Hurt

[MrKrillz0r]

Hey, I really need to get up from where I am. I'm on my way to the absolute bottom and I don't have long left..

It all started with a relationship which I should never have entered but still did even though I knew in my heart I did the wrong thing. I felt sucha big guilt but I managed to gather myself and I tried to be a good example of Christ to her but it turned out just the opposite. I was a terrible example.

I started to read the bible less, and after a while I was back to my old ways. Now everyday is a hell, I hate myself and no matter how much I try to pray and change it just doesn't happen.

If Jesus would come back today He would probably be ashamed of me. My depressions and evil thoughts are coming back and I can't bear it anymore. I created the mess alone, I know its my own fault that things turned out this way. And I have the feeling that its soon over between me and my girlfriend aswell.. I just don't know how to get out, I feel so far away from Jesus.

Please pray for me.

[Atria35]

Jesus would never be ashamed of you. And God is always there, no matter how far away we feel.

Praying that you find a way out of your toxic relationship and find a way back to a better place.

[Lynna]

I agree with Atria. God can help you through any situation, and he's going to help you through this. I'll be praying

[bkilbour]

Brother, the feelings you are getting are God's way of telling you that He wants you out of that situation. The good thing (even though it feels really bad) is that He is persistent with you - it means that He hasn't given up!!!
I praise God that He has woken you from the poisonous slumber of that seductress, and I pray that you would answer His call.

Don't let the devil fool you, though; satan's going to try and make you think that you wouldn't be forgiven, but it's a lie. Jesus will forgive all things, and will accept you with loving arms. He did the same for me when I was getting out of alchemy, and He will do the same for you, I promise.

[Kunoichi]

Whether or not you had actions that led you to where you are now, does not mean that Jesus would be ashamed. He loves you unconditionally, shame isn't in the picture. Depression, sadness, hate, anger are emotions and are not anyone's fault. All that matters is the action you take in them.

Guilt honestly can be a good thing sometimes but it sounds like you are feeling more shame than anything. That isn't from God. God knows where your friend is at, her choices are not your responsibility.

Praying for you! You aren't alone in this despite how far you feel or how far you think Jesus is or should be. Fact is, despite feelings, he is right there with you. He holds neither shame or disgust for you and knows what you are experience.

Hang in there.

[Tsukuyomi]

I'll be praying ^^

No matter how far you have strayed away, you can always make your way back ^^ Just take it one (or more) steps at a time ^^ I'm not sure what happened with the relationship, but as for the reading your Bible less.. Try reading alittle more and more each night ^^

[MrKrillz0r]

I wrote my message when I was very emotional and watching it now I can see that its kinda hard to understand. I'll give you a hopefully more proper explanation this time.

*Prepare for long message*

It all started with me getting together with my girlfriend. A part of me really wanted to as I had liked this girl for a long time, meanwhile a part of me did not want to 'cuz I somehow knew it was the wrong thing to do. I knew that she was going to confess to me like 1-2 days before and I was really nervous and told myself that it would be better for me to stay out of this relationship. Not only 'cuz she is not a christian but due to the fact that I was going through a lot of tests in my life and I was really feeling that I had become alot closer to Jesus than ever before in my life. But after my failure in saying no to her it all started to fall apart. I prayed a lot right after getting together with her and I understood that I had failed but I had to make the best out of the situation and be a good example on how a christian should be. But I see now why God didn't want me to enter this relationship, I simply wasn't ready for this. I was not being a good example due to the fact that I'm a coward and my lack of experience with relationships. And things went on and I was feeling further and further away from God, and I started to sin more and more as well. And with all this happening Satan finally had the chance to get me down even more again. My evil thoughts started to come more and more often, leading me to feeling even more guilt 'cuz of the things that I started to think about and pictures that flashed by in my mind.

I always thought of myself as less of a christian than many others 'cuz of my many flaws and the weeks before this all started are probably the only weeks where I in my heart felt like there was maybe even a place in heaven for me. But the calm feeling in my spirit and joy of life I felt back then have been replaced with a burning feeling in my soul. I feel like I'm just breathing to death. But yesterday at church the priest talked about being saved. He said something like "Not believing you are saved is believing that Jesus dying on the cross wasn't enough" and after coming home from church I looked up a hip hop artist (Which I don't use to listen to). I just searched on his name on youtube for some reason, and he had a new song out which I hadn't heard before so I listened to it. And the song was about what the pastor said, and I understood that God wanted me to understand this. But its hard for my heart to understand, after all this time believing that I will go to hell and trying to change for the better, to think over myself as "saved". Especially now when I'm so messed up and feeling so bad 'cuz of all the things I've done, I just don't know what to do.

Even though I wrote alot about my relationship with my girlfriend in this message, thats not the real core to the problem, and it is certainly not her fault that I'm where I'm at right now.

Warning: The text under this might contain stuff that should be posted in the mature prayer thread, so if you wouldn't read the mature prayer thread than don't read this either.

I might mention another thing why I felt so bad about being together with my girlfriend. I knew that it would get to the point when she would want to have sex, and I hadn't talked to her about that as a christian its a sin to do it before marriage. (I know there is different views on this, but this is what I know in my heart is the right choice for me atleast.) The reason for me not telling her was that I'm a coward and I'm really bad at being serious face to face with someone, especially with something as personal as this.
I know I should have told her much much earlier, and I hate myself so much for this, as it wasn't just hurting myself but I went into a relationship and didn't tell her this which meant that I hurt her too by not telling her before. When I finally told her, which was when I felt we were going to far and if I wouldn't say something now it would be to late. By finally saying this we started to talk about faith and God. It turned out she never believed in God, not even as a kid when most kids believed in God. And explained why I believed in God and Jesus and how it all started. And I told her that I had been a bad example on how a real christian should be. I told her that I had been terrible stupid and said she was free to leave me and I said I wouldn't be mad or anything. Then she said she wouldn't leave me 'cuz of this and said she liked me a lot And after that we haven't talked about it.

If you read through all of this you are really blessed with a good patience, anyway I'm terrible sorry to flood you with all of my problems. Thanks for reading. And thanks for praying for me!

[Tsukuyomi]

Everyone has flaws and everyone makes mistakes, so try not to be too harsh on yourself ^^ All anyone can really do is learn from one's mistakes and try our best not to repeat them in the future ^^

[Atria35]

I'm glad that you realized that you can't have a good relationship without honesty, and am so happy to hear that you told her how you felt about these things.

I guess the question is where you go from here. I hope that you are feeling better about the relationship overall. I also hope that in coming clean in your relationship has also brought you closer to God in a way (being able to admit your love for Him is a big thing).

Praying that things ease up for you in all aspects of your life!

[Ella Edric]

Im definately praying for you, buddy.

Im in a very similar situation right now. Feel absolutely free to PM me any time if you need someone.

[musicaloddball]

Here's my little bible passage suggestion : Luke 18:10-14. If you are truly sorry, if you truly want God's mercy, you CANNOT go to hell. Hell is for people who are so completely turned against God and His Law that they CAN'T be happy in heaven living with God and under his Laws for all eternity. That is the ONLY reason people go to hell.

And you are not a coward either. You eventually told your gf what you needed to tell her! I'm sure God is pleased with that.

"God doesn't require us to succeed, he only requires that you try"
— Mother Teresa

I'm prayin for ya!

[Sapphire225]

I see no reason why God would be ashamed of you. The bible says that we all have fallen short. We are not perfect, but we are capable of trying of realizing our mistake and choosing to act upon it.

You did the right thing to talk to your girlfriend about that.

You will be in my prayers.

[TGJesusfreak]

Dude, I'm praying. You have my gmail if you need to talk. I'm almost always online my gmail.

god will never be ashamed of you, only sad for you. I know that with his guidence you'll make it through. Praise him through the storms of your life. He'll be there for you dude.
We're all here to support you.

[ABlipinTime]

God is with you, always!

I'm praying for you!

[steenajack]

I'll be praying for you! There isn't much I can say that hasn't already been said, but God loves you SO much. He wants to hold you and have you in his arms. There is nothing you can do to make Him love you less!