’re far away
and i don’t know what is true
so i think i will dare to say:
i was in love with you
just to clarify- we were never more than friends- but i cherish the memory just the same.
undefined
Before honor is humility
Before honor is humility
-
ice122985 - Posts: 178
- Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2003 4:00 am
some more new stuff
the mists reveal the warrior within
alone to face the armies of sin
moonlight shines off his powerful sword
it can only be God’s holy Word
at his left side is the shield of faith
it will protect him from every wraith
so will his armor, the Son of Light
from within his helmet, does he see
every evil that he used to be
now he is guided by what is true
it is God’s law that he longs to do
his feet are shod with gospel’s peace
ready to walk against the Beast
and so if my visage gives you pause
know that i’m a rebel with a cause
alone to face the armies of sin
moonlight shines off his powerful sword
it can only be God’s holy Word
at his left side is the shield of faith
it will protect him from every wraith
so will his armor, the Son of Light
from within his helmet, does he see
every evil that he used to be
now he is guided by what is true
it is God’s law that he longs to do
his feet are shod with gospel’s peace
ready to walk against the Beast
and so if my visage gives you pause
know that i’m a rebel with a cause
undefined
Before honor is humility
Before honor is humility
-
ice122985 - Posts: 178
- Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2003 4:00 am
Awesome! I love that one!If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' ...you'll be a Man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling
Satan, bite the dust!
"You are not who your mistakes say you are; you are not the sum of your failures!"---Rev. Billy Miller
Proverbs 18:24
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' ...you'll be a Man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling
Satan, bite the dust!
"You are not who your mistakes say you are; you are not the sum of your failures!"---Rev. Billy Miller
Proverbs 18:24
-
Ssjjvash - Posts: 1073
- Joined: Sat Aug 07, 2004 3:16 pm
- Location: I abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
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