Being Single is Awesome!

[LadyRushia]

Often, the Church will talk about marriage as though it's something that makes you more spiritually mature. This is ridiculous, especially since Jesus and Paul were never married. Even so, it's like young people are single and grown-ups are married, you know?

Also, I don't like people telling me things like "Oh, when you get married, this happens" or "When you have kids, you'll feel like this." No. "When" is the worst word to use with singles. It instills a false hope and ignores the reality that no matter what you want, God just might want you single for your whole life. "If" is a more accurate word to use.

[MightiMidget]

I want to reply, but since I'm getting married in Dec, I don't want to risk it and tick her off!

So, no comment from me![font="Book Antiqua"][color="Red"]Col. Roy Mustang[/color][/font]

Congrats, Roy!!!

I have never gone on a date, never had a boyfriend, never been asked on a date, etc. And I've been out of highschool for going on two years. Sometimes it gets to me, but for the most I take great peace in the fact that the right guy (and I am PICKY. I haven't even fallen for anyone yet except for a few minor crushes I brushed off) will come along when and if he is to come along. I have no control over this so why worry?

Also, like Sheenar said, I like being able to be available for my friends--guy or girl. If I had a boyfriend, or was married, that would pretty much kill or greatly diminish the closeness I could have with some of my guy friends. And at this point in time? It definitely is not worth it.

Although I've only had one experience where my "love life" has been questioned (by a complete stranger who wanted to interview my relationship status for an article in a magazine...so not sure that counts...), I still find much truth and humor in this: Surving Church as a Single Scorecard Note: I have a self-deprecatory humor, some might be offended though a lot of you have probably seen it before.

Often, the Church will talk about marriage as though it's something that makes you more spiritually mature. This is ridiculous, especially since Jesus and Paul were never married. Even so, it's like young people are single and grown-ups are married, you know?

Also, I don't like people telling me things like "Oh, when you get married, this happens" or "When you have kids, you'll feel like this." No. "When" is the worst word to use with singles. It instills a false hope and ignores the reality that no matter what you want, God just might want you single for your whole life. "If" is a more accurate word to use.

HEAR HEAR!!! It is very difficult not to tell those people to go suck on a lemon.

[TWWK]

Not really questioning you or anything, but there have been many famouse missionary couples in the past. So I as long as God was calling you both for the same thing, would it really be such a big problem?

That definitely helps! Having the same calling is awesome, but from my experience, not super common, unless you've found someone in bible college or seminary.

[TheSubtleDoctor]

Great idea, Cog, but...

Where was this thread when I was single and lonely?!?

[Fish and Chips]

Great idea, Cog, but...

Where was this thread when I was single and lonely?!?

Out with its friends.

[Nate]

Where was this thread when I was single and lonely?!?

Well break up with her and then you'll be ready to go.

[Peanut]

Missions when you're single or married are sort of a trade-off deal. If single, you have a quicker, easier decision making process. As a married person, you have a better support system. There's positives and drawbacks to both.

Interestingly enough, I've heard (and I could be wrong about this since I haven't confirmed it) in the AG that if you are male and single its harder for you to go overseas for missions. Possibly close to impossible...supposedly a few too many guys found foreign wives and...well...yeah. Now we have this and AG marriage factor--I mean colleges. So (if I'm right) sometimes it doesn't pay to be male and single.

[TheSubtleDoctor]

Out with its friends.

Oh stop it, you.

Well break up with her and then you'll be ready to go.

But divorce is against my religion XP.

[Dante]

The longer I stay single the more I realize that I think I want to stay single for the rest of my life. Being single IS awesome! My own personal reasons?

[INDENT]1) It's easier to maintain girls as "just friends" if you don't intend on dating/marrying them. This is important for personal emotional growth and discussion which most guys don't get much of a chance to investigate.

2) While there are exceptions to any rule, it has also been shown that the average single person has an average of 4.0 good friends while the averaged married person can only maintain an average of 1.0. You just have more time to enjoy your relationships with other people if you're not married.

3) You don't have to worry about how your actions will effect your family. I mean, your parents may care, but by the time you're my age you have complete independence... unless you have to include someone else's life/feelings in the equation.

4) Life is cheaper. No honestly. If you're a guy and you're parents come from the tradition where a husband should provide the funding for their wife for the rest of their days then how much easier is it to just make your own life float? I mean, technically you should have twice the income. Never mind how much those expenses start shooting up when the kids begin to multiply O_o.

5) You'll never have to worry about the consequences of Matthew 22:29-32.

6) Romantic love is a drug - a mind altering one at that... I was told to say no to mind altering drugs.

7) Everything you've been told you can't do because no one would want you as their husband/wife for doing... their last and worst punishment is now prize. May Heaven have mercy on their souls. Mwah ha ha.[/INDENT]

[TWWK]

3) You don't have to worry about how your actions will effect your family. I mean, your parents may care, but by the time you're my age you have complete independence... unless you have to include someone else's life/feelings in the equation.

Yes, but this is also a plus when it comes to marriage and children. They depend on you...and you if you're paying attention, you'll undergo a transformation and mature. Being a husband and father, or being a wife and mothers helps one understand Christ's love for the church even more deeply. It helps us understand His grace better, as well.

And marriage and children provide a strong incentive to stay on the difficult and narrow path. They act as accountability partners in the strongest sense, as we realize that what we do has earthly actions and spiritual repercussions that go beyond ourselves.

[Furen]

But divorce is against my religion XP.

>.> *pssst* Nate, that backfired a bit.

I didn't see that coming XD

I'm fine with it (NOT the divorce thing) even though it'd be nice to actually KNOW what it's like being with somebody, statistically my age doesn't make it anywhere anyway. XP

[Dante]

Yes, but this is also a plus when it comes to marriage and children. They depend on you...and you if you're paying attention, you'll undergo a transformation and mature. Being a husband and father, or being a wife and mothers helps one understand Christ's love for the church even more deeply. It helps us understand His grace better, as well.

And marriage and children provide a strong incentive to stay on the difficult and narrow path. They act as accountability partners in the strongest sense, as we realize that what we do has earthly actions and spiritual repercussions that go beyond ourselves.

Plus... or minus is kinda in the eye of the beholder there. If I want to grow more "mature" I will, if not, I take complete liberty to grow more "immature" at my own leisure as well. And unlike others, I will not always say one is better then the other . <- I had a fancy quote but I couldn't find it .

[Shao Feng-Li]

I like being single. You just get to do more of what you want. But sometimes it feels lonely. A few people I grew up with are getting engaged while I've never even gone on a date. I just kinda feel like I'm in limbo sometimes. "Hey, wait for me guys!"

Some days I'm like "Pfft, I don't need no man telling me what to do" and others I just feel alone. Then I see really bad examples of husbands and get determined to not ever marry at all. It changes day after day XD

[MightiMidget]

I like being single. You just get to do more of what you want. But sometimes it feels lonely. A few people I grew up with are getting engaged while I've never even gone on a date. I just kinda feel like I'm in limbo sometimes. "Hey, wait for me guys!"

Some days I'm like "Pfft, I don't need no man telling me what to do" and others I just feel alone. Then I see really bad examples of husbands and get determined to not ever marry at all. It changes day after day XD

LOL! Yep, pretty much same here. And I go "You would drive me crazy" "I would drive you crazy" when I am in weird "what if..." moods. It's kind of fun, but like you said, it changes from day to day.

[Kaori]

Being single is awesome.

Yes, it is.

1) You can concentrate on your personal walk with God a whole lot easier.

32I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. (1 Cor. 7:32-34)

Apparently not everyone feels the same way about this, but as a single person who has spent a bit of time observing others, I agree that it is easier to concentrate more fully on pleasing God as a single person. Married people have to think about how to please their spouse, and relationships can potentially distract a person from their relationship with God] I made the decision to be a missionary, knowing that it would mean I'd have to say "no" to relationships for the time being.[/quote]
ね。　Most missionaries these days are either single women or married couples (for example, there are a ton of single women at my workplace), so it can be hard for missionary women to find a spouse while in the mission field. Not impossible, though.

I learnt to focus on being the best person I could be, not just for the future possibility of being in a relationship, but so that I could lead a meaningful, productive life. . . . there is no loss, regardless of your future martial status, to continue trying to be the best person you can be. You will feel that life is more enjoyable as a result of your efforts.

I completely agree with this. Improving yourself doesn’t need to be something aimed towards the goal of being a better person for your future spouse] Even so, it's like young people are single and grown-ups are married, you know?[/quote] Yeah, that mentality is really annoying.

[Htom Sirveaux]

Being single has its good points, but it gets excruciatingly dull sometimes. I remember over Fourth of July weekend, I was bored, lonely, angry and bitter because I had no one to be with. Even my family was out of town, for a wedding I couldn't go to (for scheduling reasons). I never thought I'd be so happy to go back to work.

[Yuki-Anne]

Not really questioning you or anything, but there have been many famouse missionary couples in the past. So I as long as God was calling you both for the same thing, would it really be such a big problem?

The issue was not missions in general so much as it was timing. It was just completely off for me to be in any sort of relationship. Not that I wasn't open to it, but it just didn't work out in any way that was conducive to a relationship. Trust me, I would love to be married and be a missionary. But that would come with its own trials and adjustments, so in the end, I think God knew what was best for me, even though the path I would have chosen for myself would have been a bit different.

[quote="Kaori"]ね]

I can serve God and be content with where He's put me, but that doesn't change the fact that I still pray for what I want.

[K. Ayato]

I'm married now, but what began to really tick me off was hearing fellow Believers telling me I should "embrace my singleness", without giving any example of what that phrase could mean. Most of those people I looked to for help and advice were already married, so hearing that kind of remark made me feel like they had forgotten how hard it can be to stay single for a time when everyone you know is dating, engaged, or already married.

That being said, I'd like to give some advice to you single folks out there who have probably heard that phrase (or something of a similar vein) over and over. There will be times where you'll stop and look at what's going on around you and think "Man, I'm glad I'm not married right now", as well as those times when every fiber of your being will be crying out for a mate. To me, that's what "embracing singleness" meant. Knowing you'll have those ups and downs and yet holding onto God's promises and continuing to experience life to the fullest .

Sorry for the long post but I felt I had to share this with all of you.

[Sheenar]

at the risk of sounding sexist...

Marry me?

And by "iron his shirt", I mean "do what I do to rid my professional/dress clothes of wrinkles" --i.e. throw them in the dryer with a damp washcloth. I suck at actual ironing --I wind up with more wrinkles than I started with.
The only time I use a clothes iron is to make a grilled cheese sandwich/quesadilla.

But I do love to cook. But only when I have other people to share it with (friends come over.) Otherwise, it's a lot of work to do for just myself --cooking is tiring for me but I love to do it for friends. And I'm not too bad of a cook if I say so myself...

[K. Ayato]

Using an iron to make a grilled cheese sandwich...

Benny & Joon fan?

[Sheenar]

Using an iron to make a grilled cheese sandwich...

Benny & Joon fan?

Nope. It's a trick I learned to survive living in the dorms. You learn to be inventive when you lack a kitchen. Now that I do have a kitchen, I still prefer to make them with the iron --it's just more fun.

[Roy Mustang]

The only time I use a clothes iron is to make a grilled cheese sandwich/quesadilla.

Are you sure that you just were not staying at a Hampton Hotel?

Waffle Iron

[color="Red"][font="Century Gothic"]
Col. Roy Mustang[/color][/font]

[Syreth]

There will be times where you'll stop and look at what's going on around you and think "Man, I'm glad I'm not married right now", as well as those times when every fiber of your being will be crying out for a mate. To me, that's what "embracing singleness" meant. Knowing you'll have those ups and downs and yet holding onto God's promises and continuing to experience life to the fullest .

Exactly! "Embracing marriage," if you will, means much the same thing to me. When we're single, we tend to look at marriage through rose-colored glasses. But the reality is that there will likely be just as many ups and downs as when we're single - maybe more. Both stages of life should be given equal credit, I think. Marriage can be worthwhile and excellent to people who are called to it, but so can being single.

Being a newly wed, I don't really have the perspective to share about what marriage is REALLY like in a general sense. But personally, I can say that my wife and I have gone through difficulties that we never saw coming, and have experienced blessings that we never could have experienced as single people.

However, you can say the same thing about being single, as KA's post implies.

I have to echo the OP. Being single is great. We shouldn't have an overly exalted view of marriage. But neither should we devalue it - it's something the Bible says to honor (Hebrews 13:4).

[Nate]

I agree that it is easier to concentrate more fully on pleasing God as a single person.

I don't know if I agree with that. Paul may have been a great guy, but I don't agree with everything he says. He says he wishes everyone could be single in another verse...unless he's advocating sex outside of marriage, that would obviously lead to human extinction.

Because really, I don't see it as being "easier" to concentrate on pleasing God. How can it be? Most people here have talked about feeling heartbroken seeing other people with significant others, the loneliness they feel, the bitterness. When you're single, it's hard to think about anything other than "I wish I could find somebody to love." Most single people I've seen are preoccupied with finding a mate, not God's work.

Now there ARE those God has chosen that just don't care about being with someone, whether they be asexual or just flat out not interested or fired up to do God's work. Hey, that's great. But that is pretty uncommon.

I hate to sound like a broken record every time this comes up but let's look at Adam, the closest dude there ever was to God. A guy who literally walked with God. What did he want? A woman. He couldn't concentrate on his work. God didn't say "Adam, you seem down, but you need to get over it. It's great that you're single! You and me are together in a great way, and you can concentrate on working for me easier!" God said "Crap, it's bad for him to be alone like this. Clearly, the solution is for me to give him a woman. With a woman, he'll be a lot happier and able to work more contently."

So if Adam, the guy who was closer to God than any of us can ever be in this lifetime, wasn't happy and able to do his work while he was single, what does that say? By the way, in b4 someone says "But after Eve showed up he ate the fruit so that proves being single was better!" That's just nonsense.

[K. Ayato]

I don't believe at all that Paul was telling the people. Of the church in Corinth (or us Believers) that one had to stay unmarried just as he was. He knew that not everyone would have the same calling he did.

Just throwing that out there in case someone gets the wrong idea that Paul "commanded" Believers to stay single.

[TWWK]

Because really, I don't see it as being "easier" to concentrate on pleasing God. How can it be? Most people here have talked about feeling heartbroken seeing other people with significant others, the loneliness they feel, the bitterness. When you're single, it's hard to think about anything other than "I wish I could find somebody to love." Most single people I've seen are preoccupied with finding a mate, not God's work.

Oh, it's much easier, and this is coming from one who was often thinking about girls. Because you know what? Thinking about the opposite sex doesn't have to restrain you from serving God. Family certainly restrains one from serving God.

It's like this - if I'm a single guy, I can give 100% to God...though I certainly will give less. If I'm married, I can only give maybe 90% (these are just semi-random numbers of course). If I'm married with a couple of children, only 60%. And if I have more kids, then maybe only 40%.

If you're single, the ball is in your court. One one hand, you can be lonely or thinking often about relationships, but you can still get past that and serve God. If it paralyzes you, that's still something that you can work through, empowered by the Holy Spirit.

But if you have a family, you must care for them. And when that's the case, you won't be able to do as much work for God outside of the family.

Being preoccupied with singleness is on an entirely different level from taking care of a family. One is something that can be helped; another is a responsibility that one will always carry.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I just have a hard time finding someone worth my interest. Girls at my school are all kind of the same. XD

Yeah. Peanut keeps saying that I'm a pimp... Or something. Although technically I'm not. That would be pretty terrible if I were.

But I enjoy singleness. And I also love people.

[Peanut]

Hmmm...as I read through this thread I have a few thoughts.

1). When it comes to Paul, marriage and singleness its important for us to remember that Paul (along with the rest of the early church) had an eschatology very different from our own, namely an eschatology that saw Jesus' second coming as being imminent and likely to occur in their lifetime. Because of this, verses like the ones Paul wrote on being single in 1 Corinthians 7 are influenced by this attitude. Why get married if Jesus is coming back tomorrow? It's a waste of energy to do so when there are so many people who haven't heard the gospel yet. If Paul knew that humanity would still be around for 2000 years after he wrote his letters, I don't think he would have emphasized some of the things he did (this being one of them).

2). I think it is what you make of it. Singleness or married life can be done to serve God with all your heart or to serve yourself. I can't really speak about married life since I'm not married but I think, similar to singleness, if God is placed first in it then it is in no way worse or lesser then singleness. In fact I'm pretty sure you can't argue that one way is better then the other so I don't see what the big deal is. Just put God first and let him guide you in your decisions.

Family certainly restrains one from serving God.

3). I sort of covered this earlier, but I would just like to say that I probably wouldn't be a Christian if it wasn't for my family and I would not be looking at going into ministry if I wasn't a Christian. So, I honestly disagree with this statement even if it is referring just to marriage/relationships. My Parents have served God quite well both in raising my sister and I and in ministering as lay people, so its not always the case.

Yeah. Peanut keeps saying that I'm a pimp... Or something. Although technically I'm not. That would be pretty terrible if I were.

Actually, Ryan, I've never called you a pimp. I've only said that you have a harem. There is a slight difference. Other then that, what you said is pretty accurate...at our school there are very few people who actually stand out from the crowd...at all...

[Syreth]

Oh, it's much easier, and this is coming from one who was often thinking about girls. Because you know what? Thinking about the opposite sex doesn't have to restrain you from serving God. Family certainly restrains one from serving God.

I'd generally disagree with this, but it depends on what you mean. There are some who would say (and have said) that family is a way one can serve God. Personally, getting married has actually enhanced my ability to serve God in many ways.

[ShiroiHikari]

I think that having a spouse and kids definitely takes a big chunk of your free time, but you can serve God just by having a Godly relationship with your spouse and kids (and anyone else you know for that matter). You don't have to be a monk or a nun to serve God.