Struggling

[MrKrillz0r]

Hey. I need help with some problems which I have no idea how to solve. These problems have already made a hole year filled with misery and pain. This is a long story but I don't know where to get help, I just need to get this off my chest.. The problems all started about a year ago, due to a porn addiction, which God helped me out off though. But the damage was already done, bad things started appearing in my mind, and I'm not talking about like thoughts of lust or something, its much worse than that. The thoughts is still haunting me, I don't want to talk about what they really are about. Meanwhile I have to get thoose thoughts off my mind I have to keep focused at school to avoid any fights with my parents though I'm doing terrible bad at school and have no intrest in my grades, they are only there to keep my parents happy. But with more and more failing grades it just seems to be impossible. I'm also trying to do everything I can do be good against others and help out if they need help, but I've not even confessed to my closest friends about my belief in Jesus. Trying to get the fear off my chest and finally confess that I'm a christian seems just impossible cause I'm sucha coward. I don't see the point why I'm here, I only bring misery too myself and the world and I can't help anyone. I'm sucha idiot for even bringing myself to where I am now, and there seems to be no way out of this. At this point I believe that the suicide thoughts are impossible to avoid, I feel to put a end to this misery, but I know killing myself will definitly not release me from this. How do I get out of this without anyone knowing? I have no one to talk to, and God just feels to be getting further away from me because of all the bad stuff I do.

[Momo-P]

Wow, you sound like you've been letting this stuff build for a long time! *hugs* But don't get so down. I think everyone's had suicidal thoughts at one point or another. Maybe not in the sense you wanna actually act on them, but when you get really depressed, it always seems like you shouldn't be alive and that nobody cares or wants you. That just ain't true. God made you for a reason, though we may not know what that reason is right now.

As for the sexual temptation...I've had that as well. It's kind of interesting, I noticed myself really backsliding in that department last year as well, so I guess the devil was really working on Christians that year or something. But at the core of it all, you know it's wrong and you do wish it wouldn't be there anymore, right? Then you're on the right track. Sure you may still want those thoughts because of lust and enjoyment, but if you could wave a magic wand and never think those things ever again, would you do it?

If the answer's yes, then you're ok. God knows that deep down you know it's wrong and would rather never think of it again because you love Him, you're just having problems. Right now all you can do is pray and try and blow it off. I think the more we hate something and don't want to think about it, the more we do think about it. It's almost like some sick little mind game satan plays with us, but the best thing you can do is remind yourself that if you had the option, you'd never think of it again. So obviously your heart isn't truly into it.

As for the rest...just remind yourself that the kingdom of God is more important than the world. Sure it can be uncomfortable when people act like you're some idiot because you're a Christian or when you seem to "force" passages from the Bible or something, but I try and look at it this way. If your human parents gave you a good piece of advice, would you hesitate to tell your friends or would you just say "well my mom always told me that if you do this..." and not think anything of it? The reason I say that is because God is much closer to us than any human. If you don't feel weird about mentioning your human parents, why care about mentioning your heavenly Father? At the end of the day, the most they could possibly do is say something negative toward you, but in a case like that, just remember. You took one for God. There isn't anything more awesome feeling than that.

Over all, I know this may not be really great advice, but I've felt some of this stuff before and I'm praying!

[Tsukuyomi]

Hang in there ^^ I'll be praying ^__^

You shouldn't be ashamed about your faith ^__^ If they're as close of friends as you say they are, they will except you for who you are ^^ Even if they themselves aren't Christian ^^

As for the porn addicting, we have a separate prayer thread for such things here ^^

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to rant ^__^

[Dr.Faust]

praying dude

[Makachop^^128]

Will be praying ^^

[MrKrillz0r]

Thanks for the prayers!
Today the world felt abit easier and I was able to say that I believed in God to a classmate when he was talking about something that God didn't exist. I would have liked to tell him more but atleast it felt like a small victory over my fear. All I know is that I'm not going to give up, I will fight back and win this with Jesus help. I will start to take one day at a time and focus to live my life for God, even though my friends and classmates may think that my belief is weird. I will keep you informed how things is going! God Bless

[Tsukuyomi]

Thanks for the prayers!
Today the world felt abit easier and I was able to say that I believed in God to a classmate when he was talking about something that God didn't exist. I would have liked to tell him more but atleast it felt like a small victory over my fear. All I know is that I'm not going to give up, I will fight back and win this with Jesus help. I will start to take one day at a time and focus to live my life for God, even though my friends and classmates may think that my belief is weird. I will keep you informed how things is going! God Bless

Great to hear it ^__^ Sometimes, taking things one day at a time is all we can do ^__^

[Midknight74012]

If they do say your belief is weird, just say "Yea, and?"
I'm pretty sure they'll kinda stumble a bit.
If they keep stumbling, just say "I don't find anything wrong with believing a God that loved me enough to have his own son die for my sake."
Recommend you personalize that somehow, I don't know how they'll will react to that kind of statement since I don't know them, and you know better than I do.

[Adorima]

Hey man,

I thought that what you're going through is all too common. I mean when I was 14, 15 my rebellion and my depression was at it's peak. I was into porn too in it's forms of movies, art and fanfiction and I entertained all sorts of sexual habits. I did poorly in English my best subject and even more poorly in Math and Science. No matter what I liked to tell myself, I was never proud of what I was doing and just kind of went around in a depressed stupor but didn't kow how to get out of it. It was the only temporary relief I had from depression. A vicious cycle indeed.
Unfortunatly, there are too many kids who go through this stage in their life. And what's the worst part about it? Not running into Jesus' arms sooner. He would have helped me along my journey towards him as soon as I just said "Jesus, I don't know what's going on! I trust in you!"

Also another thing that I have to tell you. Sometimes it's not enough to just grit your teeth, plug your ears or try to ignore temptation. I've been sexually tempted for days on end, even in my dreams. Here the helpful hint I'd like propose you do:

I'm Catholic and we believe that fasting is discipline of the body. Just like exercise, it combats your run-away desires of the flesh. When you fast you don't give in to every hunger impulse you're confronted with and what's more - you learn to master your sexual desires. It doesn't seem likely right? Well take Jesus in Mathew 17: 14-21, he says in verse 21, "This demon will only be driven out through prayer and fasting."

Even so, you will be tempted. Probably very sorely. It took me quite a while to be rid of my sexual habits and frequent temptations, it won't happen overnight. But don't ever let sin crush you, what you need is the courage and humility to get back up and keep following Jesus.

Surround yourself with people who will support you (such as us). Go to Church. Join some extracurricular activities that will occupy your time and give you responsiblitites that will make porn sound like a freaking waste of time, no matter how good it may feel for a moment. Fast and pray fervently. It may hurt, you may feel embarassed to be throwing yourself into prayer without really meaning it. You may think God's judging you. That's the way it was for me. But the more you do it, the greater your faith will become and the clearer the way out will be.

[MrKrillz0r]

Hey dude's thanks for ya help, life is feeling better now even though this day has been a pest. But I'm trying to get school to work for me, I may passed the math test today even, atleast it felt pretty good. The lust and the thoughts is still there but I'm trying to endure n' ignore it hoping it someday will dissappear. Thanks for the advices too, I will try to do everything to win! I know that Jesus will help me if I just let him. God Bless

[acgifford]

I'm so sorry your having trouble. I know it's hard, but you have to confess your problems to God and tell him that you have sinned and ask for forgiveness. This you probably already know. I know how it feels to feel like your far away from God. One way of doing this is through talking to him and reading the Bible. One group helped me was Tenth Avenue North. Their music may be able to help you. You can look them up on YouTube. Anyway, I'll be praying for you. May God bless you.