In need of a little prayer...

[airichan623]

I really dont know where to put this right now... I'm kind of in a state of shock. I have been taking Japanese at a school outside my own for a while now. I dont see my friends there outside of this class.

One girl, "H", I have become relatively good friends with. She liked some yaoi, and she sometimes dressed in a way that I found way unsuitable, but she was fun to talk to. She discussed anime with me and we had a lot of good laughs. We almost were going to be roomies for my first anime convention. but, she backed out of our room. why? she's staying with her new girlfriend. Yes. I just discovered she is a lesbian, and I never knew. She even has a promise ring too!
The sad part is...I was about to reach out to her too, and ask her to come to youth group with me.

This seems to happen to me a lot. Growing up, I was very sheltered and am still very naive. I went to a Christian school, so I wasnt exposed to much. Up until 6th grade I didnt even know homosexuality existed outside of the Bible. Now, with my Japanese class, I wanted to get to know some non-Christians, since I really didnt have any non-Christian friends. And I found some great friends! But... I found out now that 1 is a lesbian, and at least 1, maybe 2, are bisexual. I even found out a girl ("C") who I used to be quite close to at the Christian used to be bi! I fear she may have been attracted to me at some point. A few other friends of mine are formerly bi, but I trust them when they say they are done with it. ('C' I didnt trust anyway due to some fighting between us: this just made it worse on my end. I had to distance myself from her cuz she was effectively "poisoning" me, but the words I had to say to be considerate sounded like wat you say in a breakup) It seems like if I get close to someone, they always turn out to be bi...

I dont want to discriminate against them or condemn them as people (I do hate their sin tho). I want to love them as Christ would. But, sometimes it feels so...uncomfortable. Please pray that God would give me the strength to do so.
---

Also...I feel like the "wonderful, happy world" I believed in up until this past school year is falling apart. All I ever saw was the good things in it: acts of kindness, Christian character, the sun after the rain. I knew there was sin and hurt, but, for me, it wasnt so...close by. Now, suddenly, its all falling apart. My Christian school, which I mostly believed to be full of kids who wanted to live as Christians, now seems like a hollow place of hypocrisy. The outside world, while I knew it was sinful, seemed to be colored in black and white-everything was either good or evil. Now, its so hard to see whats good and what isnt. I'm so naive, I believe people almost without hesitation.

Please pray for me. Any bible verses to help guide me through my doubts would be greatly appreciated. As well as any topics on the issue at the top.

I hope this all made sense. i have a tendency to not make sense when I'm worried or afraid, or just worked up.
[color="DarkOrchid"]Airi [/color]

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Also...I feel like the "wonderful, happy world" I believed in up until this past school year is falling apart. All I ever saw was the good things in it: acts of kindness, Christian character, the sun after the rain. I knew there was sin and hurt, but, for me, it wasnt so...close by. Now, suddenly, its all falling apart

I've been there. And heck, every day I'm still experiencing this. Having our realities shaken and stirred up and being entirely broken apart is completely normal in life, especially if we choose and aim to live a life with a deep level of spirituality.

But you know what? Being able to develop a healthy mindset and really growing through these experiences is what makes us grow. Grow to be more open with how broken the world is. It is instances such as these that you can either become bitter at how things are going, or you can pick the more compassionate route and become heartbroken at just how broken people are in this world. When you put too much faith in broken people, you become disillusioned when they let you down. And the truth is that everyone is broken. We're broken because often times, we become greedy, self-centered, prideful, and stop to care for others and instead put ourselves first.

You can't love people and aim to mend their brokenness within their humanity if you're unaware of their brokenness. And being unaware is only half of it. The second half is embracing them knowing fully well of their brokenness.

It's these times of confusion and heartbrokenness that we have the option to still choose to love those around us. And it's never about you, or what you get. Or what you may benefit out of a friendship, or what you may lose. When you love someone, all your energy is entirely into the well-being of the other person. It's essentially "your will be done."

It's easy to love when everything is peachy keen. But our capacity for love is really tested when things are just too messed up.

But remember. It's not about you, nor about how you feel. Never. Because life is never about you. I believe that every single person I come into contact with is (or ought to be) more important than me. This way, opportunities to love them arise.

I'm sorry it's difficult. But there will always be difficult times. Emotionally, spiritually, academically, financially, you name it. It's times like these that we really have the opportunity to grow. So, as contrary as this may seem, embrace it!

A favorite author of mine, Soren Kierkegaard, once said this: "The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays." I believe this because often times, we first pray for God to fix something, or make something better. But in time, the more one prays about something, the more they come to terms with the inability to fix something. And through that, you develop contentment. Not contentment in that things are not fixed, rather it is a peace from God which has you aware of the situation, but still able to earnestly love.

[airichan623]

You can't love people and aim to mend their brokenness within their humanity if you're unaware of their brokenness. And being unaware is only half of it. The second half is embracing them knowing fully well of their brokenness.

When you love someone, all your energy is entirely into the well-being of the other person. It's essentially "your will be done."

It's easy to love when everything is peachy keen. But our capacity for love is really tested when things are just too messed up.

But remember. It's not about you, nor about how you feel. Never. Because life is never about you. I believe that every single person I come into contact with is (or ought to be) more important than me. This way, opportunities to love them arise.

I'm sorry it's difficult. But there will always be difficult times.

I wont say everything was peechy-keen. I'm just as broken as the next person, and I know that all too well. It may not be something like drugs, etc., but I had many struggles in the past that the Lord helped me through. It made me want to help those who need help...

But it's that helplessness to help that gets me so much! I've cared about someone so much it that when I thought she'd hurt herself and ran away from home and didnt return for 2 weeks, I barely could keep my mind on school and off of the constant worry and prayer. In the end, I left it in God's hands. But shes not any better. man, i dont know if shes even alive...

what I'm saying is is that before this, all I knew was those who had been already rescued from their sin. now, i'm seeing the "before."
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thank you for your help. It really helped me truly look at my condition.

[LadyRushia]

Homosexuality/bisexuality/sexuality in general is a complicated issue and just as a forewarning, this thread is not going to turn into an argument or debate about it.

I have found that the only way for me to treat homosexual or bisexual people is like a normal human being. There is nothing wrong with being friends with them. Just because someone is homosexual or bisexual doesn't necessarily mean that they have a crush on you. A common stereotype is that a lesbian or gay person likes every girl or guy they see. That's simply not true.

That being said, I have never found myself in a situation where I had a lesbian or bisexual friend with feelings for me. I'm not sure what I would do in that situation, but I would imagine that if the person were my friend, she would at least know that I'm straight and probably wouldn't expect anything but a rejection to happen anyway.

I think that when it comes to the Christian attitude toward the LGBT community, we tend to put a lot of focus on that one aspect of them and sometimes forget that they're human beings. Sometimes, when we learn something like that of someone we know, we'll analyze their actions differently even though they may not mean anything at all.

The sad part is...I was about to reach out to her too, and ask her to come to youth group with me.

I don't believe that the fact that she's a lesbian should stop you from inviting her to youth group. LGBT people should feel just as welcome in a church setting as anyone else.

Regarding the other part of your post, the world is never going to go back to that innocent black and whiteness. But it's in the gray areas that Christianity becomes real. Jesus Christ came to and interacted with a very complex world, and I think the more we become aware of those complexities, the more we can effectively apply Christ's teachings.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I wont say everything was peechy-keen. I'm just as broken as the next person, and I know that all too well. It may not be something like drugs, etc., but I had many struggles in the past that the Lord helped me through. It made me want to help those who need help...

But it's that helplessness to help that gets me so much! I've cared about someone so much it that when I thought she'd hurt herself and ran away from home and didnt return for 2 weeks, I barely could keep my mind on school and off of the constant worry and prayer. In the end, I left it in God's hands. But shes not any better. man, i dont know if shes even alive...

what I'm saying is is that before this, all I knew was those who had been already rescued from their sin. now, i'm seeing the "before."
--
thank you for your help. It really helped me truly look at my condition.

A hard pill to swallow is that sometimes, one has to accept that they may have done all they can for someone. The best they can do is keep doing what they've been doing for them, and hope that one day they may return. Similar to the parable of the prodigal son.

[Tsukuyomi]

Hang in there and I'll be praying ^__^

Keep being her friend ^^ She's still the same person you met and befriended right?

[Radical Dreamer]

But remember. It's not about you, nor about how you feel. Never. Because life is never about you. I believe that every single person I come into contact with is (or ought to be) more important than me. This way, opportunities to love them arise.

This is very good advice. I'm just quoting it for emphasis, I guess. XD

I think that when it comes to the Christian attitude toward the LGBT community, we tend to put a lot of focus on that one aspect of them and sometimes forget that they're human beings. Sometimes, when we learn something like that of someone we know, we'll analyze their actions differently even though they may not mean anything at all.

This is very, very true. When you introduce yourself to someone, you don't say, "Hi, my name is _____, and I'm straight!" Your sexuality doesn't define you as a person. In our culture, we've been led to believe through media and other outlets that all gays are flamboyant and all lesbians are butch and that's all there is to them, when that stereotype simply isn't true all of the time. When it comes to approaching people who are gay/lesbian/bi, you really just have to treat them like you would anyone else. Just because their sin happens to be a little more public than anyone else's doesn't mean they ought to be shunned. You mention that you were planning on inviting this girl to youth group, and really, I don't think you should let this new knowledge about your friend stop you. Honestly, it ought to encourage you, since she still needs to get to know who Jesus is. XD

On the loss of innocence you experienced when you discovered this, I understand that, and I think that it's something a lot of us go through (especially those of us who attended a Christian school growing up--I know I did XD). I even had a similar revelation to the one you had. But I think realizing the world isn't what you thought it was is really all part of growing up, and the sooner you understand how to handle that realization, the better off you'll be! Either way, I'll definitely be praying for you!

[K. Ayato]

I can totally understand and empathize on the whole having your world shattered. I was also raised in a strict Christian bubble, and it wasn't until several years ago that I realized just how harsh of a reality the world is outside of that bubble. I'm by no means perfect, but I did learn and I'm still learning how to treat people on equal levels, regardless of religious backgrounds or even sexual orientation. As folks here have already said, sticking a label on someone doesn't define who they are. We're all human beings and have that deep need to be accepted as such.

I agree that as shocking as it may be, you shouldn't let it prevent you from reaching out to them and showing you care. I'll be praying for you. It's no doubt a lot to take in, but with the Lord's help, you can still be a friend to them .

[Atria35]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time. I agree with everyone above- that you should reach out to them and still remember that they're a human being.

It might also be a time to meditate on how you would feel/react to those who's sinfulness is less obvious, such as finding out someone you know has been having an affair outside of marriage (for instance).

A lot of people struggle with these questions every day, to various degrees. Worlds are never black and white, and once you've seen the grey, it's never going to go back. Just remember to reach out to others for support, and I'll be praying for you!

[Nate]

Heeding Rushia's warning (not that I would've done it even if she hadn't), I'll keep my personal thoughts on sexuality to myself. But, as others have said, you can't love someone if you avoid them, or if you pretend they don't exist. You have to reach out to them, spend time with them, love them, be close to them.

And Atria's right. We all go through the phase, where we think of the world in clear-cut right and wrong, but then realize as we grow older that reality is messy and complicated. It can be painful to realize, and feel frightening, but we've all been there. You'll make it through, I'm sure of it, and it'll help you grow and mature. You read my prayer thread, of course, where I complained about the people who don't grow and mature, who refuse to see reality for what it is, so I'm confident that since you read and posted there, that you won't be one of those people. That God will guide you through, and help you to become closer to Him.

You seem like a smart kid, so I think you'll do just fine, and hope God will share His wisdom with you.

[Atria35]

And now it's my turn to agree with Nate. You are a smart girl, and will do just fine.

When I went through this, I was a lot younger, without friends or any support group such as you'll find here, so I turned to the local library to find books about dealing with change and 'bubbles' being broken- I'm trying to find the author/names to recommend- expect a PM from me about them when I do!

[Lynna]

I agree to everything everyone above me has said. I will be praying for you and your friends, and that you will be able to reach out to them. LGBTs are just as hungry for the Love of Jesus as every other person in this world. God Bless!!!
oh, and about the world not being black and white, there is a verse somewhere in the new testiment that says "On the matters of evil, you should be as wise as serpants and as innocent as babies" meaning Yes, there is evil in the world, and we should be aware of it, but we shouldn't be a part of it

[Mithrandir]

A hard pill to swallow is that sometimes, one has to accept that they may have done all they can for someone. The best they can do is keep doing what they've been doing for them, and hope that one day they may return. Similar to the parable of the prodigal son.

It's not accidental that Jesus uses the "seeds" metaphor with people. If you think of everyone around you as a seed, there's only so much you can do for it. You can water and nurture it, but you can't *grow* it. It has to grow itself, and that's God's job not ours.

it's the same with people. A common lament among Christians is that we're not seeing the DIFFERENCE we're making. But investing in someone's life isn't a short-term investment. It's a [s]capital improvement[/s] long-term investment.

The force that helps keep us from giving up on people or giving up on God is the grace we receive.

[airichan623]

Hang in there and I'll be praying ^__^

Keep being her friend ^^ She's still the same person you met and befriended right?

You mean from my earlier prayer request thread? No, this isnt 'Aly.' This is another girl-her name is 'Heaven.' Although they have both turned out to be lesbians.

I think that when it comes to the Christian attitude toward the LGBT community, we tend to put a lot of focus on that one aspect of them and sometimes forget that they're human beings. Sometimes, when we learn something like that of someone we know, we'll analyze their actions differently even though they may not mean anything at all.

I don't believe that the fact that she's a lesbian should stop you from inviting her to youth group. LGBT people should feel just as welcome in a church setting as anyone else.

Regarding the other part of your post, the world is never going to go back to that innocent black and whiteness. But it's in the gray areas that Christianity becomes real. Jesus Christ came to and interacted with a very complex world, and I think the more we become aware of those complexities, the more we can effectively apply Christ's teachings.

You're absolutely right. That's what I especially needed prayer to help me do- stop fixating on that part of her and see the rest of her personality. I'm not going to cut ties with her-absolutely not. That would only re-enforce the image people have of Christians hating 'LGBT's.

But the gray is also where good and evil are harder to distinguish from each other. But your right that it has taught me about application of Christ's teachings.

You mention that you were planning on inviting this girl to youth group, and really, I don't think you should let this new knowledge about your friend stop you. Honestly, it ought to encourage you, since she still needs to get to know who Jesus is. XD

On the loss of innocence you experienced when you discovered this, I understand that, and I think that it's something a lot of us go through (especially those of us who attended a Christian school growing up--I know I did XD). Either way, I'll definitely be praying for you!

You're right. Absolutely right.

And thank you for your prayers. ^^

It might also be a time to meditate on how you would feel/react to those who's sinfulness is less obvious, such as finding out someone you know has been having an affair outside of marriage (for instance).

Ironically, it was an instance of this that started the first "crackings of the bubble." A friend's father apparently had an affair years ago. It just came out then. But it shook me because, I looked up to him: he was in fact a pastor, and the affair happened on a mission trip. It shook my friend, and me, to our very cores. And I still have a hard time acting normal around him. "Arina" was never the same after she found out. She smiled less, and became more irritated. I'm still trying to forgive him because of what happened to Arina.

For now, I'm just trying to act normally around him. I think Arina has forgiven him, tho. So that helps a lot.

It's not accidental that Jesus uses the "seeds" metaphor with people. If you think of everyone around you as a seed, there's only so much you can do for it. You can water and nurture it, but you can't *grow* it. It has to grow itself, and that's God's job not ours.

it's the same with people. A common lament among Christians is that we're not seeing the DIFFERENCE we're making. But investing in someone's life isn't a short-term investment. It's a [s]capital improvement[/s] long-term investment.

The force that helps keep us from giving up on people or giving up on God is the grace we receive.

Aint that the truth... I learned from my earlier experiences that you cant change people- they have to choose to listen to God's call. I guess..sometimes we get a little impatient waiting for the change, you know?

[TGJesusfreak]

I'll definately be praying.

As far as your friend, just remember to smother (so to speak) her in the love of God! Let her know what you believe and that God loves her. The best thing you can do is to show her God's love ^^

[airichan623]

OK, so I'm still on good terms with this friend but I'm having a little bit of a...well....dilemna. It seems she's not rooming with her girlfriend anymore, cuz it seems that they have broken up. But that means she wants back into my hotel room. Now what do I do? I mean, for me, it would be like staying in the same room as a guy I didnt "like like" and considered a friend: kind of awkward. Whats worse, I told one of my other roomies about this discovery about her, and she was...uncomfortable, but willing to accept it. But, there is one fact I should probably bring up: "H" doesnt know that I know about her & her girlfriend. (found out on Facebook) Yes, I know people lie about things all the time on FB but on certain posts it was practically a flirt-fest, and she also marked interested in women.

Any advice? I know its not really a prayer request anymore, more like a "help" request.

[Nate]

I'm gonna go ahead and say it, I think you should let her come back.

The reason for this is pretty big, in my eyes. If you don't let her come back, you could shut off your chance to witness to her entirely. She may end the friendship with you, and then you wouldn't be able to help her.

To make matters worse, if she found out, for whatever reason, that you didn't let her come back because she's a lesbian? You may have destroyed any chance of her coming to Christ at all. "See? Christians hate people like me, that's why you didn't let me come back, you didn't help me. You say Christians help people but all you do is hurt them." That kind of thing. It would be very, very bad, I'll say.

Remember the prodigal son who went out and screwed up and did a bunch of terrible things and came back to his father? Kind of the same situation. You have a chance here to do some real good for this girl, and I think it'd be a shame if you wasted it. That's my opinion on it anyway.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

It's simple. Act as how Jesus would have acted. Act in love. And love is always defined as unconditional and selfless. This means your discomforts come secondary in terms of importance.

And by the way, I laugh a little bit on the inside when people say things like "God's unconditional love for man etc etc" because the way I see it, love MUST be unconditional in order to be love. "Conditional love" is self-refuting.

[Atria35]

Now what do I do? I mean, for me, it would be like staying in the same room as a guy I didnt "like like" and considered a friend: kind of awkward.

She's still your friend. She doesn't have romantic interest in you- like your other female friends. So you don't need to treat her any differently.

Whats worse, I told one of my other roomies about this discovery about her, and she was...uncomfortable, but willing to accept it. But, there is one fact I should probably bring up: "H" doesnt know that I know about her & her girlfriend. (found out on Facebook).

I'm not sure that this was the best call to make- while I agree that your other roommates should know, it probably wasn't your place to tell them. But as for your lesbian friend and her girlfriend, well... If the relationship is over and done with, then right now she's going to be hurting, like anyone else who was in a relationship. Bring it up when you think she's ready to talk about it, with tact and good judgement (probably not in front of other people, etc.).... if you think there's a need to talk about it at all at that point.

[K. Ayato]

I have to agree on what folks have said. Welcome her back. Right now she's hurting, and you're probably the one she knows she can trust.

[airichan623]

ok, thanks guys... yes that probably wasn't the best call for me to make to tell my friend. -_-' i never am very good with what should be said and what shouldn't.

oh yeah, it seems like she and her girlfriend are back together.

Thank you everyone for your advice. You guys have been a great help.