Loneliness Advice?

[CloudStrife911]

I was wondering how you guys deal with loneliness. It's something I've almost always struggled with. I always just want someone to hold in my arms, and I want it so bad that sometimes I can physically feel the pain.

[ADXC]

I go out and hang with friends. (Or at the very least go to a place where there are people to which you can talk to. I know the idea of talking with strangers isn't wonderful, but they are better than nothing and also it helps provide you with opportunities that you wouldn't otherwise have such as personal evangelism.) You don't need someone to hold in your arms to not be lonely.

I feel you in that you want someone special, but if you have God first in your life the pain of not having that person will not seem so bad. Look to Paul as an example.

We should always focus on our relationship with God first and He will provide for our needs.

[ChristianKitsune]

I second what ADXC said about putting God first in your life, as hard it is to realize he's always there for us.

Last summer I went through a really bad emotional phase of being really lonely. It seemed everyone I had spent my entire year with who had helped grow in my faith distanced themselves from me and seemed to leave me behind as they moved on in their own ways...

I was very hurt by that. By the fact that my brothers and sisters in Christ who had really helped me grow had suddenly taken a leave of absence. But I soon realized that God was strengthening me and growing me and teaching me that I don't NEED to rely on people to live. I could rely on him to get me through the hard times...

It was the hardest time in my life, but I recognize that my need for people does NOT equal my utter dependence on God.

My advice? Seek after God first, then allow yourself to open up and go out of your way to ask people to hang out. I know its hard to invite others to hang out. I'd depend on others to plan and still I sort of do.

Also pick who you want to hang out. Don't send a mass text because people assume you found someoen to hang out with. Purposefully ask others to hang out. You might get a better response that way.

It's a process, but coming out your shell is a really cool thing to try to do.

I hope that made sense. ^^;it's late and I might have rambled.

At any rate, I'll be prayin for ya!

[Seto_Sora]

Personally I deal with loneliness in probably unhealthy ways. A year ago, when it was real bad, I dealt with it by joining networking sites such as my old homeschool haunt or facebook or dating site. Now mostly I just play video games, watch anime, and spend time with my family. But actually I completely agree with ADXC. Personally I have found that particular trial in life as all drew me to depend more closely on Christ. And if you focus on Christ, perhaps the loneliness won't go away, but it will become more bearable. Bro I feel your pain. I've been there (meybe not to physical pain) but I know loneliness. Christ is the focus man, He only can bring peace. Believe me, you can still have even a spouse and still be lonely. Christ, however, is always there and He will never leave you nor forsake you bro.

My advice? Seek after God first

Couldn't have said it better myself.


SDG

[c.t.,girl]

ya know...sometimes there isn't someone for everyone. for now...i think it's a thing of...do you know and love yourself enough to love someone else? and if you think you do...then what's to stop you from going out into the world and looking for yourself? God helps those who helps themselves as some have said...i dunno if it's true...but it's not a bad place to start.

also are you financially ready for another person in your life? a loved one doesn't come without a price. going on dates still cost money...and so do gifts...and then down the road if it lasts that long...so does a family.

...but do keep in mind as i first said...there isn't always someone for everyone.


AS FOR MYSELF...of course i'd love to have a loved one of my own...but IMO i'm not in the right mindset for one...and i know this...i'm also not financially ready for sure. i think i have God come first in my life and ya know what? still single and i'm okay with that. i have my days where i get all mopey and those days...i just stay by myself and try to focus on other things...like knitting or internet friends or drawing.

if you think you're ready...do something about it. if you don't think you are, learn to accept things as they are now, learn more about yourself and find another outlet other than moping around...NOT THAT I'M SAYING THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE DOING...>_>;

[ShiroiHikari]

Human beings have a basic, deep-seated need for other human beings. Period. And I don't just mean for sex or whatever, I just mean companionship and just...socialization. Prolonged solitude is not healthy and I don't think it's what God wants for us, either. How are we to show Christ's love to others if we don't make connections with others?

In short, saying "trust God" is not always helpful advice. Sure, definitely focus on God. I'm not saying not to. But if you are lonely, go out and try to forge some connections. You can't reap what you don't sow.

[c.t.,girl]

In short, saying "trust God" is not always helpful advice. Sure, definitely focus on God. I'm not saying not to. But if you are lonely, go out and try to forge some connections. You can't reap what you don't sow.

Hear, hear, Annette!

[ADXC]

Yeah because I can say personally being in college for 2 years, you really need to break out of your shell.

I know HOW tempting it is to stay inside, but if you do that then you risk missing everything that goes on outside it.

These two years have been tough for me because I've been trying to find a balance of rest, academics, and socialization. Let me just say that my academics and rest time sometime suffer because of my strives to create new friendships, of which I find much more important than getting that extra hour of rest or study.

If you create a strong web of friends, then when you fall down they (Not just God) will be there to help you get out of your slump or whatever.

Although I still struggle with my shell, I think I am getting to the point where I only go into my shell to sleep and cool down and that's it.

[aliveinHim]

I know how you feel. I used to wish that I would have a guy who'd want to hold me in his arms and protect me. Now, I draw, watch anime, play outside with my sisters, give the neighbor kids wheelbarrow rides, go shopping with my best friend. I also remember that God is always with me and I'm completely dependent upon Him. He will never let me down.

[CloudStrife911]

Thanks everyone. I don't mean to be a downer, but I already know most of what was said. I've got alot of good friends on campus. I spend at least 75% of the day hanging out with them. I am attending a Bible college, so it's kinda difficult to not be seeking after God. I guess that's why I came to ask everyone here. I'm just so tired of the "dating" stuff. I just want to move past this part in my life. I guess that the real problem is not the normal definition of loneliness.

[Okami]

Thanks everyone. I don't mean to be a downer, but I already know most of what was said. I've got alot of good friends on campus. I spend at least 75% of the day hanging out with them. I am attending a Bible college, so it's kinda difficult to not be seeking after God. I guess that's why I came to ask everyone here. I'm just so tired of the "dating" stuff. I just want to move past this part in my life. I guess that the real problem is not the normal definition of loneliness.

I feel ya there. Just remember that just because you're at Bible college doesn't mean everyone has the same intentions of following God with all their heart. My campus has had big issues in the past with pregnancy, violence, and drugs. People get focused on the wrong things, or come here for something other than ministry and get distracted from what really matters. People forget it's not necessarily about the grades, but about the information they are learning. Plus, there's typically more temptation for -insert sin here- present in a Christian bubble. But I digress.

Being on a Bible college campus basically screams "M-R-S. DEGREEEEEE~!" Freaking... I am tired of hearing of all the financial perks to being married. When I came in as a Freshman, my financial advisor was advising me to get married "sooner than later" because of the monetary bonuses that come with it. And well, now I've taken up celibacy, so that's not exactly an option.

It's extremely easy to get caught up in the loneliness of not having a boyfriend when my roommate as well as many close friends are dating. (Of the nine of us on this side of my floor, for the majority of the year seven were dating, where as now six are. I was content in my single living and the other single was NOT, which made it sort of discomforting. The one who recently broke up with her boyfriend is also content to be single again, so that's a relief...)

I would have to agree that God and community are the two best ways to combat the feelings of loneliness that arise. I enjoy when couples include me in their activities, so as not to be socially ostracized for being single. However, being introverted I'm okay with entertaining myself and staying within the boundaries of my floor, where I'm often found hanging around the friends that are here. (Not every couple spends every waking moment together.) You need to find what gives you the most comfort in your Christian walk with encouragers all around you to keep you pursuing Christ and your goals. (Note that comfort here does not mean everything is peachy, but rather that it is a mindset of continual commitment, which means one must keep going, even in the midst of hardship!)

Hope this helps!

[ADXC]

Yeah I kinda get what you mean too. So basically this is no a loneliness problem. It's a "I'm-tired-of-being-single" problem because you have the power to not be lonely by hanging out with people, but that you still want that opposite sex companionship. I'm sorry for being blunt, but I think you should say what you mean.

I go to a Bible college too so I know the whole M.R.S. Degree thing. I see the exact things that you and Okami see. I see couples EVERYWHERE! If they are not getting married, then they are at least dating. After each school year, I see about 7 to 9 couples, that I know personally, on average get married. It's so discouraging because I want to be at least dating too.

We could go into the whole singleness issue, but I'd rather this thread not be locked for going off topic. If you want to know my thoughts on singleness, pm me.

Geez looking back, I kinda wish all of us single people in here(This thread for instance) were friends in RL. Then at least we could have more friends and not worry about the whole "dating and relationship" thing.


But yeah, I would say focus more on doing what God wants you to do. If that's to go out and be that friend to someone who lost their best friend or family member, then do it.

I won't say anything else about singleness except for this. There IS a place for singleness and it is very much important. Sometimes there are people you can only reach by being single. Sorry to say to couples that you won't be as flexible, but it's the truth. As a single person, you have the ability and power to do what God wants you to do without much question about having to worry about how your other half will think about it.

[Okami]

I won't say anything else about singleness except for this. There IS a place for singleness and it is very much important. Sometimes there are people you can only reach by being single. Sorry to say to couples that you won't be as flexible, but it's the truth. As a single person, you have the ability and power to do what God wants you to do without much question about having to worry about how your other half will think about it.

Yes! This is exactly what my mentor has encouraged me on a weekly basis to remember.

[Htom Sirveaux]

I totally understand the feeling of "lack-of-female-companionship" loneliness. "Almost physically painful" is how I'd describe it, all right. Just don't seek relief from your loneliness in the wrong places.

Personally, I struggled for several years with stuff I never should have gotten into, all the while desperately lonely and praying for God to send me someone so I could stop doing the things I shouldn't do and have someone to be a good man for. It took me a long time to realize that I was praying for the wrong things. I started praying differently: God, deliver me from this struggle so that if You choose to send me someone, I can be a better man for her, and if You choose not to, I can be a better man anyway. Lo and behold, He sent a wondeful woman to pull me out of the pit. We are now dating, and I'm not tempted by destructive things anymore.

[Sabana-San]

I usually just slap on my headphones and listen to some Christian music, like Tenth Avenue North or Matthew West, and then I grab my notebook and write some really cheesy love scene that I end up throwing away. Yes, I know it hurts to be so lonely. But feel confident in the fact that God's preparing someone for you! Also remember the verse: "Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Also this verse: (Isaiah 41:10) 10 Don’t you be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness.

[primetech]

If you happen to be a loner/introvert, cherish that. It doesn't mean you need to shun humanity forever, but you will get along better with 0-2 people around than you will in a group of friends, even a small group or whatever. Alone time is your recharging time.

Corny enough for ya? I'm one too, so deal with it.

[ShiroiHikari]

Alone time can be recharge time for some people, but if you have too much alone time, it's not good for you.

[armeck]

yeah. that sucks. there has only been one girl that i really had feelings for. she is currently dating lord immaturity (obviously that isn't his real name) i pray some. and blare loud music a lot. kinda stupid but it helps sometime. so does getting enough sleep.

[TheMewster]

I second ADXC on his first post about putting God first.

When I'm lonely, I go to Facebook or CAA.

God bless you!