CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Nintendo Has Lost Its Mind

Dear Nintendo,

Last night I read the first details about your new console that's coming out later this year. You've made me sad, Nintendo. I've stuck by you since the very beginning--back when your name really meant something, when everything you put out was gold. But look, these days it's really getting hard to keep the faith. You're letting me down. This new machine, this thing that you seem to think is a good idea even when your console business is struggling to keep its head above water, well...I just don't think this is going to cut it. Who told you this was a good idea?

You know, Nintendo, you were a lot of kids' first exposure to video games. Back in the day, the NES was the only game in town. You bought a Nintendo product; you knew it was gonna be good. Well, except maybe that whole Gyromite/R.O.B. fiasco. But really, you were the greatest. Mario, Zelda, Metroid, Kid Icarus? Who could forget what it was like to play these games for the first time? You single-handedly resuscitated and then claimed lordship over the American video game market when it was ready to vanish down the drain. For a long time, you were video games to a lot of people--and for good reason.

And don't even get me started on the SNES. Man...as far as I'm concerned, that was the real golden age of Nintendo. You couldn't do any wrong back then. Even with hefty competition from Sega, you were cranking out the most amazing games at a pace that seemed almost impossible. I'd call the SNES my favorite system ever, without hesitation. The Nintendo 64 was cool, and you kept the great games coming. However, you really dropped the ball with the third parties. You just lay down and let Sony walk right over you, and now they've got a lead that you'll probably never catch up to. The GameCube renewed my faith for a little while, but :censored:...that's become an even greater disaster than the N64. Third parties are jumping ship left and right, and just like last generation, every game in my library is a Nintendo game. One or two games a year just isn't going to do the job.

At least there's the Game Boy Advance. One could make a convincing argument that the GBA is the best system on the market right now, and I know you've basically got a monopoly on portables. It's just like with the NES so long ago: If you want to play handheld games, you're playing them on a Nintendo system. Obviously, the GBA is your big cash cow, so why make another product to effectively compete with it? I'm sure you're a little nervous about the PSP, but let's be realistic--that thing's not even going to be in the same price galaxy as the GBA. There's talk of $400 for that thing, while the GBA SP is a mere $99. Surely you don't really think it will be a threat right out of the gate. And even if it is, do you think two screens is going to be all you need to fight it?

Seriously, why do you think this is a good idea? You've got a handheld on the market that plays some of the best games available right now. It's incredibly cheap, and it's got an absolute stranglehold on the market. The GameCube, meanwhile, needs serious help. Why exactly should you devote so many resources to a new portable machine? To be blunt, two screens is not an innovation that will set the world on fire. I know I'm about to rip off posters on a hundred different forums, but it must be said: Do you remember the Virtual Boy?

You've been a good friend for a long time, Nintendo, but it's time for some tough love. Get your act together. Forget about this two-screen handheld nonsense. Forget about gimmicks like GameCube-to-GBA connectivity. Recognize what you've got--great hardware, great franchises, and lots of talent--and use it. I mean, look at The Wind Waker. You obviously haven't forgotten what the word "fun" means. You say you're going to show this Nintendo DS thing at E3 this year. Bring it on, I guess. But I'm warning you: It's going to be a tough sell.