Still not feeling accepted around others...

[Atria35]

Yeah, I really will have to get a massage(The non-code word type). What I'm getting from from church and other places really isn't enough(Though I do get enough my from my family) and it's ending up depressing me.

.... It's kinda weird to get massages from random people. Like seriously.

Massage used as a way to get touch is also really weird and an inappropriate use of it. Also, please note that a professional massage is just that - professional. There is no personal touch there - it's merely for the relief and relaxation of muscles. It's highly unlikely that it would fulfill anything else, emotionally. If it does, then either they were unprofessional or (and I'm more likely to believe this) you read far too much into it.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Xeno, yeah, there are a lot of crackpots on Christian Chat but most of them seem to be wannabe-prophets than anything else. It's kind of disturbing but, at the same time, fascinating. Like a train-wreck.

[DaughterOfZion]

You should ask for a deep tissue massage.

[dothackzero]

Dot talked about this on that christianchat site (yeah, I be snoopin'), and he thinks that he's so "touch starved" that having a random stranger give him a massage will some how help with his social issues. Which it won't, a good therapist might though. And by the way, I've read some other threads on that site, wooooooooooow what a bunch of crackpots.

Where did I say anything about getting massages by random strangers? I was talking about getting from someone that does it for a living.

Xeno, yeah, there are a lot of crackpots on Christian Chat but most of them seem to be wannabe-prophets than anything else. It's kind of disturbing but, at the same time, fascinating. Like a train-wreck.

And that's why I basically just post in the singles area. They seem to be atleast the most sane of them.

[K. Ayato]

dot, you still have to work on clarity in your posts. If you meant professional massage, you should have stated it to begin with, thus eliminating suspicion on the part of the rest of us.

[Yuki-Anne]

...I don't know about you, but when someone says, "I'ma get a massage," I usually just assume they're going to go pay a professional to give them a massage.

As if someone on the street would just randomly give you a massage if you asked.

But it might make for an interesting youtube prank video to just ask random people.

Anyway, I think we give dot a hard enough time without playing dumb about massages. And it might help just to relax. Just don't be creepy and hit on whoever's giving you a massage. If you get a massage be professional and not-awkward about it, PLEASE.

[Xeno]

...I don't know about you, but when someone says, "I'ma get a massage," I usually just assume they're going to go pay a professional to give them a massage.

As if someone on the street would just randomly give you a massage if you asked.

But it might make for an interesting youtube prank video to just ask random people.

Anyway, I think we give dot a hard enough time without playing dumb about massages. And it might help just to relax.

Oh for the love of the flying spaghetti monster. Seriously people I did not mean that he was going to just walk down the street and ask the first mildly attractive lady he saw to give him a massage. If any of you have ever gone to a massage parlor and are not a frequent customer you will be assigned a random masseuse who is a stranger to you. This is what I meant.

But yes, it would also be a bad idea to ask the first mildly attractive (or really attractive, or not at all attractive) lady he sees out and about somewhere to give him a massage also.

Just don't be creepy and hit on whoever's giving you a massage. If you get a massage be professional and not-awkward about it, PLEASE.

I do agree with this bit here.

[dothackzero]

Anyways, for now I'm just going to the student lounge area at college and playing Magic there. Actually there is a couple cute girls there, don't know if they are Christian or not, but I intend to get to know them as friends.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Not to discourage you from playing Magic or anything (because Magic is totally fun), but most times if you play Magic in public girls are gonna immediately write you off. Exception being is if they play Magic too, I guess...

[Okami]

Reading this blog post made me think of this thread.

[dothackzero]

So how do I become less desperate in looking for a wife? I mean it's like I know should be looking for more guy friends, but if I'm just looking for guy friends how that lead to actually making girls that are real friends? I mean the other times I've tried it, it's never really lead anywhere to making any real girls that are friends. It's like I don't know what to do, but I just don't want to end up alone. meh... I'm just not sure what to do...

[DaughterOfZion]

...Being dothack is suffering.

[Xeno]

So how do I become less desperate in looking for a wife? I mean it's like I know should be looking for more guy friends, but if I'm just looking for guy friends how that lead to actually making girls that are real friends? I mean the other times I've tried it, it's never really lead anywhere to making any real girls that are friends. It's like I don't know what to do, but I just don't want to end up alone. meh... I'm just not sure what to do...

Gee, I wonder where one could go to get such advice, I mean it's not like anyone has been saying anything at all that could help you with this so far.
Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Page 4, Page 5, Page 6, Page 7, Page 8, Page 9.
Nowhere that I can think of

[dothackzero]

Yeah, I think I'm gonna see my phycologist about my girl obsession...

[armeck]

the front man of the band Relient k who has a last name that is hard to spell so I won't try. made a very excellent point about relationships. and that is, the best time to meet someone is when you are content within yourself.

[dothackzero]

After taking some time to think about it really does seems that a lot of what I don't all comes back to a fear of isolation from God and Man. Though I can't really figure out how I'd be isolated from God... Anyways, looks likes I'll need to get this fixed before I can find a girlfriend.

[Xeno]

Remember a couple pages back when we all got in a tizzy about oxytocin? Well I saw this while on the tumblr today, thought I'd share because why not.



No.
NO.
NOOOOOOOO!
I'm gonna have to rant a little, folks.

Really unfortunate things happen when we oversimplify biology. And oxytocin is fast approaching Public Enemy #1 on my list. It is not the "hug hormone" or the "cuddle chemical". It's a complex component of an even more complex brain, and we should appreciate that.

Yes, oxytocin helps strengthen bonds between animals that mate for life. It also helps mothers bond with their children after childbirth. Then came claims that it enhances trust in humans. So far, so cuddly. However, recent research suggests it also has a dark side:

A whiff of oxytocin can induce feelings of envy and schadenfreude

Oxytocin can give people false memories of their mother's love or lack of love depending on their current feelings

Oxytocin can reduce trust in people with social disorders

Oxytocin might only increase trust and cooperation with people you already like

Evolutionarily ancient invertebrates use oxytocin as a signaling molecule and they are not known for cuddling. Why would our use of oxytocin be so special all of a sudden?

Oxytocin may trigger premature labor

What does this all mean? Yes, oxytocin has some really cool influences on human behavior and definitely has something to do with trust and caring for others and smiles and sunshine. But oxytocin all by itself doesn't explain any of it.

We live in a world where people are selling oxytocin nasal sprays and some doctors want to treat autism with oxytocin supplements. But we are only just now starting to get an idea of what it actually does! Is this a good idea? Maybe not! It sounds to me, and others like Ed Yong, that instead of being some simple "cuddle chemical" oxytocin makes us more aware of social cues, good or bad.

The good thing about the steady and careful process of science is that it will continue to unlock the secrets of oxytocin and what its affects on our brains and bodies really are. The bad thing is that lots of vulnerable people are being given bad information about how this chemical behaves in the beautifully intricate work of mechanical and chemical art that is our brain's biology.

When we try to paint something as nuanced and wondrous as why we love and trust and care with broad and sloppy strokes like "the hug hormone", we obscure the true beauty of the science it represents. It's the details and complexity of our biology that make us so amazing, and if we don't respect that then we don't respect ourselves.

Now make sure everyone sees this and stops posting these shmoxytocin memes or else I'm gonna look like this:


Source: jtotheizzoe's tumblr: It's Okay to be Smart

[dothackzero]

Remember a couple pages back when we all got in a tizzy about oxytocin? Well I saw this while on the tumblr today, thought I'd share because why not.



No.
NO.
NOOOOOOOO!
I'm gonna have to rant a little, folks.

Really unfortunate things happen when we oversimplify biology. And oxytocin is fast approaching Public Enemy #1 on my list. It is not the "hug hormone" or the "cuddle chemical". It's a complex component of an even more complex brain, and we should appreciate that.

Yes, oxytocin helps strengthen bonds between animals that mate for life. It also helps mothers bond with their children after childbirth. Then came claims that it enhances trust in humans. So far, so cuddly. However, recent research suggests it also has a dark side:

A whiff of oxytocin can induce feelings of envy and schadenfreude

Oxytocin can give people false memories of their mother's love or lack of love depending on their current feelings

Oxytocin can reduce trust in people with social disorders

Oxytocin might only increase trust and cooperation with people you already like

Evolutionarily ancient invertebrates use oxytocin as a signaling molecule and they are not known for cuddling. Why would our use of oxytocin be so special all of a sudden?

Oxytocin may trigger premature labor

What does this all mean? Yes, oxytocin has some really cool influences on human behavior and definitely has something to do with trust and caring for others and smiles and sunshine. But oxytocin all by itself doesn't explain any of it.

We live in a world where people are selling oxytocin nasal sprays and some doctors want to treat autism with oxytocin supplements. But we are only just now starting to get an idea of what it actually does! Is this a good idea? Maybe not! It sounds to me, and others like Ed Yong, that instead of being some simple "cuddle chemical" oxytocin makes us more aware of social cues, good or bad.

The good thing about the steady and careful process of science is that it will continue to unlock the secrets of oxytocin and what its affects on our brains and bodies really are. The bad thing is that lots of vulnerable people are being given bad information about how this chemical behaves in the beautifully intricate work of mechanical and chemical art that is our brain's biology.

When we try to paint something as nuanced and wondrous as why we love and trust and care with broad and sloppy strokes like "the hug hormone", we obscure the true beauty of the science it represents. It's the details and complexity of our biology that make us so amazing, and if we don't respect that then we don't respect ourselves.

Now make sure everyone sees this and stops posting these shmoxytocin memes or else I'm gonna look like this:


Source: jtotheizzoe's tumblr: It's Okay to be Smart

Don't you think I already saw the dark side when I did the research? Anyways, yeah I did go a little too far with it, but I still do think that the human tocuh is important. Btw, if I remember right the dark side was mostly with the nasal sprays.

Just remember as a guy, I don't have to worry about premature labor. :p

[Xeno]

The post wasn't directed specifically at you, it was general info copied from a blog because the topic of oxytocin was brought up in this thread and I felt the post contained pertinent information.

[Yuki-Anne]

Btw, if I remember right the dark side was mostly with the nasal sprays.

When I used an oxytocin nasal spray I wanted to marry THE WORLD

[K. Ayato]

Good NIGHT! Stop putting blame on hormones or lack thereof!! Don't you know the biological explanation is the narrowest and least informative approach to understand a given person's behavior?

[Nate]

ITT: BIOTRUTHS

(Crap where's that biotruths emote when I need it)

[dothackzero]

So how is a shy/quiet guy supposed to attract a girl's attention?

Seriously, I'm more of quiet, reserved and probably seem like the very serious type untill I'm comfortable around the people that I'm around. Then I start to get more outgoing, relaxed, more willing to show emotion, and have fun. But it's like how am I supposed to get a girl's attention long so she'll be able to get comfortable around her when the most they'll do is basically just say hi to me then just go on somewhere else? I'm not even getting hugs from girls anymore, even around the girls that are really the huggy type...

But then still is a problem of a lack of social skills. I still don't really have a good idea how to act normally. Then there's also the fact that I hate small talk since it seems so pointless. I'd rather just get into the real deep stuff. Really I'm running out of options on where to go to find new girls. I mean there's school, but most of the girls that I'd be into have a boyfriend, and it's the samething in chruch. It's like everybody already have someone. meh, I'm just not sure about what I should be doing to get a girlfriend.

[Xeno]

Then there's also the fact that I hate small talk since it seems so pointless. I'd rather just get into the real deep stuff.

Pray tell, how do you intend to get to the deep stuff without initiating "small talk" at first to get to know someone?

We've already addressed everything in your post. You're going to have to not be a creep. Talk about things that interest her, because even though you really like playing Magic the Gathering, and have a level 60 rogue in World of Warcraft, most girls don't care about that, even if they are into science fiction stuff. So find something that really is mainstream accessible, and try to talk about that (Star Wars instead of Firefly, Star Trek: The Next Generation instead of Deep Space Nine).

Also, boohoo about not getting hugs. And that's really a darn shame that all the ladies have hooked up with people. Does that make you feel slighted? Does it upset you? You probably think those women are dirty because they've picked men who aren't you. Thats been your overall message this whole time. That you deserve a woman. "God" is going to give you a wife/girlfriend. That for some reason, you're just destined to eventually have a personal servant who will be legally tied to you, who will have to sexually satisfy your needs, but you probably won't worry too much about hers because that's not really your problem.

Because it's all about you. This entire thread has been about you and why women don't pay attention to you and what you can do make sure they pay attention to you. It's funny, because you're wanting to know what incremental changes you might be able to make to yourself so that you can just catch the attention of some female, yet there has been no indication that you're willing to do anything to go out of your way to be the kind of guy that women want to have their attention caught by. Because it's ultimately about you and having your "needs" met. Maybe if you stop being so self-centered all the time, and pay attention to the people around you for a little bit, things will look up for you.

But you still probably won't get a girlfriend, because being in a relationship doesn't really matter, and you need to quit telling yourself that it does.

[K. Ayato]

^Hooah!

[TWWK]

Then there's also the fact that I hate small talk since it seems so pointless.

I hate small talk, too. I abhor it.

But not with my wife...and certainly not when I was pursuing her. I just wanted to talk to her about anything and everything, even about the most mundane things. When you find a specific person that you're attracted to, you'll want to get to know all about her and chat about things that may normally have no interest or relevance to you. And I think that's important - don't focus on finding any girlfriend. Develop friendships for the sake of friendship, and if you get to know someone to the point that you find their personality, looks, etc. attractive, you'll seek ways to engage them in conversation.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Since when was Star Trek EVER accessible?

[Xeno]

Since when was Star Trek EVER accessible?

Maybe if he's at one of those convention things that people talk about on here from time to time. I don't have much experience with them. Are people allowed to talk about non-cartoon things at those or are they stoned for that?

Actually, know what, just don't talk about Star Trek period unless she brings it up, and then act like you have no idea what she is talking about.

Also, I think that new Star Trek movie was pretty accessible. But I'm an ST nerd, so

[Vilo159]

You marry who you date, and you date people you're friends with.* So if you want to get a girl to like you, try being her friend first WITHOUT a relationship in mind. This isn't a movie, she's not gonna fall for you just because of some type of charm you have, she's gonna fall for you when she trusts you and is good friends with you. It's not about looking for places "to find new girls," it's about developing the friendships you already have. And how do you develop friendships with someone? You talk to them. Small talk is kinda necessary.

*Generally speaking. Not the exact people, just the same type of people.

[K. Ayato]

Ever thought about paying more attention to what people in general are interested in and possibly trying it out for yourself? Not everyone is a die-hard Magic: The Gathering nerd.