Prayer needed

[HiddenWoodchuck]

I have a friend who lost a family member not very long ago, and I would be greatful if anyone could pray for them... it means a lot. Thank you.

I also have a request for prayer, for myself, and I have been debating posting it here for the last half hour... I mean, I am fairly new here and no one really knows me, I know that shouldn't matter, but I just like to present myself as much stronger spiritually since I rededicated my life to Christ... and when I put all my problems out in the open for everyone to see, I feel like it makes me look weak, and thus no one would ever come to me when they are in need of talking or something, and I love helping others, though I don't like saying it that way, because it sounds like I am saying I am better than others, and I don't feel that way, I just don't like to complain or whine about my problems, at least not anymore, but that is pride coming in... I just think that all I see all over the internet and elsewhere anymore is people who are depressed or emo or whatever the word is for it, and I get to feeling like people just don't want to be happy and never try to even put a little trust in God to bring them out of their suffering... He is the only one who understands our pain... but then I remember I was the same way when I was into deep depression, panic attacks, ER visits and countless doctors tests... being put on so many drugs that didn't help me... but God saved me from all that and I became better through prayer and trust in Him.

I see now that those who speak in such ways are in that deep, dark hole of hopelessness like I was... they may not feel the exact same way as I did, it could be worse or totally different, maybe not as bad... it could be any of those, we never know the pain of another person, we can just relate a little to the situation. I'm at the point now in my life, where I feel stuck, like a robot doing the same things each day... and I am back to the hopelessness feeling... not deep depression, but emotionally drained if that makes sense... once I got better those few years back, I got myself a job and started making changes in my life. I never imagined myself getting anywhere in life, because I have social anxiety... I get all freaked out talking to new people in person or being in a large group and around crowds. I now have two job and a third I do on the side for a little extra, but with all this I lost that thinking time, you know, I am a person who never had brothers or sisters, and I never had kids around where I lived to talk to, not until I got into my teens did I have friends move in close to me here... and I was home schooled, so I had like, no social interaction with anyone other than family... so what did I do? I spent countless hours on the computer... forums, chats, emails, blogs... etc etc... learning words like "lol" and "emo", instead of getting myself ready for my future, though we never think about that when we are young.

I think that really messed me up in life, spending so much time online back then... it wasn't the single thing that caused my problems, but it contributed to it. I have always been extremely shy, so that was one thing, the internet made me feel like I could have tons of friends and be cared about, and people needed me. That is pretty selfish, but that is how I felt.

So in short, with me having the jobs I do now, my social skills improved some, but not the greatest... the good part was it helped me enough to be able to take responsibility and pay my own way for things when I hit 18 years old... before I couldn't even go to the gas station without a credit card, because I was afraid to go in to the cashier and pay, because... well, I guess I was afraid they would bite me or something, I dunno, I fear being judged I guess, and if I would get my words twisted... or maybe I would forget what pump I parked at and look stupid having to go back out to see the number... you name it, I thought it. I've had a difficult time adjusting to doing things on my own and making important choices the last few years, but I know it isn't suppose to be easy... the thing is, now I have reached a standstill... I am stuck with not know what it is I am suppose to do, and I am trying to see if it is because I haven't been trusting God the best I can, or what it is... I have been taking the "if you try too hard, you won't see it" approach lately(before I was worried so much about what it is I am to be doing, I went into panic and wasn't listening to Him), just listening and keeping my eyes opened for the next door, that will lead to what I am meant to do.

I pretty much just work, pay bills and start again... the good thing is less time to worry about things that I shouldn't be worried about, but it feels like I am stuck doing the same things and not making progress. I want to go to college to move on to something better later, but I have bills and everything now, so it isn't so easy, so I have debated doing online college, so I can work that in between with my work hours... problem is I don't have the money yet, so it will take some time, as there is no way I am taking out yet another loan right now, until I pay some others off... there would be no way I could handle all that yet... and thing is, I want to make sure I know what it is that I want to study... I still dunno what to do. I have been thinking about doing Photography... it is something I do on the side now, and if I took it up, I could get better and seek out a good job as a Photographer, the problem is, I don't think the income is any better than what I am making now, so it is kind of pointless to take it up as my primary job, just keep it as a hobby and a side job. I don't think I am good enough anyway, the website all my work is displayed on has produced no results... could be lack of traffic, because I don't like to advertise my site anywhere, but still, my work just doesn't seem to match other Photographers I have seen.

I have this passion of wanting to help people, but I haven't known how to go about it... I mean, helping those who are going through depression and teens and young adults at struggle with all that awful crap out there these days... I feel I have experienced lots of what this dark world has in it, and I could use that to help others... I have tried making websites, forums, clubs... etc, you know, a place for others to come for support and to known they are cared for, and that they don't need to give in to temptations to be accepted or "normal". I have spent countless dollars on .coms and hosting, and all of it failed, because I wasn't capable of making the sites attractive enough to draw any attention, and I hated having to advertise my own site. I don't like to toot my own horn like that.... though there are ways to spread the word without being that way, I never found out how, and thus I ended up closing down all the sites... thinking I failed and wasn't capable of making a difference... that is a big mistake to have a mindset like that, but I get discouraged pretty quickly when it comes to my own stuff not having any effect on others in a positive way. I have even debated if I do it to help people, or if I just want attention, because I would be a webmaster and have a site that helps people... it's sad, but I have feared maybe that is it... I dunno, I get God's will confused with my own selfish thoughts sometimes, and it ends up a disaster.

I just want to be able to move on with my life, get a clear point of view as to what I want to work towards, and be able to help others out along the way. I want to do what God wants, not what I want. I don't want to be blind like when I was depressed and away from God. I was such as slave to my emotions back then, I don't want it to happen again.

I also wish I could find the right Church for me... I thought I had found one, but the preaching went from being Bible based, to all over the place. I'm looked down on at another one, because I refuse to be a member right now, and because I don't belong to a denomination... another thing I refuse to ever do. That creates division, and it is very clear in what God said about division amongst His followers... I'm a Christian, I don't need any of those other words... Baptist, Methodist... etc... but I do need fellowship with Christian friends, and that is one reason I joined this forum... without that fellowship, we are more open to attacks on our Faith... our mind becomes polluted with worldly things slowly, and we adjust ourselves to think it's all okay.

I'm also having trouble keeping my mind off of losing a relationship with someone very special to me... I won't type lots about this, because I would rather not, but basically we had become very close, to the point I thought she was "the one" and we understood each other so much it was amazing.... but they broke the news that they no longer felt the same way after they had been off to college for a while, and were not sure if they ever did feel the same way, so they wanted me to know that before it went on any longer. I'm greatful that they told me sooner rather then sometime down the road, but it really crushed me, and I nearly went back into my depression, but God again lifted me out of my emotional mess and got me back on track with my life. I spent lots of late nights just driving... I lost lots of sleep, but those nights I spent driving I was able to come to peace with what had happened, and God reminded me that it wasn't time for something like this to happen in my life yet, that I just need to trust Him.

[HiddenWoodchuck]

(I couldn't post the whole message, it told me it was too long, so here is the rest of it. I hope it is okay to post it like this, I don't remember seeing it in the rules that I couldn't. I'm sorry if I shouldn't double post like this.)

I am however starting to feel those feelings again, that overwhelming sadness and feeling like there must be something wrong with me... the friendship with that person is gone now, we had been talking since the relationship ended, and we went out for lunch when they were home from college... I thought we could at least remain friends, but then they slowly stopped talking to me, now we rarely talk, and I just feel like I am the problem. I mean, I know people get busy, I know that there are countless reasons, but it is just hard to accept that when everyone starts to move on, and you feel left behind... l dunno, I guess I just need to again, put more trust in God. I only feel this way when I allow my mind to think about stuff too much, because then I start to let the emotions take over.

I am however so thankful that God brought me out of my deepest of depression, and I do know I had to go through it in order to grow stronger. I'm hoping this is just like that, that at the end of all this I will be stronger and have a more mature view of things in general, that I won't allow myself to be so easily brought down by my own emotions. I just want to be closer to Him and grow spiritually.

I understand if no one has time to read all this, but I wanted to throw a request for prayer out there, so I thought I should just share all that was on my mind. Thanks for reading and God Bless

[Danderson]

*reads entire post*....*whistles*....

Hey, sounds like your just going through life as we know it...hard times galore...For the most part, I agree with what you said about ppl spending all there time on the internet know-a-days....there've been times where I've almost fallen into that myself....

But, hey man, it don't matter how much stuff you need prayer for.....becuase I'll still pray for you........

[HiddenWoodchuck]

*reads entire post*....*whistles*....

Hahaha thanks for making me laugh I know, it was pretty much a novel. I honestly didn't expect anyone to reply after I saw how much I posted.

Yeah, I read over it again after I posted and the first thing I said to myself was "sounds like I am just experiencing life in general, should I even post this?" lol but I went ahead with it, because I really am seeking direction with my life, so the prayers are much appreciated. thanks!

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Hey, life in general is nothing to sneeze at. I should know, I've been going through a good bit of it myself! But yeah, I'll definitely be praying for you.

[Okami]

Wow....that's a lot to handle. I totally understand the social anxiety thing. Ever since I was a kid I've had trouble with things like ordering my own food and going up to pay for something, like you mentioned, feeling as if they were gonna bite my head off or something.

Obviously, as I've gotten older it's gotten a bit better, but that's one of those things that just....sticks....and leeches into your fear >.<

Will be prayin', Woodchuck.

[HiddenWoodchuck]

Thanks for the prayers you two

Okami - yep, that is how it is, ordering food used to be a major deal to me... thankfully I got over that a while back, but there are still things that make me feel panic, mostly meeting new people, or talking to people I don't know well in person. I have had problems with the phone too, dunno why, the people are not standing there, but the phone was and still is hard sometimes, when I have to call someone or a place I never have. Haha...

[Okami]

Praise the Lord I'm not the only one with that crazy phone....phobia....thing!
(I have Kitsune and Kiku to vouch for that, as my best friends, lol)

I dunno why, but I always feel like I'm going to trip up when saying "Hello" or asking for the person I want to talk to or whatever...

It's terrible >.<

And, absolutely I'm here for prayer anytime you need it, bro~

[HiddenWoodchuck]

Haha yep, that is my problem, I go through about a hundred different things in my head of what could go wrong... like mixing up my words or basically sounding like a goofball... I have to sit or stand there for a half hour sometimes before I can convince myself to dial. I have even turned off the phone half way through dialing and said, no... can wait a couple more minutes... just a couple more. My friends don't understand that, when they tell me to call someone for them, they ask me what I am so worried about and call me a pansy. LOL It's not funny, but when I think about it later it is... grrr, it's so annoying... having a cell phone, because of work and all now helps with that, but still, if I don't know someone, it is very hard to make a call even now!

[Sheenar]

I still get nervous sometimes about calling someone...and I work in an office where I have to use the phone every day! It's funny 'cause sometimes my phone conversations are a bit awkward (especially when dealing with international students --sometimes the language barrier can cause funny but awkward moments for both).
But working in an office with a lot of internationals around has helped my social skills. I'm not as afraid anymore of walking up to someone I don't know and saying hi. I realize the students are often just as nervous (I would be too --being in a strange country with us weird Americans...(^: )I would recommend going somewhere you feel safe but where there are people around and work on social skills.

[HiddenWoodchuck]

Thanks for sharing that and for the suggestion, I will try that out I really do want to improve, so I can better talk to others, without waiting for them to open up to me first.

I really need some prayers right now, tonight is very hard for me, there is lots going on right now that is so emotionally draining and I feel worn out... I have to get up for work in a few hours here, and I haven't slept at all. I'm feeling burnt out, but I know I can't take a day off, I need this work, and I don't like taking a day off for making a big deal over my emotions, but my mind is just on overdrive right now and won't calm down, so if anyone could pray it would be awesome, I know I already asked once, but I don't know where else to go, there is no one around.

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Hey, don't be ashamed of asking more than once. A lot of prayers aren't answered all at once, especially when they concern unlearning stuff that we've spent a LONG time learning. I should know, I struggle with a lot of this same stuff too, introvert that I am.

But yeah, I'm still praying!

[12praiseGOD]

Well I used to trip over words, and still do in both languages that I know so don't feel bad. I do it all the time, but usually even if it is a total stranger I'll make some goofy noise and crack up laughing. Yes, I do laugh at myself, and I don't care what they think of me. Usually laughing at yourself makes others laugh with you, and not take it very seriously. Mostly between me and my friends we are considered weird, in the good way that is .lol. My friend always manages to trip, fall, or say something really strange by the end of the day...example- buckets of wonderfull- or wonderfullnes in a can. My other friend can always be found saying really old sayings like shnazzy, or things like that.lol. I guess I am more of the "normal" one, if you can say that. lol. Anyways if you mess up while speaking laugh at yourself, they may or may not laugh with you, but thats okay. Especially if you never met them and you are just talking to a random person on the street you will probably never see them again. And don't worry if they think bad of you...that's their problem...they don't like you, to bad. Right? Anyways you putting out your problems doesn't make people not want to come to you; I don't think, it makes them see that you have gone through life like anyone else. Messing up just means your human...lol .cheer up!

GOD BLESS YOU!!!!.....I'm praying!