CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

I don't know what more to say, but to please pray for me...I don't come here alot for personal reasons and I just need help. I have depression and extreme ocd (I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's true). I go to counseling and such, but I'm scared of losing my friends....I don't want to lose any friendships...I've never been that great at making close friends, and now I'm scared of growing detached from the closest friend I've ever had (human friend I mean-besides God). I worry about everything, obsess over nothing, and fear things that may happen and scared of what may or may not happen...I know this is all jumbled and that I hardly ever come here but PLEASE, PLEASE PRAY FOR ME! I'M SO SCARED I I don't know....It's late at night and I'm already crying so I'm sorry if this is melodramatic but I've been wanting to post something like this here for awhile now. I'm scared, of losing friendships, of getting through school, of falling into deep depression or mind-numbing anxiety like I have before. I'm sorry...please please read this...please help CAA. PLease! I'm sorry....sorry....

I want to start coming here again without feeling depressed or reminded of sad bittersweet I dunno memories. I've never been wronged here; I just it's hard to explain. I wasn't going through a great time when I was slightly active last year (or year before I think it was last year). I'm sorry....sorry

Praying...

Thank you. So much. ^^

There isn't any need to apologize Sanji, you've done nothing wrong here. I'll most definitly be praying. I hope God will being you peace and comfort. I to have problems with intense fear and anxiety at times. It's not a good feeling.

I'm glad I turned my laptop back on. I was afraid that maybe I went a little overboard and needed to make (another) apology. Thank you...so much. ^^

Nothing to apologize for dude, it's all good. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Sanji, dear, there is nothing to apologize over. You have done no wrong to anyone here, and you are being too harsh on yourself. I know what it is like to be in such a dark and confusing place, and it sucks! I know too what is is like to be able to see that everything that's going wrong around you is your fault. Newsflash, dear, IT'S NOT. I promise you. I wish I could be less blunt and more compassionate when I say it, but Let me assure you that you are NOT to blame for whatever bad might be going on in your life. OCD and depression are normal things to deal with...like having asthma. Sometimes we just can't help it, y'know? Please, don't cry anymore Sanji dear. The friend that you so deeply care about surely knows how you feel; they are not going to leave you. God will not leave you; your loved ones will not leave you. Be honest with them. Tell them and tell God you are in need of help. Depression is a hard battle, and it is one where you will need their reinforcement. Take a deep breath, hon. You're going to make it. It might not be overnight, BUT YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS! I believe in you, and I believe in our same Father that helps us through this dark periods in our lives. Hang in there, Sanji. I'm praying for you.

Hey, God's with you. He'll make sure you always have friends. (Do remember, though, He wants to be your BEST friend, not just in what He does, but at the forefront of your mind.)

I'll be praying for ya!!

There is nothing to be sorry for, Sanji. Sadness and worries are part of what makes us human. Every day you fight through them, you have gained yourself a little victory and you have taken one step closer to happiness. God will be with you all the way, as will be your friends and family, and the prayers of the good people of CAA, including mine.

Praying for you. There's nothing to be sorry for.

I've also faced having my closest friend besides God break away from me. It was hard and painful, and in some ways I don't think I've really gotten over it. But God has led me to other friends that fill the emotional and social needs that I have at the moment.

When a door closes, another opens. Be aware of other possible friends around you, and you'll make it through.

Prayin'

Sanji, no need to apologize. I am praying for you. If you ever want to PM I suffer from C-PTSD, DID, OCD (cleaning and organizational obsession and compulsion), GAD, panic disorder, clinical depression (poss. bipolar), among other diagnosis. While I don't believe the diagnosis really matter (except in terms for my doctors and therapy), I just wanted you to know you are NOT alone in that department. And while everyone may not fully understand your suffering (including myself as I am not living your life) we can pray for you and be there for you.

God bless and you are being strong by reaching out,

Kuno

I'll be Praying!

Thank you all so much. I'm about to go to bed, but I'll be sure to reply soon.

I'll be praying as well.

Hey mate, I'll be praying for you too. Counselling can be scary stuff but it's for your best. It's a huge part of the healing process. Keep at it. We're here for you.

God bless you! I just prayed for you. I struggle with a lot of the same issues you have, so you're not alone. If I were you, I would tell my parents or a Christian counselor. No need to worry! As my granny said: "I let go, and I let God." So give your troubles to Him and He will resolve them!

I understand how you feel. got OCD myself (religious obsessions). I get being scared to post things. The internet can be a mean place intentionally and unintentionally. Misunderstandings abound and an OCD mind just blows it up worse. One thing that might help( I'm even unsure about posting this might help cause I might be totally off base and feel the need to apologize, i apologize a lot too) is try your hardest to stop the compulsions that temporarily make you feel better. If you let the anxiety reach its peak it will be tough but it will begin to go down on its own. The compulsions keep the anxiety coming back stronger each time. Also check ur meds. OCD and Depression are chemical i.e. physical despite what an ignorant populous, family members, friends etc. might try to tell you and that can make a world of difference.

Hansha (post: 1460190) wrote:I understand how you feel. got OCD myself (religious obsessions). I get being scared to post things. The internet can be a mean place intentionally and unintentionally. Misunderstandings abound and an OCD mind just blows it up worse. One thing that might help( I'm even unsure about posting this might help cause I might be totally off base and feel the need to apologize, i apologize a lot too) is try your hardest to stop the compulsions that temporarily make you feel better. If you let the anxiety reach its peak it will be tough but it will begin to go down on its own. The compulsions keep the anxiety coming back stronger each time. Also check ur meds. OCD and Depression are chemical i.e. physical despite what an ignorant populous, family members, friends etc. might try to tell you and that can make a world of difference.

My obsessions usually revolve around my relationship with God too. I obsess over what to say, how to end my prayers, what Bible verses to read, and even whether or not I should read my devotion with my Bible, among others. I don't read my Bible sometimes due to this...I know I should do my daily devotions with God, but it often feels more like a 'I should' task than an 'I want to' sort of thing. I'm not sure if you have this problem too, but thanks for posting your thoughts and advice. My counselor also tells me to go against my compulsions (and alot of them have gotten better/gone away), but there are still simple decisions that drive me crazy; it's stressful for me just to pick where to eat at. >_<;; I am fortunate enough to have parents/friends who understand my conditions, so maybe things will change over time.

Well, you are actually doing what you want to do: which is follow your compulsions. Humans are funny creatures, we can want to do multiple things at once: follow our habits, follow societal norms (like, as some evangelists point out, being silent when we should speak), stay out of trouble, get into trouble, be lazy, be ambitious, and even wanting to (as I'm doing right now) procrastinate just as much as get homework done. Isn't the free will kind of funny?

Now I'm not saying you don't have a condition, but it's possible your condition is merely a mentality you give it. I'll keep praying for you, though. I'm sure God has a reason for this. Be on the lookout for those reasons. I'm not saying we can read God's mind, but I am suggesting there is a lesson or something informative you can extract out of every situation you face.

I encourage you, read your Bible. You WILL be wanting to read your Bible, whether it be obligatory or not, just as much as you WILL be NOT wanting to read your Bible if you keep going the way your going.


Jesus loves you!

Hey, I'm praying for you. You can PM me if you like!

And theres no need to appologize buddy. I've always had issues with friends also, but only recently did I truly figure out that my best friend I will ever have is God. He will never EVER fail you. You probably already realize that, but i wanted to say it anyway.

Feel free to PM me anytime!

@ ABlipinTime: I know...There are many times when I feel like this is all my fault. It seems like everyone else have real problems (well I guess my problems are real, but they make sense. ex. divorce, physical wounds, death, etc.). Yet I sit here and get depressed over the slightest things; I'm always told it's not my fault, but it's ridiculous that people can go through physical problems and enjoy life while I'm fairly healthy with a stable family but still break down. I have been reading my Bible more (and trying to ignore the compulsions); I notice that God will find some verse(s) on a page and make them stand out to me...Who knows. Maybe these experiences will help me write manga someday (if that is His will). ^^

@ Ella: Thanks for the kind words. I always remind myself over and over that I can always depend on God, even when I'm not sure. I know that you're right; He is my greatest friend. I've noticed that my dependency on my friend has went down significantly over the past few years. ^^