It's ok.
I realized something. There's at least two kinds of people. Two of them, are people who understand me, and people who don't. It's been shown pretty clearly that the people who don't understand me, are going to dislike me, mistreat me, and basically do all the things I've spent a lot of this thread complaining about people doing to me. The people who do, or can, understand me, though. Well, I talk too much, it's been brought to my attention that my posts are too hard to read, so now I realize people probably aren't gonna read or respond to my thread anymore. I'm a freak. I'm too scared to talk to random people in fear of being mistreated again, and I'm gonna PM the people who posted in my thread, but if my posts are always gonna be too hard to read and respond to (and I can't cut down the length, cause everything I say is part of the explanation of my situation or my feelings or why I am how I am) well, noone's gonna read or respond anymore, and I'm not gonna be able to make new friends without facing paralyzing anxiety I literally can't beat.
So to the mods, I ask one of two things. Either edit and separate my posts at your discretion (since I obviously am not smart enough to do it myself) or please close my thread.
Just wanted to say sorry.
It's okay to be afraid and to cry, Aedin. It shows that you're human, that there's still more to learn. Part of the learning process is figuring out what triggers bad memories for you, and how to counteract if not totally resist allowing your mind to go there. What was is not what is. Though sometimes we cannot stop the memories from overflowing, we can guard ourselves and shield ourselves; it takes time to move beyond. I have the confidence that you can, if you allow yourself to see the good in people, you will.
~*~ Blessed to be Ryosuke's wife!
"We will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to
meet her needs, to write love on her arms." ~ Jamie Tworkowski
"We will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to
meet her needs, to write love on her arms." ~ Jamie Tworkowski
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Okami - Posts: 1771
- Joined: Sat May 12, 2007 10:00 am
- Location: Michigan
What f I can't fix it though? For so long it's felt like so many peole here hate me and think I"m a horrible erson, and all I've wanted is to clear things u with everyone and fix them, but it's felt like my every effort makes things worse. The more I think, the more hopeless it all feels and seems. I don't see a way out. People will stop posting in my threads, and I can't PM random people, so I don't know what to do.
Everybody was haiku writing, Their wits were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightening, But they wrote with expert rhyming
In fact it was a little bit frightening, But they wrote with expert rhyming
- Aedin
- Posts: 415
- Joined: Tue Jul 15, 2008 11:03 am
[quote="Okami (post: 1444885)"]It's okay to be afraid and to cry, Aedin. It shows that you're human, that there's still more to learn. Part of the learning process is figuring out what triggers bad memories for you, and how to counteract if not totally resist allowing your mind to go there. What was is not what is. Though sometimes we cannot stop the memories from overflowing, we can guard ourselves and shield ourselves]
What triggers my bad memories is coming here, but I don't know where else to go. Every "Christian establishment" (umbrella term) has gone badly. for so many reasons. I don't know how to guard myself or shield myself without basically searating myself fro everyone, and then I'll just feel lonely, and like I Don't matter and could die and noone would care. That starts a whole new set of problems. I don't know how to forgive or let go or move beyond, and noone's been able to help me figure it out. I can't make myself PM random people, I can't make myself PM peole who seem nice, because I'm afraid they'll be really mean and like the people I've been complaining about, so I"m stuck here in this thread, that pretty soon noone will read anymore.
What triggers my bad memories is coming here, but I don't know where else to go. Every "Christian establishment" (umbrella term) has gone badly. for so many reasons. I don't know how to guard myself or shield myself without basically searating myself fro everyone, and then I'll just feel lonely, and like I Don't matter and could die and noone would care. That starts a whole new set of problems. I don't know how to forgive or let go or move beyond, and noone's been able to help me figure it out. I can't make myself PM random people, I can't make myself PM peole who seem nice, because I'm afraid they'll be really mean and like the people I've been complaining about, so I"m stuck here in this thread, that pretty soon noone will read anymore.
Everybody was haiku writing, Their wits were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightening, But they wrote with expert rhyming
In fact it was a little bit frightening, But they wrote with expert rhyming
- Aedin
- Posts: 415
- Joined: Tue Jul 15, 2008 11:03 am
Um... I'm still reading the thread, even when I don't respond (I don't always have something to say).
Don't feel scared to randomly PM people. It's always worth a shot. There WILL be someone nice who isn't mean once-you-meet-them, but you have to find them.
Most importantly, you need God. Do talk to Him often. I know it's hard to talk to someone who you can't see, so consider it like a phone conversation going on in your head (and rest assured one day in the future when people wear computers on their heads, they will experience such conversations. lol)
We're here for you, Aedin.
Have a VERY Merry Christmas!
Don't feel scared to randomly PM people. It's always worth a shot. There WILL be someone nice who isn't mean once-you-meet-them, but you have to find them.
Most importantly, you need God. Do talk to Him often. I know it's hard to talk to someone who you can't see, so consider it like a phone conversation going on in your head (and rest assured one day in the future when people wear computers on their heads, they will experience such conversations. lol)
We're here for you, Aedin.
Have a VERY Merry Christmas!
- God is always with us, especially when we feel most alone.
http://ablipintime.deviantart.com/
Htom Sirveaux (post: 1435089) - "We should all start speaking telepathically."
Midori (post: 1457302) "Sometimes, if I try hard, I can speak in English."
(post: 1481465) "Overthinking is an art."
Goldenspines - "Fighting the bad guys and rescuing princesses from trolls and all that. "
http://ablipintime.deviantart.com/
Htom Sirveaux (post: 1435089) - "We should all start speaking telepathically."
Midori (post: 1457302) "Sometimes, if I try hard, I can speak in English."
(post: 1481465) "Overthinking is an art."
Goldenspines - "Fighting the bad guys and rescuing princesses from trolls and all that. "
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ABlipinTime - Posts: 1006
- Joined: Sun Aug 22, 2010 1:19 am
You're right. About everything. JUst hard when I run into a bad person, and they don't even care. It screws me up.
Everybody was haiku writing, Their wits were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightening, But they wrote with expert rhyming
In fact it was a little bit frightening, But they wrote with expert rhyming
- Aedin
- Posts: 415
- Joined: Tue Jul 15, 2008 11:03 am
Do you belong to a church? My church has a ministry called Healing to Wholeness. It involves a group of people praying for you in their own way. With your permission they ask for God to reveal the strongholds in your life etc. So he can come in and heal them (with your permission). It's very good but often requires a number of sessions. Also, it requires you to be vulnerable, to be open to the Holy Spirit working within you. Do you have anything similar in your community?
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Warrior 4 Jesus - Posts: 4844
- Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2004 10:52 pm
- Location: The driest continent that isn't Antarctica.
If CAA and other message boards upset you so much, maybe you should take a break from them for a while. Pursue some interests. Go to church. Stuff like that.
fightin' in the eighties
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ShiroiHikari - Posts: 7564
- Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Somewhere between 1983 and 1989
Chruches I've been to in person have all been the same. Nevermind the fact I was raised to believe I'm a freak who shouldn't open up to anyone. The reason I haven't left is I was still hoping things could be fixed. Honestly though, that hope is quickly fading. Not cause of anything anyone on here has done latwely, just cause I'm starting to realize I don't really belong anywhere.
Everybody was haiku writing, Their wits were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightening, But they wrote with expert rhyming
In fact it was a little bit frightening, But they wrote with expert rhyming
- Aedin
- Posts: 415
- Joined: Tue Jul 15, 2008 11:03 am
Please close my thread. Close all my threads. I mainly came here to try to get reconciliation and closure with the people who hurt me. But all the ones I've tried talking to, have made it clear they don't care about reconciliation, they've made it clear they don't even care they hurt me and have helped push me away from God and helped push me to make the decision that I'm just permanently done with God and Jesus and religfion and everything else. If God exists, he sure as hell doesn't care about me. There is no reconciliation, there is no closure, there is no hope. So I'm just done. Sorry I wasted everyone's time.
Everybody was haiku writing, Their wits were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightening, But they wrote with expert rhyming
In fact it was a little bit frightening, But they wrote with expert rhyming
- Aedin
- Posts: 415
- Joined: Tue Jul 15, 2008 11:03 am
I'll go ahead and close this at your request. PM me if you want to talk more about this, I'll listen. I agree that continuing this topic is not doing you or anyone any good, so let's just stop discussing it in public for now, okay?
EDIT: I'm also closing the Suicide thread, since it's mostly the same topic.
EDIT: I'm also closing the Suicide thread, since it's mostly the same topic.
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Midori - Posts: 1805
- Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2005 6:43 pm
- Location: Mingling with local sentients
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