What did I do...

[Beau Soir]

LONG STORY AHEAD... because I really like to write and it just happens this way. @__@;

Alright, first, this started because my grandma, mom, and I went to Japan recently. We took a tour and it was wonderful- apart from the fact that we went to faaaar more shrines than I've ever wanted to go to. But I was respectful in appearance while saying nothing and not participating in any rituals, as to which no one seemed to mind at all.

But, my mother bought a wooden charm for "family happiness" at one of the shrines. She did this on her own and I wasn't there to dissuade her, and as soon as she showed it to me... I was really upset. She said it was only for show, but there was just no reason for her to buy it at all. She bought plenty of other beautiful, non-religion related things for our house. And... I don't know. I asked our tour guide to read the kanji, and if I remember correctly, she said it had a name or names of gods on it.

My mom put the charm away, and with the craziness and business of the rest of our trip, I forgot about it until we came home and I saw it on our kitchen windowsill. I live in a Christian home, and where this charm happened to be placed, it was facing a wooden plaque that has the end part of Joshua 24:15 on it: "But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."

I was really sickened, and it made me really mad to see this charm to pagan gods given a place in our house like it belonged, so I... threw it away in the trash outside... without asking my mom first...

and she was furious. I was going to tell her the first chance I got, because when I threw it away, everyone had already gone to sleep. So the next day, I was about to tell her everything when she turned around from the windowsill, but before she did, she noticed and demanded to know what happened to her charm. And it was a horrible, horrible fall-out.

Even though my mom had said it was "only for show," she actually said something like, "now look what's happening because you threw it away."

I truly believe she's still mad at me- my mother has this way of holding grudges for years. I asked her to forgive me, and she never said she did. I'm really concerned for her. She has a quiet anger that she holds inside for a ridiculously long time. I apologized because I should have asked her first, but even if I could/would have, I'm sure she would have told me to get over it and let it alone.

I bought her a cute Autumn decoration to replace it, but she's still not happy. My dad was completely okay with what I did... "If you felt compelled to do it, fine." I don't think he knew what it was before.

But I'm really concerned for my mom. I'm asking that any of you might pray for us, for healing over the situation, for the softening of my mom's heart/for her grudges to be broken, and for God's guidance and peace for both of us. And also for me to not worry, because I let it get to me too often and I don't give it away to God enough. It weighs on my mind.

So please... thank you very much for your time and prayers, I really appreciate both.

[Furen]

Okay, I prayed for your mother and you!

I hope she forgives you soon.

[Twila27]

Praying for reconciliation to come for you and your mother.

[Atria35]

Look at it this way- would you feel the same way if she had brought in a four-leaf clover? Those aren't Christian symbols of luck either. But, just like those don't have religious connotations, the charms at shrines don't have religious connotations- they sell them, but aren't really part of the religion.

(Can't speak for why she's placed importance on it, though. She might have felt compelled if she feels there's other problems of discord in the house and is worried about them)

In any case, praying for reconciliation!

[goldenspines]

I will be praying for both you and your mom, KaedeKarasuma.

I do encourage you to give this all to God and ask His forgiveness. Even though you did throw away something apparently "evil", it hurt your mother by doing so. I also encourage you to see things from her point of view. Did you ask her why exactly she bought it? Also, tell her your point of view (in love, of course) about why you didn't like the charm and ask for her forgiveness again (because throwing it out without asking was not good on your part. Romans 14 might shed light on that).

Communication is very important in relationships (whether it be with friends or your parents). And yeah, it would be easier to wait until the storm blows over, but it's often better to talk it out so you can both comes to good terms and hopefully an understanding.

I hope things work out. ^_^


EDIT: Also, Atria makes an excellent point.

[Kunoichi]

This is a "tread lightly" topic. While I believe that having something that is considered a pagan charm (such as keeping Wiccan candles or statues of fertility in the house) can open doors as it was for other things to enter, I've seen this in my own life, I think that your mom may feel her boundary was violated because it wasn't her decision. So in that way I think forgiveness is needed on both of your parts.

I will pray for reconciliation and I pray that I don't sound like I'm judging or anything of that nature. Hang in there!

[Nate]

I did pray for you (and will continue to do so until the situation is resolved) but I think you need to ask your mom for forgiveness too. I know how you felt about the thing, but it was hers, she paid for it with her money, it's her house...you know how it is. It wasn't your decision to make. You should have sat down and talked with your mom about it, or maybe even your dad who could have backed you up perhaps?

Yeah, I know, saying what you should have done doesn't help because what's done is done. Sorry. But you really should apologize. I know you bought a new decoration to replace it, but that still isn't the same as saying "Mom, I know that was wrong of me to do, and I'm really sorry." It might help.

However, on the other hand, your mom also needs to realize that while she may have really liked that charm, it was just an object, and there's no need to get so upset about you throwing it out. It couldn't have been all that expensive I'm sure, and even if she liked it, her relationship with you is more important. So hopefully, she'll come around to her senses and forgive you, and realize it wasn't that big of a deal.

But yeah. I hope things work out!

[ShiroiHikari]

I'm with Nate-- you should have talked to your mom about it rather than throwing it away without saying anything. I'm sorry, but that strikes me as a very disrespectful thing to do. I wouldn't want people throwing away my things without asking me, "pagan" or not.

I will not even get started on whether or not Shinto is "evil".

[Atria35]

^ I think Nate has the right of it.

But also, you acted out of a feeling of anger, and this might be a good time to think about that. Eventually, you'll be moving out, and probably with people who won't have the exact same views you do on objects and religion- would you do the same thing to them and their things? This might be a good time to think about how you'll navigate problems like this in the future, rather than going off the handle and getting rid of other people's property.

[K. Ayato]

I have to agree with what's been said so far. While you perceived this charm as pagan and thus wanted it out of your house, it appears your mom didn't view it as such. She probably saw it as a nice decoration for the home that happened to have Japanese writing on it. I agree also on applying Romans 14 to this situation. I say this, because my brother-in-law as a wedding gift gave me and my husband some form of blessing in a different religion. My first reaction was one of fear. I never told my husband that it scared me, but I did share with him that I didn't believe in what his brother does. I have prayed about it, and while it may be a door for trouble, God is more powerful and nothing formed against Him will prosper .

I'll be praying for you and your mom. Hopefully in the future you both can agree to disagree on certain things and what they mean to each of you.

[Tsukuyomi]

Talk things through with your mother. Tell her how you felt/feel about it. She probably has no idea right?

I'll be praying that all works out ^ ^

[Hiryu]

It probably would've been better if you talked to her about what you felt about it rather than taking action immediately. You could've probably persuaded her to take it down.

However, you can still talk to her about it, even now.

[Beau Soir]

I really shouldn't have done anything without asking, especially to someone else's property. How disrespectful and impulsive of me... I'm ashamed over all this. I know I'm at fault. and I did ask her for forgiveness, but she refused to forgive me at first. In all honesty, I can't remember any time that my mother has said "I'm sorry" to me or "I forgive you..."

However...

I'd read Romans 14, and prayed about this again, because I really felt God urging me to give a sincere apology and ask for forgiveness again. In the middle of writing this, I got a call from my mom on her way home, which doesn't happen that often at all. When she came home, she happened to be in a really good mood, which also isn't common, especially after she comes home from work. But then when she got home, I apologized for everything this time, because I was so in the wrong for messing with her stuff, and for not asking, and for judging, and... and she forgave me so simply. It was nothing short of amazing. I thank God for working everything out, and for His hand healing the pain and for being awesome as He is. Wow. I told you how my mother acts usually, and it was just... God was so evident. His timing is perfect... HE is perfect!

Actually, it happened to go exactly as Nate said:

However, on the other hand, your mom also needs to realize that while she may have really liked that charm, it was just an object, and there's no need to get so upset about you throwing it out. It couldn't have been all that expensive I'm sure, and even if she liked it, her relationship with you is more important. So hopefully, she'll come around to her senses and forgive you, and realize it wasn't that big of a deal.

I read everyone's responses, and I'm very thankful for them.

-The charms aren't religiously connected? But if they have the name/names of gods on them, they are objects of superstition, and they are sold at shrines...?
-I did ask her why she bought it, she did know what it was but said it was just for show...
-I apologized to her when I admitted what I did, but only "because I should have asked her first." Ugh..
-I did tell her how I felt about it and my reasons for what I did.

Thank you guys so much for your time and patience and advice and views on this. It's been resolved now... Thank God!

A-and I'm really not a crazy kid who throws people's stuff away all the time... ;____; really... Though I do make mistakes, obviously. I'm sorry... I kind of feel like a bother.

[Atria35]

-The charms aren't religiously connected? But if they have the name/names of gods on them, they are objects of superstition, and they are sold at shrines...?

They're the four-leaf-clovers of the Shinto world. You get them for giggles. The Japanese themselves don't take them terribly seriously, they get them in the spirit your mom did. They also aren't just sold at shrines- you can buy them online and in gift shops. Some may have the name(s) of a god(s), but it's like having Jesus' name on a bookmark. Take that as you will, as my opinon of those is scornful.

[Hiryu]

[quote="KaedeKarasuma (post: 1422831)"]
A-and I'm really not a crazy kid who throws people's stuff away all the time... ]

All is well.

Consider this a learning experience.