CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

She stands in shadows,
Holding a blood-red rose.
She trusted in love again,
Only to have her heart broken.
Silently she cries,
As he confesses the lies.
Worn, used,
Torn and abused.
She berates herself for wasting her time,
For a man who commited an unforgivable crime.
All she had sacrificed, all she had lost,
Gone just to be covered by this merciless frost.
'I'm sorry' says he,
But dosen't he see?
Beaten and broken,
By the words he hath spoken,
Slowly he walks away,
Nothing more to say.
She drops the rose to the floor,
Never to love any more.

Does anyone have any critiqing to do? even if you don't like it let me know! Please!

I like it. It tells a sad story, but I like it. ^_^

At the very end of your poem, you have used a double negative: "Never to love no more." It should be, "Never to love any more." Or possibly you can write it in a different way, "Nor to love, any more." Or, you get the point. You just can't use double negatives.

However, this is not an insult on your writing ability. It's very good and well laid out. It just needs a little work.

[Worn used, torn and abused.]
You needed a comma between worn and used.
You need to correct the misspelled, "hte" in the second to the last line. It's spelled, "the" - of which you knew.

I'd like you to spend some time not reading this and in a week write something more. Play with metaphors and see what comes out. It's good the way it is, but it can be even better. You've thought out the structure well. I'm the worse in poetry, so I can't comment on actual timing, like: iambic pentameters and stuff. Sorry, I hope it helps some.

Why not? Some teachers can be cool.

Of course, some teachers can really crush creativity - like my son's art teacher. Hummm. There's two great little books that every writer should have: The Elements of Grammar by Margaret Shertzer, and The Elements of Style, by Strunk and White. And then there is also, the Word program you use when you write. There are other good books that I use, but these are basic necessity texts. Although, I don't really use them when I'm writing these type of posts - maybe I should

But... I always struggle with grammar - an ADHD problem. It's great to know God doesn't care about these minor details - ey? He loves you the way you are.

Hope you keep writing poetry.