The Joke Thread Returns!

Talk about anything in here.

The Joke Thread Returns!

Postby rocklobster » Fri Aug 05, 2011 5:17 pm

When I first arrived on CAA, I started up a joke thread where people could post their favorite jokes. To celebrate the tenth anniversary, I've decided to bring it back. So, here we go! Here's our first joke:
How many Saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it takes at least 20 episodes to do it.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you. I appointed you to be a prophet of all nations."
--Jeremiah 1:5
Image
Hit me up on social media!
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100007205508246<--Facebook

I'm also on Amino as Radical Edward, and on Reddit as Rocklobster as well.


click here for my playlist!
my last fm profile!
User avatar
rocklobster
 
Posts: 8903
Joined: Mon Dec 20, 2004 1:27 pm
Location: Planet Claire

Postby Rylynn4869 » Fri Aug 05, 2011 6:47 pm

rocklobster wrote:How many Saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it takes at least 20 episodes to do it.


Ahahahaha!!! That probably made me laugh more than it should have! But it's so true!

EDIT: Okay, I got one!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
... to prove to the armadillo that it was possible!
[SIZE="2"]We've all got wounds, we've all got scars
Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it's hard
Don't give up hope, don't give up hope

'Cause He's got those wounds, and He's got those scars
And with His blood He heals our hearts
He is our hope, He is our hope!
~Don't Give Up the Fight by Revive[/SIZE]
User avatar
Rylynn4869
 
Posts: 104
Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 6:32 pm

Postby Furen » Fri Aug 05, 2011 9:54 pm

has lame joke:

string: Are you a cord?
Rope: No... I'm a frayed knot (afraid not)
And this I pray, that your love would abound still, more and more with real knowledge and all discernment. Be prepared to preach the gospel at a moment's notice. Do you know the gospel well enough to do so yourself? Be ready.
User avatar
Furen
 
Posts: 2695
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:39 pm
Location: Mostly at my PC, but meh, I can be wherever.

Postby rocklobster » Sat Aug 06, 2011 12:05 pm

OK, here's a long one:
A man got a cruise in a contest. The cruise was captained by a man who looked like a pirate--a hook for a hand, a pegleg, even an eyepatch. One day curiosity got the better of him, and he asked the captain about the injuries.
The captain said: "Arr! The pegleg I got from when an alligator bit me leg."
"What about the hook?" the man asked.
"Arr! Got that when a shark bit me hand." said the captain.
"And the eye?"
"Arr! Got that when a bird pooped in it."
"What?" the man asked, confused.
"It was the first day with me hook!" the captain replied.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you. I appointed you to be a prophet of all nations."
--Jeremiah 1:5
Image
Hit me up on social media!
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100007205508246<--Facebook

I'm also on Amino as Radical Edward, and on Reddit as Rocklobster as well.


click here for my playlist!
my last fm profile!
User avatar
rocklobster
 
Posts: 8903
Joined: Mon Dec 20, 2004 1:27 pm
Location: Planet Claire

Postby Furen » Sat Aug 06, 2011 12:17 pm

Two guys walk into a bar

OUCH
And this I pray, that your love would abound still, more and more with real knowledge and all discernment. Be prepared to preach the gospel at a moment's notice. Do you know the gospel well enough to do so yourself? Be ready.
User avatar
Furen
 
Posts: 2695
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:39 pm
Location: Mostly at my PC, but meh, I can be wherever.

Postby MomentOfInertia » Sat Aug 06, 2011 12:41 pm

Furen (post: 1495801) wrote:Two guys walk into a bar

[s]OUCH[/s]
*THUNK!*

Fixed, or "you'd think one of them would have seen it", or ...

A priest, a rabbi, and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this some kind of joke?"

A mushroom walks into a bar. The barkeep says "we don't serve your kind here"
And the mushroom says "what? I'm a fungi!"


more later.
MAL - CAA MAL club - Avatar from Hyouka
"DaughterOfZion 06:19 - forget love, fudge conquers all. xD"
"Written assignments are never finished, only due." -me
-Speak not unless you can improve the silence.-
MOES: Members Observing Efficient Sigs
User avatar
MomentOfInertia
 
Posts: 1316
Joined: Tue May 25, 2010 7:21 pm
Location: Around

Postby SincerelyAnomymous » Sat Aug 06, 2011 12:59 pm

I was wondering where the basketball was. But then it hit me.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”-Oscar Wilde

“Books change us. Books save us. I know this because it happened to me.”Elif Shafak

"Don't stop unbelieving, never give into your unfeelings"-Mabel Pines, Gravity Falls
User avatar
SincerelyAnomymous
 
Posts: 694
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 9:40 am

Postby Diamond Dragon » Sat Aug 06, 2011 1:05 pm

Ferb (post: 1495814) wrote:I was wondering where the basketball was. But then it hit me.


WIN. XD
Image
(Pic made by Bio! <3)

DiamondDragon - the Sky pokemon
Ruling the skies on its thick wings, this Pokemon is feared by all flying beasts. Its twinkling wings change in the sunlight. Some people believe that this pokemon actually has diamonds that grow on its skin. Despite its intimidating size, it is an extremely friendly ally and a very dangerous enemy.
@)}~`,~
Carry This Rose In Your Sig, As Thanks, To All The CAA Moderators.
http://dragcave.net/view/JXKV4
User avatar
Diamond Dragon
 
Posts: 101
Joined: Tue Aug 10, 2010 11:59 am
Location: The Awai Kingdom

Postby SincerelyAnomymous » Sat Aug 06, 2011 1:11 pm

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”-Oscar Wilde

“Books change us. Books save us. I know this because it happened to me.”Elif Shafak

"Don't stop unbelieving, never give into your unfeelings"-Mabel Pines, Gravity Falls
User avatar
SincerelyAnomymous
 
Posts: 694
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 9:40 am

Postby MomentOfInertia » Sat Aug 06, 2011 1:15 pm

I had a cloak of invisibility, but now I can't find it.
MAL - CAA MAL club - Avatar from Hyouka
"DaughterOfZion 06:19 - forget love, fudge conquers all. xD"
"Written assignments are never finished, only due." -me
-Speak not unless you can improve the silence.-
MOES: Members Observing Efficient Sigs
User avatar
MomentOfInertia
 
Posts: 1316
Joined: Tue May 25, 2010 7:21 pm
Location: Around

Postby Agloval » Sat Aug 06, 2011 2:13 pm

As the necklace said to the hat, you go on ahead -- I'll hang around.
'That blast is blown for me, for I am the prize, and yet am I not dead.'
User avatar
Agloval
 
Posts: 214
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2011 12:33 pm
Location: The south of England

Postby SincerelyAnomymous » Sat Aug 06, 2011 2:34 pm

I wondered where the boomerang was, but then it came back to me.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”-Oscar Wilde

“Books change us. Books save us. I know this because it happened to me.”Elif Shafak

"Don't stop unbelieving, never give into your unfeelings"-Mabel Pines, Gravity Falls
User avatar
SincerelyAnomymous
 
Posts: 694
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 9:40 am

Postby Rylynn4869 » Sat Aug 06, 2011 6:25 pm

[SIZE="2"]We've all got wounds, we've all got scars
Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it's hard
Don't give up hope, don't give up hope

'Cause He's got those wounds, and He's got those scars
And with His blood He heals our hearts
He is our hope, He is our hope!
~Don't Give Up the Fight by Revive[/SIZE]
User avatar
Rylynn4869
 
Posts: 104
Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 6:32 pm

Postby Furen » Sat Aug 06, 2011 6:45 pm

Rylynn4869 (post: 1495857) wrote:Best knock-knock joke ever:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bn1-M5Ze0p8


Subbed

I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger... than it hit me (I know similar to Ferbs)

if you throw a piano down a mineshaft, I'll show you A flat minor (miner)
And this I pray, that your love would abound still, more and more with real knowledge and all discernment. Be prepared to preach the gospel at a moment's notice. Do you know the gospel well enough to do so yourself? Be ready.
User avatar
Furen
 
Posts: 2695
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:39 pm
Location: Mostly at my PC, but meh, I can be wherever.

Postby Hiryu » Tue Aug 09, 2011 7:26 pm

Your momma's so fat, she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
User avatar
Hiryu
 
Posts: 457
Joined: Fri Sep 03, 2010 8:09 pm
Location: Pansey,AL

Postby Diamond Dragon » Thu Aug 11, 2011 7:51 pm

Gotz a lame joke:

A mom is washing her little boy. He says, "Help! My Mommy's murdering me to death!"
Image
(Pic made by Bio! <3)

DiamondDragon - the Sky pokemon
Ruling the skies on its thick wings, this Pokemon is feared by all flying beasts. Its twinkling wings change in the sunlight. Some people believe that this pokemon actually has diamonds that grow on its skin. Despite its intimidating size, it is an extremely friendly ally and a very dangerous enemy.
@)}~`,~
Carry This Rose In Your Sig, As Thanks, To All The CAA Moderators.
http://dragcave.net/view/JXKV4
User avatar
Diamond Dragon
 
Posts: 101
Joined: Tue Aug 10, 2010 11:59 am
Location: The Awai Kingdom

Postby Crossfire » Thu Aug 11, 2011 11:57 pm

[quote="From article"]Possible transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.

Americans: “]

EDIT: Got the quote box working. Yay.
User avatar
Crossfire
 
Posts: 691
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2011 5:02 pm
Location: "British" Colombia

Postby KhakiBlueSocks » Fri Aug 12, 2011 12:47 am

[font="Trebuchet MS"][SIZE="4"][color="RoyalBlue"]I ran into Hinata Hyuga the other day. I asked her, "It's really hot out here today, isn't it?" she said "Ano, right?" (I Know, Right?)

What kind of car would Alphonse Elric drive? A Nii-san.

What do Edward Elric and a bowl of New Orleans Gumbo have in common? Shrimp.[/color][/SIZE][/font]
Joshua: Hebrew -The LORD is Salvation

" wrote:RustyClaymore 11:27 - Ah yes, Socks is the single raindrop responsible for the flood. XD


Check out my new anime review blog, "The Cajun Samurai"

http://thecajunsamurai.wordpress.com/
User avatar
KhakiBlueSocks
 
Posts: 2675
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Louisiana

Postby Hiryu » Fri Aug 12, 2011 9:52 am

Those were clever, but the first two might actually require an explanation to those who aren't familiar with Japanese.


What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?

A blonde is a human woman and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used for the popular sport of bowling.
User avatar
Hiryu
 
Posts: 457
Joined: Fri Sep 03, 2010 8:09 pm
Location: Pansey,AL

Postby sailorsaturn » Fri Aug 12, 2011 2:34 pm

So duck walked into a bar and then was quickly shooed out for animals are not allowed in food establishments.
User avatar
sailorsaturn
 
Posts: 53
Joined: Tue Jul 06, 2010 1:45 pm
Location: Livin in the ocean

Postby Asuka Neko » Fri Aug 12, 2011 2:56 pm

A friend of mine tried to tell this joke while sitting in between me and my brother. We are both blondes. Kiiind of not the best place to tell a blonde joke...

But I'll tell it anyways.

A blonde is ordering pizza and the pizza guy asks if she'd like the pizza cut into 8 or 16 slices. She replies, "8, please. I couldn't eat 16!"
~My Website~
[color="Cyan"]"Have you ever gotten the urge to do something crazy... and AWESOME!?" -Demyx[/color]
User avatar
Asuka Neko
 
Posts: 114
Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2010 1:56 pm
Location: The State of Mind that Never Was

Postby CrystalChalice » Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:50 pm

Got this from a text message from my friend:

Girl: I'm having heart surgery today.
Boy: I know.
Girl: I love you!
Boy: I love you more, more than anything in this world.

After the surgery, the girl woke up, only to find her father near her bedside.

Girl: Where is he?
Father: You don't know who gave you the heart?
Girl: What?! *starts crying*
Father: Nah, just kidding! He's in the bathroom.
Whatever the season in life, the RIGHT attitude makes all the difference.

"I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth."
Psalm 121:1-2

"Though our paths may have diverged, you must continue to live out your life with all your might; you must never consider your own life to be something insignificant, and you must never forget about the friends whom you loved for as long as you live."
The Third Rule of Fairy Tail


"Mistakes are not shackles that halt one from stepping forward. Rather, they are that which sustain and grow one's heart.
Mavis Vermilion, Fairy Tail


When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change.
Avatar Aang, The Legend of Korra
User avatar
CrystalChalice
 
Posts: 286
Joined: Thu May 13, 2010 6:32 am

Postby Furen » Sun Aug 14, 2011 8:30 pm

What do you call a guy sitting on a pottery wheel?

[SPOILER]Clay[/SPOILER]
And this I pray, that your love would abound still, more and more with real knowledge and all discernment. Be prepared to preach the gospel at a moment's notice. Do you know the gospel well enough to do so yourself? Be ready.
User avatar
Furen
 
Posts: 2695
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:39 pm
Location: Mostly at my PC, but meh, I can be wherever.

Postby Diamond Dragon » Mon Aug 15, 2011 8:30 am

KhakiBlueSocks (post: 1496859) wrote:
What do Edward Elric and a bowl of New Orleans Gumbo have in common? Shrimp.


OMGOSH HILARIOUS!!!!! XD
Image
(Pic made by Bio! <3)

DiamondDragon - the Sky pokemon
Ruling the skies on its thick wings, this Pokemon is feared by all flying beasts. Its twinkling wings change in the sunlight. Some people believe that this pokemon actually has diamonds that grow on its skin. Despite its intimidating size, it is an extremely friendly ally and a very dangerous enemy.
@)}~`,~
Carry This Rose In Your Sig, As Thanks, To All The CAA Moderators.
http://dragcave.net/view/JXKV4
User avatar
Diamond Dragon
 
Posts: 101
Joined: Tue Aug 10, 2010 11:59 am
Location: The Awai Kingdom

Postby Furen » Mon Aug 15, 2011 11:59 am

Diamond Dragon (post: 1497521) wrote:OMGOSH HILARIOUS!!!!! XD


Ed doesn't think so...
And this I pray, that your love would abound still, more and more with real knowledge and all discernment. Be prepared to preach the gospel at a moment's notice. Do you know the gospel well enough to do so yourself? Be ready.
User avatar
Furen
 
Posts: 2695
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:39 pm
Location: Mostly at my PC, but meh, I can be wherever.

Postby Diamond Dragon » Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:30 pm

Yeah, that's true....in fact, I'll bet he's coming to kill both me and Khaki as we speak. O_O
Image
(Pic made by Bio! <3)

DiamondDragon - the Sky pokemon
Ruling the skies on its thick wings, this Pokemon is feared by all flying beasts. Its twinkling wings change in the sunlight. Some people believe that this pokemon actually has diamonds that grow on its skin. Despite its intimidating size, it is an extremely friendly ally and a very dangerous enemy.
@)}~`,~
Carry This Rose In Your Sig, As Thanks, To All The CAA Moderators.
http://dragcave.net/view/JXKV4
User avatar
Diamond Dragon
 
Posts: 101
Joined: Tue Aug 10, 2010 11:59 am
Location: The Awai Kingdom

Postby Furen » Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:51 pm

Diamond Dragon (post: 1497559) wrote:Yeah, that's true....in fact, I'll bet he's coming to kill both me and Khaki as we speak. O_O


I think that's a joke, you two have longer legs, he won't catch you :P
And this I pray, that your love would abound still, more and more with real knowledge and all discernment. Be prepared to preach the gospel at a moment's notice. Do you know the gospel well enough to do so yourself? Be ready.
User avatar
Furen
 
Posts: 2695
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:39 pm
Location: Mostly at my PC, but meh, I can be wherever.

Postby Wallachia » Mon Aug 15, 2011 2:09 pm

Who's on First is highly applicable to this thread, so long as videos of jokes can count.
Image

Image

Image
User avatar
Wallachia
 
Posts: 185
Joined: Fri Dec 24, 2010 12:26 pm
Location: Canada, B.C.

Postby Furen » Mon Aug 15, 2011 2:18 pm

What's on first? I really don't know... and why are they talking about tomorrow... I gotta figure this out today... naturally!
And this I pray, that your love would abound still, more and more with real knowledge and all discernment. Be prepared to preach the gospel at a moment's notice. Do you know the gospel well enough to do so yourself? Be ready.
User avatar
Furen
 
Posts: 2695
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:39 pm
Location: Mostly at my PC, but meh, I can be wherever.

Postby Wallachia » Mon Aug 15, 2011 2:54 pm

Because those are the names of whom they're talking about.
Costello asks, "Who's on first?" and Abbot replies with, "Who is on first." because, "Who" is the name of the man on first.
It just escalates from there since Costello obviously doesn't catch on to someone having a wacky name like that.
Image

Image

Image
User avatar
Wallachia
 
Posts: 185
Joined: Fri Dec 24, 2010 12:26 pm
Location: Canada, B.C.

Next

Return to General

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 257 guests