CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

I'm going through some stuff right now which I really need some prayer for.

1. school: I'm in my last year in collage and I don't like what I'm studying at all (Programming and other computer related stuff). And ever since I've started collage I've been slacking and now I'm at the point where I can't afford to fail a single course whatever it's called. If I do, I will not be able to continue to study after collage, which I want to do (Though not programming). Even though I know this I've still managed to fall behind in like 4-5 different courses at the same time just because I'm so incredible lazy and unmotivated to work in school.

2. anger: I just have so easy to burst out in anger nowadays, this morning I ended up screaming at my mum and hitting a door with full power (It did not break, I hit it with the side of my hand). It's like I get annoyed really easy and burst out in anger, this have never really been a problem for me before. And when I'm gaming with my friends I just end up acting like a *********, and I easily get nasty thoughts often dishonoring God's name. (This have always been a problem of mine, it's just I can't control my mind when I'm angry and these thoughts just keep coming up even though I don't want to think them)

3. dreams?: When I started drawing for a few months ago I was really happy to finally have found something I want to do, and it grew to become a dream of mine to draw manga's really. It just felt really right, since coming up with stories have always been a strength of mine, and I've always been pretty good at drawing. And I love manga, so I was like "This is perfect, it's sucha nice chance to reach out with the Word while doing something I love". But nowadays I just can't find the fire, all my troubles keep bothering me and I don't feel like drawing. And to become a mangaka you need insane skills and it's so hard to motivate yourself when you realise how bad you really are, and how many years it will take me to get to the point where I can draw a decent manga.

4. focus: This is probably partly the reason why things ain't going well. I just feel to lazy to read the Word and I often feel distant from Jesus, though some days can be great I just continue to mess up and it really brings me down and makes me feel guilt. My anger, nasty thoughts and lazyness just makes me feel guilty, I keep falling for the same sins and I feel like I ain't get nowhere. Even though the Lord is always there and listening to me I feel like I'm just repeating myself over and over. I want to change and repent, but it's a daily struggle and I seem to always take the easy way out, which in the end also proves to be the wrong way.

5. gaming: I've been a gamer in many years now, and I love to play multiplayer games with a competetive PvP system. Right now I'm playing League of Legends, and I've almost been up to 1600 rating which means I'm at the top 3% in Europe. And for a while I really wanted to aim higher hoping to one day become a pro. But I figured gaming took to much of my time and I've tried to spend less of my time doing it and instead focus on important stuff. Also I have really easy to get angry while gaming, and I don't like that at all. Though the anger is probably not because of the gaming itself, but when I'm like this I shouldn't be doing something like gaming. But quitting ain't as easy as it might seem to be when you have friends which wants you to play with them every single day, especially not when your as lazy as I am.

I just wish I could balance it all, to do all my schoolwork at Sunday's for example. (That way I would probably be back on track fast, I'm not really bad in school) And make a gaming team with my friends and put up some times each week where we play together (If I have a team with only friends I usually don't get angry at all) and the rest of the time I could do my best drawing. And of course, above all, put God first and pray for guidance and strength. Because without Him the other stuff doesn't even matter, after all my whole life is nothing without Him.

Rant finished, I just had to write it somewhere, it's been piling up for so long now. (And forgive me for all the errors, I suck at writing stuff like this, especially when I have to do it in english..)

You know, a lot of my artist friends take computer classes because they manage their own websites with their own art, etc, and some of those classes can be applied to art. If you really want to make manga, you could combine them somehow into something useful. And yes, it takes years to be able to draw well, but so what? If you like it and want to do it, then just keep at it in your spare time.

It's easy to be angered when you're frustrated with the rest of your life.

Praying! Make a schedule to do your stuff and stick with it! Get your family and friends to help if they can!

You and I, MrKrillzor, struggle with the same things, except that I don't get angry when gaming (though I almost cussed out my grandmother in anger once but I forgot to take my meds that day so yeah). I'd advise to quit gaming totally for a few days at least. To deal with your friends---Remember to seek the praise of God rather than the praise of men.
I would get counseling for your anger or at least avoid things making you angry.
Remember to put the Lord first. Before starting back in Bible study, spend time in prayer, asking God for understanding and stamina. Also let your issues out to Him.

Remember I'm just giving advice but you should pray about these issues!

Romans 8:26
Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

Praying for you!

MrKrillz0r (post: 1518592) wrote:1. school: I'm in my last year in (edit:) college and I don't like what I'm studying at all (Programming and other computer related stuff).

I'm with Atria: you can use programming to do art. That's what I'm doing. Programming takes awhile, but if you know what you want and aren't overly ambitious like me, you can finish a program that would be very useful at making art.

MrKrillz0r (post: 1518592) wrote:3. dreams?: When I started drawing for a few months ago I was really happy to finally have found something I want to do, and it grew to become a dream of mine to draw manga's really. It just felt really right, since coming up with stories have always been a strength of mine, and I've always been pretty good at drawing. ... [But] it's so hard to motivate yourself when you realise how bad you really are, and how many years it will take me to get to the point where I can draw a decent manga.

... My friend, I thought about drawing manga also, but I realized something important: I needed to finish something. I start out simple and then always want to jump to the big thing, but that's not how it works. Do something moderately simple. I have in mind an illustrated book I want to do. Something that's easy to draw. I intend to post it online in full once I finish, but I think I could give you a preview (assuming I remember to upload it). The thing is, start simple. Finish something - then you have something to be proud of to give you motivation to do the big thing.

MrKrillz0r (post: 1518592) wrote:4. focus: This is probably partly the reason why things ain't going well. I just feel to lazy to read the Word and I often feel distant from Jesus

I'm in this boat. Ugh. I'll be praying for you on that, definitely! It's very important! Refocusing on God can make all this other stuff in your life shift around. You regain motivation, for one thing.

I know what it is like to have such anger, and I can definitely pray for you in this area with the other areas. I struggle with high school in similar ways, but God can handle far more than both our situations.

"Is anyone among you suffering, let him pray. Is anyone joyful, let him sing psalms" (James V:XIII) Lord willing I worded this right.

I'll be praying for you.