"Adultery is human male nature"...Lol, what?

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Postby Nate » Tue Apr 19, 2011 5:20 pm

Atria35 wrote:You can't see from the outside whether someone's barren when you first meet. Or whether someone has a vasectomy.

No, no, you misunderstand. XD I was speaking from the perspective of a person WITH a vasectomy, or sterile. A person who has a vasectomy, for example, isn't going to be thinking on any level "This woman is attractive because I feel she will give the most genetic advantages to our offspring."

Or like me. I hate kids. I never want kids. Why would "genetic advantages to offspring" even come into the equation if I hate children?

Also, pretty much what Davidizer said in reference to Pascal.
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Postby TheMewster » Tue Apr 19, 2011 5:30 pm

Yes, it is human (sinful) nature. Has been ever since Adam and Eve took that stupid fruit. However we are supposed to fight our sinful natures. Yes, men and women commit adultery. But y'know according to God, that little white lie you told your boss or 'borrowing' that cookie is JUST AS BAD AS THE WAGES OF SIN IS DEATH!!! Not adultery or idolatry or murder, but ALL SIN!!! This is why Jesus had to die on the cross people!
Sorry if I come across as harsh or turn this into a Theological Debate. God bless you all!
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Postby mechana2015 » Tue Apr 19, 2011 5:49 pm

Umm, mewster, did you read the original post, or the moderator posts? This thread is about people blaming men exclusively for adultery, not a discussion about adultery in general, and especially not its religious ramifications. It's about sexism and gender based myths not the act itself.
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Postby Dante » Tue Apr 19, 2011 9:10 pm

@ Davidizer13

Admittedly some things don't fit the mold - why don't I have a strong desire to reproduce at the moment and why does Nate claim to hate kids? Furthermore, why do humans take on kids that aren't even their own (adoption). These things are not so well defined and I can't magically pull out an answer from a hat for you.

But I disagree with David here in that I don't believe there is a separate "human" urge or nature in addition to our animal one. All of our nature is instead animal at it's nature as we are animals - we're not vegetables or minerals. And I don't believe that sex is just for the pro-creation of the species either,

Pascal wrote:I will admit that sex in humans isn't entirely for the purposes of reproduction - actually I believe it can be reduced to about three reasons. But when it comes to the topic of adultery, we're talking about pair-bonding and child-bearing. In this situation, one is simply a precursor to the other in order to insure that both partners will remain committed to the child born (given how large an investment a human child is).


Furthermore, animals don't just go after sex because they want to procreate the species either. They too are after it because it feels good and often times (enter the Bonobos) they do it for reasons completely outside of procreation (Bonobos for instance, exhibit sexual relations with all sex combinations across all age groups to manage tensions - they use sex like we use fighting).

Also, it's not about creating the maximum number of offspring - it's about creating the maximum number of offspring that can themselves procreate. That means that your offspring have to make it to maturity, so in humans (where that takes 13 years) you might want to stick around for a while to make sure the mother doesn't die off and leave the child to die as well. In other words, sticking around can have it's advantages.

------------------

And finally, Tyler Durden and the movie he's part of (Fight Club) is far more complex then "psychopath". If that's what you got out of it, I encourage you to give it another watch - this time ripping it apart as though were trying to make a school report out of it.

Warning: Contains spoilers and descriptions about some of the violence included.

[SPOILER]It doesn't surprise me that many people would find Tyler Durden to be the villain]destroy[/I] civilization. At the same time however, it really shows how well we've been pre-programmed to protect 'civilization' and what we'll allow civilization to do that we'd find offensive in an individual.

For instance, if memory serves me correctly, one person is severely wounded and one person is killed in the movie. Tyler Durden actually kills no-one (correct me if I'm wrong, but this is all going off memory).

In order to defend an empty Starbucks however, a police officer does shoot a man who later dies (but he's a police officer, a protector of civilization, and hence we're trained to feel he was validated in taking a life - that's his 'job'). Even when the land-lord comes in, Tyler doesn't hit him, he just takes punch after punch until the guy leaves. The other guy is severely wounded by the protagonist who beats the living !@#$ out of him in frustration (but he's the protagonist and because we can relate to him and his 'normal' life, we forgive him of this actions).

Even in the destruction of the major credit card companies, the director is keen to note that Tyler Durden evacuated the buildings so that no one would be left inside. And in the scene where Durden holds a gun to the shop-clerks head? The director once again goes out of his way to show the audience that at the end of the situation, Tyler didn't have a single bullet in the gun. Tyler had no intention of taking his life. Finally, by the end of the movie, the protagonist can go across the country and finds that random people he runs into support Tyler Durden... Essentially the director is implying that Tyler Durden has democratic majority support as well. The protagonist eventually concludes that the only way to stop Tyler is to take his own life and puts a bullet through his own head - but once again, because he's stopping Tyler we're lead to believe that that's acceptable.

So is Tyler Durden the hero to the average viewer? Nah, they think Tyler is the villain. Tyler is trying to destroy civilization and is hence a terrorist and a psychopath. But the civilization represented by the protagonist and police officer... they were heroes for killing others or at least forgivable for beating the heck out of people. Given that the movie is filled with sex, explosions and sweat, it's easy to assume it's just another Hollywood SFX movie. All bang and no story - but it has quite an in depth story where the director attempts to play the audience like a fiddle. (Or maybe he did it twice and I'm the one confused)

The primary goal of Tyler Durden is actually one familiar to us - he hates materialism and the life devoid of purpose in pursuit of said materialism. In a way, this is summed up with his phrase,

"The things you own, end up owning you."


This all comes down to Tyler planning on destroying the towers for all the major credit card companies (no people inside, just buildings and money), in doing so it would destroy the foundations of civilization that essentially drove people to give up value, purpose and meaning in exchange for materialism. That is, in a way, to regain their souls.

That is, the dilemma Tyler Durden is posing is similar to one familiar to us, but with a different twist. We're used to the question,

Would you lose your soul to gain the whole world?


but in this situation, we have the opposite end of the question,

Would you destroy the world if that would save your soul?


The world here, much like in the other phrase, isn't people - it's things, it's materialism, it's civilization. But because of our social training that would become a far more difficult question to answer. If you were left with a button that could destroy civilization and doing so would save your soul while leaving civilization alone to continue would destroy it - which answer is the correct one?

When you start to look at it from a deeper perspective, it actually is rather deep. So when I saw it, and the towers blew up at the end of the movie, I was cheering - because they were more then just explosion, they were incredibly symbolic. As for Tyler Durden? He no longer needed to be there, he had just completed his goals - that's what makes the end so incredibly interesting (and frankly I like the way it ended better then how I hear the book ended - with no explosions).[/SPOILER]
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Postby Rewin » Tue Apr 19, 2011 10:02 pm

All I got from that, Pascal, is that Tyler Durden had a god-complex. He felt it was his right to change everyone by force, thus making him the villian. Remember, you don't have to physically hurt someone to wrong them.
Hey, that brings us back on topic! Well, sorta, since cheating hurts emotionally, not physically.... you get it. Anyways, it is strange how adultery is viewed in Japan. I learned about this a couple years ago when I was taking a conversational japanese class. A woman in a video we were watching said she was happy her husband was out-and-about. Said it made him more relaxed and happy. But I wonder, if a japanese woman isn't ok with her husband cheating and says something, how is she viewed? Will the husband stop or will he simply divorce her and find a woman who is ok with it? Also brings up a random question, what is the divorce rate in Japan?

TopazRaven (post: 1472918) wrote:I don't like polygamy. At all, but if that's what people want to do with their life, more power to them I guess. All parties there know and accept what's going on. I'll never think adultery is acceptable though. It just seems incredibly selfish to me. Only caring about your own pleasure/feelings. I would never want to hurt my signficant other like that. If I had one. Which I probably never will, but none the less.


But if it's in a culture where it has been accepted for many years then who is getting hurt? We always assume that the first wife will be jealous of the second wife etc... but if it is something they have expected all their lives then they may very well embrace their husbands new wife and be happy with it. And it may have nothing to do with selfishness but simply social expectations. I'm not saying I want polygamy to be accepted in the US, I see no reason for it, but I don't think it should be viewed so negatively all the time. It's not evil, it's just different.
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Postby TopazRaven » Wed Apr 20, 2011 6:18 am

Rewin (post: 1473161) wrote:But if it's in a culture where it has been accepted for many years then who is getting hurt? We always assume that the first wife will be jealous of the second wife etc... but if it is something they have expected all their lives then they may very well embrace their husbands new wife and be happy with it. And it may have nothing to do with selfishness but simply social expectations. I'm not saying I want polygamy to be accepted in the US, I see no reason for it, but I don't think it should be viewed so negatively all the time. It's not evil, it's just different.

We've had a bit of a misunderstanding here. I was saying adultery is selfish, not polygamy. If everyone in that arrangement knows what is going on and accepts and embraces it then it's their life and none of my buisness. I find it creepy, but that's just me. I WOULD be jealous and upset of my husband being with another woman, let alone marrying her. I know not all women are like that and that's perfectly fine. I'm all for monogamy, but I never said polygamy was evil. Just that I don't like it for myself.
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Postby Rewin » Wed Apr 20, 2011 10:43 am

Oops, I missed the part where you switched the subject from polygamy to adultery. My apologies ^_^
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Postby Nate » Wed Apr 20, 2011 11:16 am

Pascal wrote:why does Nate claim to hate kids?

Because I do? They're annoying and loud and dumb. I have better things to do than be annoyed by them. Babies especially. I can't stand babies.
That means that your offspring have to make it to maturity

If that was true, we'd kick kids to the curb at around 12 or 13 years old. We don't even consider them adults legally at that age...in fact, you'd get arrested for having sex with someone that young. So clearly, "maturity" has absolutely nothing to do with it.
And finally, Tyler Durden and the movie he's part of (Fight Club) is far more complex then "psychopath".

No. No he isn't. Tyler Durden was the villain of the movie. That's kind of why the ending happened how it happened. The novel goes even further into Tyler's god complex, explaining how Project Mayhem had cult-like rules (such as "You don't ask questions" and "You have to trust Tyler"), as well as explaining Tyler's hatred for art (in the novel, he didn't want to blow up banks, but rather the tallest building in the world in an effort to destroy a museum, and also talks about how he wants to burn the Louvre and wipe his rear-end with the Mona Lisa).

It was an effort to gain attention and make himself feel important (stated again in the novel, when Tyler uses the "God/father" analogy and says that if he destroys beautiful things, "This way at least, God would know our names.").

While a lot of this was cut from the movie, it's still clear Tyler is a psychopath and a sociopath, and the villain of the story.
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Postby TopazRaven » Wed Apr 20, 2011 12:06 pm

Rewin (post: 1473273) wrote:Oops, I missed the part where you switched the subject from polygamy to adultery. My apologies ^_^

No problem, I figured that. :D
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Postby TheMewster » Wed Apr 20, 2011 3:42 pm

Some people been talking about Fight Club. What does this have to do with anything? God bless you anyway especially Topaz for ignoring it and trying to stay on topic!
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Postby Davidizer13 » Wed Apr 20, 2011 4:46 pm

Pascal wrote:Furthermore, animals don't just go after sex because they want to procreate the species either.


But those animals are the rare exceptions - for all but maybe five species, sex is exclusively about reproduction, and forming breeding pairs is about raising young (and even then, not all species do it). Humans are different, in that we have chosen to separate sex and reproduction, and even before we could, people still committed adultery.

I'd agree with you that deep down, base urges do drive a lot of the things we do, unconsciously, even, but I think romance and marriage are about companionship rather than producing kids. Adultery happens when that fails: if my relationship with my spouse is breaking down, I'm more likely to go out and find someone who can fill that role for me. This is true for both sexes, from what I can infer.

You could link that back to evolution and species survival, how having a companion helps your offspring, or finding someone with better genes, but I think something else is going on. If it was only about reproduction, there wouldn't be a stigma in having children out of wedlock, because you're continuing the species. The societal pressures we've developed over cultures would have been encouraging, rather than discouraging, both sexes for being "players" and sleeping around, so an anti-evolutionary idea is taking precedence over one that could potentially increase genetic diversity.

Also, I haven't read or watched Fight Club (my friend read it once, though, and it got him into boxing. Hmm.) - I'm getting my knowledge of it from summaries and stuff]V for Vendetta[/I] - just because he was working to destroy a corrupt, fascist government doesn't automatically make him a good person or a hero.

TheMewster (post: 1473354) wrote:Some people been talking about Fight Club. What does this have to do with anything? God bless you anyway especially Topaz for ignoring it and trying to stay on topic!


We're discussing potential irrational beliefs that people have that could reduce the fitness of the human species and how that proves that not every belief people have are necessarily good for the species' fitness, and therefore something besides natural selection is driving them. Fight Club is being used as a potential source of those beliefs - oversimplifying things, a character in that story is an anarchist who believes it would be best if we went back to a hunter-gatherer society. Clearly, that would not be beneficial for the species compared to where we are now.

Also, we get off topic a lot here, and if it gets too messy, the mods will deal with it, not you. Just sayin'.
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Postby Yuki-Anne » Wed Apr 20, 2011 7:22 pm

Rewin (post: 1473161) wrote:Hey, that brings us back on topic! Well, sorta, since cheating hurts emotionally, not physically.... you get it. Anyways, it is strange how adultery is viewed in Japan. I learned about this a couple years ago when I was taking a conversational japanese class. A woman in a video we were watching said she was happy her husband was out-and-about. Said it made him more relaxed and happy. But I wonder, if a japanese woman isn't ok with her husband cheating and says something, how is she viewed? Will the husband stop or will he simply divorce her and find a woman who is ok with it? Also brings up a random question, what is the divorce rate in Japan?


The divorce rate in Japan has historically been very low. Japan is still a somewhat classical society, in that divorce is a shameful thing, and couples that get pregnant out of wedlock usually choose to get married. Single mothers are not common here. However, in recent years, we have been seeing a trend of rising divorce.

One common practice is for a woman to save up money little by little while the children grow up so that when they achieve independence and leave the house, she has enough money to leave her husband and live on her own.

I'm not in that particular woman's heart, but I wouldn't be surprised if she was lying to save face. Think about it from her perspective, or the perspective of just about anyone who's ever been cheated on: the common line of thought is to blame oneself for the spouse's unhappiness. "I guess was not good enough for him." "It's my fault, I couldn't satisfy her." To tell everyone that this is not actually what you want for your marriage is very embarrassing.

What's more, we just talked about this, how in Japanese society you almost never say what you really feel, even (and sometimes especially) to your spouse. If she spoke out and said what she really felt about her husband cheating, she would be viewed poorly because she isn't putting on a brave face for everybody. She's letting them see her true feelings, which is something that simply isn't done.

She also may not be lying when she says he is more relaxed and happy. It may take pressure and tension out of their marriage for him to seek satisfaction elsewhere. This is not to say that the adultery is a good thing; it may be relieving but not necessarily a good thing, especially if the tension is being eased in ungodly ways. They're not dealing with the real issues of their marriage. It's like putting a bandaid on a cannonball wound.
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Postby Atria35 » Wed Apr 20, 2011 7:37 pm

Davidizer13 (post: 1473373) wrote:If it was only about reproduction, there wouldn't be a stigma in having children out of wedlock, because you're continuing the species. The societal pressures we've developed over cultures would have been encouraging, rather than discouraging, both sexes for being "players" and sleeping around, so an anti-evolutionary idea is taking precedence over one that could potentially increase genetic diversity.


That's because of inheritance. While having more offspring with increased genetic diversity is good in the long run (evolutionarily speaking), as a society we now have stuff that we want to leave for our kids. And we need to make sure the right stuff goes to the right kids, and that there aren't any questions about who gets what.

Look back at Henry V111- he had a son out of wedlock that people thought he would set up to get the throne. Then he had a son with his wife. It was then a bad thing that he had a son out of wedlock, because that set up two potential rivals/factions to take over the throne.

And civil war is generally considered a bad thing.

There are examples like that throughout history. I think we just got tired over all the wars fought over it. So? Social stigma against having kids out of wedlock.
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Postby Nate » Wed Apr 20, 2011 7:40 pm

Davidizer13 wrote:I had the same feelings about V in V for Vendetta - just because he was working to destroy a corrupt, fascist government doesn't automatically make him a good person or a hero.

For the record, V in the comics was not meant to be viewed as a hero, but I think they kind of changed him to one for the movie because most audiences would probably find it difficult to watch a movie where you're not supposed to root for either side.

By the same token, Rorschach in Watchmen was not meant to be viewed positively either apparently, but we all see how that went. I think ultimately no matter how depraved and evil you make someone appear to be, you're always going to get people who like them. I'm sure there are people who were like "Man Sauron TOTALLY should have gotten the Ring back, he would have been an awesome ruler."

But now we're getting off-topic, so...yeah.
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Postby Yamamaya » Wed Apr 20, 2011 7:41 pm

Yuki-Anne (post: 1473397) wrote:The divorce rate in Japan has historically been very low. Japan is still a somewhat classical society, in that divorce is a shameful thing, and couples that get pregnant out of wedlock usually choose to get married. Single mothers are not common here. However, in recent years, we have been seeing a trend of rising divorce.


This seems to be a trend throughout a lot of eastern countries. In fact it was only recently in the West that divorce began to be viewed as something not to be ashamed of. The feminist movement definitely played a role in that change in perspective.

Yuki-Anne (post: 1473397) wrote:One common practice is for a woman to save up money little by little while the children grow up so that when they achieve independence and leave the house, she has enough money to leave her husband and live on her own.


That's really sad when you think about it. I've seen couples where they only stay together because of their children. It's definitely not a happy household.

Yuki-Anne (post: 1473397) wrote:I'm not in that particular woman's heart, but I wouldn't be surprised if she was lying to save face. Think about it from her perspective, or the perspective of just about anyone who's ever been cheated on: the common line of thought is to blame oneself for the spouse's unhappiness. "I guess was not good enough for him." "It's my fault, I couldn't satisfy her." To tell everyone that this is not actually what you want for your marriage is very embarrassing.

Unless you have very strong self esteem, this is generally the journey we go in our minds. This doesn't just happen in marriage, it expands to a lot of different things. For example, when we go to a job interview and then don't get the job, we question ourselves and blame ourselves for not getting the job.

Yuki-Anne (post: 1473397) wrote:What's more, we just talked about this, how in Japanese society you almost never say what you really feel, even (and sometimes especially) to your spouse. If she spoke out and said what she really felt about her husband cheating, she would be viewed poorly because she isn't putting on a brave face for everybody. She's letting them see her true feelings, which is something that simply isn't done.


Okay I could never be a cultural relativist, because that idea is absolutely appalling to me. If there's anyone you should be expressing your feelings to, it's to the person you're planning to spend the rest of your life with. That doesn't mean that restraint shouldn't be used, but still. This is coming from a person who tends not to express his emotions with a lot of people.

[quote="Yuki-Anne (post: 1473397)"]She also may not be lying when she says he is more relaxed and happy. It may take pressure and tension out of their marriage for him to seek satisfaction elsewhere. This is not to say that the adultery is a good thing]

That's how a lot of women have got through things like that IMO. Just let him mess around as much as he wants, it relieves pressure for both of them. However, that doesn't make it a good thing.
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Postby ShiroiHikari » Wed Apr 20, 2011 7:44 pm

Yamamaya (post: 1473409) wrote:Okay I could never be a cultural relativist, because that idea is absolutely appalling to me. If there's anyone you should be expressing your feelings to, it's to the person you're planning to spend the rest of your life with. That doesn't mean that restraint shouldn't be used, but still. This is coming from a person who tends not to express his emotions with a lot of people.


Same. Here.

I love Japan and Japanese things, but I think they have some really messed up ideas about emotions and relationships.
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Postby Yamamaya » Wed Apr 20, 2011 7:50 pm

ShiroiHikari (post: 1473411) wrote:Same. Here.

I love Japan and Japanese things, but I think they have some really messed up ideas about emotions and relationships.


Of course there are always exceptions to societal norms, even in the most conformist of societies. There are always rebels, thankfully.

Perhaps this is why some Japanese people see Americans as being warm and affectionate. We tend to be more expressive of our own emotions.

Of course, I don't want to be judgmental. America has some pretty messed up ideas in its society as well.
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Postby ShiroiHikari » Wed Apr 20, 2011 7:56 pm

Yamamaya (post: 1473416) wrote:Of course, I don't want to be judgmental. America has some pretty messed up ideas in its society as well.


Oh I'm DEFINITELY not saying that we Westerners do everything right. Heck no. We do lots of things wrong.
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