Being an adult is hard - would appreciate some prayer

[Solid Snake]

Let me start by saying that - seeing I've only been on here for all of TWO whopping days (woo-hoo!) - I feel really, REALLY awkward posting a prayer request here. I don't know, it's kind of like, "Hey everyone, I'm a n00b. Now PRAY FOR ME OR DIE!" But this is really troubling me.

Just got back from Church this morning. While I was there, I had a talk with a friend of mine. He's a cool guy, but one of those "on the edge" Christians (maybe off the edge, not sure). You know, the type that let's the occasional A or S word out (at Church, it's gotta be worse elsewhere). There's that part of me that says, "Warning! Warning! Must leave and not talk to such men," but, honestly, I REALLY enjoyed our conversation. Because, sad to say, he's actually genuienly DOWN TO EARTH and REAL in what he's saying. Even if he's saying it in a ungodly way. Problem is, when I talk to someone like that, I find myself enjoying it so much that before I know it I'm letting some strong euphemisms of my own drop (you know, like using "screw" as a replacement for a four letter word that starts with an F). And I honestly think if I didn't spend so much time in the Word or around other Christians I'd probably be cussing like a sailor.

Gah, all that and I really haven't explained my request! Just, if you think of it, pray that I can find some real spirtiual strength and balance. When I was 15 (for me, that meant young and stupid) I had this big ol' idea that when I was 21 I was going to be all super-spiritual with a wife and kids and have a full time ministry somewhere. Instead I'm 21 living at home with the parents eeking out a living TRYING to be involved in full-time ministry work with seemingly no hope of ever having a wife and kids. And, you know, I used to make jokes about, "Well, when I'm 21 I'll be a real man cuz' I can drink beer and get wasted" but now I realize that. . . well, I could and it'd be completely legal. You know, after a long day of trying to call pastors and talk to them about ministry work or a missions trip and all you get is "Well, sonny boy, that's nice and all, but you need to. . ." (Southeast American Independent Baptists. . . . DRIVE ME NUTS! ! ! !) and then when you TRY to talk to a girl in Church all they can say is "You're such a frickin' idiot because you memorize the Bible and like don't want to make out with me and think it's wrong for me to wear a skirt that's, like, practically not there. You're such an old-fashioned loser!" (:bang: rant over) All that to say, well, suddenly going to grab a beer and get some manner of relief looks exceedingly tempting, even though I don't think in a thousand years I would do it.

Sorry for the huge rant. I think my prayer request has turned into a venting session, because at times I don't know if I'm sad, mad, frustrated or just plain wasted. Prayer would be appreciated, any advice is completely welcome (and yes, I read the sticky thread by. . . by. . . that dude with the awesomely wacky face on his avatar (good thread, BTW) about not psychoanalyzing, but if you have some practical wisdom I'd love to hear it).

Man, I just used double parentheses. I'm going to shut up now .

[ADXC]

Hey man and welcome to CAA! Don't worry about the ranting, it just helps us get the feelings out so that we won't keep it bottled up. And sometimes an opening prayer requires a little bit of ranting so that we may see the real person and the real problem.

Okay, Im not too much younger than you, but I still am not where you are. First of all, about the ministry thing, be patient. You will not find a position that quickly. Have you tried different churches(Maybe different denominations)? I can understand what you mean by the "well that's nice and all" stuff, but what exactly do they say you need to do? Okay, I'm not really siding with them, but if it's something that you need to do then it could be a sign you need to do it(That's redundant I know, sorry.). Just tell me what exactly they say because I will not continue on unless I know the full situation.

About the girl situation, be patient in this way also. Believe me, from the discription you can gave me of that girl, you do not need to be with her. Your wife one day should be one of high values, morals, standards, and etc. God will send the right one, just be patient. 21 is still very young to be thinking about marriage. Sometimes people do find their spouse at that age, but alot of the time, this is not the case. I can even say that my sister who is 24 is not married yet and she has been dating ALOT of guys. So don't rush into anything.

If you are going to be in the ministry, I would suggest staying away from the alcholic beverages because those could actually kick you out of the job.

I'll pray for you.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Speaking as someone who is appreciative and likely similar-minded to your friend. Your friend may simply be someone who is a bit of a deconstructionist and in a way "makes his own principles". I'm sure he'd be more than willing to explain his philosophy to you. For me, "bad words" are considered "Ungodly" to the Christian context because it has become a constructed norm.

But enough about that. XD I know how you feel. I'll be praying.

[sdzero]

I do not think I will ever understand why grown ups are the way they are. I may be a 24 year old adult myself, but it still puzzles me.

Oh well, I will pray for you and the people that you come in contact with.

[Solid Snake]

@ ADXC, thanks for the words and encouragement. I'll be praying for you and college, BTW. It's especially hard your first semester or so, especially when you're working. But, having done it myself (and made it through!), I know what you're going through and can truly say "keep it up, it'll work!" Yes, letting the rant out definetely gets rid of bottled feelings . As for what these pastors, etc. are saying, it's not a matter of needing to change anything. You see, I already work in full-time ministry with a budding organization (I'd give you our web address, but then EVERYTHING about my personal life would be revealed to all on this forum). We mostly accomplish our goals through teaching media, like videos, games and other such stuff. But your average Joe pastor seems to be extremely uncomfortable with the way we do things (para-church is a real no-no in the area I work in), and most simply won't take any time to consider our work. They've no qualms with my ability to work in ministry. They just don't want to help. Definetely in no rush to get married, and I wouldn't even consider the type of girl I was mentioning. What I'm trying to say is that I frankly don't meet any girls EXCEPT for ones who approach life that way. And I wasn't trying to say that I would legitametely consider drinkning beer. But when you realize that you CAN, suddenly things take a big change. I've realized that - well, life is tough. Thanks for the response!

@ Mr. Smarty Pants, I can understand your point of view, and I've been tempted to switch to it myself. But I personally believe that James' mention of controlling the tongue is where we find the Biblical precedent to not use foul language, along with the Gospel's record of Peter's cursing as a seemingly bad thing (PS to all: if what I just said is an infraction against the CAA's no theology debate rule, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!). My friend's philosophy in of itself I believe to be a bit dangerous, which only intensifies the situation. Thanks for the prayers, and great job on that sticky thread about avoiding psychoanylzation!

@ sdzero, I don't believe I quite follow what exactly you mean. Why I am the way I am? Why others are the way they are? I am genuinely confused. Thank you for the prayers for both myself and those I come into contact with. Heaven knows we all need them .

BTW, in case I come across the wrong way in any of my response, I really do appreciate your guys' support and concern. If any of what I said sounds like a rebuttal, etc., I'm sorry. I'm trying not to come across that way, but people say sometimes I sound aggressive. The woes of life. . . the woes of life. . .

[sdzero]

@ sdzero, I don't believe I quite follow what exactly you mean. Why I am the way I am? Why others are the way they are? I am genuinely confused. Thank you for the prayers for both myself and those I come into contact with. Heaven knows we all need them .

Sorry, let me rebuttal now.

I meant the way others are the way they are. I have always wondered why adults use foul language, drink, smoke, ect. I could never understand why adults do that stuff. As well as the female in church you talked about...wow. I really do not know what to say about that.

[ADXC]

Thanks for that encouragement. I think I'll make it, but it is tough.

I see so they(The Pastors) are just too scared or really too old fashioned to even approach your ministry. However, have you ever considered the Youth ministry? You may be able to reach them through your ministry. Adults like that aren't usually open, but kids, they will try just about anything.

[Solid Snake]

First, let me say that somebody, somewhere, must have done some SERIOUS praying! Tonight Church was a real big encouragement and my Pastor had an excellent sermon. Saw a few new doors open for some ministry stuff, too, so. . . AWESOME!

@ sdzero, gotcha'. Man, I wish I could say the same for myself. Not that I do any of those things, but sometimes I feel like I understand the attraction a little more than I wish. As for the female thing, yeah, I don't quite get that one at all. Mind you, that is the way that nearly ALL of the girls I run in to at Churches are in this area. I live right in the smack dab middle of the Bible belt, which I think is a big part of it. It's like girls around here think they have to be "bad" in order to ever amount to anything. I'd agree on smoking. Kind of odd the desire to smoke yourself into oblivion. Thanks again!

@ ADXC, yupper, Pastors in the Georgia/Alabama/Tennesse area (because I'm in the middle of all three) seem absolutely terrified of all things that they didn't come up with. Some are just extremely old fashioned (the King James BIIIIBLE - need I say more?), but I'd say the biggest problem I've had to deal with is purely political. Funny, youth ministry is actually what I do . And dude, guys and girls ages about 11-14 LOVE OUR STUFF! They love our videos, they like the Scripture memorization, they even let us deal with sexual purity (the ones who it applies to). And, I mean, LOVE IT! Which is always encouragaing. Older teens, though, really seem to shut down when you say anything that indicates they actually have to DO something to serve Christ. Once again, I'd say a big part of it is location, location, location. "Everyone" where I live is "saved" (multiple times too!), and as a result the youth culture tends to be extremely apathetic. Thanks for the advice. At least I can honestly say my Pastor is for it. That right there makes all the difference in the world.

[Dante]

Sorry for the huge rant. I think my prayer request has turned into a venting session, because at times I don't know if I'm sad, mad, frustrated or just plain wasted.

Hmmm... but ranting is half the battle, as ranting is putting your problem into words and hence allowing you to understand it more. It may cause you to feel worse, but it does allow you to think in depth about the problem.

Well, let's see, there seems to be an interesting conflict of interest here that underlies the two problems. That is, I have noticed that you feel conflicted between an older more conservative version of Christianity and the new liberal Christianity. You seem to like how the one guy seems to be able to curse and yet comes off as genuine while you don't want to and dare I say (as you compared him to seeming genuine) that you maybe don't feel like your is?

That is going to imply an interesting self struggle in the days ahead, but I might suggest that one can lose the "formalities" with God without losing the values you own. Dropping curse words or drinking doesn't make you any more "real" with your walk with God unless you happen to drop curse words normally and so you do it with your walk with him as well in the same manner. That seems kind of off and I'm sure some may be offended at that thought, but there may be another way of looking at it.

If you act with God in the same way you act in life, you've stopped trying to hide who you are in front of God and then it is easier to feel that God knows about it already, everyone does, and so maybe he can help you out with it. Language of the sort this other young man is using shouldn't be looked up to, but his bravery in letting others know he has a problem is. Think of it this way, is it better for him to hide it in front of God and wear a mask at Church so he can wear a different mask at home? If that is the case, why go?

In the same manner, you have suggested you don't have issues with this on a normal basis. It's only when you talk to him that you suddenly feel compelled to use similar language. In this case, you're being fake with him because you don't normally use this language and don't really want to, but are doing it just so you can gain his approval. For that matter, I don't feel it's necessary.

Cursing I've always felt (except for with a few sadistic individuals who love it as a sin) is a means of grabbing attention. Its an over-used shock and awe effect for kids that are ignored so they have to use exclamation points and caps lock all over their sentences because they feel that is the only way people will pay any real attention to them. So in reality, he doesn't want you to mimic his cursing, as much as he really hungers for someone to listen to him. That stated, there is no real reason for you to use it yourself except you may feel he won't pay attention back to you unless you use it.... that's a bad system and unless you're willing to be a one-way good listener it'll likely form habit with you that you don't want.

The same sort of idea can be used in all the other things you're worried you'd like to get into. Don't. It's not you now and anyone who you want as a friend will value you enough as a person to respect the values you have chosen. Don't be fooled, they're a good set of values if you're trying to stay free from sex, alcohol and cursing. With values like that, you'll do better in the long run and you'll prove the value of your friendship in other ways. This world has beer buddies and friends with benefits at the rate of a dime a dozen, but individuals of character who can compassionately offer strength to those being tossed among the waves of the world are far rarer. If you gather a compassionate heart for the sinner while staying away yourself, you can be that strength to many people. You are not Christ, and it may not be wise for you to find the worst sinners on the planet (even you are only human), but with friends with a good set of values, you can strengthen each other.

I had this big ol' idea that when I was 21 I was going to be all super-spiritual with a wife and kids and have a full time ministry somewhere

A full-time ministry requires that you understand how to be a good minister. This relates to the above. To be successful at this, you must be able to handle far more then an adult, as adults themselves will come to you for advice. If you minister, your congregation will not be made up of individuals of greater moral fiber then you (otherwise perhaps they should minister to you and not vice versa) but instead, when you take up any form of ministry it comes with the responcibility that you can stand firm by your values while compassionately leading others that do not follow those strong values.

Now, I'm sure you'll make mistakes, you wouldn't be 21 if never made mistakes, you wouldn't even be human. However, you should at least continue to strive towards those values you know to be true and be real to yourself while doing them. If you cannot be real to yourself while following these values, perhaps you need to live a little more life before returning to the question of continuing deeper into full-time ministry, or maybe your full-time ministry should also include instruction from an older wiser pastor who can give you deeper insights into yourself.

After all, while I never would have said this when I was your age... you are ONLY 21. Don't come around ME using the phrase "adult" . Even into your forties I'll still probobly use the phrase kid on you, even though you may well surpass me then and even now.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

So in reality, he doesn't want you to mimic his cursing, as much as he really hungers for someone to listen to him.

I don't think that's a fair assessment, seeing that neither you nor I really know the guy. It could simply be that it's a part of his vernacular now, especially since it's socially reinforced.

[K. Ayato]

Glad things are starting to improve, Snake.

[Dante]

I don't think that's a fair assessment, seeing that neither you nor I really know the guy. It could simply be that it's a part of his vernacular now, especially since it's socially reinforced.

I'll submit that you definitely have a possibility there. Therefore I concede my statement, that is just always how I have thought of cursing among other people, I never thought it could be considered as anything else.

[mechana2015]

And dude, guys and girls ages about 11-14 LOVE OUR STUFF! They love our videos, they like the Scripture memorization, they even let us deal with sexual purity (the ones who it applies to). And, I mean, LOVE IT! Which is always encouragaing. Older teens, though, really seem to shut down when you say anything that indicates they actually have to DO something to serve Christ. Once again, I'd say a big part of it is location, location, location. "Everyone" where I live is "saved" (multiple times too!), and as a result the youth culture tends to be extremely apathetic. Thanks for the advice. At least I can honestly say my Pastor is for it. That right there makes all the difference in the world.

Have you considered that you might, rather than having disinterested or spiritually bland older teens, have a product that is not interesting or engaging to older teens? Presentation can be difficult, particularly to that age group. Perhaps a different approach needs to be made to get a message across to them, rather than a blanket attempt to communicate with band of ages crossing from elementary school all the way through Sr. High school (which is, coincidentally right where your stated interest age dropped off, High school age).

High Schoolars particularly do not like being treated like little kids (or Jr Highers), just like college students don't like being treated like high school students. They've also seen more media as they get older, and will most likely prefer media with a more mature mindset in mind when it is presented, not the same thing the 10 and 11 year olds are reading or watching. Your statement about them being 'saved multiple times' re-enforces this idea... they've been presented with the same message so much that they're probably just looking for something new and age appropriate.

[Solid Snake]

Hey all! Thanks for the continued prayer, support, and encouragement. Everyone's advice has been helpful and encouraging. I reinforce what I said a couple days ago - somebody's REALLY praying because things have definetely been getting better.

First - and yes, yes, I know I'm the new guy so I'm going to be careful in how I say this - as I understand it the CAA's official stance on cursing is that it is wrong, sinful, and not appropriate for Christians. I agree with the statement and, as I've read around the forums and seen some Mods get pretty feisty (as they should), I'd hate to see this thread turn into a battle over whether cursing is right or wrong. Leave the theology aside, the CAA doesn't like it. That said, thanks to all of you who have been willing to deal with the issue without fear and express your own opinion. I really appreciate it. This whole mess has been hard (and is still hard) for me to muddle through, so don't think I'm saying any of that because I've got some personal vendetta here. I just don't want anyone getting in trouble on account of me.

Man, there's been so many other good things said that I just don't know where to begin. Other than a big THANK YOU to everyone. @ mechana2015, trust me, our organization has thought that through a thousand times. The group of older teens that we're dealing with right now tend to be VERY sexually oriented. We've even got a guy walking around talking to other Church members about the dimensions of a certain organ that he posseses (if you get my meaning), and jokes related to sexuality tend to be the only thing they laugh about/enjoy. That makes it kind of hard - if not impossible - for a ministry who's two primary focuses in teaching are a) Scripture memorization and b) sexual purity to make headway. But we're trying.

Well, I've got to run on back to work. I'll be back at the thread later. Thanks to all again! This has been a HUGE encouragement!