Paladin's Saga: The Moment

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Paladin's Saga: The Moment

Postby Razgriz » Wed Oct 22, 2003 9:12 pm

Chapter 1: The Moment

genre: superhero anime (action/adventure/drama)
disclaimer: violence

Based on the original character created by Firestorm
An original story-arc by Sangoku
With additional help by my best friend :)
(Please pardon the grammatical errors as you read :sweat: )


A moment, so delicate in time
A moment, never again in time
Never before, such an opportunity
Never again, will there be a place in history

The rain beats softly on the chrome colored armor. Each delicate drop making a distinct beat as they hit, flowing down across the cross etched on his metal breastplate. Paladin shifts his weight a little; the steel articulated portion of his armor grinding together in response. His head is lowered, eyes closed. His short platinum hair saturated with rainwater, and hugged tightly against his head. On his back is a dull brown colored cloak with a hood, and black dirt encrusted deep into the seams.

“What are you doing?â€
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Postby Mimichan » Wed Oct 22, 2003 9:25 pm

Yay! Another talented writer on the forum. *hugs*
I was wondering when you were gonna start posting. Good job ^_^
Image


"Why do people not notice until they lose it?
What it is that's truly important...
Although I can't afford to forgive even myself,
Because you were there,
I was able to be myself (Natural).
I want to be honest...I want to be kind...
I want to be the adult I once (in my childhood) longed to be.
I go on fighting against the heart to run away...
I go on fighting against that invisible something!"---

True Navigation: Two MIX
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Wed Oct 22, 2003 9:38 pm

Very good. :) Iesu is influencing you. :cool: I like it so far.

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Postby Angelchick » Wed Oct 22, 2003 9:42 pm

i like it a lot. i hope you post more of it soon. it's really good.
everywhere i go i can't escape your energy - Skillet

this isn't war, but these are still battles
and battles make it all die out - Dead Poetic

Sometimes I don't know
Where I am
Where I'll be - A Thorn For Every Heart
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Postby Razgriz » Wed Oct 22, 2003 9:46 pm

Thank you all for your replies, and yes, Iesu no Senshi is influencing me in my writing techniques. :)

Chapter 2: A Place in History part 1, coming soon
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Postby Shao Feng-Li » Thu Oct 23, 2003 12:03 pm

Really good sangoku! i only hope mine can measure up!
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Chapter 2: A Place in History, part 1

Postby Razgriz » Sat Oct 25, 2003 7:12 pm

~1306 A.D. Yorkshire, England~

The warm mid spring sun bathed the city of York early in the morning. The city bustled with activity as shops began to open, and citizens took to the streets. Crowds gathered around the farmers who have brought fresh produce from the country side, while others took to the taverns where stories and gossip are the meals of the day. Carrying a large basket of bread, Paladin strolled down the busy street, pulling his cloak around him to shield the wind, while dodging and weaving past people as he headed towards the orphanage. Paladin came upon this orphanage quite sometime ago, when he was a part of a coup to seize the city. It was back during the time when things were much simpler. Paladin walked into the two story brick house and sat the basket of bread on a long wooden table. Children that were playing in the various parts of the room quickly gathered around Paladin, their eyes wide with excitement.

“Bread! Bread! Yay!â€
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Postby Shao Feng-Li » Sat Oct 25, 2003 7:50 pm

Wow that's cool! now you need to draw the main character! im diring to see that armor Paladin's clad in!
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Postby Razgriz » Sat Oct 25, 2003 8:12 pm

Ruroken wrote:Wow that's cool! now you need to draw the main character! im diring to see that armor Paladin's clad in!


Thanks, but I can't draw. Firestorm will be taking care of the illustrations, this story arc is based off of his original character idea.
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Postby Mimichan » Sun Oct 26, 2003 8:13 pm

:thumb: Just giving you my thumbs up...

Well, it's not actually MY thumb...it's actually a thumb I borrowed.

Okay, so then... :thumb: giving you a borrowed thumbs up...

Yay! keep writing... :jump:
Image


"Why do people not notice until they lose it?
What it is that's truly important...
Although I can't afford to forgive even myself,
Because you were there,
I was able to be myself (Natural).
I want to be honest...I want to be kind...
I want to be the adult I once (in my childhood) longed to be.
I go on fighting against the heart to run away...
I go on fighting against that invisible something!"---

True Navigation: Two MIX
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Postby Razgriz » Sun Oct 26, 2003 10:14 pm

Thanks for the borrowed thumb up. :thumb:

Chapter 3: Melody of Rain is up next.
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Mon Oct 27, 2003 7:59 pm

Good story, Sangoku. :thumb: Did you change your avatar from red to black? :eyebrow:

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Postby Razgriz » Tue Oct 28, 2003 12:27 pm

Thank you :) , and I did change my avatar from Zero to Dark Zero.
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Chapter 3: Melody of Rain

Postby Razgriz » Sat Nov 01, 2003 10:15 am

Chapter 3: Melody of Rain

The cold night wind sweeps Paladin’s hair to the side as he walks down a narrow dirt path. His cloak flows in the wind like a smooth wave, and his feet making shallow impressions in the rain soaked ground. Up ahead, an old, worn out two story manor can be seen. The rusted iron gates toppled to the side, and the brick wall surrounding the premise wore the test of time. Paladin approaches the mansion, and the only sounds are the sounds of his march towards the front door.

As Paladin opens the door, a sad piano score floods his ears. “I’ve heard this before…â€
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Sat Nov 01, 2003 2:31 pm

A really fun read, Sangoku. :thumb: I only see a few grammatical errors and places where your dialogue was a little cumbersome; but other than that, it's really good.

I like where the story is going and I can't wait to read the next section and find out what happens. Does Paladin really disappear from Rain-Song's life? I hope not. She's my favorite character. I love those take charge chicks that can kick some ---- ! :o

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Postby Shao Feng-Li » Sat Nov 01, 2003 2:39 pm

awesome :thumb:
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Postby Razgriz » Sat Nov 01, 2003 2:53 pm

[quote="true_noir_chloe"]A really fun read, Sangoku. :thumb: I only see a few grammatical errors and places where your dialogue was a little cumbersome]

Thank you for your critique. :) Yeah, grammer isn't one of my strong points, and I hope to get better at it soon. When I wrote this chapter, I remember having a knot in my head, so the dialogue didn't flow too well, heh. Your question in regards to Rain-Song and Paladin will be answered soon. ;)
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Sat Nov 01, 2003 2:59 pm

Oo, a teaser. :cool:

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Chapter 4: Der Sturm Geist; The Storm Ghost

Postby Razgriz » Sun Nov 02, 2003 1:13 pm

Chapter 4: Der Sturm Geist; The Storm Ghost

General Lansing lay on the floor of the U.N. Security Council chamber, lifeless. Hovered above his body was his daughter, Arisa, who wept uncontrollably. Paladin looked back at Arisa and her father as he stood over the remnants of the two assassin droids, the blood left his face and his entire body numb. Along with General Lansing, half of the security council have been wiped out, and a hole was made in the ceiling of the room, the cold rain swept in on Paladin’s face.

[I]“Forgive me….â€
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Chapter 4: Der Sturm Geist; The Storm Ghost (cont.)

Postby Razgriz » Sun Nov 02, 2003 1:14 pm

They began their journey towards the top of the bunker, where the command center is located. The hallways are nearly devoid of life, with an errie silence looming in the musty corridors. As they proceed, Paladin falters a little, holding his head as he struggles to walk. Rain-Song walks up beside Paladin and turns to him.

“Paladin, stop,â€
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Sun Nov 02, 2003 1:45 pm

Nice. :cool: I'm really getting into your story. It's very interesting. :thumb:

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Postby Razgriz » Sun Nov 02, 2003 1:50 pm

Thank you. :cool:
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Chapter 5: A Place in History part 2

Postby Razgriz » Sun Nov 02, 2003 5:12 pm

Chapter 5: A Place in History part 2

~1306 A.D. Yorkshire Castle~

[I]“You’re not even human…â€
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Mon Nov 03, 2003 8:25 am

I'm starting to get lost. I'll go back and re-read.

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Postby Razgriz » Mon Nov 03, 2003 8:28 am

Maybe I should've put "flashback scene" :sweat:

*slowly creeps away*

Part 1 of the "A Place in History" was chapter 2.
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