Probably long overdue.

[Okami]

I keep meaning to go to bed then remembering something else.

The reason I can't tell anyone, is people in my town, if they find out, they will literally shun me and abandon me. I can't take that. I went to this church for a while. Was kinda friends with people there. I thought one girl and I could be good friends, she seemed really nice. As soon as she found out I dealt with depression, she stopped talking to me. A year later, she told me it was because I had depression. I can't tell anyone ind person what I'm dealing with, because I can't take being abandoned again.

Jesus was abandoned by His friends, too; when He needed them most they betrayed Him and ran away.

I have a note on my computer to remind me of this, and I figure it's something to pass along, "Consider that God is allowing this for your own spiritual growth." Sometimes it's the heartache that makes us strong.

[Aedin]

I don't need doctors. I need friends.

[Cloud500]

No one is saying you don't need friends, but doctors might be the people you need at this moment.

[fermy6]

Dear Aedin...On behalf of myself and everyone on this forum I wanna let u know that you are safe here...even if peoplle in your life don't understand your problems the people in this forum do and we love and care for u...and despite the fact that we love u sooo much, GOD LOVES U INFINITY TIMES MORE...Please know that we all love u and even better God loves you....U DONT EVER EVER EVER HAVE TO BE ALONE

[Lynna]

I Agree! Aedin, if you are still with us please don't give up!

[Atria35]

UPDATE: I talked with Aedin this morning. He's still with us, but emotionally volatile. Very hurt, very upset.

[goldenspines]

Merged Fermy6's thread with this one, just to keep everything in one place so people don't have to find and respond to multiple threads for Aedin.

[Lynna]

UPDATE: I talked with Aedin this morning. He's still with us, but emotionally volatile. Very hurt, very upset.

Well, It's good to know he's still with us. I'll be praying

[TopazRaven]

I'll be praying as well. Always.

[Sheenar]

I've been praying for a long time. I'm sorry that I haven't responded to any of your threads, Aedin. I really don't have words at this time. Been going through a rough patch myself. But you do (and have for a long time) have my prayers.

Please, go seek help from professionals. They can help you get through this and teach you coping mechanisms to fight the depression. My mental health provider has been instrumental in helping me keep on top of/deal with my own struggle with depression.

[Blacklight]

I won't stop praying.

[Aedin]

Been reading old posts in my old threads. I honestly don't know what to do. I keep switching between believing there's hope and things can be fixed, and believing everything's hopeless and I'm screwed and I don't belong anywhere. I look in my old threads, and I see where everything went wrong between me and this site, but that doesn't change the fact that most of my attempts to reconcile with people, either go unanswered, or are outright rejected. I'm so confused, I don't know what to do. Not to sound like I'm pitying myself, but I'm starting to see where things went wrong, and where I started giving the wrong impression of myself, and I want to fix it, but I honestly don't know how. Only good news is I took a while bunch of pills last night (like, at least two milligrams of klonopin) not to kill myself, but to help myself calm down, and I was hallucinating a lot. A lot of green flashes. Weird.

[Radical Dreamer]

A piece of advice that I think will help you is to not look back to the past where you know things have gone wrong. If looking at old threads where people hurt you depresses you, then focus on looking forward to how reconciliation and forgiveness (really, the most important part of reconciliation) can come in and change that for the better. Re-reading what went wrong and spending your time dwelling on the negative experiences you've had here will only make you feel worse, whereas putting the past behind you and looking to the future is likely to brighten your outlook at least a little bit!

That's not to say that you should blindly trust everyone automatically, including the people who have caused you hurt, whether intentionally or not. What it does mean is that you've gone through something that caused you pain, and now you can learn from it and be better prepared to handle it the next time it comes along (and it will, because nobody's perfect). But yeah, I think that's the best advice I can give to you right now. Forgive people, leave it in the past, and move forward, even when it's not easy.

(fyi Aedin and Internet, I am 100% aware that I unintentionally sound like Rafiki from The Lion King right now, but seriously, it's good advice. XD)

[Aedin]

I didn't look back so I could focus. I looked back, because every time I said someone hurt me, but couldn't explain why or what happened. they basically said I was a liar. It hurts when you're hurt deeply and people think you're a liar. And I'm trying to look forward to reconciliation, but most of the people I feel the need to reconcile with (the bible does tell us to reconcile) don't seem to care at all that they hurt me.

And you know what else hurts? In some of my threads, and in some PMs, people said I called people on CAA liars, and that was rude of me. However, I go through old PMs, old threads, and I see all these posts and PMs from people saying I can talk to them or PM them any time I need to talk to someone. Yet when I did PM them, they basically told me to leave them alone, or say I don't want to listen or don't want to be helped. So they say I can talk to them or PM them, yet as soon as I do, they basically tell me "don't talk to me" or weren't the least supportive of me, or yelled at me. I'ts happened so much (me trusting someone, and PMing them in hope) and being shut down for it, I honestly don't know if I can separate it from the site anymore. It makes me afraid to talk to new people, and then people got on my case for not contacting new people. It honestly feels like everything I do is wrong, and I want to stay here, but I feel totally confused and stuck.

I'm done. I'm sick of people having problems with me doing certain things, and then doing the exact same thing and not caring. I'm sick of trying to talk to mods, and the only result is I'm not listened to, then I g et assumptions and treated like I'm a horrible person. Just close this stupid frickin thread. I'm tired of trying.

[Midori]

Well why don't you try one more person, eh? Seriously, if you talk to me over PMs I will not reject you for anything you say.

[Aedin]

How do I Know?

[Beau Soir]

I've never asked you to give professional-quality advice. I've never expected it from you, and to be honest, I don't care. All I want is to be friends with you. All I want from anyone here is support and friendship, and since it's become clear some people might think I might be faking or seeking attention, well, I can understand why some would assume that, but it still hurts, and I hope most people don't think about me. That's why I tried to explain things so much before, but me trying to explain things just made it all worse. It just hurts (obviously) when I come here for support, and it feels like most people responding (or at least the most vocal ones) seem to be judging me or insulting me or making hurtful assumptions.

I went up to my room for a while, prayed a lot, I got no answers. I'm just tired of being judged, tired of being afraid of talking to new people, being afraid a person I talk to will seem nice but actually be mean and not care at all. I feel like I have nowhere I belong.

I think our personal views of friendship differ, Aedin. To me, friends give each other advice if they can. To me, friendship is formed unconsciously, not by asking, and the very base is formed by having things in common.
I definitely don't think you're faking. I take you very seriously.
I'm glad that you have realized not everyone here is judging you, insulting you, and making hurtful assumptions.

The matter of your prayer life is between you and God. I won't make assumptions or jump to conclusions about that.
Personally, I think you have belonging here on CAA. I know for sure that many people would be sad if you left or if something bad happened to you. Many people are praying for you, too, and lots of people have put forth effort to encourage you. I hope one day you'll see that there are more of us that care than you think there are.

How do I Know?

You won't know unless you try. But one thing's for sure, nothing will happen at all if you do nothing.

[Aedin]

I think our personal views of friendship differ, Aedin. To me, friends give each other advice if they can. To me, friendship is formed unconsciously, not by asking, and the very base is formed by having things in common.
I definitely don't think you're faking. I take you very seriously.
I'm glad that you have realized not everyone here is judging you, insulting you, and making hurtful assumptions.

So because you don't know what advice to give me, we can't be friends?

The matter of your prayer life is between you and God. I won't make assumptions or jump to conclusions about that.
Personally, I think you have belonging here on CAA. I know for sure that many people would be sad if you left or if something bad happened to you. Many people are praying for you, too, and lots of people have put forth effort to encourage you. I hope one day you'll see that there are more of us that care than you think there are.

You won't know unless you try. But one thing's for sure, nothing will happen at all if you do nothing.

Then why is everything made to be my fault? Why does everyone only care what I do wrong and whenever someone else hurts me, everyone pretends it never happened?

I am so frickin tired of people assuming horrible things about me, using everything I do or say to clear things up as another reason to think I"m horrible, ajnd just acting like I"m a horrible person. Even if I gave proof, or explained how people hurt me, everyone would ignore it. I can't take this anymore. Everytime I try to make friends, or reconcile, or clear things up, things get worse, and I"m always the bad guy. I'm so tired.

Sorry I wasted everyone's time and effort. Just lock the thread, nothing's gonna work anyway. I give up.

[Fish and Chips]

Goodbye Aedin.

I'll miss you.

[ShiroiHikari]

ITT: people talking about committing suicide on a site full of underaged kids.

Am I the only one that sees a problem here?

[Aedin]

And what would that be? Me letting my feelings out?

[Lilac#18]

[color="Plum"]Don't give up Aedin. Be strong.[/color]

[goldenspines]

Just lock the thread, nothing's gonna work anyway. I give up.

As always, I wish you the best, Aedin.