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The bounty hunter clan "Helsing" first non-school related story.
PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 8:41 am
by Inferno
hey every one this is my first non-school related story, so go easy on me. I made it to be kind of childish on purpose, anyways it's funny that way.
I would like Feed back on how you like the story it's self. please and thank you.
here's part one I'll install part two and three later.
The Bounty Hunter Clan “Helsingâ€
PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 12:07 pm
by Inferno
come on guys this gets really good, please tell me what you think.
PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 2:51 pm
by Spirit_Wolf8356
Cool so far! I wish I could really do something like that at my school. *giggle* Keep writing and I'll keep reading!
PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 2:39 pm
by Inferno
well here's the second part... not like anyone cares.
When we found the captives, we saw them hanging in a net over a cage of living feathers of doom! They are called living feathers of doom because they are living, they are feathers, and they tickle you until you die! Kind of brutal, huh? Before this happened, however, a battle in-sued. We shot our sticky darts as fast as we could. Brian ran up a wall and took out two hulk men, but he barely dodged two darts aimed at his head! I, using my powerfully strong legs, jumped 20 feet in the air! Having good aim, I fired my gun, and knocked out three bullies. Caleb took his M-16 dart gun and destroyed the rest of the bulky bullies. The Helsing group ran on. Out of nowhere, two huge dudes with dart bazookas jumped from the ceiling.
“Dude, these guy are huge!â€
PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 7:10 pm
by true_noir_chloe
Your idea of a group of kids who fight bullies is neat. I just think your delivery of this story needs some work. The flow is choppy, which makes it difficult to read. I'm not an editor, so I won't be doing any correcting. I'm just giving my opinion as a writer.
My advice is to keep writing. You need to keep writing and reading, and then read about writing.
You have great ideas, you just need to know how to make us, the readers, see those great ideas. Okay? ^_^
PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 1:16 pm
by Spirit_Wolf8356
Coolness, Inferno! Liked the second installment and can't wait for the next! You might wanna check a little on the grammar and paragraphing though, okies? But good still.
PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 1:50 pm
by Inferno
true_noir_chloe wrote:Your idea of a group of kids who fight bullies is neat. I just think your delivery of this story needs some work. The flow is choppy, which makes it difficult to read. I'm not an editor, so I won't be doing any correcting. I'm just giving my opinion as a writer.
My advice is to keep writing. You need to keep writing and reading, and then read about writing.
You have great ideas, you just need to know how to make us, the readers, see those great ideas. Okay? ^_^
okeydokey