The Pain That I Endure
PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2005 7:24 pm
I don't know if this is the spot for this. I hope no one minds if this is no in the right spot. Just to let you know that my spelling is not that good and my gramer, vocab and punuation(sp) are not that good eather.
My name is Jonathan and I am 18. I will telling about the pain that I had for the past 13 years and still have the same pain that will go on till the day I get called home. This is my life, the life that I lived and still living. I started Kindergarden at the age of 5 like all kids do. On my first day of school I met a kid there that was lonly and had the same pain that I did so instenly we becam friends. I was bulled in Kindergarden by a few kids and same with my friend. this bulleing lasted for 13 years and still going. I would take this to my teacher but she did nothing about it and my Pairnts tryed to do some thing but had the same resalts. In grade 1 I acsepted Jesus Christ into my life with my dad. Grade 1 to 3 was hard years for me and my Parents. As the years whent by a specilest found out that I have a learning disability that afects my reading, spelling, and pronocing words. My friend Jason, was there for me when my Parints were in a on going battal with the school to get me the help that I needed. We would hang out and play games use are emaduation to make new worlds for are selfs. If I was bulled Jason was there to get me out of it, and if he was bulled I was there to get him out of it as well. In Grade 4 about haf way into the year things stared to get worrs from there. Jason moved away and another friend of mine move away as well. The bulleing got worrs to the point that I hurt some one realy badly. My parients did not know what to do with me when that happend. All they did was sent me off to a canciler to sort out my problems. It helped some what but the bulling still whent on. All this anger, hate, sorrow, and distrust bilt up to the point that I can't trust my Parients, brothers, friends, and my Teachers to this day on. Grade 6 was another bad year, I got into a nother fight with some one and they got realy hurt from me. Again another problem that my parints could not help me with, and same with my teachers. I got into alot of fights with my Dad this year and I still hate him to this day. Grade 7 was a allright year with some minor bulliing here and there, which I tryed to ignor. If my best friend was here I would not have been bullyed so much and I would proboly be a bitter kid and can trust others. I don't even trust my self. Grade 8 I still hate this year............There was this kid named stuert that keeped hourassing me. He even found out my Phone number and email address. He would send hate messages and thrent me and my family. then one day all this anger let go and I could not controll it any more. over the years I learnd how to controll my anger and hide my emotions from every one. I was in another fight this time I was going to kill this kid (stuert) for buging me and bugging me. I almost killed him when my teacher jummped in to stop me but I rebelled and I knocked him uncontions for tuching me. 5 Teachers had to hold me down to stop me. I was fuled by anger, hate, distrust and the earg to kill. from here I stared to fall form God. Stuert was sent to jail for hurassment and provock attack. I on the other hand was sent to my paster to sort thing out. I did not like this one bit......I was having a spirtal battle in side of me. there were days when I went back to God and days when I walked away form him. I was having trubles to trust him secnce I can't turst any one eals thanks to all the years of bullying that has happend to me. There were some nights were I would brek out in tears crying to God to help me but I got no help. It felt like he was punishing me for what I did in the past. I cryed for forgivness and help each night. My life was on a crash corse for suicide. I don't know what keeped me form killing my self but I am still here talking to you. Grade 9 and 10 were hard years as well by now I learnd to put all my emotions in to my wood work projects and not to turst any one. I was alone and lost......no one to got to for help and for comvert...........I would use dark woods for when I was sad, angery, and distrust. I would use light wood for when I was happy, loving, and when I felt loved. some times I would mix the two types of woods when My emotions were every were. I distient my self form friends that were a friend that were not like the way Jason was to me. I distent my self from my parints, my brothers, my paster, the whole church that I go to, and to God. I was lonly I had no one that I could trust. In grade 11 I was bullyed again to the point were I slamed him into the locker, even Grade 8 students were picking on me. I tryed my best to ignor them put my anger was to great to hold back. I sprong and some of the grade 8 go hurt realy badly. I got sent home then my Dad kicked me out of the house to think on what I did. In Grade 12 I have this hole in my sole. I had a lot of spirchal battels with my self in my sleep.....each night geting wors........one night I was confronted with a deamen and a angal they were both side by side looking at me then a war broke out. It was like this is how my battal was........ I tryed to talk to my paster about this but he was shocked on how I was confronted by the two people.......to this date I still can't trust any one and the battle still rages on...I am slowy going back to God. this is my pain that I endured so long and will continue to carry this pain till the day I get called home. This pain is my pain, that no one will under stand. I Walk a lonly road with this bearden on my back, with no friends to turn to......I have no friends that I can trust. My life is harder then any one can emadgon...............There are days were I pleed with God to take me home....to end my pain....my soffering.....my gilt.
My name is Jonathan and I am 18. I will telling about the pain that I had for the past 13 years and still have the same pain that will go on till the day I get called home. This is my life, the life that I lived and still living. I started Kindergarden at the age of 5 like all kids do. On my first day of school I met a kid there that was lonly and had the same pain that I did so instenly we becam friends. I was bulled in Kindergarden by a few kids and same with my friend. this bulleing lasted for 13 years and still going. I would take this to my teacher but she did nothing about it and my Pairnts tryed to do some thing but had the same resalts. In grade 1 I acsepted Jesus Christ into my life with my dad. Grade 1 to 3 was hard years for me and my Parents. As the years whent by a specilest found out that I have a learning disability that afects my reading, spelling, and pronocing words. My friend Jason, was there for me when my Parints were in a on going battal with the school to get me the help that I needed. We would hang out and play games use are emaduation to make new worlds for are selfs. If I was bulled Jason was there to get me out of it, and if he was bulled I was there to get him out of it as well. In Grade 4 about haf way into the year things stared to get worrs from there. Jason moved away and another friend of mine move away as well. The bulleing got worrs to the point that I hurt some one realy badly. My parients did not know what to do with me when that happend. All they did was sent me off to a canciler to sort out my problems. It helped some what but the bulling still whent on. All this anger, hate, sorrow, and distrust bilt up to the point that I can't trust my Parients, brothers, friends, and my Teachers to this day on. Grade 6 was another bad year, I got into a nother fight with some one and they got realy hurt from me. Again another problem that my parints could not help me with, and same with my teachers. I got into alot of fights with my Dad this year and I still hate him to this day. Grade 7 was a allright year with some minor bulliing here and there, which I tryed to ignor. If my best friend was here I would not have been bullyed so much and I would proboly be a bitter kid and can trust others. I don't even trust my self. Grade 8 I still hate this year............There was this kid named stuert that keeped hourassing me. He even found out my Phone number and email address. He would send hate messages and thrent me and my family. then one day all this anger let go and I could not controll it any more. over the years I learnd how to controll my anger and hide my emotions from every one. I was in another fight this time I was going to kill this kid (stuert) for buging me and bugging me. I almost killed him when my teacher jummped in to stop me but I rebelled and I knocked him uncontions for tuching me. 5 Teachers had to hold me down to stop me. I was fuled by anger, hate, distrust and the earg to kill. from here I stared to fall form God. Stuert was sent to jail for hurassment and provock attack. I on the other hand was sent to my paster to sort thing out. I did not like this one bit......I was having a spirtal battle in side of me. there were days when I went back to God and days when I walked away form him. I was having trubles to trust him secnce I can't turst any one eals thanks to all the years of bullying that has happend to me. There were some nights were I would brek out in tears crying to God to help me but I got no help. It felt like he was punishing me for what I did in the past. I cryed for forgivness and help each night. My life was on a crash corse for suicide. I don't know what keeped me form killing my self but I am still here talking to you. Grade 9 and 10 were hard years as well by now I learnd to put all my emotions in to my wood work projects and not to turst any one. I was alone and lost......no one to got to for help and for comvert...........I would use dark woods for when I was sad, angery, and distrust. I would use light wood for when I was happy, loving, and when I felt loved. some times I would mix the two types of woods when My emotions were every were. I distient my self form friends that were a friend that were not like the way Jason was to me. I distent my self from my parints, my brothers, my paster, the whole church that I go to, and to God. I was lonly I had no one that I could trust. In grade 11 I was bullyed again to the point were I slamed him into the locker, even Grade 8 students were picking on me. I tryed my best to ignor them put my anger was to great to hold back. I sprong and some of the grade 8 go hurt realy badly. I got sent home then my Dad kicked me out of the house to think on what I did. In Grade 12 I have this hole in my sole. I had a lot of spirchal battels with my self in my sleep.....each night geting wors........one night I was confronted with a deamen and a angal they were both side by side looking at me then a war broke out. It was like this is how my battal was........ I tryed to talk to my paster about this but he was shocked on how I was confronted by the two people.......to this date I still can't trust any one and the battle still rages on...I am slowy going back to God. this is my pain that I endured so long and will continue to carry this pain till the day I get called home. This pain is my pain, that no one will under stand. I Walk a lonly road with this bearden on my back, with no friends to turn to......I have no friends that I can trust. My life is harder then any one can emadgon...............There are days were I pleed with God to take me home....to end my pain....my soffering.....my gilt.
