Father God, please make yourself evident in Johnnie's life, so that he may know that you are here with him at all times. Make Your word clear, and allow him the wantingness/willingness to read it, Lord. Allow him to know that there is never anything we can't handle, because You are on our side, and You are for us, and You never give us more than we can chew, because amidst all the cliches, You do make all things possible, and Your burden is light. Allow him the peace of coming closer to You, Lord. It's in Jesus' name that I pray, amen!
This is something I understand all too well, my friend. During my Freshmen Orientation, our professors basically said that our faith was going to die. Whatever our parents taught us, whatever our churches taught us, all the bad/wrong theology we had learned as we grew up was going to go away. As our faith was to go through this refining process, we would then learn how to teach ourselves good theology and Biblical teachings.
I was a little smug and cocky at the time, like, "Well I taught myself the Bible. My faith isn't going to die, because everything I know comes from what I've learned by reading it for myself!" The problem was, in my first year of college, I never really engaged the Biblical text on my own time. Problem? Oh yes. Bible students need to know their text outside of the classroom, to get an even greater knowledge indepth, to read it for themselves, to study it for themselves, to greater shape and mold their views and theologies. I didn't do that my first year here, so I missed out on some great opportunities to build up my faith. I clung to what I taught myself for all that it was worth, and refused to read the Bible other than for class (Which typically only meant following along IN class, never on my own time)
Then I got to my intermediate theology classes this year. Again, the same warning came. This time, I was more readily prepared. With the starting foundation of accountability with my roommate over the summer, I actually began to read the Bible for myself, to learn from it, to grow as a person. Even since then, I can say I've come a long way. But as I engaged the text for myself, I saw more flaws in my character, and more perfection within God. This became my craving to become more as He is.
So when I was told this warning again, that I would be dying to my old faith, I decided to take it as it was given to me. Two months later, I can say that an entire worldview of mine has changed, due to how my faith is growing and changing, all the time. Not only because I am in the Bible during class, but that I am also in the Bible for class outside of class. And beyond that, that I am reading the Bible as directed by God to where He so chooses to lead me every day, based upon what He knows I'm going to need to be taught to grow in His character. It hurts, everything that I taught myself has been ripped away, forcing me to re-examine my own personal beliefs. What I thought I knew was my reading my needs into the Bible, instead of letting Jesus through the Spirit read the Bible to me in such a way that I begin to understand its original context.
My faith died. Everything I ever knew was stripped away. I had to find for myself what it is that I believed, Biblically. It's hard, it hurts, especially when we can't find a way to believe. But it is not impossible if we let Him guide us through the fire.
Plus I've found that if I'm in a funk of doubt and denial, the problem lies within me and how often I've been engaging the Scriptures. If I can't find truth, it is generally because I've stopped looking, blinding myself. I won't say that this will be easy, especially since you've now caught yourself slipping...but just take some time and read the Biblical story, ask the Spirit to read it to you, and just engage the text. Probe into it and examine it for yourself. Try to figure out the problematic numbers within the book of Numbers. (That's a fun one!
) But in the end, engage God. You'll find the more truthful you are with Him, the more He's going to astound you and blow you away!
God bless! (And sorry for the novel, I got excited!
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