CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

I've noticed that here on CAA, we have a large number of very lonely nerds that are pretty cynical about their situation.

To be honest, I don't know if I can blame you for feeling that way. A whole lot of Christians grow up with an ideal about how this whole "romance" and "marriage" thing is supposed to play out. In my case, I had the expectation that God would bring me the girl I was to marry very shortly after High School, and that we would be married at the optimal age of 22.

The reality is that this fantasy situation very rarely happens, and when it does, it commonly falls apart. Somehow, being single for extended periods of post High School life just isn't what we expect. We are even more surprised when we find ourselves single for extended periods of time after the normal college age.

Here's where I am going with this: I think that a lot of us weren't raised to understand the importance and joys of being single. It's something that is often learned through a long and painful process of self discovery and personal growth. In this thread, I hope that some of the pain in that process can be relieved.

Being single is awesome. Here are some reasons (please add more):

1) You can concentrate on your personal walk with God a whole lot easier.

2) You can finish maturing and become a complete person, which allows you to figure out what you actually want from any future relationships.

3) Freedom. This covers a whole lot of ground. For instance, if you are trying to be a missionary to another country, you can pursue that without having to worry about how this affects your significant other. (Whether they come with you or try to deal with a long distance relationship). Or, if you want to replace your car with a motorcycle, you can do so without worrying about how it affects your significant other.

There are so many other reasons as well. Being single is awesome.

Interesting topic, Cog.
While I do agree with you for the most part, there are some things that I don't.

Yes, it is true that if we are single we have time and resources to only worry about ourselves and our own personal walk with God, finances, school work, etc....

But at the same time, we weren't put here on this earth to live alone. (unless we are each called to live a life without marriage or anything like that, which some people are, and they are okay with that.)

being Single is a lot easier than being in a relationship. Let's face it: when you are single all you have to worry about is yourself! You can be completely selfish with your time, energy, and goals...

Maybe this is ideological of me, but I always wanted to share all those things with the person God has for me. My time, my energy, my goals, and even our experiences in our faith. (if the guy is totally open for that)

I'm 22, I've only had one boyfriend, and it was kind of awkward for me, lol. So for a while I was TOTALLY happy to be single again... now I'm hoping that my eyes and heart are open to who God wants for me.

Because one thing is for sure: I want a partner by my side, So I help them, and lift them up! But until then, I'm not really moping about my lack of a Significant other...

yahhh

/end slight cheesy post

(Let's also remember that CAA isn't a dating forum! I don't think that this will go in that direction, but just in case...)

I think Phil's got some good points that should be considered.

Yes, I'm married, but that means I can't just go around doing whatever I want anymore. I have to consider the wants and needs of my husband (and vice versa). Not gonna lie, sometimes it's a real pain in the butt. If you're single, you don't have to worry about that!

Also, I...kind of don't understand why people want to get married right after high school-- or college, even. (Especially DURING college. That's asking for trouble if you ask me.) Live your life first! Relationships are great but there's a lot more to life than having a romantic relationship. Make friends! Pursue interests! Take trips! Do anything you want!

I guess what I really want to say is this: Use your freedom to do other things you enjoy instead of wasting your time moping around and turning into a bitter cynic. And if you really want a relationship, like it's making you absolutely miserable to be without one, then go out and try to get one. Anything that's worth getting takes some effort.

Hmm... I'm really bad about sounding super-cynical about being single, but to be honest, I chose this. I made the decision to be a missionary, knowing that it would mean I'd have to say "no" to relationships for the time being. And although I tend to take the "nobody's interested in me at all ever and it's just bad luck 100% of the way" tack in discussions like this, the truth of the matter is that if I wanted to be in a relationship right now, I know of at least one guy who'd be happy to oblige. But I chose this. So I guess I ought to stop complaining about it.

I'm okay with being single right now. A relationship is just unfeasible in my current situation. I guess I'm just afraid that I'll always be single. This used to be a much bigger fear for me, but, let's be honest, if the worst thing that ever happens to me is that I never get married... well, my life could be a lot worse. But at the same time, I think that God gave us certain desires for a reason. I really want to get married and have children some day. I don't pretend to know what God's planning for me, but I think it would be kind of awful to have such a strong desire (which there's absolutely nothing wrong with) and never have it fulfilled.

In my early to mid-20's I wanted to be in a relationship. Not for status but for companionship. This hit the hardest when many of my friends got engaged or married. I really struggled. At 27, I've now come to accept my singluarity. Sometimes it still hurts but for the most part I'm fine with it. In the future, I'd love to be married and have several children. For now, I'm okay with enjoying my family and friends and experiencing new things. If I meet a godly girl somewhere - awesome. If not now, that's okay too.

As someone who was single, and got married in 2007, hopefully I can give perspectives from both "sides".

I attended a co-ed high school. But I wasn't really interested in girls then. Later on, when I attended university, I started thinking about relationships more.

However, despite my sincere efforts I got rejection after rejection. I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me, or if I was meant to be single.

Eventually, things got to the stage where all my close friends were seeing girls, and I was the only one who was still single. I remember one time, when we went out together in a big group, every one of my friends came with their girlfriends, and I was walking by myself. It felt really weird, and kinda sad.

I prayed and prayed about my singleness, however eventually decided that since I was single, there was no point in being sad about the situation. Instead, I learnt to focus on being the best person I could be, not just for the future possibility of being in a relationship, but so that I could lead a meaningful, productive life.

I focused on growing spiritually and theologically, exercising well physically, and trying to be a more mature person emotionally.

I can tell you now, I wish I had spent more time and effort on learning to become a better person, because I still feel I have a long way to go.

The funny thing is, once I had decided to let go of thinking about relationships, God brought a girl and myself together, and we got married in December of 2007. The other funny thing is, though I was the last out of my friends to enter a relationship, I was the second one to get married.

For those of you who are single, I don't know if your story is / will turn out to be similar to mine.

However, what I do know is that there is no loss, regardless of your future martial status, to continue trying to be the best person you can be. You will feel that life is more enjoyable as a result of your efforts.

And I fully agree that there are more freedom when you're single - financially, as well as in regards to how you want to spend your time and energy (e.g. I used to enjoy walks on my own when I was single). Additionally, when you are married, you can no longer choose to do what you always wants (e.g. no more four hour Guild Wars marathon sessions for me).

I definitely don't regret my decision to get married (it's hard to describe the joy one feels when one is sharing a joyful and peaceful life with another), but at the same time I'd also say that if you enjoy being single, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that either.

ChristianKitsune (post: 1428015) wrote:Interesting topic, Cog.
While I do agree with you for the most part, there are some things that I don't.

Yes, it is true that if we are single we have time and resources to only worry about ourselves and our own personal walk with God, finances, school work, etc....

But at the same time, we weren't put here on this earth to live alone. (unless we are each called to live a life without marriage or anything like that, which some people are, and they are okay with that.)

XD I definitely don't think he was saying to never get married if you're sad about being single! We certainly were made to be around other people, but while you're still single, you can fill the need to be around other people with non-romantic relationships until/if a romantic one comes along. I think it's more about trusting God with the future He has in store for us and being content with that (and being content with Him), regardless of the outcome.

Anyways, I'd expound further on my point, but it'd be pretty repetitive of the OP and I need to get ready for class as it is. XD But yeah, hope that clarified something!

ShiroiHikari (post: 1428016) wrote:I think Phil's got some good points that should be considered.

Yes, I'm married, but that means I can't just go around doing whatever I want anymore. I have to consider the wants and needs of my husband (and vice versa). Not gonna lie, sometimes it's a real pain in the butt. If you're single, you don't have to worry about that!

This is a great point. I've been married four years, and the truth of the matter is, nothing is your own anymore once you're married - time, resources, energy, finances - they belong to you both.

Singleness is a great time to do God's work. I always advise young people of this: don't waste this time. You'll never be so free in your life as the time between high school and marriage.

And when you get kids...almost all of your time and energy goes into them. They are your ministry. And it's a great ministry, of course, but you are no longer able to do other things so freely.

I do like being single- also, I've never been anything but single, so... XD There's also no good marriage material around, so it's pretty easy.

Radical Dreamer (post: 1428045) wrote:XD I definitely don't think he was saying to never get married if you're sad about being single! We certainly were made to be around other people, but while you're still single, you can fill the need to be around other people with non-romantic relationships until/if a romantic one comes along. I think it's more about trusting God with the future He has in store for us and being content with that (and being content with Him), regardless of the outcome.

Anyways, I'd expound further on my point, but it'd be pretty repetitive of the OP and I need to get ready for class as it is. XD But yeah, hope that clarified something!

Oh yah! Totally, Raddie! It was late, my post must have not made much sense. >_<

I just want to clarify that I'm not arguing against ever getting married. I wanted to express that being single doesn't have to be a terrible thing, and that there are a whole lot of positives to it. Those of us who are single are better off focusing on the good parts of being single rather than on the bad parts.

Like being able to fix weird food and watch odd things from Japan... And dancing along with Miku Hatsune. If you weren't single before, that'll do it for ya. >.< ...but it's fun.

There have definitely been some points where I envied the single since I've been married. ^-^

There have been times (and I still am in that situation) where I want to be in a relationship. I guess it is a good thing that I'm single right now because of all the work and stress I've been dealing with, you know--less stress on the table.

I suppose if I was married or had a girlfriend I wouldn't be able to read my favorite manga or watch Strike Witches...so I guess it does have its benefits!

Rusty Claymore (post: 1428095) wrote:Like being able to fix weird food and watch odd things from Japan... And dancing along with Miku Hatsune. If you weren't single before, that'll do it for ya. >.< ...but it's fun.

XD <---- plus one thousand brownie points mo!

Nate (post: 1428103) wrote:I suppose if I was married or had a girlfriend I wouldn't be able to read my favorite manga or watch Strike Witches...so I guess it does have its benefits!

You could probably still read manga...but I dunno about watching Strike Witches.

I didn't say all manga. I said I wouldn't be able to read my favorite manga. I guess I should have said "my favorite manga series." XD

One thing I do love about being single is that I'm available for my friends if they need me --I can come over and hang out/talk until 2 am and then go home. If I had a spouse, I'd be concerned about having to get home to make dinner/get his shirt ironed for work tomorrow, etc.

So, while I said in the other thread that I long for a relationship and being held/protected by a husband, I still am enjoying my time being single. I can hang out with people and get to know them, come and go as I please, and focus on my classes along with overcoming my past and growing closer to the Lord. I trust that He will bring along the right man in time.

I also would not have been able to make that last-minute trip to San Marcos to see friends before the semester started if I was married. I didn't even have a place to stay until the night before I left. Yay for spontaneous road trips!

Sheenar (post: 1428120) wrote:having to get home to make dinner/get his shirt ironed for work tomorrow, etc.

at the risk of sounding sexist...

Marry me?

Another thing, my brother is always trying to have me go out and get laid, when I really don't want to--when I really want to be more in control of my work and take it easy. He expects me to act my age, but I think forcing the issue isn't 'acting his age.'

Heh, now THIS is a thread I can totally agree with!
...You know, not to sound like a horrible person or anything.

Etoh*the*Greato (post: 1428146) wrote:at the risk of sounding sexist...

Marry me?

I could take this somewhere but I think I'll just leave it to you all to imagine what I was going to say.

Etoh*the*Greato wrote:at the risk of sounding sexist...

Marry me?

It would still sound sexist to Feminists!

I want to reply, but since I'm getting married in Dec, I don't want to risk it and tick her off!

So, no comment from me!


[font="Book Antiqua"][color="Red"]Col. Roy Mustang[/color][/font]

Being single for my whole life has always intimidated me. I would see people younger than me have boyfriends/girlfriends, or relatives get married and the like, and I would always wonder, "Is there something wrong with me?"

But now I realize that I'm not like them. Being in a relationship at (insert age here) does not make you normal or different. You choose to be in a relationship because you actually want a life-long companion, and you're willing to put the time and effort into it.

Being single has shown me that I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm still growing and learning, plotting goals for my life and career. I'm learning about how to be not just a wife to my husband, but a friend to him as well. I'm learning about how to actually be a friend and maintain a friendship. It takes time and effort. So, in that respect I can look at my singleness as something positive: I'm growing into a woman.

I love being able to reflect on this, and although I do want to be in a relationship, get married, and have kids one day, I'll be happy being single for as long as I can. I'll appreciate it as a journey in my growth spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally. And when God says it's time, then the right guy will come along then. :3!

So as much as I could wine and complain about being lonely, I choose not to. I'm going to be happy both while I'm married (hopefully) and while I'm not.

In a sentence, being single can help you be thankful and appreciate where you're at the moment. (course you can probably do that being married too....does my sentence make sense at all?)

I believe that Sheenar said it very well enough, and I agree with her fully.

I have a problem with the sentiment that you can do more of God's work when you're single. Like being single makes you super-spiritual or something. We should be serving God in whatever we do, no matter our circumstances. That means you can do great things for God, even while married. As for being single and doing God's work, it often seems people say this to bring comfort to single people. But it doesn't. It does the total opposite. It's no comfort to a single person to essentially imply, 'I've got a fiance/wife and you don't, so go out and do a gazillion international mission trips etc., do more godly stuff to fill your lack of human companionship.' I don't know, that just hurts and comes across as uncaring. Single people have hopes, fears and desires too.
I think singles are often forgotten by the church and that's a sad thing (probably has something to do with many people in their 20's etc. leaving the church).

Shao, I've never been in a relationship either, so there's a little less to miss, since I've never experienced one before.

Sammy Boy, Hi mate. I agree with your points and it's great to grow spiritually and in other areas of your life but often I think too much emphasis is placed on this pre-relationship aspect. Yes, we should strive to become more Christ-like, but we should also recognise that we're not perfect and if we strive to be perfect, for our future husband/wife, we'll never get married. God works in us. I think it comes down to talking with God regularly about everything - including future relationships. I don't think you will disagree, I just thought it should be said. Thanks

I'm in highschool, and While I definaitly want t get married and have kids in the future....A boyfriend? at this age? Being single is definaitly better right now. Even though it's kind of hard being alone. But With this, I have more time for friends, family, homework, activities, aned more time for God. So, yeah, singleness is definaitly cool. Though I am tottally a romantic.

Yuki-Anne (post: 1428017) wrote:Hmm... I'm really bad about sounding super-cynical about being single, but to be honest, I chose this. I made the decision to be a missionary, knowing that it would mean I'd have to say "no" to relationships for the time being. .

Not really questioning you or anything, but there have been many famouse missionary couples in the past. So I as long as God was calling you both for the same thing, would it really be such a big problem?

Warrior 4 Jesus (post: 1428217) wrote:I have a problem with the sentiment that you can do more of God's work when you're single. Like being single makes you super-spiritual or something. We should be serving God in whatever we do, no matter our circumstances. That means you can do great things for God, even while married. As for being single and doing God's work, it often seems people say this to bring comfort to single people. But it doesn't. It does the total opposite. It's no comfort to a single person to essentially imply, 'I've got a fiance/wife and you don't, so go out and do a gazillion international mission trips etc., do more godly stuff to fill your lack of human companionship.' I don't know, that just hurts and comes across as uncaring.

Yeah, that really irritated me when I was single. It should never be used as a consolation. Some people use it as a "quit whining, my life is harder than yours" statement. Psht.

Missions when you're single or married are sort of a trade-off deal. If single, you have a quicker, easier decision making process. As a married person, you have a better support system. There's positives and drawbacks to both.