What do ya think?

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What do ya think?

Postby shadowblade » Fri Sep 24, 2004 6:14 pm

Just wanted to know what you guys think of this. Do you think the repetition works, or is it too much? Once again, please be honest with me. Thanks! :)

Prayer
Lend me Your strength, Lord
So I will not falter
Send me Your peace, Lord
Calm my restless spirit
Give me Your Love, Lord
To help push me onward
Fill me with joy, Lord
Please raise my spirit

I will not fall, Lord
Will not be broken
He will not win, Lord
This is Your battle
You're always here, Lord
Don't leave me now
Stay by my side, Lord
Hold me together

Reveal Your Mercy, Lord
Though I'm not worthy
Pardon my sins, Lord
Help me forgive others
Smile upon me, Lord
I need Your goodness
Grant me the priviledge, Lord
Of being with You

I will not fall, Lord
Will not be broken
He will not win, Lord
This is Your battle
You're always here, Lord
Don't leave me now
Stay by my side, Lord
Hold me together

Shine down upon me, Lord
Your light gives me courage
Guide my steps, Lord
Alone I will stumble
Keep me forever, Lord
On the right path
Show me Your Will, Lord
And make me willing

I will not fall, Lord
Will not be broken
He will not win, Lord
This is Your battle
You're always here, Lord
Don't leave me now
Stay by my side, Lord
Hold me together

Proud Member of the Challengers Guild ^_^

Life is not about us using God for our purposes, but about Him using us for His purposes.

Faith is not creating a false reality, but acknowledging God's promises for us.

The dreams I dream for you
Are deeper than the ones your clinging to
Let the old dreams die
Like stars that fade from view
And take the cup I offer
And drink deeply of the dreams I dream for you
-Avalon

[color=Navy]Bill: Ted, you and I have witnessed many things, but nothing as bodacious as what just happened.
Besides, we told ourselves to listen to this guy...
Ted: But what if we were lying?
Bill: Why would we lie to ourselves?
-Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure[/color]
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shadowblade
 
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Postby Ssjjvash » Sat Sep 25, 2004 4:05 pm

I think it is excellent, Shadowblade! Repetition is often used in poetry, so that's not a problem or anything. Nothing wrong with it. Good job!
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' ...you'll be a Man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling


Satan, bite the dust!Image

"You are not who your mistakes say you are; you are not the sum of your failures!"---Rev. Billy Miller

Proverbs 18:24
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Postby panegryst » Sat Sep 25, 2004 4:19 pm

I think the repetition works. It's not too... repetitious- it's good.
"Reason is the Devil's harlot."
-Martin Luther

I'll stand for nothing less
Or never stand again
-Chevelle, 'The Clincher'
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Image Image
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Postby Kura Ookami » Sun Sep 26, 2004 12:58 pm

I think it's really good. I could easily be a song. Great job! :)
Absence is to love as wind is to a flame. It extinguishes the little, it ignites the great.

Life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been real life you would have have been instructed where to go and what to do.

When i argue with reality I lose.....But only 100% of the time.

Once you've decided on a course of action, only you can finish it. As long as you remember that, there's nothing you can't accomplish.
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Postby Madeline » Sun Oct 03, 2004 7:26 pm

*hugs* Awesome job. :)
I like it, and it's encouraging...not wordy or big on rhyme/rhythm, but a heartfelt offering. That's what makes a great poem.
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Postby aule1701 » Mon Nov 15, 2004 8:38 am

not bad i would give it a 8 on a 10 scale
A person is smart people are dumb
"Perception is reality and reality is perception"- me
He who is easly amused is amused more often
He who laughs last was just to dumb to get the joke
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