"Guard your heart!"

[K. Ayato]

That looks more like an example of what happens to a Believer's heart if he/she decides to go ahead and have sex before marriage.

[Okami]

That looks more like an example of what happens to a Believer's heart if he/she decides to go ahead and have sex before marriage.

I was trying to figure out how to say it...yeah, you said what I was going to say before I could get the words out. Thanks, K!

[Riggidig]

Of course I myself have been a fool and haven't followed this advice, which has led to much heartache over the years (including recently). Ideally I would, from this point on, not get involved with someone unless I'm 100% sure we can live together as one for God.

[Midori]

Remember: no theology here, please. We've had many threads about the theological implications of purity and sex before marriage and various things like that, and we don't need another one.

In fact, this whole thread has been bordering on theology the whole time. I'm not sure I like it, but we've been leaving it be for a while, and we're gonna leave it be a little longer.

[Atria35]

I once did a Family Foundations course for a weekend. In it they basically said you should "guard your heart" and not get involved (physically, emotionally, spiritually) with someone if you're not planning on marrying them. They said you basically become "glued", connected to that person, and when you break up with them it's the equivalent of when you have glued two pieces of paper together and then try to pull them apart: Pieces of each paper will still be stuck to the other, meaning that, if you DO meet the right person someday, your heart will have been shredded numerous times (if you did this constantly) and you won't have a "whole" heart to give to them.

See, the reason that doesn't work is because there's always more love. Yeah, some love is given to the person that you broke up with, but you don't have 30 units of love- your love is an infinite amount. It's like saying that if you have 2 parents and 6 siblings, you don't have enough love for another sibling. Or you can only have 15 friends your whole life because you don't have enough love for a 16th.

That's impossible.

So I really, REALLY hate those things with the paper hearts.

[Yamamaya]

See, the reason that doesn't work is because there's always more love. Yeah, some love is given to the person that you broke up with, but you don't have 30 units of love- your love is an infinite amount. It's like saying that if you have 2 parents and 6 siblings, you don't have enough love for another sibling. Or you can only have 15 friends your whole life because you don't have enough love for a 16th.

That's impossible.

So I really, REALLY hate those things with the paper hearts.

I do too. There is no such thing as a paper heart. Love is not something you can run out of. This can only happen if you choose to make it so.

[Atria35]

I do too. There is no such thing as a paper heart. Love is not something you can run out of. This can only happen if you choose to make it so.

Truer words were never spoken.

I still feel ashamed that I didn't say this when the abstinence people came to my high school. I wanted to so badly.

[Yuki-Anne]

Answers to your numbers:

1. I was in a relationship with someone when I was 18. I never had sex with him. we never kissed. but we did hold hands and such.... During the whole time we were together, something didn't seem right. A friend at church quoted something from a book she read, "A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that man has search God's heart for it." (from the book Captivating, by John & Stasi Eldredge) I prayed about it. God was literally telling me that it wasn't meant to be. From that point I just got deeper in my relationship with Christ and fell so much in love with Him that no one else mattered. Though I never gave my virginity up, There were still pieces of my heart I couldn't get back.

Like I said, I "gave my heart" to a man who took and stomped all over it, and I bear no pain or bitterness toward him today. There is no piece of me that he has that I can't get back. And even knowing what I know now, I would probably do it all over again because of who I became as a result. He wasn't a bad guy. We didn't do anything wrong (and we did actually kiss. Just throwing that one out there). It just didn't work out. Part of growing up is realizing that sometimes things just don't work out, and sometimes that's for the better. It seems a bit over-dramatic to me to say you can't get back what you gave that guy.

But everybody's different, I suppose. Still, it seems to me that rather than shrugging and saying, "I can't get it back," it would be better to accept what happened, and also accept that God is fully capable of giving back EVERYTHING you lost. If your heart belongs to God, then no matter how deeply you fall in love with someone, that person does not hold any piece of your heart that God cannot restore.

Of course, it is important to acknowledge that healing takes time. I wasn't instantly okay after my breakup. It actually took a couple of years to fully recover. But now I'm looking at 4 years exactly since I was in a relationship with him, and there isn't any part of me that is sad or feels any ache or longing for him.

2. Trusting God. There is the person you are meant to be with. I have friends who waited for the exact person and friends who didn't. Another personal note, when I was 21, I met the man that I am meant to be with. There is something that happens that you just know. God said, "Here he is."

Yes, but then what happens when "you just know" and then it falls apart? Does that mean you're just really bad at discerning the voice of God? Or maybe God tricked you so that you would fall in love with someone so that you would have a growing experience.

This is why I think associating destiny and romantic love/marriage is really dangerous.

4. No you didn't sin if you fell in love with someone who is not the right one God made for you. (Unless you already know God is telling you not to then, that is disobedience... and yes there is His grace and mercy and restoration if/when we mess up.) If God told you go for it, then that was Him telling you.

Well, if it wasn't "meant to be" then why would he tell me to do that, especially if I'm supposed to guard my heart and not fall in love until I find the person I'm "meant to be" with?

5. No, you literally would not die. I have several friends, guys and women who have not allowed themselves into relationships that they knew wasn't meant to be.

I was being facetious and speaking in terms of actually taking your beating heart from your chest and giving it to somebody. I admit, that was out of place, regarding the seriousness of the rest of my post.

I didn't say anyone was lesser of a person. I am sorry if it sounded that way.

Apology accepted. Just for the record, I'm not hurt at all, I was just exaggerating to make a point, so I also apologize for making you sound worse than you actually did.

[FllMtl Novelist]

Oh my gosh. I have so much to say about parents who make their children think the opposite sex is out to get them and is not to be trusted.

First of all, it's important to acknowledge that parents sometimes have some very serious baggage that they are not dealing with. I will not go into detail, but this was the case with my mom. I have to realize that every single time she told me, "Don't trust attractive men, they're out to use you," she was speaking from her own baggage with things that happened to her in the past that she had buried and was not healing from.

My dad warned me against "worthless young men," and he sometimes said that all young men are worthless before 25. I think I understood that he was being facetious whenever he said this, and merely wanted to make sure I evaluated my options and chose wisely, rather than latching on to the first guy who came along.

For my part, it was really good for me to get out of the house and go to college when I was 17. I learned so much about interpersonal interaction in college, and discovered so much about who I was meant to be and how that person can best relate to the opposite sex. Of course, I'm still learning, but it's been a long road, and one that my parents were ill equipped to guide me down. I think I got the better end of the deal, because my father was mentally a healthier person than my mom (and my mom is not at all the paragon of femininity and healthy womanhood, because her mom never really taught her how to be a woman and embrace that aspect of her personhood), so I learned from him and from my brothers how to interact with men better than my older brothers learned how to interact with women. My oldest brother is still trying to figure out how to even talk to girls. I think this doesn't necessarily have to do with a shy personality, but more with the fact that nobody was able to teach him or show him how to relate well to the opposite sex.

I don't think he had/has baggage. I think it was a combination of his intense personality and the realization that "HOLY CRAP MY LITTLE GIRL IS TURNING INTO A WOMAN"; and because he had no sisters growing up, he didn't know how to deal with that.

I also realize both my parents are people who mess up like anyone else.

He does sometimes say that there are good guys out there, now. I'm glad of that, because I have younger sisters and I really don't want them to get as confused as I was.

[Lynna]

When people say "guard your heart" I always think of the verse that says "The Heart is evil above all else", which Is why you must guard your heart, because feelings can't always be trusted 100% of the time
That's just the way I think of it, though I'm probably taking that verse out of context

[TopazRaven]

Wait, why is the heart of all things evil? Doesn't the Bible go on about having a humble heart, helping and loving others?

[K. Ayato]

It's our sin nature, Topaz. Lynna was referencing Jeremiah 17:9. Even if we have the purest of intentions and do our best to follow our lives according to Jesus' example, well, that heart of ours can still play tricks on us.