General Depression Prayer Thread

[Blitzkrieg1701]

I'm supposed to be someplace right now, so I can't blather on as long as I'd like just yet (don't worry, I will later)

But, Okami, God doesn't bring us back to what we once were, no matter how nice it may have been. Instead, He uses what we once were and what we're going through now to make us into what we're GOING TO be. Don't try to get back to the past, let the past inspire you to be what God wants you to be NOW.

...I feel like I'm leaving a LOT unsaid, but I'll say the rest later. Sorry!

[Kunoichi]

Guys..

I want to ask for forgiveness...my problems are so trivial...really they are and I feel like i'm being retarded here...bothering all of you with them so much..

Shakes head* it's so stupid....I'm so scared of going back to my depression...I had a panic attack today..at least it felt like it and I got really overwhelmed today..and even on my meds....I'm so scared of being back to suicide again and not wanting to get out of bed...

[HiddenWoodchuck]

Guys..

I want to ask for forgiveness...my problems are so trivial...really they are and I feel like i'm being retarded here...bothering all of you with them so much..

Shakes head* it's so stupid....I'm so scared of going back to my depression...I had a panic attack today..at least it felt like it and I got really overwhelmed today..and even on my meds....I'm so scared of being back to suicide again and not wanting to get out of bed...

Don't feel that way, you are not bothering anyone. Speak what you need to panic attacks used to rule me, but it isn't stupid, it is pretty scary I know, they are pretty serious and they can overwhelm you... personally I was put on a ton of meds and they never found one that worked, so I think it is possible for your anxiety to sometimes overtake those meds. Please don't allow yourself to be taken over by this, it can really make you blind and think that there is no hope, that it will just happen over and over for the rest of your life... but that is a LIE, and we are only provoked into this way of thinking by our enemy, because it keeps us from God... freedom.

I may not be able to know what is going on in your personal life, but don't beat yourself up... I know it is easy to say that, but I mean it, if you keep feeling more and more guilty... it just feeds your depression. I don't want you to become blind to the freedom that you can feel... the freedom doesn't come from cutting our lives short, but from finding that path, the one that God has made for us. It may seem impossible... and even with those who have had depression all their life, once they found out what it was that God was leading them to... it was just an amazing sense of freedom... like a total renewing of emotions. I have been emotional ever since I first fell into depression several years back, I think we keep some of it, but we become stronger and through time you will be able to fight the enemy off... to not listen to your thoughts, the ones that tell you that you are not worthy... or that you shouldn't be in this world, because you make life harder for others... those are all such lies.

I know it may be hard to see that... or you may even know it, but still have a hard time feeling it. That is our doubt that creeps in our minds... it can control us, but please know that you can win over it. God has enabled you. I'm praying! Please, comment me if you need to, I will listen to what you have to say.

To Okami - I am praying for you. I have been feeling like I don't know where to start either. I always feel like once I am starting to go in the right direction, that I end up two steps back, confused and angry again at not being able to understand what to do... but more and more, I am coming to see that if I stop thinking so hard about it... stop letting my mind race, which is super hard, because I love to think... and think... and think so more, until I have gone over every possible idea for serving God and for moving forward with my life... doing what I a meant to do... that if I just give it to God... He takes the pressure off me. I know lots of times I had no idea how to turn it over to Him, but if we can trust Him... real trust... He will guide us... sometimes, it turns out that we are not done learning something yet... or there is something else that we must come to see first... there is always something that God is working on for us... it's just, it does sometimes take time, and I know this, but even if I don't really know what you feel, I think God's plans become more visible to us through trust, in the most hardest of times... in our darkest of days... it is the trust in Him that we need, to make it all become more clear.

I know I have read stuff like this before, and I always thought... yeah, but I do trust... or I have, and I still don't know what to do... but it took me a long time to understand how to trust, and know He will provide. I still stumble... lots, but I can feel Him shaping me and doing things in my life... I learn so much about Him each day through the trust. I know it is the only reason I have not given in, when I have one of those nights, or days, where I just feel emotionally worn out... or confused... upset... full of anxiety... but somehow, the deepest of depression has not taken me over, and I know it is only because God... I was so easily broken in the past, but it has become so obvious that He is my crutch in these troubled times.

I'm praying for everyone in this thread... anyone is welcome to PM me to talk... I dunno many on here, but I am willing to listen and pray with you. God Bless.

[Nate]

Prayer would be nice for me. :/

[HiddenWoodchuck]

I will pray for ya, Nate.

[Sparx00]

Checking in on everyone. Everybody doing ok? *note still praying*

[K. Ayato]

I'm in a tight fix right now myself, but things are getting hopeful. Still, it's stressful and it's also a bit of a transition. I know it's necessary for me right now so I can grow, but I admit I'm a little scared. Prayers much appreciated.

[Sheenar]

<mod snip>


After the night where I almost attempted suicide, it took months to really get back into regularly reading Scripture and to fight off the suicidal thoughts that kept coming. Remember, God is faithful. He is with you and will never leave you. So even if your heart's not in it, read your Bible --God promises that His Word will not return void.
I went through a long period of wanting to pray, but not knowing how/what to say. But God knows our hearts.

Romans 8:26 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)

Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
[NIV at IBS] [International Bible Society] [NIV at Zondervan] [Zondervan]

26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

Hang in there, Okami. I have been there. I am living proof of the faithfulness of God (I'm still alive, aren't I?) I'll be praying for you and remember that Jesus and the Holy Spirit intercede on your behalf before God.

The healing process is going to take some serious time. But God will help you through it --it won't be easy by any means, and sometimes you will lose ground --but God is faithful and will help you get back up and move forward.

Read Isaiah 43. It helped me a lot (and still does). It helps me realize the protection and great love of God.

Again, hang in there. This is going to be very hard, but you are not alone in this. God can and will use this experience down the road.

[Sheenar]

Thank you for your prayers. Please continue to pray. I am still not sleeping well. For some reason, I can't seem to go to bed when I would like to and I've been oversleeping in the morning (still get to class and work on time, but often without breakfast). My emotions are still swinging.
But Pebbles has been doing a wonderful job of helping me calm down when I'm feeling stressed/anxious. She just seems to know.
I'm currently trying to find a weekend job to help cover expenses (since Mom will not be helping me any longer). I still have a HUGE bill from when I had my wisdom teeth out. And I don't make enough to make payments. I'm going to talk to them soon and see what can be done.
I'm also worried about where I'm going to go over Christmas break. I can't stay with my aunt b/c her allergies have been pretty bad (Pebbles=LOTS of hair). I'm talking with Financial Aid tomorrow to see what my options are for the break fee (loan?). Pray that I will trust God in this. That is something I still struggle with. God shows Himself faithful time and time again and I still don't trust Him. Lord, help my unbelief!
I'm also getting ready to have surgery on my foot (Achilles tendon is too short --been walking on the front of my left foot my whole life --now I'm developing severe arthritis --so they have to lengthen the tendon). I don't know when it will be. I'm not worried about the surgery itself --my surgeon is an extremely capable one --he did my knee surgery 1 1/2 years ago. I'm just concerned about where I will stay and who will stay with me afterwards --'cause I'll be too doped up to take care of myself... hahaha
Anyway, I'm hopeful and I'm probably worrying too much. Pray that I will truly leave this all in God's hands and not take it back and try to take care of it myself (I tend to do that...).
Let me know if you guys need anything.

P.S. I am trying to make some money --any ideas? I can crochet (I can currently make scarves and pot holders) and I'm good with Publisher.

I must go to bed now. I have class in 7 hours. Oh dang...

[K. Ayato]

Still praying. Hang in there, everyone.

[Alexander]

To anyone who has either IMed me or to whom I've told, I already apologize for putting you all through a ton of stress.

The reasons for my extreme depression is also no one's fault. Jess-chan, that includes you to. And I'm not angry or disappointed with anyone.

To fill those in who didn't know what was happening: I've been alone for the past six and a half years. While the internet has been my dependence during that time it hasn't been enough. For the past three years I've been searching what feels endlessly for a friend in anyway. At this point, I have run out of options in my own city, so I had been seriously considering going out of state for college near one of my online friends. The problem however, is that I couldn't financially or emotionally handle living on my own or with a room mate. For a long time I had thought the possibility of moving near AsianBlossem's location would be the best option as I got along with her best. However, the only option would be to live at her house.

Regardless of the extreme conditions, I held faithful that this would be it. This was the miracle I was praying for. This would be the time that my suffering would finally subside and I would be free.

The answer, however, turned into a no very, very soon.

After that, my mind fell apart completely. Suicide was in my thoughts constantly along with every possible idea and feeling I had ever experienced including bizzare thoughts such as, "I don't need friends at all" to "The human desire for friendship is the most horrible emotion every conceived".

Although I can now, at least say for everyone who's been keeping up with me, that after 5 days of being in suicidal depression and my mind being very unstable, I'm starting to recover. Although it's going to be a few weeks before the feeling of being sick all over ends.

Also, my plans for Otakon 2008 might be canceled as I have a lot of self and spiritual trials that will most definitely be facing in my future.

Lastly, I thank you all for those who gave me help. I'm still alive, and maybe that in itself is a miracle.

[AsianBlossom]

*hugs Alec-kun*

(I really wish I knew what to tell you, but words fail me...just remember that there are more people who care about you than you realize...I've just been busy with homework and whatnot lately that I haven't IMed you in the past few days. I'm still thinking about you, my friend.)

[Kamille]

God bless you Alexander. What you initially went through sounds a lot like my experience the first time I asked a woman out on a date. She was such a nice person and I cared about her so much that when she said no my one year span of non-suicidal thinking came to an end. It hurt for a very long time until God showed me that He had other better plans for me. I pray that that day comes to you soon.

[Kamille]

I'm praying for all you guys....Unfortunetly, life is rough, and the road that is right for u is often the hardest...But remember that that's not God's fault....instead remember that He is willing to get you through it....

Also, there've been a few worries I've been struggling with myself. Baisically, tonight my parents and I looked over what options I have in my future after I graduate High School (which I know realise we should've done a while ago), and it just overwhelmed me that any path I'll take will put me in a situation that I'm not confortable with.

To back up, I'm wanting to go into film (writing, directing, editing) mainly becuase I have felt for a long time now that that is career to which God has called me. Yet, the difficult part of that is that it's such a secular industry that I'm afraid that I might eventually become someone I don't know. Also, part of me would rather stay in one place, become part of a community and maybe even raise a family some day...But that is just so hard to manage if I were to go into this feild becuase it's not only time consuming, but your constantly traveling too.....But I really can't see myself doing anything else for Him....

I know that by myself that I will never get there, but with Him in my life, filling me with His spirit, that goal will not seem all to impossible.....It's just easy to forget that during times of stress......

I'm praying for you, Danderson, and I feel for you. I am writing a sci-fi novel with a pretty heavy Christian slant and I occasionally have the same worries that you are feeling. Whatever happens I don't want to compromise my integrity or the integrity of my work just because a publisher may say it will never sell. Plus, another dream of mine is to make or collaborate on an anime about Jesus, geared toward teens and adults. And we all know how hard a sell that would be. So in closing I'll just say what I usually say - prayer and the Bible, with them you will not fail.

[Okami]

Yesterday was my own personal hell.

I come today with the typed version of a ‘letter’ I allowed both Kitsune and Kiku to read today. I’m keeping it in its original state, so as a forewarning I’m saying that it’s pretty…graphic…and emoish.


“Failure. It’s a word I’ve become well associated with in the past month. Yesterday was no different. It began the night before as I started contemplating cutting while lying in bed, hoping for sleep to come my way. Why? I don’t know, I could go as far as saying I was almost back to normal on Tuesday. I took a sudden affinity to my blood, bloodlust, if you will. When I finally awoke in the morning, it was like any other day; get up, go take a shower…get ready for an “interesting” day at school. But in the shower, I could not stop my eyes from lingering. The razor kept catching me off guard from the corners of my eyes. Eventually I found it in my hand, placed over my wrist, over the slight marks from my attempts to cut on Monday; that’s right, I never told you. They were nothing, really, so I took it as a grain of salt and didn’t say anything about them. It began slowly, at first just pressing it down into my skin. Nothing happened, so I began using a more “upbeat” slashing motion. That pierced my skin, and it excited me. I continued doing that. Over and over again. The inflictions made can be shown to the left and right of my wrist, as the blade refused to slit in the middle, and that can only be by God’s grace…unlike my first two cuts, these bled. The blood was exactly what I wanted. As I said on CAA’s Chat: “I would really like to bleed out the pain.” And as weak-minded as it is, a lot of that emotional distress was bled out, and I felt a bit better afterwards. But after watching myself bleed for a few minutes, my reaction to the blood changed. I was filled with sudden nausea. After I’d finished showering, I managed to throw up my dinner. So I wrote a note to mom saying that I was sick and saying home. Afterwards, I wrote my feelings into a poem, and I can show you later, that is, if you like. Even almost a day later, at four in the morning as it is now, my stomach is still slightly upset. I threw up several times yesterday. To top that, since I couldn’t eat because food would not stay down, two Ibuprofen was like a bad drug overdose. So I had to take action and physically make myself purge it up and just live with a headache for several hours.
Everything I did yesterday was so selfish; cutting, purging, skipping school…obviously, I am in a deep spiritual war, and I need prayers, especially from the friends closest to me…and that was just the beginning.
As the day went on, the war, this battle, turned for the worse. And at this point, you’re probably thinking something along the lines on “How can it get any worse than THIS?” But it did. The little demon of my sexual desire came back for a haunting last night while in bed. I did everything to try and stop it. Shoved my hands under my pillows, clenched the bars on my bed…I should have physically gotten up and fled, but I didn’t. Soon I found myself losing control. Found myself positioned, ready to masturbate. At first, I fought it, in desperate attempt to keep true to my covenant with God; my purity ring, everything I’ve been committed to since Christ in Youth…my four, almost five (in two weeks time) months of freedom. But I was eventually overcome. I masturbated. And at first, it shocked my system. I hadn’t done it or experienced it in so long…and it wasn’t pleasant. My body rejected those sudden emotions of pleasure and joy. It lasted about half an hour before I gave up, exhausted.* [I have this in the margin: “*Note: (And, although I was obviously very aroused, I could not bring myself to the state of orgasm, as I once was able to)] That alone shows how much I have changed and grown, because the process could, at one time, last for hours. It actually became a bit more enjoyable towards the end, as my body grew re-accustomed to the physically-driven mood-altered emotion. I am ashamed to admit, but everywhere I could have fallen yesterday, I did. I am a fool. I just don’t know what to say, has my faith really grown that weak? I can only pray and ask God for mercy and forgiveness, because of this rebellion and recklessness, all I am doing is hindering my relationship and friendship with the One I hold dearest…
~ - name withheld (Okami) – 4:29 AM, 11-1-07

PS: Feel free to leave any feedback, comments, or prayers on a separate sheet of paper! Please, my dear friends, I need to hear from you, and written word may be the best option as I can always keep it close at hand. Who would have thought that all of the “nonspoken” stuff would be everything I use as my way out? Not I…and as a Christ-follower, I need to change. I want to change.
And here on this bandage I write for all to see, one simple word that says it all: …LIFE… …LIFE…
Two for the double-power of one, as this life is not my own, but His.”


And then, the poem that I mentioned in there, “Beautiful Disaster”:
“She laughs, hides behind a smile
They think she’s fine, but they don’t realize the truth
The proof is in her eyes; pain, doubt, insecurity
She is so unsure.
They tease and they mock playfully,
What they don’t understand is that each said injects a vile poison
The flame is going out, but they don’t care to watch it fade
Confusion has thrown her into a jail of her own.
Chained, bound, and gagged.
That is what she feels.
She watches the blood trickle victoriously, wonders where He is in all of it.
Fear has taken control of her action, now.
And all she ever wanted was to be redeemed.
Jesus come!
Control this girl’s mind,
Purify her heart,
Stitch up the wounds she’s so foolishly made
Have her come clean, show her Your love.
Never leave her side,
Rescue me.
Look at the mess, she’s made it all.
All the while they stare, completely unaware…
Darkness takes the stage as her grip on life loosens.
She’s fallen a little further down.
This is how she feels right now
Empty, with nothing left to spare
Finger to wrist: Life.
A beautiful disaster, so dangerously close
She’s on a suicide mission with no end at all.
What hope does she have in living?
He knows her plans and her future,
She will trust and rekindle the Flame…”

[LadyRushia]

This is one of those times where I almost wish I've been through some more drama in my life. . .I mean, I can only relate to this a little bit and I really want to help you. . .Well, I'm here for you and I suppose that's the best I can do. Shoot me a PM, email, whatever. I told you before that I'm your vent box, XDD.

The small part I can relate to is the whole "feeling worthless after hanging out with the letter M" thing after you've been going strong for a couple months. You can't progress if you let those "I should've done this and that" thoughts comsume you. I know that when I told you about my screw up I made it seem trivial and not such a big deal, but those few hours when I seriously wondered how and *why* God could possibly love me or any other failure of a human being were painful. And as I sat in bed with all my questions, I grabbed my bible and asked God to answer them through His Word. I opened to Proverbs and it read something along the lines of "because he loved me first, I will protect and keep him." Even though it sounds unrelated, it made me feel better.

You like Superchic[k]? Have some lyrics~

We all fall
Sometimes
We all let ourselves down
Sometimes there's nothing left but to live with what's been done
And know you're not the only one
Who falls
We all fail
Sometimes
We all let someone down
Sometimes there's nothing left but to promise to ourselves
That next time we won't be the one
To fail
I want to tell you you can go on
That beginnings come from ends
I still believe in you
And so does God
[Color="Red"]He's the one who still believes in those who fail[/color]
He's the one who still believes in us who fall...

<3
~Rushia

[Sheenar]

Okami,
Know that I will keep praying for you. Remember that God's grace is sufficient for you and His power is made perfect in our weakness. The spirit (our spirit) is willing, but the flesh is weak. Cling to Jesus. That's all you can do. Cling to Him as your only hope.
I have dealt with both of those struggles you mention (I've never actually cut myself, but I sure have thought about it). Even when you fall, God is still there. You may wonder how He can love you, but He does. You are His child. He does not abandon His children.

From The Inside Out
by Hillsong United
album: United We Stand (2006)

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

Hang in there, friend.

[Kunoichi]

Okami...everything you are saying... I know... I truly do.....everything except the cutting..but then I have also, tried to make myself go unconscious by hitting my head into a wall....

Okami...I have done worse than you...for I have not saved myself for marriage...I lost myself to one I though was going to marry me...the first time he was my love...the next, he raped me instead..

Please know you are not alone..

the demons haunt me at night..tell me of my faults and greet me with suicidal thinking once more...I fight with them and by the grace of God I get up to another day...

God will give you strength and he will pick you up even after you fall...even if, like me, you fall every day...

God bless you OKami...do not give up


Please know that OKami..God will forgive you even if you fail again..and again....and again....

He will and he does.

I do not understand it....I won't every pretend that I do...

[HiddenWoodchuck]

Instead of me typing a long reply like before, I am gonna say that I think we over complicate things way too much when it comes to understanding and trusting in God. We surely can't understand Him fully, and that is how it should be... we are all broken... how could we understand perfection? When it comes to depression and anxiety, we constantly use our minds to really tear ourselves apart, which is exactly what satan wants us to do... because if we are unsure and emotionally unstable, then we are not clinging to God with a heart full of trust, but doubt, confusion and worry. I direct this at several dear people in this thread, because I am very worried about you.

I may not know you all on a personal level, but I know how dangerous self inflicted pain is, be it emotional and psychical. These old habits do come back when we let our guard down, but we don't have to let it consume us. God is not looking for the so called good or great... but God looks for the available, the repentant and the willing.

Philippians 3:12-14 says - "Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.

Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnXYxevk-ak

No matter what you are going through, God is greater and can take away the pain.

Hang in there Okami, Kunoichi, Alexander and Sheenar. Those who have posted since my last reply. God Bless you.

[Sheenar]

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5

Lifehouse "Everything" Skit. This is an amazing drama about Christ's grace.

[Alexander]

God bless you Alexander. What you initially went through sounds a lot like my experience the first time I asked a woman out on a date. She was such a nice person and I cared about her so much that when she said no my one year span of non-suicidal thinking came to an end. It hurt for a very long time until God showed me that He had other better plans for me. I pray that that day comes to you soon.

How can you bless me? Let alone God? I scared all my online friends into thinking they would loose me and my parents are at a complete loss. Not to mention I lost myself in a few small sins. Let alone the fact that unless there's a change in my life soon, suicide will only continue to look even more appealing then what it already does with me. I doubt I'll live to be 20 if I keep living like this.

*shakes head*

When you have so much doubt flowing through you, and knowing being hopeful will increase the inevitable disappointments that life brings...

It's hard to try to balance contentedness and keeping myself stable even by a small bit.

Instead of me typing a long reply like before, I am gonna say that I think we over complicate things way too much when it comes to understanding and trusting in God. We surely can't understand Him fully, and that is how it should be... we are all broken... how could we understand perfection? When it comes to depression and anxiety, we constantly use our minds to really tear ourselves apart, which is exactly what satan wants us to do... because if we are unsure and emotionally unstable, then we are not clinging to God with a heart full of trust, but doubt, confusion and worry. I direct this at several dear people in this thread, because I am very worried about you.

You put it down for me perfectly Woodchuck. And that's exactly what I'm trying to do right now. In fact, I would even believe because I was trying so hard to make a RL friend that I might have been going against letting God take control while I tried to take control of everything myself.

And thanks for being worried for us. I'm worried about myself and my own future as well! And it tears me apart even more that I'm in such a terrible state that I can barely bring myself to help anyone else. Which makes me feel terrible as I can't help anyone else in these terrible situations. Especially Okami.

And yet my biggest struggle is just keeping suicide quiet and trying to find something.

Speaking of which, I'm making a small trip to Arizona in the month of March for a week to see a very old online friend. It won't be a final solution for me, but I at least hope it can break some of the consistency in my life.

Actually, I just thought that maybe I should keep my hope up. Not necessarily that I'll find an answer in the next months (I dread thinking of a year), but somehow, someway, and more then likely beyond my own understanding, God will find a way for me.

All I can honestly do is pray now. And please keep me in your prayers everyone. I'm going to need as much support as possible in the upcoming weeks and months.

[Okami]

Would it be selfish of me to type up a prayer for myself and post?

*so very confused*

[Kamille]

<mod snip>



Nope. Praying to God and doing His will is like the anti-selfishness. Remember what Jesus said: "Who is my mother? Who are my brothers? Those who do the will of God are my brothers and sisters and mother". (and yes, praying is doing God's will, especially if you've sinned).

[Kamille]

How can you bless me? Let alone God? I scared all my online friends into thinking they would loose me and my parents are at a complete loss. Not to mention I lost myself in a few small sins. Let alone the fact that unless there's a change in my life soon, suicide will only continue to look even more appealing then what it already does with me. I doubt I'll live to be 20 if I keep living like this.

*shakes head*

When you have so much doubt flowing through you, and knowing being hopeful will increase the inevitable disappointments that life brings...

It's hard to try to balance contentedness and keeping myself stable even by a small bit.

You're right, I definitely cannot bless you. I can't save you either. I am nothing apart from God. However God can bless you. All things are possible through Him. If He can turn Saul, one of the worst blasphemers ever and man who ordered the deaths of countless Christians (which is basically like murder), into Paul, the great apostle who saved millions of lives through Jesus - God can definitely bless us.

Also, thank you so much for asking for prayers. The doubt in your heart is very familiar. During the worst times in my life I would actually not want people to help me simply because I wanted to punish myself. In my mind back then, pain was what I deserved.

[Sheenar]

1 Peter 5:6-8 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)

Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
[NIV at IBS] [International Bible Society] [NIV at Zondervan] [Zondervan]

6Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

Many of us are under attack right now. Hang in there brothers and sisters! Cast all your worries, struggles, and anxiety on Jesus. He cares for you! Don't let your guard down --pray for God to help you fight in your spiritual battle --it's obvious Satan is attacking God's people right now. Immerse yourselves in Scripture --use Scripture to fight off the attacks and temptations of Satan (see Jesus' temptation in the wilderness --He used God's Word to counter Satan). Have you noticed in the armor of God that the Sword of the Spirit (the Word of God) is our only offensive weapon?:)

So keep up the good fight everyone! It's going to be hard (very hard), but we must not give up. Remember God is with you and will always provide you with a way out of temptation and if you ask Him, will give you the strength to overcome in the end.

Love you all!

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Father God, You know far better than I do the pain and hurting that Your children here have express, and You are far better equiped than I to offer any sort of advice or encouragement to them. So, instead of actuing like I know the answers to something I myself struggle with daily, I'm just going to share my prayers to You on their behalf.

Father, I beg you to give Okami relief from this all-out war being waged on her soul. I honestly don't know what else to say. Much of her struggles are so alien to me that it would be an insult to act like I could boil them down to one quick request, and those struggles I DO understand still cripple me as well. You know how much I would like to say something comforting, but Youalso know better than anyone how often I stumble before you and how badly I struggle with the guilt. Lord, all I can do is ask You to act. Please, do SOMETHING to help my sister in this time of darkness.

I also pray for Alexander, though again I'm at a loss. Father, I too know what it's like to feel trapped, to only know that something needs to change but not what or how. What's more, I too know loneliness, though whether it compares to his only You know. Father, again I ust pray that You will do SOMETHING to ease his struggles. Whether You will grant him the companionship he desires right away or even just grant him a sign that You are still at work to bolster his faith, please, I just ask you to do something SOON.

I pray too for dancergirl0227, whom you places on my heart to pray for many days before now. Again, I feel so inadequate to speak concerning this situation she's in, but that's not required for lifting her up to You. Father, please bring peace both to her and her family.

Lord, I also pray for Kunoichi and Sheenar. It feels very strange to be lumping them together like this, especially since I don't want to act like either of the struggles the are going through aren't important enough to lifted up on their own. Still, Father, you know what an encouragement they both have been to me personally even in the midst of these struggles, and I thank You so much for that. Lord, I pray that you will heal this relationship between Sheenar and her mother. If possible, please use her to minister to this person who has been the source of such hurting, but for now I just prat that You will minister to HER and provide her with your direction and wisdom. I also pray for Kunoichi, that You will provide for her in her present physical needs, but even more that You will protect her even more from the enemy's attacks.

Lord, there is so much more to say, but time is short and I've already spent quite a bit of it. I pray for everyone I've unjustly failed to mention thus far who has called out to You here for help. Lord, You know better than I what needs to be said on their behalf, so I will leave it to the Holy Spirit to communicate what I cannot. Please, Lord, bring healing to the hurting hearts for those You love and have saved.

...and last and most certainly least, I pray for myself. Lord, You know what a dark place I've been in the past several days, and the ways I've failed to seek after You as a result. I ask Your forgiveness for my own selfishness and willingness to cling to thoughts and feelings You would have banished from me. This guilt, this frusteration, this grief, all these things I continue to throw myself back into in spite of the deliverance You have brought... I don't even know what to say anymore. Please, just heal me... Heal all of us here who hurt so much, who need You so desperately.

In the name of Jesus Christ I pray,
Amen.

[HiddenWoodchuck]

You put it down for me perfectly Woodchuck. And that's exactly what I'm trying to do right now. In fact, I would even believe because I was trying so hard to make a RL friend that I might have been going against letting God take control while I tried to take control of everything myself.

And thanks for being worried for us. I'm worried about myself and my own future as well! And it tears me apart even more that I'm in such a terrible state that I can barely bring myself to help anyone else. Which makes me feel terrible as I can't help anyone else in these terrible situations. Especially Okami.

And yet my biggest struggle is just keeping suicide quiet and trying to find something.

Speaking of which, I'm making a small trip to Arizona in the month of March for a week to see a very old online friend. It won't be a final solution for me, but I at least hope it can break some of the consistency in my life.

Actually, I just thought that maybe I should keep my hope up. Not necessarily that I'll find an answer in the next months (I dread thinking of a year), but somehow, someway, and more then likely beyond my own understanding, God will find a way for me.

All I can honestly do is pray now. And please keep me in your prayers everyone. I'm going to need as much support as possible in the upcoming weeks and months.

God will find a way for you... there is no question about it, you will be okay if you allow God to come in and shape your life... but something I know all too well, is that we strive for things, such as friends, girlfriends, parents to be back together, family members to not pass on and stay with us... and if we don't get what we want, well that gets us to not understanding why God hasn't "fixed" things for us... because if other people can have those things, why can't I... or why can't I just be happy... or why can't I see what it is God wants of me? We ask more and more questions... dig ourselves into a deeper hole and we replay this over and over and over... until we are emotionally drained... it leads to other things, sometimes falling away from God... but it doesn't HAVE to be that way.

We sometimes think others have no idea what we are going through... but God knows, and He is the ONLY one who can change things for you. Friendships are good, they are gifts from God... but humans can't save humans, they can't say anything that will turn your darkness to light(maybe someone can make you feel happy for a while, but it isn't forever), they can only inspire you to seek God. We all sin and we all struggle, but it is how much we want to change that... and how much we trust God to change that.... sometimes all we know to do is type out feelings to online friends, because we think that they are the only ones who hear us, that they will pay attention, but again, that is so not true. We all need each other for encouragement, but we cannot survive in this world spiritually, without God at the center of everything.

We have to step outside our comfort zone once in a while to make changes in our lives, because sometimes that is exactly what God has planned for us to do. I am still learning that, but it took me a long time to see... I was too blind and lost in my thoughts.

[Sheenar]

Depression is an illusion.

I don't know about that. While I will agree that many times we wallow in things and allow ourselves to get depressed, sometimes it is very real. Read Psalms --David went through depression and sometimes wondered where God was. Read about Elijah --right after the victory at Mount Carmel against the prophets of Baal, he fled into the wilderness and asked God to kill him --He was very depressed.
Depression is very human --we live in a fallen world which is under the rule of Satan--so these "dark nights of the soul" will come --but they pass, too. They don't last forever --only for a time.

Just like I know that my swinging emotions, flashbacks, and bouts of depression are part of the healing process from abuse. Will they go away overnight? No --but they will in time --God's timing. Wounds take considerable time to heal --but they will heal --God will bind the wounds and then use the testimony of what you've been through to help someone else for His glory.

Hang in there everyone. Remember 1 Corinthians 4 (read my sig for the verses). Our struggles are temporary. Our time on earth is but a breath, a vapor. Make the most of your time here in the midst of suffering. Also look at James 1 --"Consider it joy, my bretheren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

Persevere, brothers and sisters...don't give up. God is our strength and in Him we have hope.

[HiddenWoodchuck]

Yeah, you are right, I didn't quite mean it the way I said... I should have worded it much different. I also think sometimes we do need medication and sometimes there are forms of depression which cannot be controlled. I know it's a healing process for sure, but what I mean, was my worst form of depression, that I personally went through, at the end of it all, I found it to be an illusion in my experience... I am not claiming all depression is an illusion, so sorry for that, it was a poor choice of wording. I wasn't thinking when I said it like that.

I have read Psalms many times, so it was dumb for me to not think of that, but I just think we can recover faster when we place our trust in God. I took a few years to get out of my worst bouts of it, so I know it's a process, but I just hate to see others suffer, when I know you can become better through trust and patience... but my ignorance gets the best of me, and I forget how hard of a fight it was, and still can be... I just hate to see people abusing their selves.

I know everyone has a different struggle and we all handle things different, so I don't mean to come off like I know it all, which is what I am sure it seems like... I just like to use my experiences to help, but sometimes I word things wrong or say something stupid. That's just me. Not the brightest bulb in the lamp. I edited it out of my previous post... the depression is an illusion thing, so I don't offend anyone.

I know social anxiety as one of my conditions as they call it, and to me it seems very real, but I have been doing better when I take steps to go past my comfort zone... thankfully the panic attacks don't happen as often, and the depression has stayed away now... a few weeks back I was pretty close to it, but right now my biggest thing is the anxiety. I know the things that are hard for me are probably next to nothing compared to others problems, but I really do mean well.

[Kamille]

Yeah, you are right, I didn't quite mean it the way I said... I should have worded it much different. I also think sometimes we do need medication and sometimes there are forms of depression which cannot be controlled. I know it's a healing process for sure, but what I mean, was my worst form of depression, that I personally went through, at the end of it all, I found it to be an illusion in my experience... I am not claiming all depression is an illusion, so sorry for that, it was a poor choice of wording. I wasn't thinking when I said it like that.

I have read Psalms many times, so it was dumb for me to not think of that, but I just think we can recover faster when we place our trust in God. I took a few years to get out of my worst bouts of it, so I know it's a process, but I just hate to see others suffer, when I know you can become better through trust and patience... but my ignorance gets the best of me, and I forget how hard of a fight it was, and still can be... I just hate to see people abusing their selves.

I know everyone has a different struggle and we all handle things different, so I don't mean to come off like I know it all, which is what I am sure it seems like... I just like to use my experiences to help, but sometimes I word things wrong or say something stupid. That's just me. Not the brightest bulb in the lamp. I edited it out of my previous post.

I know social anxiety as one of my conditions as they call it, and to me it seems very real, but I have been doing somewhat better when I take steps to go past my comfort zone... thankfully the panic attacks don't happen as often, and the depression has stayed away now... a few weeks back I was pretty close to it, but right now my biggest thing is the anxiety. I know the things that are hard for me are probably next to nothing compared to others problems, but I really do mean well.

Actually I think much of what you say is very wise. And you've helped so many on this thread already I'd hate to let you think you're not making a direct positive impact on us here.