CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

So, leaving in 2 weeks to go to Japan, and I'll be meeting up with a good friend (or something like that; it's complicated) that I was very close with when she was on exchange here all last year. Since I'll be hanging with her for at least a few days and will meet her parents, I want to make a very good impression. Although her and her sister are quite gaijin friendly, her parents are older so I'd prefer to put my best foot forwards.

So, I know to bring a gift, and I'm going to bring some Canadian maple syrup, a box of chocolate, and maybe a bottle of alcohol. Is this culturally appropriate? And do I say "tsumaranai mono desu ga" right?

And when I introduce myself I should say "Hajimemashite. (My name)-san desu. Douzo yoroshiku onegaitashimasu"? Sorry, I really want to make sure I'm not coming across rudely.


That was the main question and I'd greatly appreciate any Japanese speaker or someone in the know to give me their two cents?

Also, if anyone knows the deal with taking a girl out on Christmas eve in Japan, is it like Valentines day here? I don't think it is because golly she agreed a bit too enthusiastically. But we're just going to Odaiba to ride the ferris wheel and see the rainbow bridge (which is from POKEMON!).

Thank you so much for any feedback; I wish I had more to contribute to this board

Yes, that's pretty polite. Honestly, that amount of cultural awareness is likely to be very impressive, especially if you aren't Asian. It's kind of sad to say, but foreigners of Asian descent have a bit of a harder time in Japan because they look like they should know the ropes already. If you look the part of a foreigner, doing what you're talking about will leave a very good impression. Also, work on your bow! A foreigner in Japan for the first time makes a good impression if they bow nicely (look up some videos on youtube to see how exactly Japanese typically bow).

If you like this girl, it's okay, and she might not read too much into it, but just as a warning, Christmas is more a couples holiday than a family holiday in Japan. But you've already made plans and I don't think it'd be incredibly disastrous or awkward just to have fun with a friend on Christmas Eve.

About the alcohol: I think it's probably an okay gift but you might have trouble with customs. I don't know, I've never tried to take alcohol overseas. It shouldn't be too much of a problem, you just have to declare it on your customs form.

Wow, thanks for quick and helpful reply!

Yuki-Anne wrote:If you like this girl, it's okay, and she might not read too much into it, but just as a warning, Christmas is more a couples holiday than a family holiday in Japan. But you've already made plans and I don't think it'd be incredibly disastrous or awkward just to have fun with a friend on Christmas Eve.

Yeah, that's what makes it weird she is so excited to go. We went out for Valentines too when she was over here. I feel like things would be different if we didn't live on opposite sides of the planet, but nothing has ever been said and I guess I'll take it as it comes.

Thanks again

Most of what you're planning to say is perfectly polite and fine. Also, those are good gifts to bring. The Japanese concept of an omiyage (souvenir) is a food item, preferably something particular to your locality; maple syrup is a good choice since it's a local product, and although it can be gotten in Japan it is expensive and comes in very small quantities. The phrase you're planning on using to present it is fine, or "kore wa hon no kimochi desu" is another standard phrase you can use when giving gifts. If you want to be particularly sophisticated, use "kore wa hon no kimochi desu" when you first present the souvenirs, and then if they compliment the souvenirs or say thank you, then say "iie, tsumaranai mono desu" (literally "no, it's a trifling thing"). The proper way to respond to compliments in Japan is to deny or downplay the compliment, but it is pretty hard to remember to say "no" instead of "thank you" when someone compliments you, and Japanese people tend to be very impressed when Westerners know to downplay their own abilities instead of just saying "thank you."

Just one thing, though:

DarkNozomi wrote:And when I introduce myself I should say "Hajimemashite. (My name)-san desu. Douzo yoroshiku onegaitashimasu"?

For the love of Japan, never, EVER attach an honorific suffix to your own name. You're probably already aware that humility is extremely important in Japanese culture, and part of that is addressing others with honorifics such as -san but NOT yourself. In fact, you also shouldn't use honorifics when talking about anyone who would be considered part of your in-group (e.g. your family) to someone else. For example, Japanese people when talking to their parents will address them as otou-san or okaa-san, but when speaking about their parents to someone else will say "uchi no chichi" or "uchi no haha." But back to the subject, just don't use -san when saying your name. You should give your name with no suffix attached.

You might also want to read up a bit on Japanese etiquette and table manners to avoid mistakes such as sticking chopsticks straight down into white rice, pointing with your chopsticks, and so on. These pages all have some very good pointers:

http://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Etiquette- ... s-in-Japan
http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2005.html
http://www.wa-pedia.com/culture/japanes ... ette.shtml

Anyways, overall you should be able to give a very good impression with those phrases; your friend's parents will probably be very pleased with the effort that you are putting into introducing yourself properly and being culturally sensitive. If you know any Japanese besides these phrases, just make sure to use desu/masu form when talking to your friend's parents and you'll be fine. Oh, and do take Yuki-Anne's advice about bowing. The people you meet probably won't expect your technique to be perfect, but just make sure that you do bow, and when talking to someone who is older or has higher status than you (like your friend's parents), you should bow a little bit lower and longer than they do.

DarkNozomi wrote:Also, if anyone knows the deal with taking a girl out on Christmas eve in Japan, is it like Valentines day here? I don't think it is because golly she agreed a bit too enthusiastically. But we're just going to Odaiba to ride the ferris wheel and see the rainbow bridge

Sure sounds like the Japanese idea of a date to me. As Yuki-Anne said, Christmas Eve is seen as a day for couples, and people who are dating typically try to spend it with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

I hope you have a great trip; Japan is awesome, and Tokyo especially so.

DarkNozomi wrote:Yeah, that's what makes it weird she is so excited to go. We went out for Valentines too when she was over here. I feel like things would be different if we didn't live on opposite sides of the planet, but nothing has ever been said and I guess I'll take it as it comes.

Well, Valentine's Day is also different in Japan. Valentine's Day is a time when girls give to guys, but they don't receive any reciprocal romantic gestures until March 14th, which is called "White Day." The custom is that on Feb 14th the girls give their special someone sweets (usually homemade if they're really into it) and on March 14th, if the feelings are reciprocated, they receive sweets from the person they gave to.

Aaah, Kaori, you're right! I always forget to respond to compliments with, "Iie"...! Sometimes I remember to but most of the time I'm flabbergasted and awkward and I don't know what to say so I just say thank you... Iie is so much easier, though! *forehead smack*

Kaori wrote:
Just one thing, though:

DarkNozomi wrote:And when I introduce myself I should say "Hajimemashite. (My name)-san desu. Douzo yoroshiku onegaitashimasu"?

For the love of Japan, never, EVER attach an honorific suffix to your own name.

I was actually just about to warn him about that, but it looks like you already did. Thanks for pointing that out.

Also, this video might help you avoid a few other common mistakes (using an honorific with your own name is one of the ones mentioned): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yC2fsFV4TxY

Hope you enjoy your trip!

This is a great thread. Tsumaranai mono ja nai.

Oh, one other thing, don't address people with "anata;" even if it is the politest form of the word "you," it's overly familiar and should generally be avoided. Talk to people using their names and an honorific at all times.