any song writers out there?

[firestorm]

I'm writing a song right now and I need somebody's help on starting the first verse everything else is done except for that. Of course the song is christian. Also it has a Third Day/Creed feel to it. anywaysif any of you guys can tell me how I could make it better or what you think or how I could start the first verse, etc,. etc,. etc, then pm me. Anyways here's what I have so far.

1st Verse:

Here I am on my knees
Giving praise to my king
Giving you everything
But I know
why I was called to where you are
to lift this burden in my heart

Chorus
In the stillness,
In the quite,
I'll give you my heart
In the painful,
I'll be faithful,
never be apart,
I'll be right there with you
wherever you are

forever

forever

(2nd verse)
I've heard the worst
from a foreign land
but those in danger
keep their Bibles in their hands
how can I have
this courage in my heart
To let you know,
this is where it starts

( chorus appears here again)

(Bridge)
Forever I will go
wherever you are
through the darkness through the trials
whatever beats your heart
Everywhere that I go
I'll let you light glow
At any time, in any place
Just say go!!!!!!

(chorus appears yet again here)X2

forever

FOREVER

forever

(the end)

[Mithrandir]

OK. I've written a few of these. What is it you want to come across as the main feel? If you could sum up this song in a few emotions, what would they be? Be as specific as you can...

[firestorm]

really this is a prayer of a man who sees a great need for a revival and want to kinda be a missionary and even though he's afraid out of his wits to do that kind of work he tells God that wherever he sends him he'll go.

[Mithrandir]

OK. Is he (are you) more concerned with what you see IRL, or what he (you) sees in your mind in terms of where you think this person should exis?

[firestorm]

OK. Is he (are you) more concerned with what you see IRL, or what he (you) sees in your mind in terms of where you think this person should exis?

It's really concerned on what he/I see in real life

[Mithrandir]

Do you have any music that the chorus/verses have to fit into? Can you post this?

[firestorm]

Do you have any music that the chorus/verses have to fit into? Can you post this?

if you mean like guitars and other instruments no, but a friend of mine told me that once I finish the lyrics he and his band will help me with the music. I'm really looking forward to that part

[firestorm]

update

the song might end up having a linkcoln park fell to it instead of a Creed feel, but this is because the band is trying to go kinda for a christian linkcoln park thingy. We are going to have a meeting about stuff like this song on friday so pray it goes well because this is my first band meeting. I think this is something that God really wants me to do, and the main singer is a guy I could really look up too he's a really nice guy and he's going to be teaching me how to do the sound tech stuff so I get to learn something new. once we get to do the music I'll tell you. But just to warn everybody by then I'll probably have a copyright to the words by then.

[Mithrandir]

Note: I'm trying to help you understand more of what you want in the song so that you will feel you have writtent the whole thing. It's the whole, you can lead a horse to water, thing. (Although, if you duct tape a hose into his mouth, you might be able to make him drink. I haven't tried this.)

OK. What you basically need to decide (if I'm reading you correctly) is how to convey what he/you see in real life on the whole missionary thing. My personal taste, going on the missionary theme I would use a metaphor of some sort. The other option I would say you can go with is an example from your life experiance. I know this is vague, but I'm trying to help you figure out what the rest of the song should be, not write it for you. Any of this helping?

[Ashley]

Actually, I rather liked the song, but to me it seemed more fit for a worship song to the tempo of "Forever" by Chris Tomlin on the chorus and "Anchored Deep" on the verses.

[firestorm]

Note: I'm trying to help you understand more of what you want in the song so that you will feel you have writtent the whole thing. It's the whole, you can lead a horse to water, thing. (Although, if you duct tape a hose into his mouth, you might be able to make him drink. I haven't tried this.)

OK. What you basically need to decide (if I'm reading you correctly) is how to convey what he/you see in real life on the whole missionary thing. My personal taste, going on the missionary theme I would use a metaphor of some sort. The other option I would say you can go with is an example from your life experiance. I know this is vague, but I'm trying to help you figure out what the rest of the song should be, not write it for you. Any of this helping?

I know your trying to help, and I thank you very much. It's just that I was brought up that I should never put anything that I wrote on the internet, and as you can see I'm trying to break from that, but there is still a little of that perspective in me that's why I put that copyright joke at the end (if it even was funny.).

Also, I have never really been on a missions trip so that's where that part where he's asking for courage comes in, because he's never been in one and he's afraid not only what might happen but how the people will treat him. Thank you for explaining to me that your not trying to wrtie the song for me.

[Mr. Rogers]

I was sitting in the car a while ago thinking, and a few lines came to mind so i wrote 'em down and worked on 'em later, and here is what I have so far. it's the first one i have ever tried to write, so i don't know how good it is and stuff. if you got any ideas for the second verse, tell me. i think it is gonna be a harder song, like metalcore or something, i dunno. one of those screaming ones.
-----------
My Hope
Jim Rogers
-----------
(intro)
(verse 1, rpt. 2x)
I fall so short of what I'm supposed to be.
Infected with a sick, twisted, ([2nd time]fatal, destroying) disease.
I try to do what's right,
but I just fall again.
It always gets the best of me.
-----------------------------
(ahhhhhhh!!!)
Despondency!
--------------------
(2x)
Is there any hope...
is there any hope...
(is there) any hope for me?
-----------------------------------
('cause) I'm bruised, stained, and broken.
Fall forever short.
-----------------------
(chorus rpt. 3x)
Bruised, stained, and broken.
Fall forever short!
----------------------
Who can help me?
I can't do this alone!
------------------------
(verse 2)
(About what Jesus did for us...)
(This verse still needs work, dont know exactly what I'm gonna put here yet.)
But God had a plan, from the beginning.
"I'm not gonna leave 'em like this.
There is One Who I know, Who is perfect.
My own Son, Christ Jesus."
(more here...)
And because He lives, I'm Alive!
------------------------
(2x)
So now there's hope...
so now there's hope...
(So) now there's hope for me!
-------------------------------------
And now unstained eternity with God awaits.
(short instrumental)
And now I'm free!
(solo)
And I'm not the same person I was before!