Lately I've been feeling less close to God. I know He's there, so it's nothing real severe, but I don't have that same passion for Him I did sometime ago, and every so often I start worrying and thinking. Like "what if He's not the true God?" and then I panic and just tell myself to shove it away, but...I dunno. It just bothers me.
Then I get moments where I feel like I don't believe at all, which I know isn't true because I totally feel this sudden uneasiness within myself, like something is very, very wrong about it. My only explanation for that is the Holy Spirit saying that's not true, but it doesn't change the fact I hate these thoughts. I want them to go away. I want to feel close to my Lord and Savior again.
Another thing that sucks about this is that everytime this happens to me (I get these annoying moments of doubt like...every few months), I always have to resort to some annoying breakdown that involves crying and stuff. It isn't till after this I'll feel closer to God. Mind you it's nice to feel with Him again, but it's starting to tick me off. Why can't I just feel close all the time? I'm sick of doubting and I'm sick of having to feel like crap and cry just so everything is alright again.
*sighs* Prayers would be appreciated....