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Need a little help

PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 2:06 pm
by shadowblade
I wanted to know what you guys think of this piece. I wrote it during class when I should have been paying attention, so I figured I might as well get some feedback on it. And please don't go easy on me; be completely honest, 'kay? Thanks! :D

Unspoken
Dig deeper the hole
Burrow into my soul
What was whole
Is now cold
Because I won't let it be told
My love never unfold
Burning flames of old
Hearts were sold
Feelings mold
To bitterness, this I foretold
Perhaps my soul froze
Perhaps my heart closed
No seeds sown
No feelings grown
Because such love have I disowned

PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 3:10 pm
by Ssjjvash
That's pretty good. I see nothing wrong with it really. It seems a little sad, but then a lot of poetry is sad--the emotion sad, I mean. ^_^

PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 3:24 pm
by Mr. SmartyPants
really good! I like it!

PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 6:17 pm
by shadowblade
Thanks a bunch for replying to my poem and helping me out! :)

PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 10:05 pm
by Jaltus-bot
"Are you going to soon post more?"
She hoped there might be some in store

PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 8:54 pm
by Icarus
It's nice, though there seems to be something wrong with the line

>>My love never unfold.

Is it addressing some one?

PostPosted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 7:55 am
by shadowblade
That line really wasn't talking about a person. Never really noticed that it could be. I was talking more about love never taking form. Does it fit right? Do you think I worded it incorrectly?