The Joke Thread Returns!

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The Joke Thread Returns!

Postby rocklobster » Fri Aug 05, 2011 5:17 pm

When I first arrived on CAA, I started up a joke thread where people could post their favorite jokes. To celebrate the tenth anniversary, I've decided to bring it back. So, here we go! Here's our first joke:
How many Saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it takes at least 20 episodes to do it.
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Postby Rylynn4869 » Fri Aug 05, 2011 6:47 pm

rocklobster wrote:How many Saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it takes at least 20 episodes to do it.


Ahahahaha!!! That probably made me laugh more than it should have! But it's so true!

EDIT: Okay, I got one!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
... to prove to the armadillo that it was possible!
[SIZE="2"]We've all got wounds, we've all got scars
Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it's hard
Don't give up hope, don't give up hope

'Cause He's got those wounds, and He's got those scars
And with His blood He heals our hearts
He is our hope, He is our hope!
~Don't Give Up the Fight by Revive[/SIZE]
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Postby Furen » Fri Aug 05, 2011 9:54 pm

has lame joke:

string: Are you a cord?
Rope: No... I'm a frayed knot (afraid not)
And this I pray, that your love would abound still, more and more with real knowledge and all discernment. Be prepared to preach the gospel at a moment's notice. Do you know the gospel well enough to do so yourself? Be ready.
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Postby rocklobster » Sat Aug 06, 2011 12:05 pm

OK, here's a long one:
A man got a cruise in a contest. The cruise was captained by a man who looked like a pirate--a hook for a hand, a pegleg, even an eyepatch. One day curiosity got the better of him, and he asked the captain about the injuries.
The captain said: "Arr! The pegleg I got from when an alligator bit me leg."
"What about the hook?" the man asked.
"Arr! Got that when a shark bit me hand." said the captain.
"And the eye?"
"Arr! Got that when a bird pooped in it."
"What?" the man asked, confused.
"It was the first day with me hook!" the captain replied.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you. I appointed you to be a prophet of all nations."
--Jeremiah 1:5
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Postby Furen » Sat Aug 06, 2011 12:17 pm

Two guys walk into a bar

OUCH
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Postby MomentOfInertia » Sat Aug 06, 2011 12:41 pm

Furen (post: 1495801) wrote:Two guys walk into a bar

[s]OUCH[/s]
*THUNK!*

Fixed, or "you'd think one of them would have seen it", or ...

A priest, a rabbi, and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this some kind of joke?"

A mushroom walks into a bar. The barkeep says "we don't serve your kind here"
And the mushroom says "what? I'm a fungi!"


more later.
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Postby SincerelyAnomymous » Sat Aug 06, 2011 12:59 pm

I was wondering where the basketball was. But then it hit me.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”-Oscar Wilde

“Books change us. Books save us. I know this because it happened to me.”Elif Shafak

"Don't stop unbelieving, never give into your unfeelings"-Mabel Pines, Gravity Falls
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Postby Diamond Dragon » Sat Aug 06, 2011 1:05 pm

Ferb (post: 1495814) wrote:I was wondering where the basketball was. But then it hit me.


WIN. XD
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Ruling the skies on its thick wings, this Pokemon is feared by all flying beasts. Its twinkling wings change in the sunlight. Some people believe that this pokemon actually has diamonds that grow on its skin. Despite its intimidating size, it is an extremely friendly ally and a very dangerous enemy.
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Postby SincerelyAnomymous » Sat Aug 06, 2011 1:11 pm

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”-Oscar Wilde

“Books change us. Books save us. I know this because it happened to me.”Elif Shafak

"Don't stop unbelieving, never give into your unfeelings"-Mabel Pines, Gravity Falls
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Postby MomentOfInertia » Sat Aug 06, 2011 1:15 pm

I had a cloak of invisibility, but now I can't find it.
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Postby Agloval » Sat Aug 06, 2011 2:13 pm

As the necklace said to the hat, you go on ahead -- I'll hang around.
'That blast is blown for me, for I am the prize, and yet am I not dead.'
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Postby SincerelyAnomymous » Sat Aug 06, 2011 2:34 pm

I wondered where the boomerang was, but then it came back to me.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”-Oscar Wilde

“Books change us. Books save us. I know this because it happened to me.”Elif Shafak

"Don't stop unbelieving, never give into your unfeelings"-Mabel Pines, Gravity Falls
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Postby Rylynn4869 » Sat Aug 06, 2011 6:25 pm

[SIZE="2"]We've all got wounds, we've all got scars
Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it's hard
Don't give up hope, don't give up hope

'Cause He's got those wounds, and He's got those scars
And with His blood He heals our hearts
He is our hope, He is our hope!
~Don't Give Up the Fight by Revive[/SIZE]
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Postby Furen » Sat Aug 06, 2011 6:45 pm

Rylynn4869 (post: 1495857) wrote:Best knock-knock joke ever:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bn1-M5Ze0p8


Subbed

I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger... than it hit me (I know similar to Ferbs)

if you throw a piano down a mineshaft, I'll show you A flat minor (miner)
And this I pray, that your love would abound still, more and more with real knowledge and all discernment. Be prepared to preach the gospel at a moment's notice. Do you know the gospel well enough to do so yourself? Be ready.
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Postby Hiryu » Tue Aug 09, 2011 7:26 pm

Your momma's so fat, she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
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Postby Diamond Dragon » Thu Aug 11, 2011 7:51 pm

Gotz a lame joke:

A mom is washing her little boy. He says, "Help! My Mommy's murdering me to death!"
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DiamondDragon - the Sky pokemon
Ruling the skies on its thick wings, this Pokemon is feared by all flying beasts. Its twinkling wings change in the sunlight. Some people believe that this pokemon actually has diamonds that grow on its skin. Despite its intimidating size, it is an extremely friendly ally and a very dangerous enemy.
@)}~`,~
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Postby Crossfire » Thu Aug 11, 2011 11:57 pm

[quote="From article"]Possible transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.

Americans: “]

EDIT: Got the quote box working. Yay.
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Postby KhakiBlueSocks » Fri Aug 12, 2011 12:47 am

[font="Trebuchet MS"][SIZE="4"][color="RoyalBlue"]I ran into Hinata Hyuga the other day. I asked her, "It's really hot out here today, isn't it?" she said "Ano, right?" (I Know, Right?)

What kind of car would Alphonse Elric drive? A Nii-san.

What do Edward Elric and a bowl of New Orleans Gumbo have in common? Shrimp.[/color][/SIZE][/font]
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Postby Hiryu » Fri Aug 12, 2011 9:52 am

Those were clever, but the first two might actually require an explanation to those who aren't familiar with Japanese.


What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?

A blonde is a human woman and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used for the popular sport of bowling.
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Postby sailorsaturn » Fri Aug 12, 2011 2:34 pm

So duck walked into a bar and then was quickly shooed out for animals are not allowed in food establishments.
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Postby Asuka Neko » Fri Aug 12, 2011 2:56 pm

A friend of mine tried to tell this joke while sitting in between me and my brother. We are both blondes. Kiiind of not the best place to tell a blonde joke...

But I'll tell it anyways.

A blonde is ordering pizza and the pizza guy asks if she'd like the pizza cut into 8 or 16 slices. She replies, "8, please. I couldn't eat 16!"
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Postby CrystalChalice » Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:50 pm

Got this from a text message from my friend:

Girl: I'm having heart surgery today.
Boy: I know.
Girl: I love you!
Boy: I love you more, more than anything in this world.

After the surgery, the girl woke up, only to find her father near her bedside.

Girl: Where is he?
Father: You don't know who gave you the heart?
Girl: What?! *starts crying*
Father: Nah, just kidding! He's in the bathroom.
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Postby Furen » Sun Aug 14, 2011 8:30 pm

What do you call a guy sitting on a pottery wheel?

[SPOILER]Clay[/SPOILER]
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Postby Diamond Dragon » Mon Aug 15, 2011 8:30 am

KhakiBlueSocks (post: 1496859) wrote:
What do Edward Elric and a bowl of New Orleans Gumbo have in common? Shrimp.


OMGOSH HILARIOUS!!!!! XD
Image
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DiamondDragon - the Sky pokemon
Ruling the skies on its thick wings, this Pokemon is feared by all flying beasts. Its twinkling wings change in the sunlight. Some people believe that this pokemon actually has diamonds that grow on its skin. Despite its intimidating size, it is an extremely friendly ally and a very dangerous enemy.
@)}~`,~
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Postby Furen » Mon Aug 15, 2011 11:59 am

Diamond Dragon (post: 1497521) wrote:OMGOSH HILARIOUS!!!!! XD


Ed doesn't think so...
And this I pray, that your love would abound still, more and more with real knowledge and all discernment. Be prepared to preach the gospel at a moment's notice. Do you know the gospel well enough to do so yourself? Be ready.
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Postby Diamond Dragon » Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:30 pm

Yeah, that's true....in fact, I'll bet he's coming to kill both me and Khaki as we speak. O_O
Image
(Pic made by Bio! <3)

DiamondDragon - the Sky pokemon
Ruling the skies on its thick wings, this Pokemon is feared by all flying beasts. Its twinkling wings change in the sunlight. Some people believe that this pokemon actually has diamonds that grow on its skin. Despite its intimidating size, it is an extremely friendly ally and a very dangerous enemy.
@)}~`,~
Carry This Rose In Your Sig, As Thanks, To All The CAA Moderators.
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Postby Furen » Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:51 pm

Diamond Dragon (post: 1497559) wrote:Yeah, that's true....in fact, I'll bet he's coming to kill both me and Khaki as we speak. O_O


I think that's a joke, you two have longer legs, he won't catch you :P
And this I pray, that your love would abound still, more and more with real knowledge and all discernment. Be prepared to preach the gospel at a moment's notice. Do you know the gospel well enough to do so yourself? Be ready.
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Postby Wallachia » Mon Aug 15, 2011 2:09 pm

Who's on First is highly applicable to this thread, so long as videos of jokes can count.
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Image

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Postby Furen » Mon Aug 15, 2011 2:18 pm

What's on first? I really don't know... and why are they talking about tomorrow... I gotta figure this out today... naturally!
And this I pray, that your love would abound still, more and more with real knowledge and all discernment. Be prepared to preach the gospel at a moment's notice. Do you know the gospel well enough to do so yourself? Be ready.
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Postby Wallachia » Mon Aug 15, 2011 2:54 pm

Because those are the names of whom they're talking about.
Costello asks, "Who's on first?" and Abbot replies with, "Who is on first." because, "Who" is the name of the man on first.
It just escalates from there since Costello obviously doesn't catch on to someone having a wacky name like that.
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