Am I allowed to talk about the guy I like?

[Lynna]

XD I acctually had a conversation with a friend today about how girls mature faster....but still, 18 is really young to get married...that's just my opinion though XD
It's awesome that he isn't dating either, because that means that you have the same values, and also that he isn't likely to start dating someone else while you're waiting XD
The guy I used too like was also older than me by a few years...^^;;

[Number1GaaraFan]

Well my friend who is 18 is very mature for her age, She courted, has an intimate relationship with God, and her parents also said she was ready. But I think a lot of 18 year old girls are not ready for marriage unless they were the same^^^

[Lynna]

Ah, well, what I sort of mean is that even if you are really mature, getting married at 18 is a bit rushed, and you wouldn't really be able to attend collage or anything, so it's probably pretty hard to get married at that age, because you've only just become an adult.
I, at 15, can't really talk though ^_^

[ADXC]

Mature? XD Nah, that's not how it is with all guys. Many guys are just immature for a good part of their lives(Frat houses anyone?), I know plenty of them and they are like 19 and no better off than when they were 14.

Don't be playing the stereotype that guys mature later on and girls mature earlier, because from what I remember I was always a behaved person(Aside from my kid years.) because my parents punished me right while many of the other kids were hardly being punished for what they did wrong. And they turned out to be even more immature.

One size does not fit all.

[Popsicle]

Hello, I know you are not a "dating" person, but there is a book that I recommend you and everyone else really...It's called "Boundaries in Dating" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It basically goes over a numerous amount of things that go into having a healthy, Christ-based relationship. The things mentioned also apply to other life relationships as well, not just romantic ones. I think if you and Sam decide to date or if you date someone else, you should definitely read this book. You will learn a lot from it! Things you have never even thought of before! Especially at 14, I think you will gain a lot of wisdom from reading this book and perhaps save you from some heartache in the future.

[Nate]

I've heard a lot that guys shouldn't get married until they are 20 or older.

I suppose that's true, but not always the case. I knew a guy in the Navy who got married at 17 (she was 17 also), they'd been dating for three years before they got married, and when I left the Navy he was celebrating his third anniversary and expecting his first child.

I don't know if I'd pin an age on it though. Everyone matures at different rates]anyways, I am a lot more mature for my age than pretty muchly all 14 year olds I have met, and I would say that I am at the same level of maturity that he is. <Not to be prideful or anything, mind you.[/QUOTE]
I never said you weren't. :p And I know you're not prideful. But it still doesn't change the fact that like I said, 17 year old dating a 14 year old (or 18 year old dating a 15 year old) is fairly bad-looking socially, which is why you probably wouldn't wanna start dating now since it would look really bad as far as age spread.

And like I said, even if you waited until you were 18 to date him, he'd be 21, and he might have moved to a different state for college, or maybe he accepts a job in another city, or maybe he gets called to missions and then he moves to another country for a few years. Again, not saying it couldn't happen still with you, but I wouldn't devote too much time and energy to a relationship with the guy at this moment, for all those reasons.

getting married at 18 is a bit rushed, and you wouldn't really be able to attend collage or anything

Er...why wouldn't you be able to attend college? I know plenty of married women who attend college. "Being single" isn't an entry requirement. o.O

[airichan623]

well i definitely agree with everyone else on the age thing. ^_^ but with the marriage thing, one of my cousins got married at 19. its around 6 or so yrs later, and they have three kids, are sharing a farm w/ her folks, and are still going strong. it definitely depends on maturity.

[Number1GaaraFan]

She already got a degree on colledge, and as long as your ready, your parents are ready, the person you want to marry is ready, And if God says your ready then I really don't see anything wrong with it. But ya know we all have our opinions so whatever (:

[armeck]

yeah it's good to wait, my mom was 18 and my dad was 23 and now my parents are divorcing so yeah WAIT! lol XD

[Number1GaaraFan]

I'm sorry to hear that :'( But if you are sure God wants you to marry thta person I think it's ok for a girl to get married when she's 18 But yeah I'm still gonna wait to court and stuff...but who knows? I might get married when I'm 18, if I'm ready

[armeck]

yeah i mean if your ready then yeah go for it, but my parents thought they were ready and they were far from it, so yeah be sure to pray and i'm sure it will work out for you XD

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Mature? XD Nah, that's not how it is with all guys. Many guys are just immature for a good part of their lives(Frat houses anyone?), I know plenty of them and they are like 19 and no better off than when they were 14.

Maturity extends far beyond not being part of "crazy" behaviors and whatnot. Maturity is really knowing who you are in relation to another individual, and knowing how to be an effective communicator as well as what kind of attitude you have when entering a relationship. So perhaps a better measurement of a guy's maturity is not how crazy they get in a fraternity or whatever, but their attitudes towards subjects like women, friends, love, etc.

There are plenty of nice and well-mannered guys and girls who probably think they are mature (and likewise, I would imagine there are plenty of crazy-peoples who have very high levels of social maturity). But you can't really recognize your own shortcomings until you're put in a situation where those things are tested. And only after you finally realize and acknowledge things about yourself you never knew about yourself, you then can alter those thoughts and behaviors to a more correct way. Hence, things like relationships and breakups are really good learning experiences.

I dunno if I'd go THAT far. I'm not opposed to them dating, if they want to that's fine, but it needs to be their decision, not "Well some dude on the internet said we should."

Right. I meant as in if they both decided to go on with it, then why not. Not "Ryan suggests you two date", lol.

As much as I find the need for calling a certain way of dating as "courting" as absurd. I mean, dude. It's a relationship. Call it what you want, you two are still dating. XD I can't say I'm opposed to casual dating. Casual dating as in "Person seems interesting so I want to get to know her more to see if she is worth any further consideration". Not being in a relationship with someone because they are interesting.

Dating is not equal to relationship, whereas relationship would usually equal dating. "Dating" is such a wide spectrum of attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors to really be considered as a specific behavior.

[Okami]

My mom was my age when she got married, actually, so was my dad in his first marriage...both of the marriages ended in divorce.

For myself, as much as I would LOVE to be married right now, I know I couldn't do it. I just got my permit renewed and started driving again today. I also have never had a job, whereas so many people I know have had and/or have held jobs for almost four years, some younger, working under-the-table at fourteen/fifteen, some even younger.

The best thing to do in waiting to court/date is pray and pray and pray for God's timing. My roommate did this with a guy friend of ours (It was more of him wanting to wait than her, mind you) and they waited and prayed for three months before they began to date. Of course, I really don't have much say on the issues of courting or dating because I have never had that kind of relationship with a boy.

At any rate, God knows His timing more than we ever could. Wait on Him, and you'll be making the right decision. (At your age, of course, like everyone else has said, it's best to wait anyways, since he's getting close to being a legal adult and that complicates things in the legal system)

I hope my words have been helpful.... xD;

God bless!

[Number1GaaraFan]

Okami, I forgot to mention that my 2 friends who got married were also waiting for the timing to be right. What you said is exactly what I'm going to do, wait on God:)

[K. Ayato]

Waiting on His timing isn't easy, though. I can speak from experience. I'm getting married in 4 weeks and I knew almost right away when I met the guy who's now my future husband that we were to be together. At least twice we started thinking about getting married and making plans. However, suffice to say, it wasn't within God's timing and there were still a lot of things we needed to learn on our own, apart from each other.

Now it's finally gonna happen and I can see just how important and rewarding it is to wait .

[Nate]

I don't think that you can say though that getting married young is bad. What I mean is, armeck and Okami both posted stories about "Yeah my parents got married young and now they're divorcing/divorced." But as I said, I knew a guy in the Navy, he and his wife were 17 when they married, and they were still going strong when I left.

Correlation does not equal causation. I could name probably three interracial marriages I know that ended in divorce, but it would be pretty silly of me to say "Interracial marriages are a bad idea." It doesn't have any bearing on the relationship. Likewise, the young age of the people who divorced, is probably incidental. They could have been any age and it still would've ended in divorce.

Now of course this isn't me saying "Yeah get married when you're 16, it's totally cool!" That would be a dumb thing for me to say. What I'm saying is basically what...I don't know what to call Number1GaaraFan. That's a long name. I don't wanna type all that.

I'm gonna call her Gaf. So what I'm saying is basically what Gaf is saying, no matter what age two people are, if God tells them the time is right, then the time is right. For some people it might be 17 or 18. For some people it might not be until like 35. It varies from person to person, just as how not every person has the same spiritual gift, not ever person is ready at the same age.

[armeck]

oh yeah i know, i know someone who is in their 60's i think and was married at 15 and it worked out, i'm just saying it's a good idea to wait until you are sure God is saying rather than when you feel like it.

[Number1GaaraFan]

You're right Nate, lol thats what I've been trying to say this whole time, I just couldn't figure out the words =)

[armeck]

God's time is the perfect time

[ADXC]

@ Nate- What if your said "spiritual gift" was celibacy? XD Because a few years ago, that was my number one gift when I took the spiritual gift inventory test.


So basically I could be single for life? XD

[Nate]

@ Nate- What if your said "spiritual gift" was celibacy?

Then I would probably go cry for hours and hours, and become bitter and cynical, and spew nothing but hateful bile to anyone who tried to get close to me.

So in a way, pretty much nothing would change.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

@ Nate- What if your said "spiritual gift" was celibacy? XD Because a few years ago, that was my number one gift when I took the spiritual gift inventory test.

No. That is not a spiritual gift. And I don't care if Paul agrees with it, lol.

[ADXC]

Well, Paul was one of the greatest missionaries.

[FllMtl Novelist]

And so, the innocently posted thread veered off-topic, never to return. XD

[Nate]

Well, Paul was one of the greatest missionaries.

Quite debatable!

But not on CAA. 'Cuz debate about theological things usually ends up bad here. Plus it's, well, against the rules.

Besides it's proven quite well that Paul was a member of the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement! *is joking*

[goldenspines]

Yes, indeed. The theological train of thought stops here. Back on topic, please.

[Lynna]

But what else is there to say about the topic? I believe we've pretty much covered it...

[K. Ayato]

I'm not sure if this was mentioned, but do your parents know who he is?

[armeck]

I'm not sure if this was mentioned, but do your parents know who he is?

yeah she said they do

[Warrior4Christ]

Don't be playing the stereotype that guys mature later on and girls mature earlier, because from what I remember I was always a behaved person(Aside from my kid years.) because my parents punished me right while many of the other kids were hardly being punished for what they did wrong. And they turned out to be even more immature.

One size does not fit all.

Maturity is broader than just being "well-behaved". I would have considered myself a behaved person through my teens, but I can see that I've matured heaps from 18 to 21, and then lots more from 21 to 24.

EDIT: Oops, there's a page 2 and Ryan's already said it...