Confused

[RefractedAhav]

I have struggled with depression on and off for many years. However it's been escpecially bad as of late. Many nights I have seriously wished that I would not wake up the next morning. I have not attempted suiced for two main reasons. One is that I do not belive that it would work. God has always stopped me in the past and if anything I would only succeded in adding to the pain. Second, I know that my family still cares about me and I could not bear to put them through that.

I often feel as if I have worn God's patience thin. When I pray often it either feels fake or like something is blocking me. When others pray over me it feels as if there as a wall blocking anything from comming through. Also lately I have offten wished that I did not have to deal with people at all. I have felt that if I had won the lottery or found any other way of sustaining my self with out having to work I would go off and become a hermit. It feels like people are judging me when I am around them. I think that this is just me, but it still hurts and makes it difficult to be open with people. I haven't been going to church because my work is about an hour away from the church I go to and I've been schedualed to work starting at noon on sundays. When I was going, I was starting to feel increadably uncomfortable in my sunday school class even though most of the time people acted really kind towards me. I went to the thusday night college ministry last week and the feeling was worse. When I try to sing praise I feel distant and often fake. For the first time in a while I was able to listen to praise music in my car and enjoy it but not as much as I used to.

I am not sure what exacltly is going on. I have some ideas as to what part of the problem may be but those may just be more symptoms. Could you please pray for me?

[Atria35]

I'm just throwing this out there- It could be that God was telling you that the church isn't a good fit. I have many friends who went off to college, found churches they really felt at home at in the new area, and were never very comfortable at their old ones after.

But praying that things get better.

[TopazRaven]

I'll be praying things get better for you to.

[ABlipinTime]

hm...
I can't say whether God wants you where you are or not as Atria said. My guess is that He'd indicate that in another method.
It sounds like Satan is trying to cut you off from fellow believers and dishearten you. I'll be praying God lifts that barrier.

[Atria35]

^ I only said it could be. It might be worth checking out another church, just in case.

[freerock1]

I, too, often go through times when it feels like my prayers just aren't getting through. What I'm learning more lately, though, is that God is greater than me or my feelings. And if He promises to hear our prayers (and He does promise to hear us when we ask according to His will), then He will hear me, even if I don't feel like He's hearing me. I just have to trust that He's greater than my feelings (which are imperfect) and give that care over to Him.

Just be honest in your prayer--not praying just in a ritualistic form, but tell God what's on your heart.

Also, I had thought as well that it might be a good idea to check out some other churches in a location that will fit your schedule better.

In any case, I'm lifting you up in prayer. Be encouraged, my friend.

(And if you need to talk further, my PM box is open. I can't promise how soon I'll be reasonably able to respond, but I will try to respond.)

[agasfas]

A few years ago I used to have the same empty feeling when praying. Then one day I was watching someone on the TV speaking about the Lord's prayer.
In short, the gentleman spoke about the Lord's prayer in Matthew 6. That here, Christ gives us an outline on the manner in which we should pray; giving our prayers more meaning.
First we give praise to the Lord, then ask for prayer for ourselves along with asking for forgiveness of our wrongdoing. Lastly we need to pray for others and be forgiving ourselves.
By doing this, our prayers become more genuine and not completely about ourselves.


For myself, it was "how" i was praying. It helped open my heart and I started to lose that empty feeling I had when praying.
I'm not sure if any of this relates to the feeling you are having, but whatever it is continue praying. The Lord knows what's in your heart. I will be praying for you. Keep strong.

[RefractedAhav]

Thank you all, and it is interesting to finding another church that better fits my schedule was mentioned so frequently. I was going to go try a church that I've only been to once or twice in the fifth grade tomorrow, or actually today considering it's after midnight. Anyway I've been wanting to find and reconnect with and old childhood friend and the first time I saw her in the state I am in now was at this church. I know it's a long shot but I'm kinda hoping that she'll be there and that she'll want to talk to me. There's a long and kinda pathetic story involved, but I didn't realize who she was until it was to late and now I don't know if she'll want anything to do with me.

I haven't really talked to anyone about this because it all seems kinda crazy, but I know that it was defiantly my old friend and I also know now that she tried to get my attention in high school (hind sight is 20/20), but I never could belive it was really her. If that sounds dumb, it should. Any way I want to see how's she's been and possibly become friends with her again. I saw her once after high school but again didn't realize who it was until I left and I was to proud to go back and admit my mistake. She had been asking my mom about how I was doing, but even my mom didn't realize who it was. Not that surprising considering that way back when, she was much more important to me than to my mom. I should have noticed.

All that being said, all I can hope for right now is that she'll forgive me for my pride and stupidity.

[Furen]

I'll be praying for a well outcome of this tomorrow morning remember whatever happens we care oh so much, and God cares much more than our best, so remember this whatever the circumstance. I was also in this state recentlly, I was having a horrible month and had some similar thoughts. We're here for you and would love to know what happens.

[Atria35]

Praying!

[RefractedAhav]

I have another prayer request. I need another job that provides me with enough time for a healthy thought life as well as a balanced social life. On top of that it needs to pay enough that I can start paying my parents back with out breaking the bank. It's not that I don't want to pay my parents back it's just that my mom has been saying that I should start paying in the near future. The way she's been saying it suggested that there was no hurry and they haven't sat down with me to discuss a payment plan either. Now, all of the sudden she's saying that I should have started already and when I asked her to discuss a payment plan she said not right now, because she's busy. The thing is she would not give me a time when we could talk and she is always "busy". When I expresses this to her she simply snapped back "that's life". That comment doesn't even make any sense to me. Also I tend to forget things, even important things so, with out a schedule to fall back on I won't know how much to set aside each month, also there is no system in place to tell how much has been paid or when the last payment has been made. with out it, they may have me pay more than I owe, or they may short them selves. I don't understand why if the money is so important, they wont help me set up a system of repayment. Another thing is that when I express my desire for a regular schedule or say that I'd perfere not to work overtime, they say I should be glad that I am getting the hours. They know how stressful this job is to me and yet, apparently the money I owe them is more important then my mental, emotional, and even spiritual health.

I'd be glad to work with them on this, but not when they start acting like I'm only worth the money I owe them. One other thing to add to prayer request is that I'd like a place of my own, and for now with out room mates. I can't take the negativity much longer.

[ABlipinTime]

They might be feeling the pinch themselves.

I'll be praying for you and your folks, man