CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Hey everyone, I know I complain and whine a lot, so I hope you all don't mind me making this prayer request. I'm really not trying to annoy anyone, I swear.

Lately, I've just been really depressed. It frustrates me, because I really don't have a reason to be sad. I have a decent life. Nothing extremely bad has ever happened in my life. I keep thinking about death and where we'll all go when we die. One can't really know if they are truly saved until they die and I really worry for family and friends who haven't accepted Jesus as well as myself. I'm also just all around lonely I guess. I don't have many friends and the two I do have I don't see much. Then, there's my faith...

I just don't feel into it. Isn't that an absolutely terrible thing to say? Jesus died for me after all, for all of us sinners. Yet I find myself rolling my eyes at truly devoted Christians sometimes. I am grateful to Jesus and I do think I love Him, but that's about it. I don't feel any strong connection to God. I don't feel like I love Him more then anything else. I don't feel like I'm any better then I was before I became a Christian. I try to be as best a person I can be, but I was doing that before as well. The only things I've actually really tried to change about myself is to limit cursing and try to think about/treat/talk better to other people and read my bible/go to church. I just don't know what to do anymore. Becoming a Christian has caused me a lot of grief and I'm starting to regret it. That's not the right way of thinking and I'm hoping I'll get over this soon and come out stronger then before. Hopefully. Even though I don't deserve it, will you all please pray for me?

It's good to feel this way at times. We all need a level of existential angst and despair in our lives. It's a very important part of faith.

I recommend you read this by St. John of the Cross. It's called Dark Night of the Soul. It's very soothing and beautiful. I think you'll love it.

http://www.karmel.at/ics/john/dn.html or http://www.frimmin.com/poetry/darknight.php

I'll be praying for you. Cause while I think feeling this way can be good for the soul, it does feel sucky. XD

What Mr. SmartyPants said. I personally also think it's healthy to have a certain level of skepticism in one's faith- it keeps one from being blind to ways you might be mislead (cults feed on people not thinking).

Praying!

Mr. SmartyPants (post: 1468672) wrote:It's good to feel this way at times. We all need a level of existential angst and despair in our lives. It's a very important part of faith.

I recommend you read this by St. John of the Cross. It's called Dark Night of the Soul. It's very soothing and beautiful. I think you'll love it.

http://www.karmel.at/ics/john/dn.html or http://www.frimmin.com/poetry/darknight.php

I'll be praying for you. Cause while I think feeling this way can be good for the soul, it does feel sucky. XD

Thank you kindly. That looks a bit long, but I will give it a read once I have the time.

Atria35 (post: 1468696) wrote:What Mr. SmartyPants said. I personally also think it's healthy to have a certain level of skepticism in one's faith- it keeps one from being blind to ways you might be mislead (cults feed on people not thinking).

Praying!

Thank you. I don't know. I just always feel like I'm not the 'right kind' of Christian. I probably would have been burned as a heretic back in the old days. Lol.

Topaz, I know exactly how you feel. I felt like that nearly my whole life. Even though I grew up in a Christian environment. I never felt truly connected to God, or that I should love Him. So, I understand the feelings of it all, and trust me when I tell you, it'll all be O.K. someday. God will help you through this time and with friends by your side, how can you go wrong? ^^

/end of corny friend speech.

I'm praying for you! ^_^

TopazRaven (post: 1468670) wrote:Hey everyone, I know I complain and whine a lot, so I hope you all don't mind me making this prayer request. I'm really not trying to annoy anyone, I swear.

You again? Don't you have anything better to do? ...Very well. What do you have to say this time?

[Quote=TopazRaven]Lately, I've just been really depressed. It frustrates me, because I really don't have a reason to be sad. I have a decent life. Nothing extremely bad has ever happened in my life.[/quote]

Well then, that's good! Atleast be happy that you have food, shelter, and the bible!

[Quote=TopazRaven] I keep thinking about death and where we'll all go when we die. One can't really know if they are truly saved until they die and I really worry for family and friends who haven't accepted Jesus as well as myself. [/quote]

I feel your pain. Yet, the bible assures us that if we believe and love one another...

[Quote=TopazRaven]I'm also just all around lonely I guess. I don't have many friends and the two I do have I don't see much. Oh, but I do have many friends here on CAA, especially Hiryu, who gives up his very precious time to answer my threads! I hope he doesn't hate me, I know I'm wearing thin on his patience everytime I ask for prayer or post an interesting question. [/Quote]

Yea, I totally agree. This Hiryu guy kinda sounds like an egotistical jerk though.

[Quote=TopazRaven]
Then, there's my faith...

I just don't feel into it. Isn't that an absolutely terrible thing to say? Jesus died for me after all, for all of us sinners. Yet I find myself rolling my eyes at truly devoted Christians sometimes.[/Quote]

Hmm...yes...terrible...indeed...sinners...devoted christians...yes...mm-hmm...

[Quote=TopazRaven]I am grateful to Jesus and I do think I love Him, but that's about it.[/quote]

Oh, that doesn't sound good.

TopazRaven wrote: I don't feel any strong connection to God.

This neither.

TopazRaven wrote:I don't feel like I love Him more then anything else.

Or this.

TopazRaven wrote:I don't feel like I'm any better then I was before I became a Christian.

Nope, not good.

TopazRaven wrote:I try

Nuh-uh

TopazRaven wrote:to be as best

Nope.

TopazRaven wrote: a person

Nooo...

TopazRaven wrote:I

TopazRaven wrote:can

TopazRaven wrote:be,

This neither.

Perhaps your misconnection is your focus. You're trying to be good, but what are you trying for? To be a better person, or to love your neighbor and your God? Sometimes even the "best" of christians go through the motions.

TopazRaven wrote:but I was doing that before as well. The only things I've actually really tried to change about myself is to limit cursing and try to think about/treat/talk better to other people and read my bible/go to church. I just don't know what to do anymore. Becoming a Christian has caused me a lot of grief and I'm starting to regret it.

This too,especially. Being a christian isn't all fun and games, unfortunately. Change can be a hard thing to do.

TopazRaven wrote:That's not the right way of thinking and I'm hoping I'll get over this soon and come out stronger then before. Hopefully.

But this, this is good.

[Quote=TopazRaven]Even though I don't deserve it, will you all please pray for me?[/QUOTE]

Hmm... I don't know...you've been whining an awful lot lately. ...I guess I can pray for you...if you stop whining so much.

Hope you have a good April Fools day today. Love you.

Nami (post: 1468739) wrote:Topaz, I know exactly how you feel. I felt like that nearly my whole life. Even though I grew up in a Christian environment. I never felt truly connected to God, or that I should love Him. So, I understand the feelings of it all, and trust me when I tell you, it'll all be O.K. someday. God will help you through this time and with friends by your side, how can you go wrong? ^^

/end of corny friend speech.

I'm praying for you! ^_^

Thank you. Nice to know I'm not the only one who has gone through something like this before.

Hiryu (post: 1468752) wrote:You again? Don't you have anything better to do? ...Very well. What do you have to say this time?

Well then, that's good! Atleast be happy that you have food, shelter, and the bible!

I am. I can't help the way I feel though. I don't have a button to turn emotions on and off.

Yea, I totally agree. This Hiryu guy kinda sounds like an egotistical jerk though.

I didn't mean it that way. I love everyone here on CAA. Talking to people over the Internet doesn't make me feel any less lonely. In fact, sometimes it makes it worse. I don't really know why though.

Oh, that doesn't sound good.

This neither.

Or this.

Nope, not good.


Nuh-uh

Nope.

Nooo...

This neither.

Perhaps your misconnection is your focus. You're trying to be good, but what are you trying for? To be a better person, or to love your neighbor and your God? Sometimes even the "best" of christians go through the motions.

Um...both?

This too,especially. Being a christian isn't all fun and games, unfortunately. Change can be a hard thing to do.

I guess. I just expected to feel something more after 6 months. I guess I was expecting immediate changes. I don't know.

But this, this is good.

In least I got one thing right then...

Hmm... I don't know...you've been whining an awful lot lately. ...I guess I can pray for you...if you stop whining so much.

Hope you have a good April Fools day today. Love you.

Is it sad that I can't tell wither you or joking or seriously annoyed? Thank you. I hope you have a nice April Fools day to.

TopazRaven (post: 1468670) wrote: Lately, I've just been really depressed. It frustrates me, because I really don't have a reason to be sad. I have a decent life. Nothing extremely bad has ever happened in my life. I keep thinking about death and where we'll all go when we die. One can't really know if they are truly saved until they die and I really worry for family and friends who haven't accepted Jesus as well as myself. I'm also just all around lonely I guess. I don't have many friends and the two I do have I don't see much. Then, there's my faith...

I know this feeling. When I discover a cure for it, you will be the first to know.

I just don't feel into it. Isn't that an absolutely terrible thing to say? Jesus died for me after all, for all of us sinners. Yet I find myself rolling my eyes at truly devoted Christians sometimes. I am grateful to Jesus and I do think I love Him, but that's about it. I don't feel any strong connection to God. I don't feel like I love Him more then anything else. I don't feel like I'm any better then I was before I became a Christian.

It's a sad truth, but choosing to give your life over to God/Jesus will not make you magically less sinful than the next person. Christians still screw up all the time. But the difference is that God doesn't judge us through that and instead loves us unconditionally. Do we deserve that type of love? No. But that's the point of God's grace.

I try to be as best a person I can be, but I was doing that before as well. The only things I've actually really tried to change about myself is to limit cursing and try to think about/treat/talk better to other people and read my bible/go to church. I just don't know what to do anymore. Becoming a Christian has caused me a lot of grief and I'm starting to regret it. That's not the right way of thinking and I'm hoping I'll get over this soon and come out stronger then before. Hopefully. Even though I don't deserve it, will you all please pray for me?

While it is good trying to change your lifestyle to glorify God, don't get to wrapped up in it that you lose your focus on God and His love for you. Getting to know Him and getting closer to Him is much more important that trying to live like a "good" Christian (there is no such thing, btw).

At any rate, I'm rambling. >.< I'll keep you in my prayers, Topaz. I know you and I don't get a chance to chat often, but feel free to shoot me a PM anytime if you like.

goldenspines (post: 1468764) wrote:I know this feeling. When I discover a cure for it, you will be the first to know.

Ahaha, thank you!

It's a sad truth, but choosing to give your life over to God/Jesus will not make you magically less sinful than the next person. Christians still screw up all the time. But the difference is that God doesn't judge us through that and instead loves us unconditionally. Do we deserve that type of love? No. But that's the point of God's grace.

Yeah, I get where you're coming from. I think I forget this all to often, especially when there actually are Christians out there who think they are better then everyone else and you should be just like them.

While it is good trying to change your lifestyle to glorify God, don't get to wrapped up in it that you lose your focus on God and His love for you. Getting to know Him and getting closer to Him is much more important that trying to live like a "good" Christian (there is no such thing, btw).

And I think this here is the problem. I'm focusing to much on trying to be like other Christians I guess. I'm so weird. 0.o

At any rate, I'm rambling. >.< I'll keep you in my prayers, Topaz. I know you and I don't get a chance to chat often, but feel free to shoot me a PM anytime if you like.

You're not rambling, if anything I was. xD Thanks for everything!

Definately will be praying. I have known that feeling. It happens to many Christians. Also, another important thing to know is that your life sometimes does get harder as a Christian; Jesus said it himself. But you usually end up becoming a stronger person. Besides, don't say you don't deserve it; you are more than entitled to be of everyone's concern here in CAA.

I'll be praying too. I know that feeling, and heck, I was feeling like that not too long ago.

Stop whining about whining! If you don't like doing it, then stop, and if you can't help it, don't whine about whining! XD

^^ that was a complete joke by the way.....

Don't get too down about feeling like that. I've been a Christian for my whole life and I still feel like you do sometimes.

I'll be Praying!!
And I understand how you feel. My first year of being a Christian, I was totally depressed, and I honestly wasn't following God at all, or even trying sometimes. You'll get through this, sister!!

Just prayed for you. Don't fret about being annoying; I don't think you're a bother, and your request is genuine.

I find myself rolling my eyes at truly devoted Christians sometimes.

I do that too sometimes... I feel bad about it though, because they typically aren't trying to be weirdly annoying. >_<

I am grateful to Jesus and I do think I love Him, but that's about it... I don't feel like I love Him more then anything else.

Yeah, the last part especially is something I've been wondering about, too. Does a person know, really, if he loves God with all his "heart, soul, mind, and strength"? You'd think he would, so does that mean if you're not sure, you don't? And if not, how do you get there? I've been praying about it, and I've talked to my Mom, but I'm still kinda confused... @_@;; I guess what I'm trying to say is, you're not the only one who worries about this stuff.

By the way, I think Hiryu was joking for a lot of his post. That's why he referenced April Fools' at the end.

Sapphire225 (post: 1468792) wrote:Definately will be praying. I have known that feeling. It happens to many Christians. Also, another important thing to know is that your life sometimes does get harder as a Christian]
Thanks. Yeah, I know. I remember reading some passages from the gospels now that mention we as Christians would have hard times in our life.

samurai10 (post: 1468852) wrote:I'll be praying too. I know that feeling, and heck, I was feeling like that not too long ago.

Stop whining about whining! If you don't like doing it, then stop, and if you can't help it, don't whine about whining! XD

^^ that was a complete joke by the way.....

Don't get too down about feeling like that. I've been a Christian for my whole life and I still feel like you do sometimes.

I'm a a whiner off the Internet to, it's so hard to stop! xD Thanks for the support.

Lynna (post: 1468870) wrote:I'll be Praying!!
And I understand how you feel. My first year of being a Christian, I was totally depressed, and I honestly wasn't following God at all, or even trying sometimes. You'll get through this, sister!!

Thank you! Yeah, this first year is going to be rough. Hopefully by my second I'll be better.

[quote="FllMtl Novelist (post: 1468911)"]Just prayed for you. Don't fret about being annoying]
Exactly! I think the hard thing for some people (ok, probably just me) is that I've neve actually met Jesus. I can't form a bond with Him like I would with another person from physically talking to/hanging out with Him. That relationship has to be made through faith and prayer. When I think of a family member, friend and even a pet, I can tell that I love them. How devastated I would be if something happened to them. When I think of Jesus I don't get the same feeling. I'm not sure what it is and I feel really bad for that.

Yeah, I figure that now.

Said a prayer for you Topaz. I was once told something, as I often struggle with my faith in terms of not "feeling" like I'm doing enough, good enough, etc etc etc or that if I was a "good" Christian I wouldn't feel this way.

Fact is, we are human. The Bible has several examples of people who felt, thought and experienced a variety of things. Fact is, often feelings aren't always factual. They can be based upon perception and subjective. If you for instance got mad at Hiryu not knowing he was joking and then realized he was joking, your feelings have changed. (just an example).

Also, someone once told me to practice "not doing". That doesn't mean to stop in obedience, or doing the things that you know will ultimately help you (such as prayer and reading the Bible, even if at times its a grind - one I feel myself actually), but its about not trying to do things that you can't do. You can't force yourself to feel better, you can't force yourself to change your emotions. You can work on changing your perception but that isn't necessarily always going to change what you are feeling.

This is just my opinion. In any case, praying for ya. You aren't alone.

TopazRaven (post: 1468759) wrote:I didn't mean it that way. I love everyone here on CAA. Talking to people over the Internet doesn't make me feel any less lonely. In fact, sometimes it makes it worse. I don't really know why though.

Even though we try to be friendly as possible, it just isn't the same as actually being there with you.


[Quote=TopazRaven]
[Quote=Hiryu]
Perhaps your misconnection is your focus. You're trying to be good, but what are you trying for? To be a better person, or to love your neighbor and your God? Sometimes even the "best" of christians go through the motions.[/quote]


Um...both? [/quote]

Trick statement. Good answer.

This thread reminds me of a statement that Francis Chan's Crazy Love said, that our good deeds are like dirty rags (Out of Isaiah...something) and that 'dirty rags' could literally translate like 'menstrual garments.' So that even our best of intentions and behaviors are gross and disgusting to God (and that makes you think, then, what must sin be like to Him?! Ick!) But yet despite this, God loves us and cares for us anyways!!

This is slighly useless since I don't have the book in front of me. But it was something like that. xD;

Regardless, as it's been said ~ the Bible is chock full of people who understand what it's like to know that feelings and emotions aren't everything - yet they are faithful anyways. (One of my favorite examples in Jeremiah; he REALLY has a bone to pick with God on many occasions, like in ch. 12.) I'll be praying!

Kunoichi (post: 1468948) wrote:Said a prayer for you Topaz. I was once told something, as I often struggle with my faith in terms of not "feeling" like I'm doing enough, good enough, etc etc etc or that if I was a "good" Christian I wouldn't feel this way.

Fact is, we are human. The Bible has several examples of people who felt, thought and experienced a variety of things. Fact is, often feelings aren't always factual. They can be based upon perception and subjective. If you for instance got mad at Hiryu not knowing he was joking and then realized he was joking, your feelings have changed. (just an example).

Also, someone once told me to practice "not doing". That doesn't mean to stop in obedience, or doing the things that you know will ultimately help you (such as prayer and reading the Bible, even if at times its a grind - one I feel myself actually), but its about not trying to do things that you can't do. You can't force yourself to feel better, you can't force yourself to change your emotions. You can work on changing your perception but that isn't necessarily always going to change what you are feeling.

This is just my opinion. In any case, praying for ya. You aren't alone.

Thank you. In all honesty I think my line of thinking is along the line of yours here. I become increasingly frustarted when people tell me, "well, just stop feeling depressed," or "believe harder." My emotions just don't work like that, I know because I've tried to the point where it was becoming harmful to myself. I was trying to change myself, how I think, how I feel and ultimately turn myself into someone else who was not me and destryong my own self-identy. My problem is I'm not thick-skinned like I wish I could be. I'm sensitive, easily hurt and it is not hard to make me feel bad about something I like, feel or believe in.

The one thing no one as ever been able to make me feel bad for believing in is God and I do think that's saying something. People chew me out for liking anime/manga, video games, supporting certain rights, different beliefs, etc, but God and Jesus I've never been ashamed felt bad for belieiving in, no matter what some people have said to me. It's so easy to brush those comments aside. Why can't I do that when people disagree with me on other subjects? In the end, I think you are right and I may be leaning to much on feeling. Feelings are not always facts. There is plenty of proof of that. Aethist feel there is no God. Do their feelings make it fact? Nope.

However, I do still think emotions play an important part into who we are as humans. If we didn't have certain emotions we wouldn't be much better then animals. Not that animals don't have emotions, but not to the extent that we as people do.

Hiryu (post: 1468962) wrote:Even though we try to be friendly as possible, it just isn't the same as actually being there with you.

True. You lovely guys and girls do usually help cheer me up most of the time though. For example I'm feeling a little more cheery now then I was when I originally wrote this prayer request yesterday. I think the cure to my depression will be getting a job. I'm home alone by myself all week unil my mother gets home in the evening and then we only spend about 4-5 hours together before she goes to sleep. For some people that might be enough social time, but I guess not for me?

Trick statement. Good answer.

Yay? Seriously though. I do think both are important. You'll never actually be a good, perfect person. It is impossible. You should still try anyway for your own well-being, the people around you and for God as well.

[quote="Okami (post: 1469036)"]This thread reminds me of a statement that Francis Chan's Crazy Love said, that our good deeds are like dirty rags (Out of Isaiah...something) and that 'dirty rags' could literally translate like 'menstrual garments.' So that even our best of intentions and behaviors are gross and disgusting to God (and that makes you think, then, what must sin be like to Him?! Ick!) But yet despite this, God loves us and cares for us anyways!!

This is slighly useless since I don't have the book in front of me. But it was something like that. xD]
I'm still in Judges right now. I'm really stubborn on the whole reading the Bible from cover to cover thing, but it's literally taking me forever. I might feel tempted to skip through a few chapters in Jeremiah now. I don't know, I guess another part of my problem is I'm having a hard time believing I'm bad. That I'm evil. That the entire human race is evil and not capable of any real good in God's eyes. I don't understand why He wants to bother with us if we're all technically scum anyway. Why does He put up with us? Why does He love us? This is a highly negative way of thinking and I know that no one here can really give me an answer to these questions. I don't know about you guys, but if something I made continully sickened me I'd have been done with it long ago. God must have some great patiance. I know, I need to shut up and just be grateful right?

TopazRaven (post: 1469051) wrote:I'm still in Judges right now. I'm really stubborn on the whole reading the Bible from cover to cover thing, but it's literally taking me forever. I might feel tempted to skip through a few chapters in Jeremiah now. I don't know, I guess another part of my problem is I'm having a hard time believing I'm bad. That I'm evil. That the entire human race is evil and not capable of any real good in God's eyes. I don't understand why He wants to bother with us if we're all technically scum anyway. Why does He put up with us? Why does He love us? This is a highly negative way of thinking and I know that no one here can really give me an answer to these questions. I don't know about you guys, but if something I made continully sickened me I'd have been done with it long ago. God must have some great patiance. I know, I need to shut up and just be grateful right?

Don't worry, I've stayed up late more than once wondering the same sorts of things. These are the same questions I face on a daily basis as a Bible/Theology major. You look at Israel and see their faults. You're in Judges~Samson is a wonderful example. Called to be a Nazirite. (Refer to Numbers 6 for the Law of the Nazirite) Um...now let's look at Samson. Um...Yeah. Numbers 6:2. Strike. Numbers 6:3. Strike. Numbers 6:4-6. Strike, strike, strike. You get the picture. Yet in the end, God gives him one final victory. I don't understand it. [SIZE="1"]At all! [/SIZE] Yet God loves us that much. It's unfathomable.

We're not worth anything good, yet He calls us worthy. (I love, as David Crowder says, "We are earth, and dirt, and You") This is why He loves us. Because when He sees us, He sees Jesus - innocence, purity, cleanness. Because our sins are so far removed, as Psalms says, as far as the east is to the west. [SIZE="1"]Wow![/SIZE] Just like to Israel, He gives us chance after chance for repentance. And as much as we might like to say we can wait to accept it day after day, who knows if our next day will come except for God]uh[/I]...this is a prayer thread.

I've felt that way before, like about now :/ It can get depressing but hang in there ^.^
I'll be praying