A look inside Hitokiri's Head
PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2005 12:33 pm
To commemerate my one-year of being here, I hav decided to write a extensive biography on myself for those who care to know intresting secrets about me.
Well for starters, I AM A GUY!! and my name is "Joe". I have blue eyes and black hair. I live in the metro-Toledo, Ohio area (meaning I live in a "unamed" suburb where all the parents buy thier teenage kids Porsches). I am currently a freshmen at Owens Community College in my second semester staudying for Commercial Art major. After 2 years, I plan to transfer to Bowling Green State University (15 minutes away from my house) and from there, I hope and pray to get into one of thier 3 Study Abroad in Japan for a year programs. My friend and I are shooting for the program in Uwada which accepts 2 students while the other one is Nagoya (sp?) which accepts one student and then Hiroshima which accepts one female student. I hope there I can further my education in a different country I most defiently love and possibly get into the anime/manga business some how but that's a just a dream.
Now comes the good part....my complex life as well as my dark past.
I wa sborn in Cleveland, Ohio on June 1st, 1985 arond 2 in the morning. As I have said before, I am a mixture of Japanese, German, and Italian heritage....however my parents do not look a thing like me. Actually, my mom is of Hungarian-German descent and my father is of English, German. and Wellish descent. So where did I get that intresting mix...well to put it simply, I was adopted ^_^
My biological mother was full Japanese was in America studying in College in Cincinatti. There, she met my father who was German and Italian. Of thier relationship, I have no clue but I know they were not married nor engaged to be so. When I was in the womb, my mother considered abotion however my father wanted me to have a future so he talked her out of it. So I was born and they had organized a adoption through a church to a family who could not bear children. My biological parents never met with this family and was strickly through the leaders of this church.
Far away in Toledo however, there was a family was well that couldn't give birth due to the wive's egg count. It just so happened that the brother of the wife was a professor at Cinicinatti University where my daughter was at...and was one of his students. Upon hearing of her dilemma and the fact, she wanted to know hom she was giving her baby to prior to my birth, he arranged a meeting with his sister and husband and my biological parents. With much thought, my mother and father agreed that this is the family they wanted to gove thier son to and not one through the church, whom they did not know. However, due to legal reasons, they could not. However, the her professor passed some legal docuementation with my mother and father and somehow (sorry, I have no knowledge of how this was done), I was given to this family from Toledo who to this day, I call them my real mother and father. I sometimes think that was a selfish notion of taking me away from the first family who was going to adopt to me but I came to accept this was God's orginal plan and that this life I have been given to, was the best idea. I do hope and pray that family did adopt a kid though. So my uncle drove to Colombus with me in tow and met my parents half-way where then they took me home. They said they put me in a jumper swing an djust stared at e, not knowing what to do ::laughs:: It was not until a year later they recieved full parental rights and they were my legal parents. Oh and my middle name is John, after my uncle who was instrumental in God's plan fo rmy life. We moved from a suburb of Toledo to another town across the Maumee river to a house w ehave been living in since I was 2. I grew up and went to public school. I always praised with my advanced artistic ability. My parents would sned me to a art class outside of school and they would deny me cause of my advanced artistic skills and recommended me to classes where kids 3 years ahead of me took. When I was 9, I got a baby sister through adoption and we drove to Kansas City to pick her up. I remember getting a paper cut from reading book and feeling sick from reding in the car.
When I was young, like around 6, I accepted Christ at a chruch carnival and I remember getting a book of colors representing the Christian walk. I knew what he meant to a exten t but it wasn't till my junior year in high school would I really embrace those words and use them in my life.
I remember always wanted a sister but much to my persnality, I was a hellion to her. I would blame crimes I commited on her just to see her get in trouble. For instance, I squirted ornage paint on our white carpet and blamed it on her. I think (hope) she has forgiven me since then. Well..I graduated elementary school and with the kids I grew up with, enetered junior high, the darkest part of my life.
In 7th grade, I discovered sex, girls, and cussing. I was a little pervert but thank God, I never had sex at that time. However, I am ashamed the way I looked at girls. Plus my mouth flowed with cuss words at school. On Sundays, I was a perfect, innocent kid at church but when it came to the weekdays. I would be talking to my guy friends about trying to see up a girls skirt using profanity to such extreme that if it was censored, it would be one big beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. This is also where I met anime where I first saw Dragon Ball Z.
However, I did have a bit of my Christian life in me
So I went into 8th grade and during that summer, I re-dedicated my life to Christ and my best friend also commited his life to Christ. His family joined my church and his 2 brothers and his mother accepted Christ. just so I don't forget, his father just recently accepted Christ. So unknowingly at that time, I helped form a relationship between my second family and Christ, even though I was deep in sin. The young ethusiasim of my best friend for God rejuvinated me and I felt that. However, I still was a perv and disocovered "porn" and "hentai". I was obseessed. I printed out a picture of a naked girl and as soon as it was done, my mother came home. So I went into the bathroom and burnt the paper and flushed it down the toilet. My mom asked what wa sburning and I told her was
"praying in the bathroom and used a candle" I am very ashamed of perverting God's greatest gift, prayer to us, for my perverted use. However, she found a piece of my naked girl picture and talked to me about it. There, I got off the porn issue....for a while. At this time, I also met Cindy and fell in love with her, the first love that wasn't sexually drived (meaning I liked her for her figure). However, Cindy was not intrested in a dating relationship but a friend relationship. However, she would stll hold my hand, put her head on my shoulder, and asked me to kiss her once. This state of confusion as well as the constant struggling of the Christian life and the sinful life was tugging at my heart that several times, I came close to commiting suicide. The first time I had a knife to my throat and drew blood but I couldn't continue with it. Then I aatempted to do it again but I just collasped on the ground and fainted before it touched my skin. Then I decided to hang myself and as I was bought to jump, it was like my feet felt like lead and I couldn't jump. I think God had ahold of my feet as well as my hand when I cut myself so it wouldn't of been a deep cut.
So come the Winte Dance in 8th grade, I decided I was going to finally kill myself. However my best friend who caught wind of this, persuaded me to go or he would dump his date and stay with me so I wouldn't. Plus Cindy also heard and said the same thing. So I went and had a good time. I then came home and told my parents about my suicidial thoughts and through thier counseling (i remember this talk to this day) and God's love, I have not had a real suicidal thoughts since then.
So I graduated 8th grade...with a broken arm ::laughs:: I fell off my bike as I rode it to a friends birthday party (i remembe rmy best friend saying "c'mon, get up! Pretend you're Goku - we wathed 4 hours of Dragon Ball Z before that )
I then went to High School and it wa sbasically a blur. Liking certain girls but not getting the affection returned plus this is where my best friend and his brother met thier future wives. However my pervereted thoughts had arisen and I recall my sexual fanatsies I have had unforutantely. Like I said, freshmen year was like a blur and I vaguely remember alot.
Continued in next post
Well for starters, I AM A GUY!! and my name is "Joe". I have blue eyes and black hair. I live in the metro-Toledo, Ohio area (meaning I live in a "unamed" suburb where all the parents buy thier teenage kids Porsches). I am currently a freshmen at Owens Community College in my second semester staudying for Commercial Art major. After 2 years, I plan to transfer to Bowling Green State University (15 minutes away from my house) and from there, I hope and pray to get into one of thier 3 Study Abroad in Japan for a year programs. My friend and I are shooting for the program in Uwada which accepts 2 students while the other one is Nagoya (sp?) which accepts one student and then Hiroshima which accepts one female student. I hope there I can further my education in a different country I most defiently love and possibly get into the anime/manga business some how but that's a just a dream.
Now comes the good part....my complex life as well as my dark past.
I wa sborn in Cleveland, Ohio on June 1st, 1985 arond 2 in the morning. As I have said before, I am a mixture of Japanese, German, and Italian heritage....however my parents do not look a thing like me. Actually, my mom is of Hungarian-German descent and my father is of English, German. and Wellish descent. So where did I get that intresting mix...well to put it simply, I was adopted ^_^
My biological mother was full Japanese was in America studying in College in Cincinatti. There, she met my father who was German and Italian. Of thier relationship, I have no clue but I know they were not married nor engaged to be so. When I was in the womb, my mother considered abotion however my father wanted me to have a future so he talked her out of it. So I was born and they had organized a adoption through a church to a family who could not bear children. My biological parents never met with this family and was strickly through the leaders of this church.
Far away in Toledo however, there was a family was well that couldn't give birth due to the wive's egg count. It just so happened that the brother of the wife was a professor at Cinicinatti University where my daughter was at...and was one of his students. Upon hearing of her dilemma and the fact, she wanted to know hom she was giving her baby to prior to my birth, he arranged a meeting with his sister and husband and my biological parents. With much thought, my mother and father agreed that this is the family they wanted to gove thier son to and not one through the church, whom they did not know. However, due to legal reasons, they could not. However, the her professor passed some legal docuementation with my mother and father and somehow (sorry, I have no knowledge of how this was done), I was given to this family from Toledo who to this day, I call them my real mother and father. I sometimes think that was a selfish notion of taking me away from the first family who was going to adopt to me but I came to accept this was God's orginal plan and that this life I have been given to, was the best idea. I do hope and pray that family did adopt a kid though. So my uncle drove to Colombus with me in tow and met my parents half-way where then they took me home. They said they put me in a jumper swing an djust stared at e, not knowing what to do ::laughs:: It was not until a year later they recieved full parental rights and they were my legal parents. Oh and my middle name is John, after my uncle who was instrumental in God's plan fo rmy life. We moved from a suburb of Toledo to another town across the Maumee river to a house w ehave been living in since I was 2. I grew up and went to public school. I always praised with my advanced artistic ability. My parents would sned me to a art class outside of school and they would deny me cause of my advanced artistic skills and recommended me to classes where kids 3 years ahead of me took. When I was 9, I got a baby sister through adoption and we drove to Kansas City to pick her up. I remember getting a paper cut from reading book and feeling sick from reding in the car.
When I was young, like around 6, I accepted Christ at a chruch carnival and I remember getting a book of colors representing the Christian walk. I knew what he meant to a exten t but it wasn't till my junior year in high school would I really embrace those words and use them in my life.
I remember always wanted a sister but much to my persnality, I was a hellion to her. I would blame crimes I commited on her just to see her get in trouble. For instance, I squirted ornage paint on our white carpet and blamed it on her. I think (hope) she has forgiven me since then. Well..I graduated elementary school and with the kids I grew up with, enetered junior high, the darkest part of my life.
In 7th grade, I discovered sex, girls, and cussing. I was a little pervert but thank God, I never had sex at that time. However, I am ashamed the way I looked at girls. Plus my mouth flowed with cuss words at school. On Sundays, I was a perfect, innocent kid at church but when it came to the weekdays. I would be talking to my guy friends about trying to see up a girls skirt using profanity to such extreme that if it was censored, it would be one big beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. This is also where I met anime where I first saw Dragon Ball Z.
However, I did have a bit of my Christian life in me
So I went into 8th grade and during that summer, I re-dedicated my life to Christ and my best friend also commited his life to Christ. His family joined my church and his 2 brothers and his mother accepted Christ. just so I don't forget, his father just recently accepted Christ. So unknowingly at that time, I helped form a relationship between my second family and Christ, even though I was deep in sin. The young ethusiasim of my best friend for God rejuvinated me and I felt that. However, I still was a perv and disocovered "porn" and "hentai". I was obseessed. I printed out a picture of a naked girl and as soon as it was done, my mother came home. So I went into the bathroom and burnt the paper and flushed it down the toilet. My mom asked what wa sburning and I told her was
"praying in the bathroom and used a candle" I am very ashamed of perverting God's greatest gift, prayer to us, for my perverted use. However, she found a piece of my naked girl picture and talked to me about it. There, I got off the porn issue....for a while. At this time, I also met Cindy and fell in love with her, the first love that wasn't sexually drived (meaning I liked her for her figure). However, Cindy was not intrested in a dating relationship but a friend relationship. However, she would stll hold my hand, put her head on my shoulder, and asked me to kiss her once. This state of confusion as well as the constant struggling of the Christian life and the sinful life was tugging at my heart that several times, I came close to commiting suicide. The first time I had a knife to my throat and drew blood but I couldn't continue with it. Then I aatempted to do it again but I just collasped on the ground and fainted before it touched my skin. Then I decided to hang myself and as I was bought to jump, it was like my feet felt like lead and I couldn't jump. I think God had ahold of my feet as well as my hand when I cut myself so it wouldn't of been a deep cut.
So come the Winte Dance in 8th grade, I decided I was going to finally kill myself. However my best friend who caught wind of this, persuaded me to go or he would dump his date and stay with me so I wouldn't. Plus Cindy also heard and said the same thing. So I went and had a good time. I then came home and told my parents about my suicidial thoughts and through thier counseling (i remember this talk to this day) and God's love, I have not had a real suicidal thoughts since then.
So I graduated 8th grade...with a broken arm ::laughs:: I fell off my bike as I rode it to a friends birthday party (i remembe rmy best friend saying "c'mon, get up! Pretend you're Goku - we wathed 4 hours of Dragon Ball Z before that )
I then went to High School and it wa sbasically a blur. Liking certain girls but not getting the affection returned plus this is where my best friend and his brother met thier future wives. However my pervereted thoughts had arisen and I recall my sexual fanatsies I have had unforutantely. Like I said, freshmen year was like a blur and I vaguely remember alot.
Continued in next post